Prayer Basket: The Journey Continues - Homeschool Blogger

A Day in Autumn

Sat, 4 Oct 2008 13:31:00 -0500

September 28th marked the third year anniversary of Mom being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Little did we know that the Lord was preparing her for her Homeward journey. I think one always clings to the hope that all will "work out all right in the end and that we'll get to keep her." We do get to keep her, though that "keeping" may look different than we originally thought it would. Our precious treasure is laid up in heaven. She's forever safe in the arms of our Savior, anxiously awaiting our reunion someday.

I spent the week leading up to the anniversary having a more intense feeling of missing Mom. The novelty of her "extended vacation" is wearing off and reality is setting in deeper. I see little bits of Mom everywhere. It may take the form of Christmas ornaments found at a booth in the Mall, a cute dress or sweater I know she would have liked at Christopher & Banks, a chick-flick movie she would have enjoyed watching with me, reading a book that I would have liked to discuss with her, going on outings that she would have been delighted to participate in, sharing kitchen tips with others that Mom taught me, listening to songs or reading Scripture that remind me of God's faithfulness through joys and sorrow, seeing the evening stars twinkle with the brilliance that Mom and I used to enjoy on evening walks together... .

Even though I (/we) miss her passionately, the Lord has faithfully shown us His ministering touch by surrounding us with a wonderful support network; the gentle hug or shoulder of a friend; a phone call or e-mail; meals shared; Scripture passages brought to mind from memory, read, or shared by a friend; days or evenings spent with friends and family; extended visits from friends and family; friends opening their homes and lives to us; and other countless ways.

The past few weeks have been filled with many joys and pleasures. While Shannon has been away (yes, he is still gone, though he will be returning this Wednesday night) I've enjoyed many occasions to share my days with friends--either by their coming to stay with me for a time, going on girls-day outings, going dancing (which is a personal love), going to a friend's house to spend the day sewing and enjoying her two little ones, my cousin Bethany coming for a weekend (and getting roped into helping me with a perm. =) Thanks, dear!); and spending the day with Dad at the office a couple of times. I went to a lawn party and authentic barn dance with my dad last weekend. To my great delight, Dad even danced with me. =) What a treat! I know how some of you love seeing pictures on blogs. I'm sorry to say I don't have any to share as my camera hasn't been working properly of late. Here-say will have to do. =)

I'm beginning to get used to silence (did you know that perpetual silence can be deafening when you aren't used to it?). I've been working on various projects, household duties, and tackling some fall cleaning. I'm currently beginning to sew aprons to sell online. Here is a sample of the apron pattern. Once I get my shop set up, I'll be sure to post a link so you can see what I've been up to.

Shannon, as I said before, is still away from home. His trip was extended by two weeks to see friends (and Alice, who is visiting her sister) in Los Angelos. He's having a grand time enjoying the sunny beach, sight-seeing, watching dancing fountains, eating Sprinkles cupcakes, and many other "big city" pleasures.

Bryan continues to go about his job with God's hand of protection. He had another near miss with a vehicle that pulled out in front of his semi a few days ago. He made two cattle runs to Tennessee this week. I think he has missed his road trips. =)

Tina is keeping busy with her human relations job in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Her work office got flooded earlier this year by the extensive flooding, so they have set up temporary office space. It has been said that it will take them two years to get back into their original building. Tina doesn't relish that news. We often see her on the weekends as her boyfriend, Tracey, lives in the next town east of us (it gives her a good excuse to come back to the area frequently).

This week, Dad began working on cutting firewood to feed our wood stove in the basement over the winter. The nights and days are getting colder, so it probably won't be too much longer before we'll enjoy its warmth. Dad and I have enjoyed our evening cuddles as we read together, talk about life, and/or just watch a movie together. (He told me he has a post formulating in his mind, so don't be surprised if you see a note from him here soon.)

Autumn is such a beautiful time of year. The comfortable temperatures and lower humidity levels return, the scent in the air is fresh and crisp, the color of the sky is such a magnificent blue. All around us we see the bounty of another harvest. Though it may not be the best year for the corn or soybean crops in our area, that they have any harvest once again shows us that God's grace is at work in the world. The leaves on the trees aren't a flame of color quite yet, though our first frost (whenever it arrives) will surround us with even more beauty. I love to see the farmers busily about their work in the field. It gives me the itch to go riding with Bryan in the combine. The only problem is that Bryan hasn't been in the combine much the past few years due to hauling cattle. Though, I've made him promise to let me know if he does get behind the wheel of the combine so I can ride with him. =)

May the Lord bless you this season, and bring you many reasons to find Him faithful and a comfort--no matter what life holds for you.

A Muggy Day in the Midwest

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 11:32:00 -0500

It is hard to believe it will be six weeks tomorrow since Mom's Home-going. While some things are getting easier, in others they are getting harder. We're discovering more and more ways in which we miss her, and long for her presence.

Shannon has been in San Antonio for work the past two weeks and will be there for a little over one week more. I've been blessed and grateful to have a few friends here to stay with me, so that I wouldn't have to be home alone during the day. Last week I had my friend Faith H. here with me. Her sister, Melody, has been keeping me company this week. The female companionship has been ever so sweet. We have had fun doing all sorts of girly things.

Bryan had his 30th birthday on the 9th. We're grateful he is still with us to see it! Last week at 1 a.m. in the morning, he was hauling cattle to a packing plant and three horses ran out in front of him. He hit the second one, which did damage to the right side of his semi, and caused damage inside the trailer as well (no less than $10,000 worth of damage). There were originally four horses running loose. One had gotten hit earlier in the night, so the police were already out looking for the others. Oddly enough, the horse Bryan hit was not found at the scene of the accident. He isn't sure where it went to. If it didn't go off and die in a field, it sure would have had a nasty headache and bruises. We are so thankful for God's hand of protection in keeping Bryan safe! Since Bryan has been super busy working this week, we will be doing the bulk of celebrating probably Saturday night. Though, I did make an apple cheesecake for him on his birthday (per his request). He liked that.

The 10th of this month marked the first anniversary of my dear friend Amy Wilhoite's passing. It brought so many memories afresh to my mind of things we enjoyed together, talks we had in our early teen years about growing old together, places we wanted to visit together, watching our children grow and play together.... As we know, the Lord had other plans. I miss her. I can now imagine how much her family is missing her. My heart aches for them.

During one of the nights when I was feeling particularly lonesome for my mom, the Lord directed me to Psalm 34. It really encouraged my heart, so I share it with you.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt His name together!

I sought the Lord, and He answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear Him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints,
for those who fear Him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that He may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and His ears toward their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.

Mom's Last Post &, Lord Wiling, the Blog will be a Book

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:40:00 -0500

Mom told me some weeks before she passed away that there was one last blog entry she wanted me to post for her after she was called Home. She said I would know what it was when it came time. I had hoped to locate it before now, but so far the search continues. I will be sure to add it here as soon as it is discovered.

We have been surprised and overwhelmed by how many of you have independently requested that this blog become a book--over the past few weeks especially.

It seems the Lord is giving me clear direction in this matter. Turning the blog into a book has been in the back of my mind for a long time, but I knew that while Mom lived, it wasn't the right time. My energies were needed elsewhere. Now, I'm hoping to use the energy that I once poured into caring for my mom, to working on making her valiant devotion and steadfastness to the Lord, in the midst of pain and suffering, live on (with included memories, letters, and other photos that haven't made it here thus far).

Also, those that have requested CD's or MP3's of the funeral, we are still in the editing process to remove pauses, etc. We'll be including on/in the funeral service CD/MP3 three songs that my mom sang at church concerts when I was little. They help reveal more of Mom's trust and devotion to the Lord.

~ Amber

Give Her a Hug

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 06:57:00 -0500

Lord,

Thirty-four years ago, two young kids vowed to love and cherish each other for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death parted us. Little did we know the depths of struggle or the heights of joy we would go through to develop the oneness You had called us to. You were there with us each step of the way. I loved being her husband and she seemed pretty delighted to be my wife. Always there to greet me with her beautiful smile. Thank you for blessing me with her. She's my treasure stored up in Heaven and in Your presence now, not in mine. Is she missing me as much as I'm missing her? This being the day of our anniversary, would You give her a big hug for me? Thank you. Oh, and Lord? I sure could use a hug too.

Dick

A Time and A Season

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 11:13:00 -0500

Many of you have asked how we are doing. Through last week, life has kept us pretty busy and distracted with family being in town, friends inviting us over for a meal, and social gatherings we planned to attend even before Mom's passing.

Since last Thursday it has really begun to sink in (for me) that Mom will not be with us here on earth for the rest of our lives. During the day, part of me still feels like she is on an extended vacation (as Shannon told me, she is!). Then the sun goes down and I remember well that my mom isn't there in her chair at the table for supper, by my side as I wash dishes, to go for an evening walk with me, or enjoy an evening's reading of a book read aloud together. The end of the day was our time to catch up on the day's happenings, talk about things we were pondering, and sharing dreams about the future.

Life is forever changed. There is no going back to our once normal life, but we are trying to find what our new normal will be without our beloved.

The Lord has shown Himself faithful amidst the storm. Our friends, blood family, and church family have wrapped us in their love and care by simple words of encouragement, praying with us, shedding tears with us, laughing with us, reminiscing about Colleen with us, providing a meal for us, or even just giving a silent hug, to name a few.

I often ponder what my mom is enjoying this very moment in Paradise. I'm not sure words or any earthly picture could ever express the glory and splendor of Paradise and the life to come, especially the joy of walking hand-in-hand with our Savior. One thing I have no doubt about is that Mom is singing with all her might in the choir. Music was such a large part of her life. I remember in my childhood days mom would go to different churches all over Iowa using her voice to minister to others by singing praises to the Lord. I remember the quiet songs she would sing to herself as we traveled in the car, her humming about the house as she served her family, or the goofy songs she would sing and dance to to make us laugh. =) What a wealth of memories and love she left with us! How grateful I am to the Lord for allowing us the honor and privilege of having her as a mother, wife, daughter, grand-daughter, sister, aunt, niece, and friend. I'm ever so thankful that I was blessed to still be at home over the past three years to be with and help care for my precious mother. The Lord's plan is perfect! He knew that I needed to be here, and that my family needed me. What a great God we serve.

My mom often enjoyed reading from Rev. William Jay's "Morning Exercises" and "Evening Exercises" that were given and introduced to her by a dear friend in Virginia. I have my own set that was later given to me by dear friends in Iowa. I wanted to share a bit from the August 11th entry in "Evening Exercises":

"The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance." The greater includes the less. If He be mine, what is the substance of my portion but His fullness, the measure of my portion but His immensity, and the duration of my portion but His eternity? Yes this is the truth of the case: in the everlasting covenant ordered in all things and sure, He has been pleased to make over Himself to His people, and with all He is and all He has. "I will be thy God. I will pardon thy sins. I will sanctify thy nature. I will supply all thy need. I will be light to thy darkness. I will be strength to thy weakness. I will bless thy bread and thy water. All my ways towards thee shall be mercy and truth. All things shall work together for thy good. I will guide thee with my counsel, and afterwards receive thee to glory.". . .

"God is the strength of heart, and my portion for ever." And He ought to preserve a sense of this in his mind. He ought to live nobly. He ought to feel contentedly in whatsoever state he is. He ought not to envy others [the rich and the great] their good things, nor sink like others under losses and trials. When their lamps are put out, they are in utter darkness; but the Sun of righteousness arises upon him [the humble Christian]. When their vessels are broken, all their comforts are gone; but he has the fountain of living waters. They have no God; but "the Lord is the portion of his inheritance.". . .

No earthly inheritance can yield the possessor every thing he wants; but God's riches in glory, by Christ Jesus, can supply all the Christian's need.

There is a time and season for tears and mourning (Ecc. 3:4) our earthly loss of Colleen, and some of the aching we realize may never go away. However, we are taking comfort in the great God we serve; and are anticipating the day when we, too, will be called Home--leaving behind our immortal bodies, returning to dust once again, so that we may enjoy eternity with Christ and receive our inheritance Above, free from the bondage of sin. Glory Hallelujah!

Life here on earth is merely a vapor that is here for a moment, then will vanish forever. Treasure your loved ones, seek to mend broken fellowship with thy brother, laugh often, love thy neighbor as thyself, go out of your way to make someone (even a perfect stranger) smile... Draw nearer to Christ and pursue His glory. Without Christ, all our efforts in this life are in vain.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
~ Jeremiah 29:11

We're Still Here

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:51:00 -0500

I wanted to take a moment to let you know that we do not intend to abandon the blog. We still have more to share about Colleen and our family.

Since we've had several requests already from people, my dad wanted me to let you know that the funeral service will soon be available on CD (and/or MP3) for those who would like a copy. It is our honor and privilege to make it available to you free of charge. Please e-mail us at: prayerbasket @ gmail . com (taking out the spaces) with your mailing address or e-mail address (if you would prefer an MP3), and we'll be sure to send one to you.

In Christ's mercy,
Amber

He Who Waits on Us

Thu, 7 Aug 2008 06:47:00 -0500

Over the past few days as I ponder the life of my mother and our Heavenly Father, one chapter in the book I was reading with Mom, "Waiting on God" by Andrew Murray, gave a sweet reminder that while we wait upon God, He also waits for us! Today we say our last goodbyes here on earth to our precious mother, wife, daughter and friend; but what a joyous day it will be to reunite together one day in Paradise. All glory be to the Father.

~ Amber

WAITING ON GOD: Who Waits on Us -- Day 20

`And therefore WILL THE LORD WAIT, that He may be gracious unto you; and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all THEY THAT WAIT FOR HIM.' Isa. 30: 18.

We must not only think of our waiting upon God, but also of what is more wonderful still, of God's waiting upon us. The vision of Him waiting on us, will give new impulse and inspiration to our waiting upon Him. It will give an unspeakable confidence that our waiting cannot be in vain. If He waits for us, then we may be sure that we are more than welcome; that He rejoices to find those He has been seeking for. Let us seek even now, at this moment, in the spirit of lowly waiting on God, to find out something of what it means: `Therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you.' We shall accept and echo back the message: 'Blessed are all they that wait for Him.'

Look up and see the great God upon His throne. He is Love -- an unceasing and inexpressible desire to communicate His own goodness and blessedness to all His creatures. He longs and delights to bless. He has inconceivably glorious purposes concerning every one of His children, by the power of His Holy Spirit, to reveal in them His love and power. He waits with all the longings of a father's heart. He waits that He may be gracious unto you. And each time you come to wait upon Him, or seek to maintain in daily life the holy habit of waiting, you may look up and see Him ready to meet you, waiting that He may be gracious unto you. Yes, connect every exercise, every breath of the life of waiting, with faith's vision of -- your God waiting for you.

And if you ask, how is it, if He waits to be gracious, that even after I come and wait upon Him, He does not give the help I seek, but waits on longer and longer? there is a double answer. The one is this: God is a wise husbandman, 'who waits for the precious fruit of the earth, and has long patience for it.' He cannot gather the fruit until it is ripe. He knows when we are spiritually ready to receive the blessing to our profit and His glory. Waiting in the sunshine of His love is what will ripen the soul for His blessing. Waiting under the cloud of trial, that breaks in showers of blessing, is as needful. Be assured that if God waits longer than you could wish, it is only to make the blessing doubly precious. God waited four thousand years, until the fulness of time, before He sent His Son: our times are in His hands: He will avenge His elect speedily: He will make haste for our help, and not delay one hour too long.

The other answer points to what has been said before. The giver is more than the gift; God is more than the blessing; and our being kept waiting on Him is the only way for our learning to find our life and joy in Himself. Oh, if God's children only knew what a glorious God they have, and what a privilege it is to be linked in fellowship with Himself, then they would rejoice in Him, even when He keeps them waiting. They would learn to understand better than ever; `Therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you.' His waiting will be the highest proof of His graciousness.

'Blessed are all they that wait for Him.' Our Queen has her ladies-in-waiting. The position is one of subordination and service, and yet it is considered one of the highest dignity and privilege, because a wise and gracious sovereign makes them companions and friends. What a dignity and blessedness to be attendants-in-waiting on the Everlasting God, ever on the watch for every indication of His will or favor, ever conscious of His nearness, His goodness, and His grace! `The Lord is good to them that wait for Him.' `Blessed are all they that wait for Him.' Yes, it is blessed when a waiting soul and a waiting God meet each other. [emphases added] God cannot do His work without His and our waiting His time: let waiting be our work, as it is His. And if His waiting be nothing but goodness and graciousness, let ours be nothing but a rejoicing in that goodness, and a confident expectancy of that grace. And let every thought of waiting become to us simply the expression of unmingled and unutterable blessedness, because it brings us to a God who waits that He may make Himself known to us perfectly as the Gracious One.

'My soul, wait thou only upon God!'

Home Going Celebration

Sun, 3 Aug 2008 16:33:00 -0500

The visitation will be held at Vandemore Funeral Home in Geneseo, Illinois, Wednesday, August 6th from 5-8p.m. For the full obituary details, please visit their website at: www.vandemorefuneralhome.com.

Update: Here are directions to the funeral home.

The funeral will be held at First United Presbyterian Church in Moline, Illinois, Thursday, August 7th. The service will begin at 10:30. There will be a one-hour visitation prior to the service.

Update: Here are directions to the church.

It Is Finished

Sat, 2 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0500

Around 1:30 this afternoon the Lord saw fit to call my mother Home. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." We will be sure to post information about visitation and funeral arrangements (we should know more tomorrow afternoon). Thank you again for all of the love, prayers, and support you've shown our family over the past nearly three years as we have walked this journey with our precious Colleen. ~ Amber for all the Moellers

Weeping Cometh For A Time

Sat, 2 Aug 2008 11:57:00 -0500

Over the past week and a half my mom has declined ever so rapidly! It first started with her becoming confused when she was in the half awake, half asleep stage; talking in her sleep; and occasional moans; which have progressed with each day. She became really unsteady on her feet on Thursday. I was gone all day yesterday and Shannon (who was home with her all day) said it was a rough one with *dramatic* changes.

I was awakened by the kitchen light at 3:30 early this morning from my dad calling the doctor about a temperature Mom had spiked (101.5). I had taken Mom to the outpatient clinic at Illini hospital on Wednesday for her to receive two units of blood, as her doctor said she was very, very, very anemic. My dad wanted to be sure she wasn't having a reaction to the blood she was given. Dad was directed to give Mom ibuprofen which has brought her temperature down.

I was surprised this morning to see how much she had taken a turn "for the worse" in just one day. She moans with every breath, has a lethargic look in her eyes, as well as talking so softly, groggily, and muttered that we can hardly make out what she is requesting. I asked her if she could try saying just one word to help us know what she desired, and after a few tries we can sometimes make it out.

One of our home nurses, Lori, was here a little bit ago. Since Mom doesn't want to get out of bed anymore, Lori put in a catheter. We're hoping to move Mom upstairs so that she can be nearer to where we are most of the day (to me, in particular, as I'm the one caring for her most of the day). Lori has been working with Dr. Short's on-call weekend doctor to help us get a special inflatable mattress (through Option Care--the home medical supply company we have been using) that will keep Mom moving around a little bit, so that we won't have to worry about moving her ourselves (to keep her from getting bed sores, etc.). We'll also be getting a tank of oxygen as Mom's breathing is very low. We're so grateful for the help in keeping Mom as comfortable as we can.

My grandparents (my mom's mom and step dad) from Florida are leaving in a few hours to drive up here.

We would really covet your prayers as the days ahead unfold. About a week ago, Mom said that she was nearing Heaven. I do believe those words are true. It looks like it won't be long now and all of her pain and suffering in this world will be over and she'll be living peacefully in the arms of our loving Savior.

The Lord has been with us throughout this journey, and I know that He will continue to do so. While we are sorry to see our momma, wife, daughter, and friend parting from us, we are every so blessed and thankful that the parting will only be for a short time. I'm reminded of Matthew 6:19-21:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth...but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

My mother has been such a treasure which I'm grateful I'll get to "lay up" in heaven. The Lord has blessed me with such a sweet and godly mother. Though it will be hard to not have her here with us on earth, what a joy it will be to join her in Paradise someday! "...Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

While talking with a friend a few moments ago, this prayer was brought back to mind. It is one that I used on the quilt block for Mom's friendship quilt, that was made shortly after Mom was first diagnosed with cancer in September of 2005.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, and in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
~ A Prayer of St. Patrick

Amidst the sorrow, there is also a new joy in our family we desired to share with you. From July 22-29th, my friend Alice Valine (of Buffalo, New York) was here for a visit. What a precious time of fellowship and encouragement it was for me (and our family). I'm happy to share that the evening after her arrival back home, my brother Shannon asked permission from her father to get to know Alice better. Mr. Valine and Alice were agreeable to the idea. =) Here are a few pictures from Alice's visit.

Alice and I went to a few shops here in Geneseo and came across these horse hats that reminded us of the scene for Ever After, "I'm only here for the food."

The last full day Alice was here, Shannon and I took her to feed the ducks and geese along the Mississippi River.

I wasn't sure if the geese were chasing or following Alice. =)

These were just a handful of the ducks and geese we fed. Many more came.