Organized Chaos - Homeschool Blogger

Changes

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 11:17:00 -0600

Funny how quickly life changes. One minute you are sailing along thinking your life is going one way and then behind the scenes all this stuff is happening that you know nothing about and then WAMMY.

The morning of December 23rd started out great. I had my last minute shopping to do and actually had money to do it. I felt good and was looking foreward to Christmas Eve and all the family festivities.

The First wammy wasn't so bad. A and her boyfriend saw me at Wal-mart and told me they are pregnant. Not the greatest news since they are not married -- however, she is over 21 and has her own apartment. So, that evening around 10:30 I am sitting in my favorite chair watching a movie with my 15 year old daughter, when she says, "mom, I need a pregnancy test"...........my heart started pounding.......this feeling of dread came over me. A feeling all throughout my body like I have never felt before. I could not even talk to her. I went to my room and cried for what seemed like hours.

Most of the day Christmas Eve was spent trying to get the swelling down in my eyes so my family that evening would not know I had been crying. I made it through all the festivites keeping it together and Christmas day I spent mostly alone as the kids were scattered about with different relatives through out the day and also visiting their dad.

It has been a couple weeks now and S has been to the local pregnancy center and to the doctor. And, now I am in a mind set of just dealing with it. I'm still not happy about it. I'm upset over how this changes my life plans for the next few years--- A baby in the house. Those days were supposed to be over for me. Bottles, diapers, teething, potty training. Of course I will train my daughter to handle all those things....which is more difficult than just doing it myself. But, she is the mother. I want to keep that in her perspective.

Now my grandmother (in Germany that I visited this past April) is in the hospital. She is 84 -- prognosis as far as how much time she has. Only God knows. But, I know what is coming....we all do. No matter how much you prepare yourself and how much you say to yourself that your loved one will be in Heaven with God and have no more pain or sorrow ----- you know that you will not see them again as long as you are alive. It's terribly hard.

And, as if all that were not enough, this Monday my beloved dog is being put to sleep.

Okay.....I can't write any more without crying.

I have only the Lord to hang onto --- and I am crying out to Him day and night. Not really for anything to change because in these situations, nothing can change except me- My reaction and the level of peace I have from God. I could not imagine going through any of these things without Him by my side.

God Bless you all for your prayers. Love, C

What a week

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 16:03:00 -0600

It has been one of those crazy kinds of weeks ~

I've got gifts scattered accross my kitchen needing to be wrapped. Ran out of wrapping paper and have been moving things back and forth from one end of the kitchen to the other depending on what I'm needing to do. Keep saying I'm going to stop at the store and get some, but I get home from work and don't want to leave again. It's the 21st and fearing that I'm in for an all day event on Saturday to get it all done.

On Tuesday, I ran over my daughter's cell phone! Squished it flat! Well, she said she wanted a slim phone. It will be funny in a few months.

This morning I hit a shelf with my elbow that was above my toilet and knocked a heavy paperweight into it --- broke the bowl. It was a blessing that it broke above the water line -- so, no mess to clean up. And we have another bathroom. So, again-- will be funny in a couple of months.

They say these things happen in threes so, I'm counting the 3rd one from this afternoon when I went to pay my cable bill over the phone and it was $268.00 dollars!!! (okay, I didn't pay it last month) BUT, that's still about $120.00 dollars from movie rentals!!?!! I have got to see this itemized bill when it comes.

Other than that -- Life is good. :)

God somehow has given me a calm and peaceful spirit and these things haven't shaken me. So, for THAT I am most grateful.

God Bless you and keep you all in His care.

What a week

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 12:03:00 -0600

It has been one of those crazy kinds of weeks ~

On Tuesday, I ran over my daughter's cell phone! Squished it flat! Well, she said she wanted a slim phone. It will be funny in a few months.

Other than that -- Life is good. :)

God somehow has given me a calm and peaceful spirit and these things haven't shaken me. So, for THAT I am most grateful.

God Bless you and keep you all in His care.

Thankful

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 13:30:00 -0600

~~I'm thankful for many things~~

My :

Relationship with my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus

Kids and granddaughter

Parents, brother and sisters, nieces and nephews

Friends

Health

Job

Home

Pets

Car

Independence

Dependence on God

Detroit - Calls to home

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 13:13:00 -0600

VACATION -- SCREECHING HALT

But, I believe the Lord has been preparing me for it. I just "knew" something wasn't right--remember, "my imaginations" ?

Life is not in the circumstances. It is in what God does during those situations to weave beauty from ashes.

The hardest thing is to see your kids go through stressful times and not being able to take it all away from them. But, I know the mistakes and the hardships will teach them lessons that I cannot.

Reality is not always pleasant. But, it is life --

Vacation is just that...a break from reality. I'm disappointed my princess life has ended.

My body thinks it's 2am. I am sitting in Detroit Airport -- just one more hour to my flight. Just got done talking with everyone.

This is an opportunity for me to lean on God and accept His peace in the midst of whatever life brings.

Getting back home

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 13:06:00 -0600

Getting back into the U.S. is quite a bit different than getting out. It makes me feel safe to see the security measures that they take. However, I have to pick up my luggage in Detroit (was originally told it would go straight to final destination). I hope I don't have to take anything out of the carry on. I'm not sure I could get it all repacked again! Good thing I have time before th next flight home.

Heard KT Tunstall for the first time on the airplane...Black Horse and a Cherry Tree. I love it.

Forgot to mention the European - or rather, German toilets. They have no water in them-- and they should post warning signs that say "keep small children and pets away unless supervised!" When you flush, water rushes out like Niagra Falls and I swear you can feel the wind -- LOL

Amsterdam Airport

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 12:27:00 -0600

You "drive" (in the plane) for what seems like 20 miles before you reach the place where you get off the plane. Funny.

Amsterdam - okay, my last day as a princess. I just spent $5.00 for a coffee latte (almost as bad as buying the almonds on the way here).

I'm happy. I feel good. I have a good life.

The ups and the downs...I've been trying to brace myself for whatever awaits me at home.

My imagination....they wrecked my car, Stephanie's pregnant, Ty broke his arm or leg on the 4 wheeler, Justin is in jail-- the kitchen caught fire....it could be anything. But, no matter what, I must remember that God loves me. And, in some miraclous way good will come from it.

NICE looking men traveling Amsterdam. I'm sitting in an open Cafe' and can see all around. There is some awesome tropical/exotic music playing. I'm still a princess. :)

Stewerdess's on cell phones, smoking cigarettes - taking a break. I haven't seen an ugly one yet. What is it with men and beer? LOL

I'll try to sleep in the plane as much as possible. Can't wait until Detroit. I'll be able to use my "handi" LOL (cell phone).

Hope Amanda paid the bill!!!

I'll be happy for America -- smoking areas OUTSIDE.

Well, Beer and cigarettes are 2 two things that I know I cannot/will not tolerate in a man.

I'm almost to the end of my $5.00 dollar coffee. I'm drinking it as slowly as I possibly can. But it really is a great cup of coffee. Okay, it was really only 4 dollars and 10 cents. But, I got the 90 cents change back in Euro and won't be able to spend it anyplace.

2-pm Time to go see who my plane sharers will be.

Heidi

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 12:15:00 -0600

I did get to see Heidi for a visit for about 20 minutes before I left for the airport. Her parents still live in the apartment across from Tante Katie and Unkle Nikki's house. She has another turtle-- she says is Trixie # 7.

Heidi is like a very high functioning person with mental retardation *something that completely escaped me when we were best friends as children. She is not dumb by any means. Her English is even better than most and I don't know any adults with mental retardation that can speak two languages.

Something funny that happened. She took me to the garden out back where we used to play. She wanted to show me where all the turtles are buried. She pointed to the back of the yard and said, "my mom is there too". I thought she meant her mom was buried there!

Needless to say, her mom ws in the back part of the garden working~!

Funny! (I didn't tell Heidi what I thought she meant).

Her parents remembered me and said that Heidi and I were such good friends if one of us didn't got to Kindergarten, the the other one wouldn't go that day either. I did get a great picture from her balcony of Tante Katie's and Uncle Nikki's house. I'm really glad that I was able to visit with her for a few minutes.

Still traveling home

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 11:56:00 -0600

You can tell the people who fly often. They wait unitl the final boarding call to get on the plane. If you get on the plane right when they first call, you end up sitting on the plane for 1/2 hour.

I prayed for safety in the car (Sylvia drives the Alpho Romaro faster than I think you are even allowed here, and that's pretty fast). And, I prayed for safety flying. Then I realized these are things I want - not need. There is a new higher level of trust in God that nothing happens outside of His will. There is complete and total peace at my center -- because, Jesus is.

Lord, I pray that this is the new me and that I will not take any steps back into the dark.

After the plane was in the air - I cried.

Germany is beautiful. I think if we fly over Speicher I'd be able to see the church!

Lord, I thank You for these gifts.

Seeing my Oma in realistic light -- my sister bond with Monika. Thank You for Thomas and Brigitte and Ignatz, Sylvia and Jurgen... Ischa and Kimba.

Funny to be able to say so much with so few words.

* How to know if you are on a European flight --- free beer and it's not "Ham and Cheese sandwhich" it's "Ham OR Cheese".

Above the clouds again. Eating and drinking being offered for an hour and a half flight. It will be interesting to weigh myself when I get home. (yikes).

Friday May 5th

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 11:37:00 -0600

Luxumbourg Airport --

going home.....leaving home

(sigh)

Met a young lady who has been here for 4 1/2 months on a college semester for International Marketing. Had a great chat. She is flying an hour earlier than me to London and then Columbus will get there (in the US) around midnight. My flight leaves an hour later, but I will get there around 10:30pm.

All this time in Luxumbourg and she did not have a postcard. So, I gave her one of my favorites (I bought extra). It is of the view of the bridge to the airport. Breathtaking.

I still have an hour here. I like this time between flights. I look in the shops and meet people. It's a wonderful feeling.

I forgot to mention that after the 1st week, Sylvia seemed to warm up to me. It was nice.

This last week I've not written as much. But, we went to see the horses and we laughed and had a good time.

Ended up needing a second suitcase. Funny, it is the one left here from my mom and dad's last visit. They will probably bring it back when they come here next April.

The Lord gave me something so very special. He knew what I needed to make me whole.

I love my Oma - but, I do not love her with the love of a little girl anymore.

*Reminder: Find, "The Purpose Driven Life" in German for Ignatz.

I'm excited about all the little goodies to share with my family tomorrow night.

I want to start looking at Garage Sales for different fine china coffee cups and saucers. it was neat sitting at Brigitte's table and everyone would have a different beautiful cup and saucer.