I have a confession to make, I am suffering from envy.  For weeks I have tried to call it something else, but this morning as I met with God, the truth had to be told.  I am envious.  I am envious of all the women who are doing and accomplishing and achieving goals that are very similar to my own, but which seem to be on hold for the moment. 

Maybe it's part of the "5 year itch" that I hear happens to women who have left the workplace to be stay at home moms.  It will be 5 years for me in September.  Maybe it's just my sinful flesh trying to get me to step outside, or ahead of, God's will for my life.  It's not that I am unhappy being home, I love how our family and homelife is developing and all that I am learning as a homeschooling mom.  And just this year the Lord opened the door for me to be involved in a workshop on purity for "tween girls" (and this is one of my heart passions) and I was invited to be a part of the planning committee for our annual Womens Retreat.  You would think I would be satisfied.  Instead it has increased my desire to do more. 

I have already seen that when the time is right, God makes all things possible.  When the time is not right, I am courting disaster.  But in the past 3 months I've met someone who has written and self-published a book  ( a dream of mine), a mother of five who is a completing her studies at our church's Bible School (a dream of mine), a friend of mine has started a support group for women (similar to a dream of mine), and I feel like I am standing on the sidelines, wondering when it's going to be my turn. But as I whined to God this morning, he brought this verse to me:

   "...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:..." Phil 4:11

When I am busy complaining and whining, that means I am not thanking and praising.  You can't do both.  Being envious of others robs me of enjoying the blessings God has given me.  Learning to be content allows me to focus on His goodness and faithfulness and fulfilled promises in my life. 

Forgive me Father for being envious of others and forgetting how you continually bless my life.  Teach me to be content in all things, and to keep a grateful heart.  Remind me that you make all things beautiful in your time, and your timing is perfect.