Black and White - Homeschool Blogger

Zoloft, anyone?

Mon, 2 Apr 2007 01:14:00 -0500

My husband just enlightened me that, although my brother never meets a stranger, he has no friends. My dad, though he's chatty with everyone and the neighbor's cow, has no friends. My mother, apart from her siblings and relatives, has no friends. (I should point out they have friends from decades ago, but not one current friend or recently developed relationship with anyone.)

So, it should not be a huge shocker that I, like my family members, have no friends other than college friends from 15+ years ago whom I speak with every other month or less. (Blog friends apparently don't count, no offense. And acquaintances from homeschool co-ops don't either as we do nothing apart from chatting while the kids take classes.)

How on earth did this come up, you may ask? His parents called to say they are going for a week to visit their friends in Missouri ---but that's not what sent me to devildom. They are actually taking my sister-in-law (and her daughter) to visit her son from a previous marriage, as my mother-in-law does annually as "their time" together.

I realize I shouldn't care what she does with my sil or neice, and should be happy for them getting to visit old chums. I made the mistake of telling my husband that I was hurt and angry that they are only finding the time to spend a long 4 day weekend with us in a couple months, yet are making this pilgrimage again.

It's not that I want them here for weeks. It's not that I don't want them to have friends or even spend time with my sil & kid. I simply don't want to know about it. Selfish? YES!

You see, I feel replaced. I'm a rather independent, strong personality. My sil has some HUGE life issues. When my husband's brother married her, I lost my mind, I guess. This shattered our seemingly perfect family dynamics. The baggage is unbelievable.

Now my mil, who has a need to be needed, no longer needed to provide ME with cooking tips, party ideas or shopping spree details, she had a far more needy daughter to "fix". Then they moved in with them for nearly a year. My mil poured herself into their child (her first grandchild to live in the same town) and nearly destroyed her own marriage as this child became like an idol to her and as she tried to teach them to parent. My in-laws nearly divorced this time a year ago, but are supposed to be working it out. (Which is a good thing as our children would no longer be able to see them should they claim to be believers and disregard God's Word.) My husband is on eggshells about this topic.

"So, what's your deal?" I can hear you saying... Grow up and be a meek and quiet spirit for your husband. I'm being selfish here, but NOPE.

It's the whole FRIEND thing. Not only do I seem incapable of making meaningful friendships occur in places we have lived in the past 15 years, I am now (AGAIN) rejected by my mil who will make her schedule fit my sil's schedule for their "annual time" (ignoring that they live less than a mile from each other), but can't find more than 4 days to spend time with our family. I've been dismissed. Replaced. Found unworthy to be considered a friend. A failure.

Yes, I know she may not intend it to be this way. And our kids are ecstatic that they're coming I know my husband doesn't get it. He keeps asking if I really want to be her friend or would enjoy a drive for 2 days with her.... This is not the point. It just seems to be in my face that I'm not a good candidate for female-to-female relationships.

I'm really trying hard here. We plan on staying in CO for a while (maybe forever), so I'm being ultra attentive in trying to be truly interested in others; not judge them if they don't homeschool; not judge their undisciplined kids and spiritually immature husband; make efforts to be interested in their ridiculously numerous, non-family extra-curricular activities; get involved in the church regardless of whether it is what I had prayed for in a family/body of believers...

I've been known to voice my opinions, but I'm doing a great job at smiling and nodding, smiling and asking questions, smiling and encouraging...etc. Trying to learn to be a friend - even if I have ZIPPO in common with folks, other than Christ. (I think it's going okay, but we've yet to have anyone include us in non-church planned outings other than where my husband invites us over to folks houses...LOL! One family did have us over, now that I think of it, but the husbands hit it off while I could think of NOTHING to discuss with the wife (they're in their 50's, we're 30's). We just sat there and smiled and nodded politely.)

I really need a Word from the Lord on this. I think I'm friendly. I talk to everyone and anyone - just call me and I'll chat for an hour with you, EASY! This acid in the wounds is just too much right now. I'm feeling like the hugest pity-party I've ever had looks like the Fourth of July compared to what I'm feeling tonight.

Why am I so hard on myself? Are my standards too high for myself? Others? Maybe I should blog about my convictions this week and see if anyone out there thinks I'm WAY too hard to get along with.

My eyes are burning again, and I should really try to check in with the husband to see if he's ready to settle the anger and get some sleep. Just after 1 a.m. Guess it's a new day.

Time to smile and nod.

Changes

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 20:50:00 -0500

I'm trying not to cry tonight. I just realized that several of my blog friends are leaving blogdom for a while or permanently. That's sad.

Guess that means I'll have to try to find some local friends. LOL.

I'm still weighing what to do next year for school. The kids got into a "cottage school" program at a very reputable Classical Academy about 1 hour from the house. It is a public school, but about 95% conservative Christians there in a very conservative area of Colorado Springs. They would only go for 2 mornings (8:30 to 11:30) and only study Language Arts (Shurley Grammar, Spalding method spelling and Step up to Writing) with some other "fun" classes (art, Spanish, PE). Would you do it?

Burn out is still looming (sp?) on the horizon. We're doing some lapbooks to break the "workbook" nature of the k12 curriculum we're trudging through with the Virtual School we're a part of this semester. Haven't decided whether we'll do this again or not - even part time.

I keep praying: Lord, what would you have us do?

Patience, Mel, patience.

Murder/Suicide in our home & Public Schooling our kids now

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:22:00 -0600

Okay, here's the deal.

We did little to no schooling last semester due to the move and househunting. The house we bought "needed" a little renovation - using the term lightly as the kitchen was fine, but the house has a history. The former owner killed his wife, then himself in the kitchen 2 years ago. Pretty gruesome, hunh? So, we got this great deal on the house that we decided to pray over, then remodel to look nothing like the original inside. (No Jen, there were no blood stains or visible reminders, just the newspaper articles online and the chatter of the neighbors...If the realtor hadn't told us, we'd never have guessed.)

Needless to say, my stress levels with renovations and daily "to-do's" are overwhelming. In December I stumbled on the Colorado Virtual Academy (online charter school that parents administer at home, but it IS a public school program) and decided to apply. The only reason we would be allowed to apply was because we have not lived in CO for a full semester, and would not be subject to their "kids must be enrolled in public school for at least one semester" rule. Which, of course, we never would have done. (I just realized that I would never accept the above sentences in my kids writing...sorry...been a while and I've lots to say!)

Well, long story short, we're doing COVA at home and subjecting our kids to standardized TESTING. Oh, horrors! Actually, they would have to take some form of tests annually as homeschoolers anyway in CO.

So, what on earth happened to me? I spoke with a dear friend (and homeschool mentor) who had moved last summer to California from Missouri. Due to the high cost of housing there (hubby is a music minister) they were forced to make some changes. She enrolled in a charter system that pays for all non-religious materials (like Math-U-See, Shurley English, all novels, biographies and history books, music books, etc.) and requires reports to the state monthly. They felt the benefits outweighed the sacrifice. This got me thinking, praying and evaluating whether this compromise would harm the kids. Here's our thoughts and how we determined to try it for a semester.

The pros: Responsible use of tax dollars for a change, and of our resources; free excellent/rich curriculum (albeit secular, only 2 out of dozens of books won't be read in our home); free loaner computer plus internet service; science and art supplies; free workshops and training on just about every subject should we choose to go; less time lesson planning and searching for the right materials; easier for me to tell the kids to get their assignments online and get busy; more time for me to play with the little ones (in theory - reality is that I'm spending more time phoning contractors to show up!); VERY easy to use our Christian curriculum to supplement what is provided (for example, we're using Beautiful Feet's "History of Classical Music" along with their Intro to Music course to highlight Godly men and make a really cool lapbook); makes me actually do something worthwhile with the kids' time since I have to report to someone two times a month; Best of all, I'm still the "Teaching Adult" even though the kids have an assigned teacher should we have any questions.

Our biggest concern was whether we could skip or opt out of any evolutionary teachings in science, or obvious anti-God bias in History should we encounter that. Our "teacher" homeschooled for years before COVA and is a born-again Christian with similar beliefs as ours. She said we are welcome to skip any lessons or modify any lessons as long as we replace them with other experiences or books- in other words, don't just play around instead of doing something worthwhile and educational. They actually encourage (school wide in their newsletter) trying other methods than the provided workbooks to teach lessons. The examples were lapbooking, notebooking, creating menus and building forts/castles to act out the time period being studied,etc. The goal is to see active learning, not just checking off boxes. They even encouraged us to use narration rather than tiring the kids out with all the handwriting the k12 curriculum suggests! The reading books they sent were many of the ones recommended in Tapestry of Grace, Sonlight and Beautiful Feet. Quite amazing, actually.

The Cons: It is still a public school. We have to do testing. My son placed a grade lower than he "should" be in math and is feeling inadequate about that - he wouldn't have known otherwise as I've kept the 2 olders on the same level to simplify my life.

The biggest CON: THE GUILT! I cannot believe we're doing public school at home. I feel horrible that I'm just not organized and/or smart enough to get my kids to do all the great things I hear about at conferences: notebooking, lapbooks for every subject, nature study, apologetics training, debate, and on and on. My heart aches to allow my kids to have those experiences with me. I keep thinking that maybe we will once the little ones are old enough to be less demanding of my attention. And the laundry starts doing itself...

I would like to say that we had wonderful learning experiences without structure and guidance imposed on us. Reality is that, although my kids have learned some things and we did have some fun, they don't love learning, and they don't necessarily want to do anything more than fill in some blanks and be done with "school" for the day. I'm the one who wants the hands-on fun learning. I'm the one who wants to read books with them all day. I'm the one who didn't require memorization of the math facts and chose a "fun" non-traditional math program. I'm fully to blame here.

So, what's the lesson from all this? I'm not nearly as judgemental of those in virtual schools. Many moms I've met through COVA are supplementing with Christian materials, and learning to homeschool so that they can pull out by high school. I've met grandmothers who are teaching their abandoned grandchildren, so they can break the cycle of poor public school choices they made the first time around with their own children. They would never homeschool, but this allows them to nurture these wounded kids at home and teach Godly principles. I've met single parents who can teach their kids at home because of the free materials, and still hold down a job to make ends meet. I've met Christian dads who stay home with their kids, since the wife's benefits and salary outpaced theirs, and are able to begin at-home careers for the first time.

I discovered that most parents are insecure about teaching their own (yes, that is a public school mentality inflicted on parents), but that they are more confident after trying this method and are willing to consider going independent in the future should the virtual schools not get their funding. Without these programs, how many kids would be sitting in a classroom with a teacher who is anti-Christian? with students that are carrying weapons? with perpetrators waiting for them to walk home?

Here's a thought: How many Christian organizations that lambast virtual schools can say they have filled the void that virtual schools do for single parents, grandparents, or even insecure parents by giving them support, encouragement, and free curriculum until they can stand on their own to homeschool? Hmmm. Something I may have to research.

Is virtual schooling the PERFECT option? Not really. But, it is meeting our need at this moment, and I'm grateful. So, if you're disappointed, I am too. Not because it's sinful to join the public school system, but because I'm not as strong as I thought I was, and I've wrongly judged others who've made decisions I thought were against homeschooling's best interest. I've lots to learn.

Just the basics: Update on my MIA blog status

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 20:59:00 -0600

- Moved to Colorado in October as our LA house sold in less than 2 weeks - Shopped for housing between Denver & Pueblo - settled on a mountain town 45 minutes from Colorado Springs - to over 9000 ft elevation from sea level! - Did a whopping 10 weeks of school last semester - mostly touristy stuff and life lessons ;0) - Moved in Thanksgiving weekend, had in-laws visiting 3 weeks later, then my folks for all of January - Crashed our main computer, bought a new MAC this time around and we're slowing getting back online for fun as opposed to function - Missed my blog pals horribly and have committed to get back in touch and rejuvenated in spirit following a long, dry complicated time - Finally, we're remodeling our kitchen and flooring of the main level so schooling is complicated - You'll hate the next post, so before I get to the "Why our kids are in Public School this semester" post, let me just say you're awesome for being the encouragement and support I need to homeschool again!

Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be a hippy?

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 23:02:00 -0500

    In the spirit of the move to Colorado and the impending trip to house hunt and meet my hubby's new co-workers, we stopped by a local "Pack & Paddle" shop to search out some potential duds to wear for the occasion. Dh's new boss mentioned that everyone will be dressed pretty casual - as in Birkenstocks & t-shirts casual, not business casual - for their mountain retreat to which our family is invited next week.
    This store was supposed to be THE place to find mountain culture clothing and misc shoes for the entire family. And it was. However, the only jacket I found to be somewhat coordinating with my new clothes for the trip was on SALE for $225...WHAT??? I just spent a little more than that for 2 sweaters, a skirt, a pair of dress pants and a white button up shirt at Eddie Bauer and had trouble deciding whether to keep it all or not...
    Who knew hippies could afford to dress that way? My prejudging has just manifested a whole new level of wrongness. Sloppy looking skirts over $180 bucks; already-worn-looking shirts over $100; let's not even mention the shoes and boots that would require a second mortgage to outfit our 4 kids with. There's this brand that totally discribed the way my stomach was feeling: Uggs (or something).   I didn't bother to look at prices for those boots.
    Needless to say, we're still Patagonia free and headed to Target and Goodwill to get some last minute jackets and long sleeves as none of us own many after living here 7 years.
    My husband, ever the optimist, quipped as we loaded up our aging mini-van, "We'll have to Google Goodwill's in Denver."
    Apparently, dressing down is out of our league. Who knew?

Colorado or Bust!

Mon, 4 Sep 2006 04:44:00 -0500

Well, the big news event of the year for us: we're moving to Denver/Colorado Springs area! YIPPEE! SNOW!

Dean has accepted a position that covers from South Denver to Pueblo, CO. We're praying the house sells this month so we can all go out there October 1 for his start date. Apologies to all for the lack of blogging as our world is whacky right now in preparation for the move. School is on hold, the house cleaner than it's been in 2 years and the garage jam-packed full of garage sale items for next weekend.

We met a family who lost everything in Katrina who is helping us sort & price & sell everything in exchange for 1/2 the proceeds. For some reason I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight after 3 hours of "hard labor" with them in the garage. So, here I am.

It's amazing how much quicker the hsblogger network is at 5 in the morning! Not lots of morning birds out there I suppose! Of course it is Labor Day tomorrow.

SOOOO...if anyone knows of great homeschool groups or a hs friendly church out there, please let us know.

We're so excited to have four seasons again. Have a blessed holiday!

Spontanaiety is my middle name

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 09:11:00 -0500

It seems the whole CANNED post (see below) was a catalyst for yet another CANNED trip. Apparently we're headed to Crossville, TN for vacation in 2 days.

Not Schlitterbaun. Not Texas. Not the beaches of Alabama. Not even Williamsburg, VA (my unwritten, but preferred alternate location)!

This morning my dh called to say that his folks aren't able to use their timeshare cabin in TN next week, so we CAN. Okay. I'm all about FREE cabins, you? SO...I'm frantically cleaning laundry and getting the house organized for a spontaneous trip to TN. Hopefully, I'll meet up with some HS bloggers on the way or while there. Isn't TN the Mecca for TOS?

All this and I'm due to speak at a public library at 2 p.m. today on Lapbooking for my free Hands-On Homeschooling 101 series I started this summer. I'm ready, but now will really have to focus to not be making mental notes of how to get all the junk to fit in the van if we don't take the RV.

Hmmph. Being a bear of little brain, this is tough stuff I tell you.

Year of Canned Trips

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 12:28:00 -0500

We decided to start school this week. Sort of. We're spreading 1 weeks worth over 2 with the intention of heading to Schlitterbaun in Galveston for part of next week, Lord willing.

This has been the year for "canned" vacations and getaways.

First, I had planned a trip with my husband to San Diego. He went on business - I had to CAN it when our childcare arrangements fell through. (In-laws marriage crisis came out & I couldn't trust leaving our children in their care & my folks were still in Alaska or somewhere.)

Second, we planned to go to Arlington, TX for me to go to a homeschool conference & kids to go to Six Flags with dh. However, we didn't have the energy for another 8 hour road trip, since we had just returned from Branson/Springfield, MO area for a visit with my roommate from college as well as other friends the weekend before. (YIPPEE - that mini-vacation DID happen.)

Third, we were supposed to go to the beach in Gulf Shores, AL next week with the aforementioned roommate & family, but she decided not to homeschool her kids next year and is placing them in a Classical Christian school so they had to CAN it. Rather than go ourselves we decided to CAN it, because it seems there may be a job interview in DENVER, CO for my husband during the same time frame!

SOOOO I'm trying to think of all the positive CAN's from this new development:

1st We CAN relocate if the Lord provides a complete relocation package even though the position is lateral. (Please, Lord, I need a body of believers who understand our convictions.) But even if the answer is "NO", I CAN choose to praise Him and worship Him regardless of where I am living.

2nd We CAN enjoy each day as a family and spend time developing our hearts for the home that is to come -- reminding ourselves that this earth is not our home!

3rd I CAN reflect on the many times the Lord provided answers, miracles, friendships and financial blessings that we are not worthy of.

Suddenly, I'm feeling all Joel Osteen-ish. Perhaps I can start blinking and smiling at everyone when we go to Target...If I believe it, I CAN.

Hmmmm...... Naaah. I'll stick to the "I'm a hopeful mom who wants to move to Denver" look.

On a lighter note, we did CAN 56 jars of tomatoes this summer, and 8 jars of Strawberry-Fig Jam. Plus froze over 50 pounds of purple-hull peas, and several dozen ears of corn. For a city gal, that ain't too shabby.

Ain't too shabby at all.

Back to School Blog Blues

Fri, 4 Aug 2006 21:00:00 -0500

     The garage is still 2/3 full of potential garage sale stuff, the closets still full of worn out or too small clothing, the curtain fabric still un-sewn, the toys still reproducing exponentially in what's supposed to be the school closet, and we still live in the same less-new home in the same less-than-wonderful town, in the same hurricane prone state without a church family to call our own.
    In spite of my wishful thinking and hope-filled dreams of moving to another state with 4 seasons (rather than HOT & Less HOT), we find ourselves hurtling towards another school year in the Sportsman's Paradise state. So, I plan to begin what should be the most promising year of our schooling yet!
   BUT FIRST - - a quick update:
    The "crisis" with the in-laws marriage has been healed - PRAISE GOD for this miracle! They are doing well with one another and now are trying to work on relationships with us and my husband's brother's family.
    My sister-in-law still doesn't know why she is dizzy, passing out and losing her hearing, but a recent ear procedure is helping her get through the day. The numbness of her feet is also unexplained. We're continuing to pray for complete healing.
    My husband's job -- we have the option of looking at a relocation to south Denver area, but we'd have to foot the bill and sell our home on our own. OR there may be a possible promotion to Phila, PA area coming in the next 3 months...Pray if you think of it.

NOW - back to life and school:
    We're set to begin Tapestry of Grace, Year 3 next week. Pretty excited but nervous.
    I've met some incredible moms with a homeschool group here. THANK YOU LORD! I really miss having a body of believers to laugh and play with. I know God sent these women at just the time I was needing some encouragement.
    If we don't move...I'm looking at starting a new kind of ministry here to homeschool moms (Heidi St.John's First Class comes to mind!) So, if that's the direction the Lord would have us go...I'm open.
    We really don't like "shopping" for a church. But, it seems we're going to have to do just that. We've been praying for a church home since about May, but the one we thought we were headed to just is not very homeschool friendly. Or friendly, period. Surface kindness, yep. Intimately interested in getting to know us, not really. Spiritually sound, not sure. We're feeling out of touch with where many churches seem to be headed, but not sure where to go to find like-minded believers.
    If you're still reading this - God bless you. I would've tuned me out several paragraphs ago. Way too boring, scattered and pathetic. I just needed to get started blogging again as I do miss my friends here and my heart longs for that kinship to be re-kindled. Perhaps I'll have something worthwhile to read later.

Summer Came Without a Warning

Mon, 5 Jun 2006 09:40:00 -0500

I know many of you think I've dropped out of blogging, however, I've just been too swamped with end-of-year parties and wrap-ups with our schooling that I've been unable to write any updates.

So, quickly, here's what's up in our world:

Kids are having a ball in the south Louisiana heat playing in the sprinkler, swimming, playing with neighborhood kids and mostly just being kids. All parties have officially ended for school related things (4-H rock climbing, pool parties, etc.), but the birthday parties for 3 of 4 still need to happen if we can find a free weekend.

Dean, my wonderful husband, is looking at interviewing for a position with his company that may take him away for 4 months...YIKES! But it would be a good career move that may lead us to relocate...YIPPEE!

My Aunt with brain cancer is doing remarkably well. Many spots have shrunk with radiation and the last few are being treated with another method of Chemo, I think.

My In-Laws are talking, seeking Godly counsel, say they are doing well and are looking to reconcile their marriage. We have, so far, been able to avoid telling our kids about this nightmare. We're still praying and believing God will restore what Satan has broken.

I was not able to go to San Diego with my husband as we didn't have anyone to leave our kids with for a week, and tickets for them topped $600 each...We did go to Springfield, MO in May for a visit with friends and a homeschool conference.

Last weekend I attended the SETHSA conference in Houston, TX with my older two and had a fantastic mini-vacation with them. We worked the RightStart Math booth and decided to keep with this program for at least one more year. I had thought of changing to a less mom-directed lesson style, but since we are going with TOG for our core curriculum next year I feel like I'll be able to handle it and not neglect the younger ones. Just in case, I do have the Saxon 6/5 book (need the DIVE cd for 2nd ed. if anyone has it) to fall back on if the semester seems to be too demanding on my time teaching the other subjects. I also have the Delta book from Math-U-See to supplement for my daughter for 4th grade if division gets difficult, but I think learning all those colored rods will be more complex than the mental math and base 5 and 10 we're used to with RSMath. I'm ready just in case!

Now, if I could just get my Clean House back over the next few months we'll be raring to go come August.

Thanks to you all for your prayers and concerns! God be with you all.
Melanie