The way to Heaven is ascending;
we must be content to travel uphill,
though it be hard and tiresome,
and contrary to the natural bias of our flesh.
Jonathan Edwards
"If you want to change,
you can’t just be in love with the end result,
you have to fall in love with the process too."
Unknown
“We are not doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” C.S. Lewis
Oct. 28, 2009~ My Savior My God by Aaron Shust ~
It's been forever since I posted over here. God has sustained us and continues to provide for us. Some of you know my husband left our family bakery and is now employed at a small CPA firm. It's been hard. On the one hand, I am happy because he is doing something he's always wanted to do and is enjoying his work. On the other hand, he had to leave my parents at a very difficult time. Mixed emotions sum it up best, I guess. Anyway, I am still praying with great fervor for my parents. God is working in their lives in big ways through this trial. I just wish things would not be so hard all of the time.
Do you ever wish that, too? Life is really hard. When we are kids we think we know hard. Then we grow up and find that it is harder!! At least that is how it's worked out for me. Life is a mixture of trials and blessings. Being refined hurts. And then just when I think I have it hard, I see someone who has it harder still! And I remember to count my many, many blessings, feeling a little ashamed for thinking I have it so hard. OK, enough of that. I am a work in progress!
We have 4 months left on the lease of this house. We are not sure where we will end up in March. It is kind of exciting and overwhelming at the same time. I keep thinking that God knows all the details and will not disappoint us. I am praying that we can stay put next time, for a LONG time. Moving 2 times in 3 years has been hard (there's that word again). The kids are weary of moving. I am excited to see what God has in mind for us. It's an opportunity to trust Him. That is exciting! I've felt like I have been in limbo for the last year. So, I am eager for the next move.
I am not sure if I am going to continue this blog. I should probably just put these thoughts down on paper. I will have to pray about that.
If you've read my mom's blog, you'll know that our family business is in crisis right now. My heart is very heavy. I am crying out for mercy, protection and provision. I don't understand why all this is happening, but really, I don't need to know the "why" of all of this. I need to stay focused on the "Who". God is in this mess. He is sitting on his throne. He knows the outcome. And I pray his will be done!
Psalm 46: 1-3
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
(It sure feels like the earth is giving away under our feet! ) He may be saying "no" to some prayers of ours. That is his right. He knows what is best for our souls. "The Lord gives and takes away, yet I will choose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord." (That song keeps going through my mind.)
Habakkuk 3: 17-19
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls, (though the bakery fails)
18yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
We've been through worse times as a family, loosing my sister. And he provided all we needed during that tough time. I have faith in him in this as well. And, I am praying for a miracle this week. He may be saying no. That is his right. But, I will keep asking and believing he will provide just what we need, even if it seems painful or harsh. To him be all glory!
Note to self: Anything that causes you to need God, is a blessing.
The following are notes I am taking while reading Elizabeth George's wonderful book, Loving God with All Your Mind. These are from Chapter 2, Taking Every Thought Captive. Each summer I pick a book of hers to read again. I think I've read this book 3 or 4 times. It never gets old. I need to read it more than just once a year, especially when I start having thoughts of "What if" or "If only."
"Whatsoever things are true... think on these things." Philippians 4:8 KJV
This is a command of God. The God who created me. The God who wants me to have an abundant life. (John 10:10) Events in the future, are not real. They are in our imagination. They are not true. "What if" questions rob us of our peace and joy. They keep us from loving God. The future is in God's hands. We don't need to waste energy worrying about what is not yet real and therefore may never come to pass. Today is real and God will enable us to deal with what today holds.
"We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the NOT-GIVEN to spoil it."
Elisabeth Elliot
Nothing will ever happen to you that God does not already know about.
Nothing will ever happen to you that you cannot handle by God's power and grace.
Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in your life.
And nothing will ever happen to you apart from God's presence.
"If only" robs us of our peace and joy in the present as well. It breeds remorse, regret, and sorrow. When we succumb to "if only" thinking, we are ignoring the fact that God was there with us. Acknowledging God's sovereignty over every event of your life-past, present, and future-is a vital step toward experiencing His love and toward responding by loving Him with all your mind. He will redeem even the worst, the most painful, and the most perplexing aspects of your past and use it all for some good.
How to train your thoughts
Recognize the command in Philippians 4:8
Respond in Obedience. Ask Him to replace any fears and doubts with truth of His Word.
Reap the Benefits, when we choose wrong kind of thinking, real life slips by, unused and unenjoyed. Taking captive unproductive thoughts will have the opposite affect.
Have you ever read a book that awakened something deep inside you? We are reading such a book. After today's read aloud time, I have not been able to stop thinking about wanting my own Maple Hill.
The book is called Miracles on Maple Hill. The story is about the healing powers of the family's farm located up in the Pennsylvania hill country. Dale, the father, comes home from WWII tired, broken and mentally frail. The family decides to leave the city and go to their grandmother's deserted farm. When they arrive, they find comfort in the familiar and in the dear neighbors still living near-by. Something magical starts to happen to Dale as he returns to life.
Through out the story nature is described. Adventures with cows, hermits, foxes are told. The house has been deserted, but with a little elbow grease the house returns to its former glory. Quilts, boxes of old letters, a sleigh and more are found. It truly becomes a place of healing. I won't give away the rest of the book, you need to read it yourself. What I will say is that I long for a place like Maple Hill, simple, fresh, timeless. I don't know anyone who has this. Maybe some bloggers I admire come close.
Have you ever read a book or seen a movie or read a blog and then wished you were more like them? I know this is sin. I know it is. I feel this way today and I just wanted to write it down somewhere. I often think the people in movies or even real heroes that I've read about are more special than me. And I wish that I had their gift or talent. I suppose it is good to want to improve yourself. I know that I have a great life, but I don't feel very special or unique. I feel average and ordinary! I know that I am special in God's eyes. I know that wishing for something different is wrong. I also know this feeling will go away soon enough, thankfully!
And then my mind wanders back to the wanting a small house on top of a hill. Maybe like Laura Wilder's farm in Missouri? I wonder why it appeals so much to me? Maybe it is a mid-life crisis. I know that time is getting short. I have little time left with my babies. We don't have money to buy a little farm. I would not have the energy to manage one anyway. And the dream really is not realistic, is it?
I wonder though, what it would be like, to live on that hill...
It's been awhile since I updated this blog. I have been super busy with unpacking, getting back to lessons and other life responsibilities. This has all left me with little time to blog, exercise or do anything extra. I am feeling bad about not doing my Wii. I miss it. I am feeling sluggish. But really, I can't figure out when to get it done. I plan to just try 15 minutes a day next week. I can do that. And it won't interfer too much with unpacking and purging.
It's funny. I purged a ton when I packed the stuff. Now that I am unpacking it, I am purging more! I have been able to get our stuff down to not really needing a garage. I was using our garage to store a lot of extras. Now what is left fits in the attic of the house. I purged 3 more boxes last night and they are on their way to Good Will via my husband on his way to work today. It feels great to purge. I am going to purge a lot more. I want to get our stuff down to the bare essentials becuase I don't know that I am going to stay here long.
Nothing is certain, is it? The friends who own this house are loosing half their income next month and then going to straight comission the following month. They may decide moving to Texas is not what is best for them. I have to be ready. I am not upset. I knew there was a chance things would not work out. I know we will be fine. Moving is not fun, but I don't regret our decision. Who knows, the Lord may have them move to Texas and things may work out anyway. Wait and see.
I am not certain that I want to have to take care of such a big house and yard anyway. Wow, I think that kitchen is running me ragged! No, not really. But I can tell that if I don't plan my steps carefully, I am running in circles.
Well, that 's about it. I am doing OK. I could be a lot worse. I am very glad that we got back into our lessons this past week and they went well.
Today marks 60+ days since I started using the Wii Fit. I am just as pumped about it as I was the first week. Maybe more so, because I have stuck with it! My weight is consistently going down, slow but steady. I have lost 8 pounds since starting and I am not depriving myself. I am trying to make good choices more than not, but I am not as deprived as I was when I was going to Weight Watchers. My goals are to have fun, increase my fitness, and maintain my weight. I reached my last weight loss goal that it had me set. My new one is to loose 3 pounds in 2 months. Little goals can add up.
I guess the answer would be no. But then is there anyone who likes the process of moving? I like the end result. It is kind of like having a baby! I am in full blown labor right now, complete with deep breathing! (lol) I am looking forward to the new house, using the gourmet kitchen, having a separate office, enjoying that big backyard this summer.
It does seem like yesterday, but it has been 2 years this April, still a short time, when we sold our home. I did not appreciate that home and the Lord took it away. And now I am without any money for a down payment on another. But I do have a new appreciation for home ownership and perhaps one day the Lord will see fit to bless me with another home.
We had to make a hard choice two years ago. We decided to rent and be debt free. If we had stayed in that house I would have had to go to work and send the kids to school. We chose to rent. Now that choice has it's down side of needing to move to find a better place. And even the "better place" has its complications.
With the economy the way it is, there is a chance our friends may come back next year. You won't succeed if you don't take a risk and try. We weighed this and decided it was worth living in a nice warm house for a year. I am praying things work out for them in TX! I know that is a selfish prayer. I so don't want to move again!!!! But I may have to.
So, we leave it in the Lord's hands. One day, if He chooses to bless us with a home again, it will be a total gift from Him and none of our doing and I will be so appreciative!
Lord, I thank you for a wonderful date night with Jeff. Thank you for providing a little extra (surprise money) so that we could make it a real date.
Lord, I thank you for being able to continue my life commitments even though I have a cold. It could be a lot worse. I pray it does not turn into an expensive trip to the doctor.
Lord, I thank you for my family.
Lord, I thank you that the wind storm last night was not as bad as it sounded.
Lord, I thank you that it is above freezing and there is a blue sky this morning.
Lord, I thank you for the strength I need to serve You today.
The days are flying by and I am not feeling so well with some little virus so I feel like I am not getting much done towards moving. I need a plan. I need to get more boxes. I need to feel better. I don't feel bad enough to stop me totally. Just feel so tired after our normal life activities. Anyway, I know I am not alone on that point. Lots of people have to deal with far worse. A little cold will pass eventually. My goal was to do one thing productive each day towards moving. I have not done much since Sunday. I really just want to drink some soothing warm tea and vegetate this virus away! Thankfully the kids are getting better and Jeff never did do much but cough. It's not more than I can bare. I just need to work through it. OK, I am going now. No more complaining.
Feb. 2, 2009~ A man's character is like his house. ~
"A man's character is like his house. If he tears boards off his house and burns them to keep himself warm and comfortable, his house soon becomes a ruin. If he tells lies to be able to do the things he shouldn't do but wants to, his character will soon become a ruin. A man with a ruined character is a shame on the face of the earth."
Yes, that is right. It has worked out that we can move in March, March the first in fact. May seemed so far away. But March seems right around the corner. I have to get busy! Oh my! I am reeling inside. I am going to have to pack up my life, do school, do all the other things we do, and then move. Oh, and it is tax season. Last time we moved, two years ago in April, it was also during tax season. Thankfully we have half the stuff we did then. My husband is going to rent a portable storage unit. I think that will help. We can put everything in it and have them move it to the new house. I guess we will have to start filling it up mid-February. The big stuff we can move over with a UHaul that first week of March. My flock group friends want to help. My grandma who lives in Arkansas said she'd come up and help pack. So what do I have to worry about? It's all good. It's all good.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage... For the Lord your God is with you..." Joshua 1:9
It's been 20 days of Wii Fit and writing down what I eat and being careful. My weight has been up and down the whole time. Right now it is up. I am trying to keep a positive outlook. Eventually, it has to give in, right? Maybe my body is so confused by the years of yo-yo dieting that it can't loose. But that's not true. I was loosing steadily on Weight Watchers this past summer. Whatever the trouble is, I am not giving up. I have no other choice. It's not like I can hire a trainer or have gastric bypass surgery. I have to use what the Lord has given me in resources. I have to do this on a tight budget. The Lord knows these things. I leave them in His capable hands.
Last year, I reworked my previous year's goals and that worked great for me, as I want to make these lifelong habits and one year is not enough to accomplish them. I hope to get closer to them each year. I think I made great progress in 2008. Here is a recap of my goals for 2009, also listed up on top of this blog. I list them there so that I won't forget them come April, like most years in the past. This keeps my mind thinking about them for the whole year.
Family Goals
1. Continue to purpose to be home more in 2009.
We really worked hard on this goal. We dropped out of our co-op activities. I carefully chose after school activities, picking only 2: AWANA and Karate for all three of the kids. Being less busy away from home is a huge blessing to me.
2. Love one another, prefer one another, be kind and tender-hearted to one another.
(Family Verse for 2009, Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."ESV)
There is still a lot of room for work here. I desire to see my children more loving towards one another. Harsh responses are still a problem. Selfishness is too.
Personal Goals
1. Read my Bible and pray every day possible (Growing in grace to do what I know I am called to do, pursue holiness,diligence.)
Oh, I wish I could say this was a solid habit of mine! My plan for the year is to get out my Bible in a Year and start reading everyday. I will read every night before bedtime. I will pray every morning when I wake up, using Scripture as my guide. I will also jot down verses that "speak" to me, referring to them often.
2. Seek out tangible ways to encourage others as often as possible.
This goal is too vague. But I can't think of anything better now. I really want to be an encouragement to others, especially my husband. For example, I will purpose to get up with him and fix his breakfast most mornings. Also, I want to visit my grandparents once a month.
3. Purpose and pray to eat only when I am hungry, stopping when I am full, not stuffed!
I will also adopt these eating goals:
eat five fruits or vegetables a day (limit starchy vegetables to one serving a day)
drink water
take my vitamin
choose whole grains
limit sweets to 5 Weight Watcher points a day
3 servings of dairy
closely follow the Weight Watcher Core plan with 5 sweet points a day.
My over-all weight goal is to loose another 25 pounds this year and maintain the 25 I lost in 2008. If I loose more, that is great. Maintenance is my goal.
4. Use my Wii Fit every day possible.
This is so exciting to me. I have finally found something that motivates me to move!!! I can't say enough. I think I am going to use some Christmas money to buy Wii's My Fitness Coach. I wish they had My Weight Loss Coach for Wii, also. Maybe they will some day. For now, my goal is to earn 20 fitness points per day or more. I work up a sweat doing that much right now. My son does want an Nintendo DS for his birthday. They have My Weight Loss Coach for that. Maybe I should let him get one, if he promises to let me use it too.
5. Follow Flylady, incorporating as many of her ideas into my daily routines as possible inorder to be more disciplined with my home management.
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy - they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~Marcel Proust
Lately, we've been pondering a potential move, as several opportunites have presented themselves, recently. I cannot believe It was almost 2 years ago that we moved here to this house with the goal of being debt free. We knew this house had some issues and we knew that these issues would not be fixed, but we felt and still do, that this house was hand picked for us by God. But what if it is time to move on?
I am never very sure how to figure out God's will for me. Usually, I make a decision and hope for the best. Then the feedback tells me if I was right or wrong. Then I usually have to live with the consequences until it is feasable to make changes. This house could be one of those situations.
Really, we are blessed to be here. I have always wanted to live in this town. We have great neighbors. We have a nice situation, except for the winterizing and updating that need to be done. We've enjoyed being close to the Monon Trail. We've enjoyed the library more than words can say. The kids love it here. We have just enough. I could stay here another couple years when our plan is complete.
However, some friends of ours from church are moving out of state and I have always liked their house. They have asked us to consider their house. They would feel better about moving, knowing a trusted friend is caring for their beloved home. We are all praying about it. It would be closer to church and work. It is a little larger and in much better shape than this house. It is also on the Monon Trail, just about 5 or 6 miles south of where we are now. It actually borders the trail. It is also closer to my parents. And it would be the same price as here because this is a more expensive area, which sometimes depresses me. Living here among the advantaged, the prices of everything are more expensive. I drive to another town to buy groceries cheaper.
So...if it is His will for us, then let it be. I am content to stay or go. Pray for us all to have wisdom in this situation. I appreciate all prayers so much. Thank you.
UPDATE:
It's a go! We are moving the end of May. Please pray for the other family, as they have decided to try to find a house in TX instead of moving into the condo that the father is now renting. They would like to find a house quickly, before spring break when the mom plans to bring the first load. :-) We are so excited. I am purging away like a mad woman. I am not going to have to be cold another winter! Yippee!
Leviticus 20:26 says, "You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy. I have set you apart from all other people to be my very own." This blog is my place to remember this journey I am on and God's goodness to me. I am glad you are here. Welcome.
Maybe it is a mid-life crisis. I know that time is getting short. I have little time left with my babies. We don't have money to buy a little farm. I would not have the energy to manage one anyway. And the dream really is not realistic, is it? 
