DUCT TAPE DAD - Homeschool Blogger

A Note From DuctTapeMom

Tue, 7 Nov 2006 09:16:00 -0600

Please accept this post as evidence that this blog is still active.

DTD has been playing with duct tape again and his hands are all sticky.

Sincerely,
DTM
writing at

RESPONDING TO SEX OFFENDERS

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 21:08:00 -0600

As a sex offender therapist for some number of years, I must say I believe in sex offender treatment. Studies have shown that it reduces sex offender recidivism. However, it does not eliminate it. One of the jobs I have had to do as a sex offender therapist was to asses risk and evaluate treatment outcomes. Recently my wife asked me to respond to someone�s question on a forum about a man who said God cured him of pedophilia. The issues in this situation were all too common. Having been asked on more than one occasion about an offender in a church and what leadership was allowing them to do, I decided to post a version of my response here on my blog as well. I have changed some things and added questions in as a quick way to make it clear what I am responding to.

Forgiveness and Trusting God
Are we not trusting God if we do not show the same amount of trust to a child molester who claims redemption as we do others in our church?
It is imperative that we trust God with all our heart. It is also imperative that we do not let others dictate to us what trusting God is. If a man in a cheap suit shows up at your door and tells you that you need to trust God and invest in his business, would you? People invoke the name of God to get Christians to do what they want them to do. Do not be bound by their words. They begin with the truth but add to it their own desires. Also remember, Satan can quote more scripture than you and I. Remember the context of scriptures and do not be taken in by quick syllogisms and loose connections.

If we treat them differently does that mean we have not forgiven them?
When Jesus was asked if someone should forgive their brother 7 times, He said 7 times 70. He did not say, �What do you mean 7 times. If he said he is sorry he will never do it again. Depart from me you evil man. I am going to make your brother my disciple in your place.� Jesus instructed us to be forgiving of other just as we are forgiven. He also shared that seeking forgiveness does not guarantee lasting behavioral change.

What are some warning signs that we should be on the lookout for when dealing with sexual offenders?
Secrets
Someone said on that forum that sex offenders and secrets are like a match and gasoline. I agree. Unfortunately, they are also like salt and pepper, chocolate and peanut butter, and smoke and fire. They frequently go together. Keeping secrets is the one of the first signs that an offender is in a vulnerable place to offend. Secrets are used to keep them from dealing with issues and to allow questionable behaviors to continue. If an offender does not deal with issues then they are likely to be looking for a way to relieve their tension. This would include offending. If they are hiding their behaviors, then they know that there is something wrong. However, they are being gratified by doing it and do not want to stop.

Manipulation
Manipulation is the process of stirring up emotions in others so that they will not exercise good judgment. Manipulative behaviors do not indicate a recovered sex offender. This is particularly true when they are manipulating you to give them access to your children. They may act insulted when their efforts to help with the youth or the nursery are rejected. This creates a natural desire in others to make amends. We say, �Surely if they are this upset, I have done something wrong and must change.� Wrong. A sexual offender who has been successfully treated would know that 1 they have a risk to relapse, 2 they have lost the right to activities that would place a child at risk, and 3 people are right to be concerned about them and other sexual offenders. Any offender who manipulates to gain access is to be feared.

Pedophilia
The is one of the highest, if not the highest, risk factor for re-offending. It does not just go away. If you were to go to a conference for people who work with sex offenders and ask everyone who has worked with an offender who claimed God healed them from their desire to offend to raise their hand, every hand in the room would go up. If you asked them to keep their hands up if they later found evidence that told them their offender was not cured, no hands would go down.

I have worked with sexual addicts who related their frustration about God not removing their desire to look at pornography. I have to say I have never seen in the Bible where God removes the desire to sin based on request. In fact if you look at the story of Jesus and the woman at the well you see the opposite. He tells her that if she asked him for water, he would give her water that would take away her thirst forever. She says give me this water. Jesus says..... go get your husband. Sinful behaviors are based in problems that run deeper than what we see on the surface. Quite often we confuse the symptom with the disease. To cure the symptoms leaves the disease intact. Years ago hypnotherapists found out if they hypnotized alcoholics to not drink, they started using drugs. While God can do anything, He does not do everything. All things are not in His will.

Precautions
When dealing with sexual offenders in our churches and our personal lives, we must always exercise caution. I would argue that it is best to not entertain any ideas other than complete disclosure to church leadership and complete removal from anything related to children. Any seemingly small violation of rules set up to protect the children is to be dealt with immediately and severely. If something small becomes a reoccurring problem, you need to realize that it is not small. It is easy for someone with good will to avoid the children�s hallway or not stop and talk to the middle schoolers. For compulsive sex offenders, it is very difficult. It is difficult because they want to gratify their desire to offend. When they violate simple rules, that is what they are doing. Churches or families need to respond as they would to the intent not the seemingly innocent behavior.

Lost in the South

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 19:40:00 -0600

I went to Raleigh NC today. I must say that some sadist must have designed the road systems. I work in a mental hospital and I was headed to another hospital to talk about the services we have to offer. By the time we got there I was almost ready to check in. If there is anyone reading this from Raleigh maybe you could explain. Why do they post notice of some roads 4 miles in advance in the center medium and then give no warning for for turn offs to other major routes? How many Route 64s are there? It seemed to me like there was a 64 with rt 40, a different one with route 1, and another one with the 440. And most importantly, how did you convince the federal government to not let anyone know which direction Rt. 440 is heading. I don�t care whether I am on the inside 440 or the outside 440. I just want to know where I am going. Even the locals seem confused. We got directions from 4 different people when we were lost. We got them at the same gas station. We got what appeared to be 4 different answers on how to get to a place 15 minutes away. Some of them even used road names.

a dog

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 19:12:00 -0600

For some reason Gena�s puppies got me thinking about getting a dog. Not one of her puppies mind you, I was thinking about a cute one. I used to be a cat person. Then over the last several months I thought I would like to have a dog in the home to look after my family while I am working late. Then I started thinking how nice it would be to have a dog looking out for my daughters when they played outside. I already watch them like a hawk. I just realized at some point before they turn 18 I will have to let them outside by themselves.

For some reason we have centered on Australian Shepherds. They are smart, loyal, and very trainable. However, there are multiple adoption/rescue agencies devoted to these dogs. I have never heard of a Golden Retriever Rescue Association. There is a reason why people drop these dogs off at the pound. They are high energy and smart enough to get bored. Like children they can make their own fun. Kind of scary. Yet I feel drawn to do this. It is kind of like the temptation to jump in a cold swimming pool. You know it is going to hurt, but somehow you feel compelled.

Al Quaeda Is Watching Us

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 21:28:00 -0600

We need to be very conscious of how much Al Quaeda watches us as a nation. When less than 20 Army Rangers in Somalia were killed, we pulled out. Independent of whether we should have been there, we sent a clear message, �We will not accept casualties.� The strongest most advanced military in the world is useless if our politicians are afraid to fight. Seeing this, they did not fear us anymore. We saw the results.

It took about 3,000 Americans dead to bring us into decisive action against terrorism. Now that our battle casualties are over 2000, some in Washington want to give up. What does that say about us as a nation? I can tell you what I think it tells Al Quaeda. Kill under 3,000 civilians to avoid anything but cowering, complaining, and wasted cruise missile. Kill over 2,000 soldiers and they will give up no matter how well they are winning.

We are also teaching them something else. We will tie ourselves up with our own legal system to protect enemy combatants while they kidnap and kill innocent civilians. War needs to be declared. Every prisoner in World War II did not stand trial to see if they really were fighting for the axis. They were held in camps until the war was over. We treated them humanely. We are a humane nation. However, we did not lose sight of the fact that they were prisoners of war.

Another note to think about from WWII: more men died in flight training in WWII than have died in Iraq. Our men in uniform are ready. Some have sacrificed their lives. Now politicians are ready lay waste to their sacrifice for political expediency.

If we allow them to, what lesson will we teach the enemy this time?

A PECULIAR PEOPLE

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 12:15:00 -0600

Deuteronomy 14:2 talks about God setting aside a peculiar people for Himself. This is not the type of scripture that people generally �claim� for themselves. However, I think it may be voicing more and more how God has laid claim on my life. I think I have typically been less concerned with being like others than the average person. These days, I think it is growing.

At the residential treatment program where I work, we just got the basic cable back on. This meant that we had to reevaluate which channels we were going to allow. I had to tell my staff that I do not have cable and therefore did not know what were cable channels we should ban. More than once the response I got was, �You have satellite?�

It is not that I have a great moral objection to cable. It is more that I can easily fall into watching excessive amounts of television. Adding 20 crystal clear channels would only make matters worse. I have to make a decisive choice to not spend my life watching other people live pretend lives on a box.

I fear I look rather peculiar to them at times. At times I find myself growing peculiar even to myself. The other day I began to question myself why I did not watch more football. Then I thought, how can I watch football when I have all this baking to do?

Peculiarer and peculiarer.

�For thou art an holy people
unto the LORD thy God,
and the LORD hath chosen thee
to be a peculiar people unto himself,
above all the nations that are upon the earth.�
Deuteronomy 14:2

(edited and posted by Duct Tape Dad's wife
because he forgets how to post, bless his heart!)

I guess I'll Blog

Thu, 8 Dec 2005 20:54:00 -0600

I had thought about blogging for a while. It seems like a pretty good outlet when you are an outspoken introvert.

I have to be honest though. As much as I do love duct tape, my blog handle, Duct Tape Dad, may give the impression that I am a little more handy around the house than I actually am. For any of you have used duct tape on a regular basis, you know how scary this is.

My wife does not know this but there is at least one time that I just had to repeatedly assure myself that I had not cut through a part of the house that was critical to holding it up.

Also, just about every time I have ever done anything electrical I have gone to bed praying that the house would not catch on fire. They say there is satisfacation in a job well done. There is immense satisfaction in waking to another day knowing that your job once again has not resulted in a fatal fire.

They also say you can learn things by reading instruction books. However, I say an electrical arc that lights up the next room and all the way down the hallway is a much more memorable way to learn. That is how I learned that dishwashers were hardwired into the house and not plugged in to a hidden outlet.

Well with that confession out of the way, I think I am ready to blog.