Family Goals
1. Purpose to be home more in 2008.
2. Love one another, prefer one another, be kind and tender-hearted to one another.
(Family Verse for 2008, Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."ESV)
Personal Goals
(Revised from last year)
1. Read my Bible and pray every day possible.
(Growing in grace to do what I know I am called to do, pursue holiness.)
2. Seek out tangible ways to encourage others as often as possible.
3. Purpose and pray to eat only when I am hungry, stopping when I am full, not stuffed!
The way to Heaven is ascending;
we must be content to travel uphill,
though it be hard and tiresome,
and contrary to the natural bias of our flesh.
Jonathan Edwards
Feb. 15, 2008~ Question ~
How do you deal with a rebellious 8 year old heart?
Sigh...I don't know, but if you find out PLEASE let me know!
We have had so many ups and downs this past year and it's always one step forward two steps back.
I really recommend the books to read to the child...
(even if they are NOT a boy)
Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz
and
Created for Work by Bob Schultz
He talks on a lot of Heart issues. I have been working on the heart with my boys a lot. We have a long way to go but for the most part they are on the right track. I am trying to keep them there and to become the child of God they need to become. My prayer request is because I get tired and frustrated trying to keep directed in the ways of the Lord. I react a lot to tone of voice b/c of how little my family talked and how much I relied on peoples tone to know what they ment. Soooooo I over react to a teens negative tone. And it wears me out. ]0=
Thank you dear friend for your prayers. I cried out this morning to the Lord in tears and then I saw your sweet note on my cbox. You were a answer to what I needed. (HUGS))
Oh wow! Hmmm... This is one I'm still dealing with with PC. He's the type of kid that if you say the sky is blue, he will argue with you and not give it up because he "knows" he's right. I know I pray for my children daily. That helps, first because only God can change a heart, but second, it's harder to stay mad at a kid when your praying for them. The longer you stay angry and frustrated with the child the worse it gets because they know how you are feeling towards them. Our attitude rubs off on them. I read books about it when I have time. I know the Bible is the ultimate authority on parenting, but sometimes when you have special issues, it's good to hear how others have put those principles into practice. I also am a firm believer in trying to rule out physical causes for behavior. Many mental and emotional disorders are caused by physical problems whether it be an allergy, a chemical imbalance, a hormonal imbalance, thyroid problems, poor nutrition, a vitamin deficiency), sleep disorders, (well the list goes on). I know when I'm not feeling well, I lack sleep or it's that certain time of month, I'm more crabby and I sometimes take it out on others. Kids are the same way, but they don't always have the means to express it or don't realize what is wrong. We have become really sensitive to PC's ups and downs. He acts certain ways when he didn't get enough sleep. He acts other ways when he gets too much sugar, ect. It's constantly a balancing act with him. I think some kids are just more sensitive to stuff like that. One more thing that I have found that helps me, I scrapbook. I know that sounds funny but it's hard not having loving feelings toward a child when you are creating a scrapbook page about their live. Even if you don't want to scrapbook, it might be a good idea when your really upset with your child, to take some of her pictures out and look at them and remember the time and feeling you had when you took the picture.
I know I haven't been much help, like I said I'm still dealing with this with PC, but I will pray for you.
I'm sure I won't have any great words of wisdom, but since I just had a melt down with my 12yo daughter today, I thought I would say this.
Try to let them see its a character issue. With Sarah today, her math work was really bad, but I wasn't upset with her getting things wrong, I was upset with her attitude. Her attitude of not wanting to study it more because she thought she 'knew' it. So we had a long talk about it is a character issue. She is older now, so I was able to speak with her in that way. After the long discussion, she could see my point, and I think there will be some growth.
With Paulie, 10yo, hmmm. He has his good days and bad. With his learning issues, he does take things a little to intense, and that is a problem. I had been having a real hard time with it, and Paul stepped in. He disciplines Paulie when he gets home. It's helped a lot. He knows what boys go through, not me. And he doesn't like him disrespecting me. So I let him know when he's done things wrong, and that dad with 'talk' with him when he gets home. He knows what that means. I also ground from electronics, video games, because that's his biggest thing he likes. I do that rarely though, because that is one of the punishments Paul will do. It has helped, but there is still work to be done. We, also, try to talk to Paulie about it being a character/heart issue. It's a struggle, but the Lord will guide. Just make sure you include Jeff in it all. I was trying to take the whole discipline thing on myself, and that was wrong. The children need to know that you and he are together, and that dad will not take it. At least, it's better in our house that way.
I hope that things start to work better for you, and that you and Jeff find what works best.
Oh dear Jenn,
Eight was a tough year for my son and I have a girl coming to 8 this summer (I am thinking that with girl emotions and such this will be an interesting year, and another girl will be eight 15 months later, wow, what a rough two years!!!)
Okay, here is my two cents:
First, prayer, God is the only one that can change the heart.
Second, Our responses to them are of utmost importance. We have to remember that they are only 8, etc.
Thirdly, have you read Shepherding a Child's Heart? That is a great resource as well as the resources at doorposts.net. Both deal alot with the heart issue that is the real issue for the whole situation.
Have a great weekend.
Melissa
Hmm, I don't have any advice on this and have been reading your comments for advice for myself to *grin* K is really having issues with this as well and he is just turned 9. Maybe it's the age and it just comes with it? I've been trying really hard to model the behavior that I want them to follow but once in a while I slip up to and I wonder sometimes if that is why? but I'll be praying for yours and mine that they will have a change in heart :)
Hugs,
Rosina
No matter the age, it has to be dealt one incident at a time, promptly and with the Word of God. If you ignore one, the second upsets you more and by the third you want to ring their necks. The Bible is very clear about Training and not just disciplining and making sure it is not in anger. So HOW?
First the attitude should get the same discipline you would give to an action. For out of the heart the mouth speaks (and the child acts) so when they talk back, roll their eys, speak unkind, it is the same as hitting a sibling , taking a toy etc. If you stop the attitude that action does not often follow.
If you are angry, send them to a place to wait for you, their room, the kitchen chair, and while they wait find the scripture that goes with the infraction. This does two things, it calms your heart as you are in God's Word and helps you to instruct their hearts. When you share it with them they will know they not only broke your rules, but God;s rules as well.
Talk to them about what happened and once you have disciplined them, (in our house it was one spank for each rule broken, which included yelling at the top of their lungs because they got that spank, crying is acceptable and expected and screaming is more rebellion) If it was something new that had not been a known rule, it now became a rule no second chances.
Tell them you love them and it is because you love them you want them to grow up loving the Lord. And when all is done, my children were to thank the parent for loving them enough to not let them continue in their sin.
Many times they wrote out "Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft."
But one very important thing that we forget all too often is to also teach our children mercy. YOU will know when to extend that gift to them as the Holy Spirit is good at directing our hearts when they are open and not angry.
And when it seems to be excessive, sometimes they just need one on one time and a chance to be the helper instead of the trouble maker.
Leviticus 20:26 says, "You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy. I have set you apart from all other people to be my very own." This blog is my place to remember this journey I am on and God's goodness to me. I am glad you are here. Welcome to my blog.
