http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Wed, 17 Oct 2007 09:25:00 -0500 Wed, 17 Oct 2007 09:25:00 -0500 Just popping in to let you know that one of your fellow bloggers here at HSB is starting a Bible Study on the book of Romans. In the words of Wayne & Garth, "Excellent!!" http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/410072/ Wed, 17 Oct 2007 09:25:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/410072/ To read this entry, you'll have to go here. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Yep, this is the week I'm leaving HSB. I'll keep my username here so I can comment on others' blogs, and my archives will stay here until I can get them all moved. Ya'll come see me at my new home! I'm working up a bunch of new entries (some might say, like a cat working up a hairball), and may even have a Grand Opening doo-dah. Many thanks to those of you who have been kind, steadfast friends here at HSB! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/396477/ Mon, 24 Sep 2007 02:18:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/396477/ Avast, yeh scurvy dogs! It's time again to break out yer eye patches, yer gold dubloons, and yer bottle of rum (or ginger ale). That's right, yeh bilge rat - it's September 19, the annual TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY! If yer not sure how to celebrate this most auspicious of days, head on over to the website for Talk Like a Pirate Day, yeh lump of fish breath. From there, yeh can find yer pirateish name, yer pirate profile (be sure to read the fine print at the end of the quiz, lest yeh find yerself walkin' the plank), and have a cargo hold full o' piratey fun. Arr, there be even a pattern so yeh can knit like a pirate. And if yeh need a little pirate music to help set yer mood, try The Bilge Pumps. Arrrr, yeh better mind me, because I'm The Quartermaster You, me hearty, are a woman of action! And what action it is! Gruesome, awful, delightful action. You mete out punishment to friend and foe alike – well, mostly to foe, because your burning inner rage isn’t likely to draw you a whole lot of the former. Still, though you may be what today is called “high maintenance” and in the past was called “bat-spit crazy,” the crew likes to have you around because in a pinch your maniacal combat prowess may be the only thing that saves them from Jack Ketch. When not in a pinch, the rest of the crew will goad you into berserker mode because it’s just kind of fun to watch. So you provide a double service – doling out discipline AND entertainment. What's Yer Inner Pirate? brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!   Signed in blood by Rancid Jezebel Dread (formerly known as TC), of the famed ship, The Vile Death of the East. Arrrr! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/393671/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 22:52:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/393671/ Some dude named Robert Smith has written The Nicole Richie Cookbook. Richie is the Hollywood starlet who weighs all of about 80 pounds - and 20 of that is probably hair extensions, false eyelashes, and silicone, uh, additions. By law, the woman should be riding in a booster seat. Here's the thing. Mr. Smith is getting $11.95 a copy for a recipe book that is full of ... blank pages. Man, I could write one like that and call it TC's Secrets to Successful Housecleaning. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/392554/ Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:43:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/392554/ This whole Flat Stanley Project is not turning out at all like I expected. My kids are just being horribly resistant to enfolding Stanley into our family. This is a photo of our first meal with the new arrival. Now isn't that just a picture of excitement and overwhelming happiness? Today I wanted to take a photo of Stanley on the Zamboni machine after Sasquatch's hockey practice, but he (Sasquatch, not Stanley) adamantly opposed the idea and threatened to ride beside me in the front seat on the way home. If you know anything about hockey, you know that this is the equivalent to being sentenced to Painful Suffocating Death By Noxious Odor. Asphyxiation definitely would have put a crimp in my plans for the rest of the day, so I decided to forgo the Zamboni photo. The Husband is not helping the situation. Apparently, he thinks that Stanley is the reincarnation of Mr. Bill. I have to admit, there is a physical resemblance. But my word, the kinds of ideas he's coming up with for Stanley make me think it's time to take away his NRA card. When all was said and done, the most exciting thing that happened to Stanley this week was that he learned to be my personal barista. I think he looks pretty happy about it. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/392006/ Sun, 16 Sep 2007 00:37:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/392006/ I never cease to be amazed by new technological advances. It’s probably because I grew up in an era when the phrase “high-tech” hadn’t even been coined yet. On top of that, the closest one came to being “high-tech” was if you owned a cassette recorder onto which you could record ghostly “wooooo” sounds. Then you could hide the recorder under your bed, switch it on to play late at night, and tell your little sister, who was nearly scared out of her Chatty Cathy nightgown, that Casper was in the room. Not that I would know anything about that. So nowadays, I’m awed by everything from Goose-Me-Elmo to those new iPhone$, and everything in between. The most recent object of wonder for me has been slightly less techie, but no less impressive – scented bowling balls. Now, I’m thinking this is an idea which is way overdue. I mean, when I think of the scent of a bowling alley, all that comes to mind is Eau de Ball Return: “A heady concoction with base notes of stale cigarettes, accentuated lightly with shoe deodorizer and top notes of cheap cologne and AquaNet.” As it turns out, Storm Bowling is one of the leading manufacturers of scented bowling balls, so I headed over to their web site to see what they have to offer. I don’t know which is more impressive – the vast array of available scents, including lime, blueberry,  and plum, or the names of the various models.  With monikers like, “El Nino Wrath,” “Fire Storm,” and “Flash Flood,” you have to wonder if the people in the naming department spent most of their lives on the west coast. Then you realize they must be from Los Angeles, possibly even from a penitentiary in LA, when you see more names like, “Shock Trauma” and “Razor Wire.” Either that, or they’re just the kind of guys you don’t want bowling in the lane next to you and your kids. Or in the county next to you, for that matter. Anyway. Storm’s web site has this cool feature called The Match Maker, which is designed to assess your personal bowling skills and then determine the best Storm ball for your particular style. I decided to try it out, even though my particular style could best be described as “chuck the ball down the lane and hope it hits something.” The first question on the assessment is What is your average score? o Less than 150 o 150-200 o 200 or over This was when I realized that The Match Maker is for serious bowlers. You know, the people with their own bowling shoes that are NOT red and black, and do not have the size announced to God and his dog on the heel. I thought the question should at least have a qualifier, “Is that with or without bumpers?” I didn’t even know how to answer some of the other questions, which dealt with things like axis rotation (“My orthopedic surgeon says to avoid it”) and lane conditions (“too long”). And completely missing were questions like, “Have you ever bounced the ball over into a neighboring lane?” or “Have you ever released the ball on your backswing, thereby endangering the lives of the spectators behind you?” Not that I would know anything about that. Eventually, The Match Maker was able to tell me that the perfect ball for me was the Sure-Fire, which comes in the delectable scent of pina-colada. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t recommended the Screamin’ Banshee, because that seems to fit my personality better, but, hey, you gotta trust the professionals. Then, if I really wanted to order a Sure-Fire, I had to identify myself as a Stroker, Tweener, or Cranker. I have no idea what those terms mean, but they don’t sound like something a nice Christian woman should be. I’d hate to know that my future descendents would read on my headstone, “Here lies TC. She was a real cranker.” If you decide to go over to Storm Bowling’s website, don’t bother to look for a chocolate-scented model. There isn’t one. I guess those Storm guys are smarter than their XXL bowling shirts make them look. They know that if any of us women bowlers get our hands on a chocolate-scented bowling ball, we’ll just sit there licking it and forgo the game altogether. Not that I would know anything about that. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/391488/ Fri, 14 Sep 2007 23:57:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/391488/ I was over at TrainingHearts' blog today and found out that she's got a Virtual Flat Stanley project going on, so I immediately signed us up. Well, as ol' Stanley came rolling out of the printer, my children wanted to know what was going on. From their reactions, you'd have thought I had just suggested that we start a six-week diet of Yahtzee score pads and thumb tacks. "You have GOT to be kidding." "MOM!" (Prounounced in the more dramatic, 2-syllable fashion) "No way am I taking that little creep to ballet class." "He has big ears." "Oh, come on!" said I. "Think of all the fun adventures we can take Stanley on. And, we get to take pictures and you can put them on your blogs." I thought their eyes were going to roll right out of their too-cool teenage heads. Then the little heathens began to suggest some activities for Stanley. Perhaps he would like to experience a paper shredder? He can light the grill for hamburgers! Maybe he'd like to play with the dogs. Origami?! Poor, poor Stanley. I fear he's in for a rough time at our house. Photos will be forthcoming. Unless my son straps him to a firecracker first. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/389663/ Wed, 12 Sep 2007 01:42:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/389663/ I've been away from the blogosphere for a few days. My brain and my body had a minor skirmish over my need for sleep, and my body won. Anyway, I'm rested and returned, but I can't write much at the moment. It seems that no one else in my house understands the importance of washing dishes. This morning I had to eat my oatmeal with a pickle fork. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/388486/ Mon, 10 Sep 2007 10:11:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/388486/ Because she's too modest to tell you about it herself, I'm going to blab the news for her. A fellow blogger and former homeschooling mom, Cindy Downes (EmptyNestMom), is scheduled to be featured on Good Morning America on September 7. How cool is that?! ______________________________________________________ Just to get your morning started with a smile, here are a few Christian quips. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.                 *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.                *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!" http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/385648/ Wed, 5 Sep 2007 11:08:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/385648/ Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?         Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! I'm sorry. What was the question?   http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/385409/ Tue, 4 Sep 2007 22:44:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/TC/385409/