The Funny Farm - Homeschool Blogger

Me & Nancy someday...

Sun, 4 Jun 2006 20:18:00 -0500

Nancy and I are already saving up. When the boys get out of the house, we're selling the farm and moving to Florida!!!

As close as it gets....

Thu, 4 May 2006 00:27:00 -0500

Well if you've read my wifes latest blog then you know that I have a new (to me) car. I bought a 1996 Geo Metro after the van got totalled by the hail storm.

It's red, 2 door, 5 speed, 3 cylinder, and has these wicked cool tinted windows.

Now you may think I'm poking fun at my own car, but I'm not. Trust me I'm laughing all the way to the bank. The insurance is cheap, it gets 45 miles per gallon, I can fill it up for less than $20.00 when it's bone dry, and best of all it's paid for.

However the one thing about this whole car issue thats funny to me is this.

I've always had a running joke with my wife that one of these days when I go through my "midlife crisis" that I was going to pull in the driveway with a red Nissan 350zx (my dream car). The only thing she would ever say is how silly a "big ol' boy" like me would look getting out of a little sportscar like that. (She said with love and humor and I took it the same way). But this whole time I've been talking about getting a Geo Metro I haven't heard one comment about how I would look getting out of a car the size of a coke can. After some deep thinking I have figured out why. She's her fathers daughter. Nancys dad was one of the most practical people when it came to spending money. I've heard him say "Never get a car more exspensive than you can afford " many times. "Get a good car you can pay cash for so you don't have a car payment hovering over your head". Just one of the many pearls of wisdom her dad bestowed upon us as a young married couple. Not because he was trying to tell us what to do, but because he cared about our well being. Now I get it. That's why Nancy doesn't want me to get a $45,000 sportscar. She cares for my well being. She knows full well that the Nissan 350zx has an extremely bad history with having uncomfortable seats and that I would eventually develop back problems with all the driving I do for work. Thats how much she loves me. Oh well... the Geo kinda looks like a 350zx if you look at it in just the right light....with your eyes squinted...and its almost dark outside..

Take Care - God Bless & GO VOLS!

Tony

Its me again Margaret!

Mon, 1 May 2006 22:16:00 -0500

Greeting and Salutations To All...

I finally decide to post a blog this year and try to do away with some of the nasty rumors that have been floating around concerning my whereabouts.

I did not get abducted by aliens. I did not go on a soul searching "find myself" trip to Tibet. I haven't been hanging out at the local K-Mart with Elvis. And last but not least NO! my wife didn't pay me to stop blogging because she couldn't handle the intense competition.

Plain and simple......I just got busy and didn't make the time to Blog as I should. Also I really enjoy hearing about all the funny things that go on around my house by reading it from a true writer, my beautiful wife Nancy.

Which reminds me, I would like to take this time while I'm on my soap box to say how extremely proud I am of her. She has come a long way in the past year with her writing and her work with TOS while continuing to run a homeschool and a household. She is fantastic mom and a wonderful wife and my best friend. So if you get a minute today or tomorrow click on over to her website www.homeschoolblogger.com/tn3jcarter

and hear the daily happenings in the life of the Carters... by a pro.

I Love You Sweetheart! Keep up the good work.

God Bless and GO VOLS!

Tony

Happy New Year!

Sun, 1 Jan 2006 23:22:00 -0600

Greetings and salutations to one and all. It's been a while since my last blog so I'll try to catch you up on things in my life as quickly as possible....

God is Great!

Christmas was wonderful.

Another year older and my wife is even more beautiful.

My neighbor is a cotton headed ninny muggin..

I won't go into all the ugly details when my lovely and beautiful wife did it so well at her blog ( www.homeschoolblogger.com/tn3jcarter ).

All I've got say is after much prayer and after consulting with one of "spiritual advisors" is this......

Hank the cowardly dog will remain a farm dog!

Take Care, God Bless, and GO VOLS! - Tony

Help the Mall Kids....please!

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 21:01:00 -0600

Hello to all of my blogging friends. I haven't written in a while and thought I should put something on here to let you all know that I'm still alive and kicking.

The following post was sent to me in an email from a friend of ours and I thought needed to be shared with the world. We can really relate to this at our malls around here. Kudos to whoever wrote this. It's still making me chuckle.

Take Care, God Bless, and GO VOLS!

Concerned Grandmothers Unite:

We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men We observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group. But that wasn't the sad part.

Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them.

It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers.

But here is the saddest part...it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sister's clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could get them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones.

Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes. However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.

We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on condition of our American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with a closets full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. We think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall
is one place where they can find acceptance.

So, next time you are at the mall, doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?

*Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down, and the girls' strings won't break?

We thank you all,
Two Concerned Grandmothers

Priceless!

Tue, 6 Dec 2005 09:03:00 -0600

Monthly Water bill $298.00

Plumber $65.00 per hour.

Replacement valve $15.00

Having 2 friends show up at your house at 8am on a cold Saturday morning to dig up a broken valve and help replace it..........

PRICELESS!!!!

Thanks to our "neighbors"

Don & Don.

Help Margaret....I've been tagged!

Thu, 1 Dec 2005 21:25:00 -0600

Well my good friend Jules tagged me today with the "List of Sevens" so I thought I'd give this a shot... here goes. (My apologies to my DW ahead of time).

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Lose weight.

2. Take my DW to Hawaii.

3. Wear speedos! (orange ones)

4. Own a tractor.

5. Retire to our farm to grow old with my DW.

6. Take my Grandkids hunting.

7. Score the winning touchdown in the National Championship for THE VOLS!

7 Things I Cannot Do

1. Be a bully to someone.

2. Stand and watch someone being mistreated.

3. Wear speedos!

4. Swim.. (stop laughing, it's not funny).

5. Wear horizontal stripes.

6. Type a blog without looking at the letters.

7. Vote Democrat!

7 Things That Attracted Me To My Wife

1. Her beautiful smile.

2. Her big hair.

3. Her laugh.

4. Her faith.

5. Her bluer than blue eyes.

6. Her meek, quiet, innocent personality.

7. Mostly it was her car!!!! (a red 1985 Chevy Sprint)

7 Things I Say Most Often

1. Joe, Jake, and Jon!

2. Excuse me...(my compliments to the chef).

3. Just do what your asked to do and there won't be any problems.

4. If you dont have time to do it right the first time, when are you going to have time to do it over?

5. I Love You.

6. No... I DONT want a DIET COKE with that!!

7. GO VOLS!

7 Books I Love

1. The Bible.

2. Wild at Heart.

3. The Greatest Salesman on Earth - by Og Mandino

4. The Self Sufficient Life

5. Victory Over the Darkness

6. Let Freedom Ring- by Sean Hannity

7. Who Moved My Cheese.

7 Movies I'd Watch Over and Over...

1. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

2. Braveheart.

3. Kingdom of Heaven.

4. Tommy Boy

5. Remember the Titans.

6. Field of Dreams

7. Gods and Generals.

7 People I Want to Join In

1. My DW Nancy.

2. Joel King

3. B. E. Worthy :)

4. ?

5. ?

6. ?

7. ?

OK. So I got tired by the last question. I'll do better on the next one.

Take Care, God Bless, and GO VOLS! - Tony

The book that hasn't been written. (yet).

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 16:40:00 -0600

Greetings to all.

Ever since I picked my family up and moved them to the country we have been trying to put together a "country library". (A group of books that will help us in our quest to become more self sufficient, less dependent, and make our families ask more questions about our sanity). We've picked up several at local bookstores and a couple at our public library. We've ordered a few over the internet and we've even bought magazines and subscribed to newsletters. I was almost at my wits end.

Then as I glanced over my bookshelf I got an idea. It hit me like like a 265 lb. linebacker coming in unblocked on my blind side...

"The Purpose Driven Farm"

And I know who could write it. A certain author out there has already helped people find a purpose for their church as well as their own lives. So why not their farms?

Picture this.....small groups studies on "40 Days of Homesteading". Think of the time I could save. One book, one study, and KA-BOOM! In 40 Days, a plan for my farm.

Take Care, God Bless, and GO VOLS! - Tony

Redneck Shopping Tips

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 20:47:00 -0600

Don't let the hair dryer packing bunnies rob you of your Christmas spirit.

Here is a list of Christmas shopping safety tips from a police department in the Northeastern part of the US. And then I just had to add some tips for the southern redneck shoppers out there.

Before You Shop
Carry small amounts of cash.
Carry keys, credit cards and cash separate from each other.

Carry spare change in your pocket, but keep large bills hidden in the sole of your boot.

Carry your hunting license, pocket knife and *winning* Powerball ticket separate from each other.

While Shopping
If you have to carry a purse, carry it close to your body and always have it zipped.
Park close to where you are going and in a well-lit area.
Be Alert.
Make sure the safety chain on your wallet is securely fastened to your belt.
Park in well-lit area so that your gun rack is visible from all sides.
Lock and Load!

After Shopping
Leave the mall before closing time; it is safer to walk out of the mall with other people.
When hurried or in a crowded shop, make sure you get all forms of ID and credit cards returned to you before leaving.
Use an escort or mall security if you have a lot of packages or if you are leaving the mall after closing.
Check under your car as you approach it; this is a common spot for criminals to hide.
Walk to the car cross-eyed and with a limp, crooks don't like crazy people.
Remember that your hunting license don't count as a valid form of ID.
Who needs mall security when you have Smith & Wesson on your side?
Check in the bed of your truck to make sure that Ol' Blue is still there.

At Home
After opening gifts, break down cardboard boxes of expensive electronics and put them in plastic bags to hide the fact you have valuable items in your home
After opening gifts, break down boxes of assorted Ronco infomercial gifts, take them to the back yard, douse liberally with diesel fuel siphoned from truck and light.

Happy Shopping Y'all!

Redneck Thanksgiving

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 22:36:00 -0600

OK, Nancy wants me to tell you that all of these aren't true for us, but just between you and me.... I can relate to some of these.

Redneck Thanksgiving

You Might Be A Redneck If:

You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

You've ever re-used a paper plate.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.

Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.

Your stuffings secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.

Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.
Happy Thanksgiving from the Funny Farm!