I'm a homeschooling/WAH mom in Kansas. We have three gorgeous kids (praise God for adoption!). We use Five In A Row unit studies as the bulk of our schooling curriculum, and I volunteer as a moderator on their website. That's the fun job! Come often to see my "vents." http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Sun, 3 Jun 2007 17:12:00 -0500 Sun, 3 Jun 2007 17:12:00 -0500 I've had so many problems getting into my blog page here these last few months, that I finally went and started another blog page.  I feel like a traitor now, and wish I hadn't gone and started it, but it's actually a lot more user friendly than hsblogger.  I'm so confused now!  (no smilie icons anymore, either :o( ) Well, now I guess I have a decision to make. *sigh* http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/337492/ Sun, 3 Jun 2007 17:12:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/337492/ It's been well over a month since my last blog update, so I won't be able to share everything that's gone on since then, but here's a brief update. We're considering moving into a different apartment here on the property.  It's currently being renovated, adding a new kitchen, utility and bathroom.  Also, they're knocking out a wall making a smaller living room into a larger one.  The major difference for us would be having a private utility w/d rooom right off the bathroom.  In an apartment complex like this one, that's a major "perk."  However, my office would no longer be private, b/c it would be in the hallway...large hallway, but still... My mother has begun volunteering here.  That's a very good thing.  She's taking over food bank inventory and volunteer coordinating.  Two things that I just have not been able to do.  More and more I feel like my main purpose here is to pray for the director, her family, and for our "sojourners."  And of course, keep praying for our foodbank visitors.  That's a very emotionally draining job each Saturday, but they so appreciate it.  And my mother picking up the other things is a real blessing. A couple of weeks ago, a gal came into the foodbank for food, and said her teeth were really causing problems.  In fact, she had been told at the free dental clinic, that she needed to have them all pulled.  She's only 20+ years old, and was terrified of being toothless.  She coudln't afford dentures, and had no insurance.  I contacted several ministerial resources, and was able to find a place that offers very inexpensive dentures and even collected enough money to pay for them for this gal.  She goes in and gets them this month.  Wahoo!!  Praising God!  She's feeling loved and cared for b/c we took a little time to try and help her out, and the Lord put the people in place needed to get the job done! I'm excited for her! 14yos is working on an assessment to prepare for entering public school in the fall.  I am very nervous about that, but I also really think he needs to be under the authority of coaches, teachers, youth pastor's, etc.   He's likely to be behind in some things, ahead in others...but I'm praying the accountability of other decent influences will be a good thing.  12yod continues to struggle with her reading.  She's going forward, but slowly.  Last week she wanted to help me with dinner, so I told her to add two taco seasoning packages to some browning ground beef.  I began to smell something funny, and when I got to the pan, realized she had added chili mix, instead.   My initial response was to shreek at her, forgetting that she probably just assumed it was a taco seasoning packet b/c of the photo on the front.  She was heartbroken when she realized that she had used the wrong packets, and began sobbing onto my shoulder.   She probably just needed to try to read the label, and didn't do that...and maybe she would have figured it out.  But she and I both just cried together about the whole thing.  I told her this was just one of many reasons why she needed to stay focused on her reading lessons.  She tends to hate doing them...but she nodded and said she would keep trying.  Our 8yos is doing his FIAR lessons, math, reading, handwriting, etc. with my mother each morning.  They really love their time together, and 8yos is so incredibly smart.  I decided to start letting her help with hsing him, b/c the other two need my personal attention so much these days.  And, when he's here, they don't seem to be able to focus on their school work.   Won't be forever, but for now...necessary. Dh is working a lot of overtime.  We need the money, but that means he's not able to participate in much that goes on around here with family, the ministry, whatever.  That's probably going to get worse as time goes by, b/c he's going to be working on a new project at work, and that tends to mean more hours.   I'm sure we'll get by....but miss him sometimes. I'm working on my health a bit more.  A physical showed my blood pressure a bit lower than just a few months ago, so that's good.  And, I'm watching my food intake with www.vfl.com.  It really helps to see how much fat, carbs, sodium, protein, etc. that I'm consuming each meal.  Helps me balance my choices.  Now, if all the silly snow and ice will melt, I can start walking daily again. Lord, help me to focus on today, and let You worry about tomorrow.  Show me how to make Your pressence in my life known to my children, and all those living here at the ministry.  You are worthy of the glory I so desperately want to give You! ~ Amen. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/286370/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 12:10:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/286370/ I guess ya know you're doing the Lord's work...when all the ministry stuff is thriving, and your home life is depressing.  It's been a  month since I posted, and it's just been too busy to keep up here.  I find myself so occupied with my business and the ministry (the only times I feel happy, lately) and every time I sit down to post on my blog, I just feel like I don't have anything positive to say.  God, help my to love dh the way You need me to love him.  There are days when i just don't even like him...so loving him Your way seems so impossible.  But I know that all things are possible with you. Lord, help my 14yos.  I just long for him to know You in a real and eternal way.  Lord, help me to remember that You are my Hiding Place, and that I can hide in the shelter of Your wings all day. And Lord, make me well.  The hormones are wild and I don't know why...but I'm sure I make our daily problems that much worse because of them.  http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/265615/ Mon, 8 Jan 2007 00:25:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/265615/ If He keeps on blessin' and blessin,'If He keeps on pourin' it on,If His love gets fuller and fuller,If He keeps on givin' a song,If His love gets richer and richer,If my prayers keep on gettin' through...If it keeps gettin' better and better, Oh Lord..I don't know what I'm gonna do! - Bill GaitherThe longer we live here in the complex, the more and more blessed we become.  Not that the Lord is visiting us personally alone, mind you.  But I just see His hand at work in so many ways so often. First of all, my 14yos finally decided to spend some time with the youth group at the church we've been going to.  He was very hesitant b/c he didn't know many people, but last week they had a lock in fund raiser to earn money for a CA trip.  He had a blast, and he fasted for 30 hours (part of the lock in).   Praise the Lord!  Now, I'm praying for his relationships there to be blessed and protected by God. Part of their weekend lock in was spent helping the poor.  They had to scour the city for canned good, dried goods, etc.  By the end of the weekend, they had gathered so much food for our foodbank here, that it took me four hours to put all the groceries away today. It was awesome!  And during this time of year, our foodbank is super busy each week.  And something so special happened; I began a couple of days ago to pray specifically for a gal who I have been visiting with.  She needed a great deal of money in order for her and her dh to receive some counseling, which they both agree they need desperately.  She had mentioned that she was going to get a loan...and I prayed specifically from the moment she mentioned this, that the money would come to her in the form of a gift, so that she wouldn't have to worry about debt.  And no kidding....within 24 hours, that's exactly what happened.  God is just so awesome! This confirmed a couple of things for me.  It reminded me how much the Lord really cares about His children.  That He loves us oh, soooo much, that He'll do whatever takes. It also taught me that my faith directly effects others...and that sometimes, people won't have enough faith for themselves...and it's important for ME to keep believing for them.  Not that this gal didn't believe PLENTY...but so many people that come to seek guidance,...don't!  God expects me to keep trusting Him no matter what!Dh and I continue to struggle with our own finances, and so it's a blessing to be someplace we can't get "kicked out" of...but I'm just continuing to believe the Lord to be huge in the midst of our circumstances.  I know He will do what best glorifies Himself.  So, if you wanna believe with me,....Sweet!! 14yos is working hard on his Algebra, Biology and Starting Points so he'll be ready to enroll in public school in the fall.  I would love to keep him home...but in my heart of hearts, I just know the Lord can use his time away to actually reinforce what we've been teaching him all these years...especially as he participates in sports.  He really needs that disciplined lifstyle. 12yod is moving forward with her reading, but still shows little interest in reading on her own.  I'm praying her desire to accomplish will outweigh her discouragement. 8yos is just a genius.  I mean it...he really is!  He is learning by leaps and bounds!  He's spending time doing a lot of school with my mom lately, just so I can keep working each day, and help my oldest when he needs it. Lots of going's on around here!  Keep us in your prayers!! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/250908/ Wed, 6 Dec 2006 00:07:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/250908/ Discovered today how much my oldest is missing. I found an IM box open that he'd been using on my computer to chat with his dearest friend, whom he's known since birth, and was appauled at what I saw.  Evidently, the two teenage boys were trying to "out do" one another in a gross-out contest...and I think my son...umm...er...I guess..."won." It was disgusting, and vile, borderline p*rn*graph*c...no, wait...it was definitlely p*rn*graph*c.  So much so that it actually made me want to wretch.  In fact, I spent several minutes over the trash can, just in case.    He claims of course, that he heard it from kids in the neighborhood, because (and I quote) "that's what teenage boys talk about."  Since the peer response was "GROSS!" he decided it must be the sickest thing to share in a "gross-out" contest. ...and my heart just ached for him.  Did he not sense the Lord prompting him to protect his friend and himself, and refrain from sharing such nonsensical filth??   He claims to have a saving faith in Christ...where was He while my ds was typing? Is his spirit just not sensitive to the Holy Spirit enough to know when his door is being "knocked upon?"    Why not?*sigh*I love him so much...and know God has set him apart for tremendous things.  But today, my prayer for him is to just FEEL God in there somewhere...and long for more of Him.  Tonight, when he got home from work, he did come and say, "I think I just got carried away.  It was stupid and immature, and I won't do it again." The one word I wanted him to admit to,....he couldn't say...and that was...the "S" word....."sin."  Lord, what an amazing child you've placed in my care.  My heart wants to explode when I begin to sense your awesome and wonderful love for him.  Please, give him a tenderness that only You can give.  Draw him so closely to you, that he never wants to wander.  Use me or move me...so that Your will can be made complete in his sweet young life.  Save him from himself, and bind op the evil one who desires to devour and reek havoc in this little life.  Bind him in the name and through the blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ, and equip this child with wisdom beyond his years, and passion for holiness that can only come from genuinely knowing and loving....You. Amen http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/245956/ Tue, 28 Nov 2006 00:14:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/245956/ Last week, the director and I got together to discuss  a couple of things that had sorta "popped up" in the food bank ministry, and we decided that we needed more privacy in the prayer room.  It sits (or sat) between the welcome center and the actual food bank room.  So all through the prayer time, volunteers would be walking back and forth from the welcome center to the food bank, and vice versa, while we tried to pray and talk about their needs.   Now the volunteers have to do what they have to do...so it's not their fault.  But, we needed for each visitor to have some privacy.  You just never know what they're going to be sharing, ya know?? So, the director and I spent all evening (it's now 12:26AM and I just got home )  turning her office into a quiet room (which has a door we can close and lock, but a window so people can see inside the room) and put her office in the supply room.  This room is just AWESOME!  I'm so jealous!   Okay, maybe not too jealous...it's just an awesome room.  Five sets of cabinets that close and hide your office supplies, a full wall of desk-high counter space, already drilled out for computer usage, two big windows...it's just perfect.  She's excited, and I'm excited for her.  She's gonna love it in there...and I'm going to love the privacy we'll have in our new quiet room. I'm starving, but afraid to eat this late...so off to bed. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/245317/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 00:19:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/245317/ The child we mentioned who was accusing my dd of those horrible behaviors actually came onto the property earlier today.  My oldest son asked is she was telling people that she and my dd were "dating," to put it nicely, to which she replied, "yeah...we were."  He told her to stop speading lies, and she left.   When I asked dd again about the whole thing (and I swear that's the last time I'm bringing it up to her) she said that the girl asked if they could be "girlfriend's" and my dd (naive though she be) said, "Sure."  She was clueless that this child was talking about a "going together" relationship.    Well, I'm more and more convinced that the enemy is just trying to side track all the great work the Lord has us doing here, so that's the end of it, as far as I'm concerned.  However, if I get a chance to, I am going to talk to this girl, and see what's "in there," ya know?    Thanks for praying! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/243573/ Wed, 22 Nov 2006 22:07:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/243573/ Couple of things to update on...   It just so happened that our SS glass talked today about how knowledge in the world is so far removed from God's wisdom.  A mom who used to be in our hs group, but now teaches in the public school system, and has her kids in school, remarked how true this was in the public schools.  That even though there was knowledge being taught, it was certainly not the knowledge of Christ, as seen in Col. 3.  And that her dd was having to be exposed to h*m*s**uality already b/c a girl in her class was "outing" herself.  When class was over, I approached her to see if it was this same girl who was slandering my dd, and she said it was.  We wept for the lost innocense of our girls, and then decided we together would approach the principle of the school about the idea that this child was bullying with such accusations.  We'll see where that goes.  She seems to think the principal would be supportive.   And this morning, dd asked me if she could get a purity ring.  I asked her why, and she told me that all this talk about her needing to protect her heart, mind and body, made her think that she needed to make a commitment to Christ to help her do so.   I wanted to make sure she understood, and we're going to talk about it.  But I think this whole situation has made her realize that she can't just say she wants to be pure in thought, word and deed...she has to pursue that purity.   More to come...I'm sure!  And thanks for those praying for us! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/241429/ Sun, 19 Nov 2006 13:12:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/241429/ This one has me completely shocked!   Now that we're living in town, and not so secluded in the country, our kids have a LOT more exposure to neighborhood public schooled kids.  We've had to address the "dating game," satanic symbols on clothing, gossip and dealing with children who "share" more than we'd really like for our kids to hear.   But this particular incident came right out of the blue.   Earlier today, my dh and one of the kids were getting gas at one a local "gas 'er fast" place in town.  While he was fueling, one of my 12yodd's SS teachers came up and said, "Were you aware that there's a rumor going around the public school that your dd (the 12yo, mind you) is bi-s**ual?  Another girl is telling people that she and your dd are 'girlfriends.'  How do you guys deal with that?"    Deal??   DEAL??!!  Was she kidding???  We've never had to "deal" with that!"   At first, my head started racing to the worst case scenario's.  Was it possible that my sweet dd had engaged in some sort of activity that could have given another child the impression she had questions about her s**xuality?  I mean...was it??   Slam on the brakes!!  Back up!!   Dh and I went to dd and just began asking about her friends in the neighborhood...and wanted to know if any of those kids was unusually ugly to dd, or would one of them have cause to start an ugly rumor about her.  She said, "Yes...some of the kids in SS have been asking if I'm 'bi.'  I've told them I'm not, but they said (this child) has been telling them that we're 'girlfriends.'"   I asked if she understood what that really means?  She had an idea, but really had no clue!   Then...the mama bear in me wanted to pounce on this other child.     Obviously, we talked about it for a few minutes,...I dug a little deeper to make sure there were no issues that hadn't been addressed, and then we prayed.    And I cried.   A piece of my baby's innocense is just gone...and so is ours, I guess.  We now know how vulnerable our children are here,...and know how to pray for them, and with them.  But I'm in mourning right now.  And I'm also more sure than ever that this deceptively "sweet" little town has deep spiritual needs.  Those children think nothing of that sort of behavior (the gossip and the other stuff, too) and that just breaks my heart.    Lord, I'm overwhelmed with my grief tonight.  I'm so saddened to have to have a conversation with my kids about such ugliness.  And yet, I am grateful to you for showing us where to go with our intercessions.  Help us to love those who sin against us with a love that only you can give.  And show us how to premeditate our forgiveness. Amen. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/241221/ Sat, 18 Nov 2006 20:53:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/241221/ I can see the Lord so clearly in the work we do here.  On Saturday morning, the volunteers and I walked into the foodbank to find a note that said, "Frozen turkey's in the freezer.  Please give to families on Saturday.  Signed, the head gobbler in the flock." We have no idea who left them, but praised the Lord for them, since there were just enough birds to hand out to the families who came in for food that day.  I love how God prepared a turk for each family.  Very cool!   So who came?I did some praying/counseling with three of those families.  One of the other volunteers prayed with the fourth.  I was in tears most of the morning, as all three of the people I spoke to had serious spiritual and physical needs.  But what brought me to my knees was how eager they were to just have someone listen and offer hope in their circumstances.  Two of them had come through last month, and when we spoke to them back then, they really shared very little with us.  But this time, they opened up and even asked about why we were there.  They wonder if the ministry is affiliated with any particular church in town, or why we'd give so much time to listen to their problems and then say, "Let us know if we can do anything else."  And it just struck me how fortunate I am to have a Savior who walks and talks with me as I go through my everyday trials and troubles.  Many of the folks we minister to just don't have Him.  It's so exciting to see Him drawing them to the ministry so we can be used to touch their lives even just a little. The price?  And yes, there IS one.As soon as we began praying earnestly over the ministry here, and began sinking our teeth into the tough stuff that needed to be done (mostly cleansing of sin from our own lives and humbling ourselves before God daily), the enemy went into action.  As you may have read in my previous postings, the neighborhood kids play a major role in life here in the complex.  Although they don't live on the property, they have very little to do that will keep them out of trouble.  Some of them have no restraints whatsoever, which breaks my heart.  And some come from very dysfunctional families, so I have tried to make sure they know how much we love them.  Some of them even call me "Mom," b/c they have no mother to call on.   But my kids have grown to care for them...probably becoming a little "peer dependent" of them, in fact.  Our kids are not allowed to just "run" like those kids do, and so our kids get upset when they realize we have restraints on them that those kids just don't have.  Since we've lived on the farm for the last four+ years, we really have only had each other to spend time with.  All this "freedom" is very new to our children, and they don't understand why our standards are so different from the other kids' families standards.  So, of course, my teenager is feeling left out and angry that we're so different.  His pride reared it's ugly head yesterday, when a couple of neighborhood girls (who are just way too forward for my liking) came to the door and asked if he could come out.   We said he couldn't for a couple of reasons, one of those being that he spent almost all day Saturday with them and a few other friends.  However, I made it clear that the girls could come in and watch football with him and his father, or sit with me and my friends at the kitchen table.  They declined.  He got so angry that he swore at his father. He had to be "forced" to go to his room.  It was later that I realized the whole problem was not so much that we'd told him he couldn't go out... but was far more about how we had told him...in front of a couple of girls.  Is that not the most peer dependent thing you've ever heard of?  He's working off his bad attitude today here on the property, doing some much needed cleaning work.  And lest my dd be left out, she experienced some genuine "shunning" this weekend, herself.  She had plans to play with one of the neighbor girls, but when that girl got a "better offer" to go running all over town with some older kids, the plans with my dd were "forgotten."  She was so hurt by this...and I was tempted to be so angry.  In fact, I'll be honest,...it totally irritated me.  How could they treat her like that?? Then I realized how much I am like them.  How often have I turned away for God's best in order to "fit in" better??  My dd let me pray with her, and love on her only for a second...before she curled up in a ball and cried for a while.   I felt so bad for her.  But she said she understood why that happened, and then she was trusting God to develop some long suffering in her through this experience.  Lord, This is exhausting!  I am so excited to see Your hand at work in the lives of the people who live here, work here, and visit from time to time for food from our storehouse.  I know it's work You have called us to do.  So, Lord...the enemy is fierce and working with all his might to keep us from doing it.  Bind him up, in the name and through the blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Don't allow him to reek havoc with my children and my marriage.  Open the hearts of my kids to recognize the attacks for what they are.  I can't love You for them...they have to choose You.  Thank you for what you're going to do in our home.  Amen. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/237730/ Mon, 13 Nov 2006 14:25:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Fiarstar/237730/