Mar. 31, 2008 - Lesson 8
Sorry, I have not written in a long time. I have been very busy. My most humble apologies.
Just beyond the Durell forest lays a vast field of little pink and yellow flowers. Every once and awhile you will see a small and intricate blue cornflower. At the moment this field is not as peaceful as I have described it. I wouldn’t be able to hear Sia if she wasn’t shouting. Look, now she spreads her arms wide and falls backwards into the hill of flowers. She has disappeared from sight. I can hear her bubbling laughter fill the field and forest beyond.
The flowers around her give a tremor. Oh! All of a sudden she sits up and shouts in joy, “I found a cornflower!” She jumps up, and now spins in an ark. The tiny flowers pinned in her hair fly away. She stops and laughter spills out of her again. She sighs and looks at her blue flower (which by now has lost several petals) in complete contentment.
I have written this from my point of veiw. I hope very much it is correct. I have read and reread it over again and again. I even made my mother read it many times also.
~ Rosethorn
Comments
Mar. 31, 2008 - Lesson 8
Posted by SuzyScribbles
I love it! It's very different. I like the POV you chose to describe the scene, and your word choices are delicious! :-)
I believe that you (the author) are standing quietly, watching Sia. She can't see you. You are invisible. You show us what you're seeing. I also enjoyed the present tense verb form that you used.
One correction to note:
"Just beyond the Durell forest LIES a vast field of little pink and yellow flowers."
"Lie" is the present form of the verb "to lie." "lays" is what someone does TO something else, like "She LAYS the book on the table." BUT... "She LIES down on the bed."
If you had written this in the PAST tense, you would have written, " Just beyond the Durell forest LAY a vast field of little pink and yellow flowers." It might sound odd in your ear, but that's because nobody speaks proper English. However, as writers, you must WRITE proper English. LOL
Here's another example, "Sia LAY in her bed all night, tossing and turning." That is the past tense of "lie."
"Sia LIES in her bed every night, dreaming of adventure." That is the PRESENT tense.
Hope that helps. That was your grammar lesson for the day! LOL
And...ooops....I logged in as SuzyScribbles. Sorry!
Edited by SuzyScribbles on Mar. 31, 2008 at 11:04 AM
Mar. 31, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by sleepovers
Hey,
I don't care if you steal my background. I just found a picture I liked (you can get a lot at dropshots.com) and copy the url link. Then, copy and paste the link in your html editor where it says background image url. Erase the on you have first. It you want the picture to keep going, say repeat. THanks. Jana169841
Apr. 2, 2008 - wow!
Posted by musicofthenight
We have way too much in common!!!
I listen to "phantom" and "les misrables" over and over...
My mom to says the same about me!!!!!
Hope to talk to you soon.
Mari
Apr. 4, 2008 - Writing
Posted by Gracelily
I am an English/Creative Writing teacher in a small Christian school. I wanted to let you know that I very much enjoyed what you wrote. Keep up the good work!
Apr. 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Confessions
Thanks for the advice!
Here something that might help your "boy" problem. I liked this one guy for years. Our families are really close so I saw him all the time. Eventually, it came out that I liked him(what are best friends for, right? ;]). I tried to still be his friend, but it was kind of awkward, since we didn't talk a lot, and he know that I liked him. But I just tried to act normal, and just be a friend and nothing more. He didn't like me, so that's all I could do, anyway. Now I don't even have a crush on him anymore, and we hang out sometimes(when our families do something).
So just be as normal as you can with him, really, and try to be a friend. That's the only way to go.
I love your writing, by the way. I love writing, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings, and(as unbelieveable as this is) I haven't read many(if any) "Jane Austen Era" books! I really want to, but I have a lot of school!
!Amelia!
