Musings and lost thoughts http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Sun, 6 Jul 2008 14:23:00 -0500 Sun, 6 Jul 2008 14:23:00 -0500 I can remeber my sweet grandmother, like it was yesturday.  We would often have sleep overs with her and Grandpa.  I loved his laugh.  I loved the smell of her linens, and the kitchen.  They were always doing something in the kitchen.  Grandpa baked the best bread!!!  My Grandmother would sing and dance...she was always doing something funny.  Her eyes sparkled like diamonds.  She worried about nothing.  She worked hard all her life, taking care of her family.  I enjoyed her stories of the old days when she was a girl.  Her and her sisters would hide their dishes behind the cookstove to avoid doing them lol.  How I miss those happy times.  Life was simple back then.  Now adays things have changed so much.  Families don't barely spend anytime together anymore, what has happened to them?  What does family mean to you...those who find this...please leave a comment.  What do you and your families do for fun?  What do you do together, how do you show that you love each other?    I can't say that my family does alot together.  My husband and I are going through a very difficult time right now, and I haven't lived at home for the last 4 months.  One month I lived with a friend near where we live due to my oldest son being so ill.  The last 3 months, I have been staying with other friends far from where we live.  She and her family have really gone out of their way for us.  And we have become in the way.  I have lost myself in my troubles and haven't done anything to help myself.  I want to say how sorry I am to my friend for losing myself and bringing such stress to her home.  I listened to something really hard that she had to say to me today....and that is that I complain about alot of things that I do.  And she has helped me...as much as it hurt my feelings to hear it....it showed me that I have complained.....about my husband and my home....my life.  The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.  God hates divorce....and I need to work out my troubles....to go through them calmly and trusting in Him.  Not avoiding them and going around them, living in fear and anger.  I am here for a reason, to learn that home is where the heart is....even if my husbands heart is not there....the Lord can heal us.  Trust in Him and lean not onto our own understanding.  Another friend emailed me today and she told me to not focus on my husband so much, but to look at myself and fill my mind with the Lord's Word.    Somehow I think that my grandparents would be happy to hear that too.  I can feel the Lord smiling and I imagine if I could see my grandmother....she would be singing and dancing, and my grandfather would be laughing!!  I would love some homemade bread fresh out of the oven.  Thank you God.....and thank you Z!!!!!!  And thank you others that pray for us.  Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/557214/ Sun, 6 Jul 2008 14:23:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/557214/ Somedays it is like going in circles!!  Sheesh lol.  I thought for sure we could get caught up on our school work.  HA!!  We aren't getting far.  I am not upset though.  We have been so overwhelmed by alot lately.  I have to say that my oldest son has recovered from his illness very nicely!!  Praising God :) and thank you everyone for your prayers that came across my chaotic blog...it isn't going as I had intended it to.  It has just been too crazy!  I found a specialist here where we are vacationing...and he specializings in asthma and allergies.  He was stunned that our fine doctors where we live didn't pick up on Mr.Magoo's symptoms and diagnose him properly.  I know all of us err...it is a given.  But out of four different doctors, you would of thought someone would of figured it out.  Flags should of been waving since Whooping Cough was going around.  Anyways, he still has abit of an occasional cough.  I was told that could take awhile to get rid of.  The next big roller coaster ride was the new allergies that our friendly specialist tested them for...ugh!!  No wheat for my boys for sure.  My daughter struggles still with some of the things that have newly befallen her.  It isn't easy taking everything away - No dairy, eggs, soy, wheat, rice, fish....have I forgotten any?   I have reintroduced soy, and rice so far.  I won't do dairy at all because my whole family is dairy intolerant...and my boys have been intolerant for the last few years.  They did handle the rice and soy well....and the eggs as well.  Nothing that I noticed anyways.  Praying all just goes away!!!  I am so tired of this, it is so hard.  There is also alot of environmental allergies and allergies to dust and dust mites as well.  The update with my husband and the allergies.....he still does not believe me.  So more praying! I am looking into aromatherapy....I have heard so many great things about it.  I am really interested in natural health!  And this looks like it could be fun.  :) Oh...I am working casual hours for a friend here!  A few hours each week.  It is going really well....so far.  But I have given my notice to quit.  I am returning back to where we live at the end of July.  I am really worried about that.  I do have the book that was mentioned in comments :)  "Created to be His Helpmeet", it is a really great book.  I have read it and did try it out, and it wasn't working in my situation.  I was only enabling him to keep doing more what he was doing.  Hiding things from me, keeping secrets and lying...leaving me with no money, we hardly had anything to talk about before I left on my vacation/timeout.  He said he was not interested in what I was interested in anymore.  And the only thing we were involved in was going to church.  I have no drivers license and we live 15km out of the nearest town.  We were always at home - most of the time not knowing what to do with our time.  I approached the Pastor of the church I was going to, and I spoke to him seeking advice.  He was more concerned that I was isolating myself and my children to control them....not very many people homeschool where we moved to.  lol....I did enjoy the shocked faces when they ask which school my children are going to, or who are their teachers.  Now it has worn abit thin.  Why can't we just be accepted for being different?  I never had these issues when we lived here on Vancouver Island.  If anyone has any neat one liners to drop when others just get on your case for homeschooling...please drop them into my comments.  lol...I need something to say.      http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/552326/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:37:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/552326/ We have been keeping ourselves busy here.  I have my children - the older two taking knitting lessons.  They are having different thoughts...my oldest loves it, she had already taught herself to knit and so it is easy enough for her.  My middle child though isn't sure what to think.  It is difficult and he wants to quit.  I am really trying to encourage him to not give up, life is hard and we can't give up there....so it is good practice to keep trying to work on things that aren't easy.  As for me, I have tried to call my husband today to say hi, but he wasn't answering his page at work.  Soooo, I will try another day.  I am not as mad anymore.  Mostly hurt.  But the anger has lessened somewhat.  I have been attending a very good church here where I am at, and it has been so amazing.  The series that the Pastor has been sharing about this month since I have been attending, has been about Extreme Family Makeovers.  I have left in tears from most of the messages so far.  It has really hit a mark in my heart.  But, I can't change my husband, only God can.  And I am praying alot for that.  And I can only work on myself and try to be a better example for my children.  Somedays are hard, and I have to grit my teeth.  My oldest turns 14 in two weeks and she is worried that her daddy won't call her or remember it is her birthday.  And the boys would love to just hear his voice.  We try to call, but he is never at home.  We leave messages, but he never checks them.  So we have to just trust that the Lord will work on him, and that he will call soon.  It does make me upset alot though when they wait and wait, and then I try to call and I disappoint them by doing that because he isn't home anyways.  We have emailed him...what can a person do?  One thing that we have been doing is keeping ourselves busy.  We are so behind in our homeschooling.  But that was first due to my middle child's illness.  I am so happy to say that the Lord has blessed him with good health again.  Oh I am so praising God!!!  It was so difficult watching him struggle to breathe.  Whooping cough and asthma just don't go together....then add in broncitis.  Yuck.  So what have been doing to keep ourselves busy...you all might wonder?!!  Well we are helping a lady that we met at the church we are attending, to pack up her home.  She sold it and has had a big yard sale that we helped her set up for.  Now we are going to help her with her home and getting things sorted and ready for the packers and then help clean it with her.  Her husband passed away 2.5 years ago and all her children are grown and gone.  It has been such a blessing for me and my children to go and help her.  She has been so good to them :)  Today she gave them all the loose change that her husband had kept in containers - they rolled them up and split it evenly three ways....and each was blessed with $42!!!!!  They were so surprized lol.  Then she made dinner.  Her and I have had some good talks too - it has been very nice.    Well I should run. Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/545430/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:49:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/545430/ Ok....this might be the wrong place to do this.  But I need to just vent some of my feelings that I kept under my cap.  I am really dealing with some very heavy stuff.  I have posted in the past about marriage problems that my husband and I are having, and then removed them.   I haven't really blasted my husband in the past, but there is a temptation to do just that now.   I am tired of trying to reinvent myself - and I am tried of watching my children try to gain his attention too.    This last Sunday, I listened to a great message, and yes I felt convicted.  I know I could be doing better to set a better example for my children, as they have witnessed me being angry and upset.  The example is that I should be more positive and praising the Lord even during my time of trial.  Instead I am angry and stressed out - to where I have made myself sick.  How is it that others can approach me and correct me, and yet think so well of my husband?  Why can't I just blab the awful truth of what it has been like in our home??  I am tired of living such a lie.  My son was very sick this spring.  The doctors couldn't diagnose what was wrong with him.  He already has a problem with asthma and allergies....nothing to serious for allergies - dairy and environmental ones.  But on top of his asthma out of control we discovered after we came to the coast, that he actually had the whooping cough....he did have two chest infections previous to that as well.  What more could drag him down?  He lost about 20lbs and was looking like a walking skeleton, and he was shaking from always using a puffer and a nebulizer.  I got tired of the endless prescriptions which amounted to several hundred dollars....I was tired of nothing making him better....not the spending of the money.  My husband was getting upset and didn't believe that our son was really ill.  I even had to call an ambulance to come and take us to the hospital....by this time I was staying in town with a friend.  He was upset and told me not call them again because it was too expensive.  What do you do?  He was waking up at night gasping to breathe...and even on the one occasion turned blue.  I was staying with a friend so that he didn't have to leave work himself.  He doesn't like to be disturbed alot from his job.  It has always been like that with him.  He is tied to his job..  I guess I am blasting him.  He works Monday to Friday from 8am to 5pm and then stays every evening until about 11pm and then goes back Saturdays all day until late and then drives us to church on Sundays - drops us off and goes home.  There he sleeps all day and then gets us and takes us back home and continues to sleep all day, then returns to work.  Meanwhile, the kids are growing deeply unhappy and miserable.  They fight over their dad if he has even 5 minutes to include them in going to the garbage dump with him.  And only involves himself in the older son's Cadets for Christ group if they are doing fun activities that he likes, other wise forget it, it is uninteresting.  And he is uninvolved.  He does drive him and his sister to their groups...so they have 15km in the car to group and and 15km in the car back home.  Does anyone know how much time that takes?  No one realizes that that is the only real time they get with him.  Our youngest is 7 years old and  has never been alone with him.  He can't manage our finances and had the opportunity to put a large payment on our health care bill that he has never paid....but instead bought something unnecessary.  A lawn sweeper.  It is more important to have a nice looking yard then paying bills.    I think I have already mentioned  the new church tback home hat I had been attending, the messages I have listened to has helped me to see things differently.  Not with my relationship with my husband, but my relationship with the Lord.....one message was on wasting our lives holding on the anger and hurts.  I was really convicted over this. And now this new church here that I am attending.....The messages bring tears to my eyes and I cry alot. the messages that I loved was last week at church.  The Pastor spoke about Moses and how he was successful and yet how he too failed at home with his family.  He even sent Zipporah away back to her father with his sons.  So he couldn't of had much of a relationship with is children.  Yet the Lord worked in his life and he did wonderful things.  I am aware that the Lord can heal this marriage.  But we each have our own selfish wills to do as we want.  I try to please the Lord and I try to always lay my problems at HIS feet.  And I know all happens in HIS timing.  But I am weary.  I am mad.  Why doesn't my husband at least call us?  He needs to  make an effort too.   I learned also that alot of men who don't spend any quality time with their children, eventually don't understand their families dynamics or how they function.  They eventually quit trying to figure their family out....because they spend so little time with their family, when they find it too difficult to understand them they quit.   They find other things that do interest them....and then build their own little kingdoms.  And fill their own lives with the things that make them happy.  This is where we feel that we are at.  I know my faults are many.......yet if you never watered your house plants and ignored them....won't they eventally turn all brown and wilt?  It takes two to waltz, two to tango.  What is that parable of the weeds among the wheat?  I need to go and find it.  I don't know if it has anything to do with this....but it just popped into my mind.   Satan comes and he tries to destroy everything if you give him ground.  I am tired.  I have tried alot of things.  I have read marriage books, one I tried to get into was called The Excellent Wife.  But you know what?  I had nothing in common with that book.  I am a good wife.  I cook and clean and I raise my children.  I also have another book written by Debi Pearl....Created to be a Helpmeet.....more like a door mat.  Because when I started to follow that....that is what I felt like.  I have vented....and no I don't feel better.  Forgiveness....I need to work on that.  Let go of my anger and hurt before it swallows me whole and I grow completely hard hearted. Blessings from acraisydaisy   http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/542631/ Tue, 3 Jun 2008 21:55:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/542631/ Our time here has so far been so nice.  Well not the weather all the time lol.  And I haven't seen all my friends yet.  But I am taking my time and just relaxing.  It is unbelievable what stress can do to a person's entire system.  And I am now just beginning to see how much stress my children have been under as well.  I am very thankful for my friend who has opened her home up to us.  She has been very gracious and understanding and she has encouraged us all.  She has also helped me get both of my boys to see the allergy specialist.  And that appointment has been so helpful.  The allergy specialist heard and saw my son having one of his coughing spells.  And he really thinks that my son Mr.Magoo had Whooping Cough!!!!  That is on top of a very bad case of broncitis where he was also placed on orders to stay in bed...no activity whatsoever.  That was really hard for my 11 year old son to do.  He wanted to ride his bike and run and play.  The allergy specialist also showed me that his asthma is bad again....which wasn't any surprize to me after he was so ill.  He also retested his allergies for me and we now get to removed eggs again, and now some new ones....wheat, soya, fish!!  He is still dairy intolerant to all dairy products.  Then we have his other new allergies to dust and dust mites...and his same environmental allergies to pollens from trees, weeds and grasses.  So it was abit of a blow to have to remove wheat from his diet.  He loves wheat!  But...we are on the wet coast and we can find easily enough different foods to feed him and his little brother as well...though the youngest has the same allergies - I need to also take away rice from him.  Where we live...I can't find very much at all that we can eat...and I say we, because there is me too.  Oh...we did get to attend something very neat last week.  We joined our friends here and went to their Young Naturalists Club, they met together at one of the local beaches.  We watched as the leaders threw a net out into the ocean and pull it slowly back up onto the beach to see what sort of critters they could find.   It was just so very cool.  We saw pipefish, rock cod, flounder, and the usual crabs and clams.  We also saw afew things that I can't recall their names of lol.  Then my children each dug in designated areas to do a critter count of critters they find in the sand.  All three of my children just loved it and had a blast!!!  Thank you anerez!!!  It was so much fun, we can't wait to go back.  :) Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/533456/ Fri, 16 May 2008 17:40:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/533456/ I have deleted some of my posts again.  I want to present a more positive attitude.  As we are going through several changes.  I have found a new church and it has been very uplifting and very encouraging.  They are so positive and on fire!!  They  have been praying over my oldest son and he is recovering nicely so far from his illness.  We never did find out what was causing him to wake up in the nights struggling to breathe.  We had tried all kinds of medicines and treatments....but nothing was helping and he was only experiencing other side effects that made him feel worse.  So with trusting God, I took him off everything and just continued praying.  And he is feeling better.  Another change is that we are on vacation again - out on the west coast.  And it has helped my son as well.  The dampness has been good for him, though it has been windy and alittle chilly here yet.  The nice part is that the grass is green and lhe trees are green and the flowers are blooming!!  So nice.  The other change is that I am still trying to sort out my marriage.  I had posted that we were having problems, and sadly nothing is changing.  I am on my trip to just rest and renew myself and also for our children to rest and renew.  Looking forward to just spending time with the Lord to learn what path I follow.  I want to follow the Lord's word, and not alot of religion.  I find that religion is mostly made up by man's thoughts and it misses alot of important parts that makes Jesus so sweet and gentle...loving and forgiving and kindness.....oh to clothe myself as such.  Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/525697/ Thu, 1 May 2008 18:11:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/525697/ I can't believe I ate it and liked it....lol.  I bought some veggie dogs and actually liked it.  And I didn't have any problems.  I think alot of my stresses have been also related to health issues.  I am really excited when I find a food that doesn't make me ill.  I have developed alot of food sensitivities due to....candida.  I have been reading a really good and most education book over the last few weeks.  I found it listed in a homeschool catalogue, and decided to see if the local library had it.  And they did.  It has been a real eye opener!!!  The book is called "The Crazy Makers" it is all about how the food industry is destroying our brains and harming our children.  It is written by Carol Simontacchi.  And I have found it most informative.  I now understand what has been making me ill.  And I am relieved to know that I am not losing my mind.  lol.   I had no idea of all the junk that is in our foods that we eat every day!!!   And it isn't just food, as I don't think of beverages as food.  Alot of our children's learning delays, and autism and ADD and ADHD - can be the results of what we don't know about that is in our food!  So check it out!  Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/498983/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 14:50:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/498983/ When my children were really young, we allowed them to address their elders as "Auntie" and "Uncle".  It was something that my husband did as a child when he lived in Germany.  As our children grew older and started entering school (this is before we homeschooled), we then taught them to address their elders as "Mrs", "Mr" and "Ms."  -  since we started on this route of teaching our children to show respect, we have had several adults who have expressed their wishes to not be addressed properly.  This has really been difficult for my children, because their father and I have raised them to show their respect.  My parents as well were strict on this issue when I was growing up as well.  They are too old now to be calling everyone "Auntie" and "Uncle" and I just don't feel that this is right.  I can understand the other adults understand at not liking to be addressed properly....because even I feel weird to be called "Mrs"....but it is what I am.  We have tried the "Ma'am" and the "Sir" too when someone doesn't like the other way....but it gets confusing.  So I am curious what others do?!!  I now find that when a child calls me by my first name I feel irritated lol..in some small way.  I am, I guess, quite old fashioned.  Blessings from acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/462881/ Thu, 17 Jan 2008 01:30:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/462881/ Today was a GREAT day for me!!  I got up feeling terrible...sore achy body.  Word of advice...if you are out of shape and approching closer to middle age and are just not used to alot of activity lol...don't join in on your teenagers youth sports games.  We played dodge ball...I love to play and get involved at times, but my body doesn't lately lol.  About the message though....the Pastor asked us, "What would you do, if you knew that you could not fail?  What would you set out to accomplish?  What fear would you conquer?"  He spoke at length on this today and it really made me think.  He said as well, that if we do not plan to change or at least set some goals to work towards that we would never change.   If our lives are the same boring day in to day out...year after year...what are we accomplishing?  Are we pleasing the Lord?  Jesus desires a life for us!!  How does God want to use us?  Have we asked?  Are we too afraid to ask, or are we just too busy? I have to admit...that when I first accepted Christ into my heart, I wasn't taught alot.  I was given a Bible and pushed along.  I felt like I had went through a drive-thru.  Trying to sort out the Bible has been a very long walk for me....I have tripped and fallen and recently almost quit.  You see, I haven't really been giving my heart and all my problems to the Lord.  I have been holding onto them.  When the Pastor asked that question this morning, it really made me think.  Here I have sat feeling sorry for myself.  I asked my husband to move me closer to home, to be closer to my family and now I am here...and guess what!!?  There is no difference in communication, it is still like I live a two day trip away from them instead of 4 hours lol.  We don't call anymore or see each other anymore.  So self pity was setting in because I am now mad at myself for leaving behind all my friends from back home.  And it did become back home...this is no longer my home.  And now I have to remake it my home.  It is all so confusing.  The community is not that accepting of homeschooling and they can be distant, it gets awful lonely.  If I say anything, I am opening the door for them to suggest putting my children into public school.  So I have realized that God hasn't left me....I am alone yes....but it is because I came very close to leaving God.  If I fail it isn't because of God or because of where I live.  It is because I felt sorry for myself and wanted to give up because I was having a fit and wasn't getting what I wanted.  What do I want?  I do not know.  I am like a child who needs guidance yet.  If you are not daily reading God's Word and daily regiving your heart felt problems and frustrations to him....then you get nothing.  We need to ask ourselves again...What would we do, if we knew we would not fail.  I would give up my fears.  The fear of driving and the fear of succeeding!  Hard to believe that some don't succeed at their goals and plans because they fear success.  But it is true.  If we succeed, then their goes our comfort zone and it can draw attention to yourself...what else?!  Lots.  I didn't want to go to college, because I was afraid.  And because I believed I couldn't succeed, because my father always told me that I couldn't.  Well...my Godly Father tells me that "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13   And I have forgiven my earthly father ages ago.  Because how could of I have gone to college and had my children only to decide to homeschool in afew short years...pay off the debt of education and suffer through financial disasters that I stomp my feet through today? lol.  I wish my husband were in Church with me today....he too has this button that shuts off and doesn't allow him to succeed.  The lies we believe and the fears we have are enormious and have a tremendous effect on our lives!!!!  My husband can't budget to save his life.  He has admitted that too me, so I can say it and not slam him by saying it.  But the wrong part is that he hasn't done anything to fix that.  Why?  Because he has set a limit on his life and hasn't been able to live beyond that limit.  It is like a cage.  Things are so bad right now, that only God can get us out of it.  And I think my Pastor gave me a great idea today....though he doesn't know it lol.  God has given us gifts to use, and we are to use them.  They can be anything.  So I am going to spend sometime with God in prayer..and pray over some talents I know I have...and maybe I can grow deeper in my faith if I use them.  More of that later..... How do we set limits for ourselves?  We set them all the time.  When we apply for a master card, we have limits....we just can't do what we want with it.  If we do, the bill haunts us until it is paid off.  Another limit is a library card, we can't keep those books, we have three weeks to return them.  How about when we become parents?  Do we have limits there?  Yes!!  We can not do what we want with our children.  We will be held accountable to God for everything we do or do not do.  The Bible tells us to train them up in the way that they should go.....that tells me that I can't let them raise themselves....I can't ignore my child and expect him and her to know what to do.  I can dicipline them when they need it....but even dicipline isn't training them....I just learned a new idea....not new to most of the Christian ladies here.  But it is new to me.  When I am trying to train my children....I need to think of it as discipleship.  Follow Jesus's examples.  He told lots of stories, and he didn't punish, he forgave and loved His people...ALL people.   Another limitation we have is an important one for ourselves....when we become Christians....we can't continue to do as we please either.  The Bible sets out clear no no's.  And very easy to follow instructions of things to do.  Such as love your neighbour as yourself.  Ok that isn't always easy to do.  I know this....because I haven't given a great example here.  And that is not good either.  Because we are too be examples of Christ.  If I don't live a lifestyle that shows I am a follower of Jesus, that gives a bad testimony of who I am.  I know that I have over the years limited myself from doing things that the Lord has wanted me to do.  When He set before me to homeschool my children....I grabbed onto it.  But - there again....we have limits of what we can do and not do.  Just this week I read a news report on line that my friend sent to me about a mother of four daughters who took them out of public school to educate them at home....instead they were abused and murdered in their home.  We can't homeschool to injure our children.  They need us to love and protect them....and we are answerable to God for all things we do.  They are innocents and even though we are their parents....God is their parent too....all of us are children of God.  We were bought and paid for with the blood of Jesus...we are very valuable and very loved.  We need to make ourselves available to God...so He can work through us.  I mentioned that some of us are afraid or too busy....there is a huge difference between limitations and excuses!! These excuses he called Moses' excuses....simple ones really and we all do them, because we are human and humans all have faults....if we look at Exodus 1.  The excuse of *insecurity*....moses asked "who am I to do that?*(3:11) 2.  The excuse of *authority*....The Bible tells us that Jesus taught with authority and transfered his authority to His followers.  (3:14) 3.  The excuse of *believeability*.....we sometimes worry about "what if people don't believe?"  Well....lots of people won't believe...and it is going to get worse as the tribulation period comes closer.  Best to practice now!!  Plus our actions speak louder than words!  You know the Pharaoh didn't believe Moses either...right, so Moses threw his staff down, and it changed into a snake....and the Eygptian magicians threw down their staff's and they too changed into snakes....but Moses' staff ATE their snakes.  God always wins!! (4:1)...can read all of chapter 4! 4.  The excuse of *ability*....Moses said he didn't know how to talk the right words to lead all those people.  The Lord had an answer for all his reasons and excuses.  God gave Moses abilities to do His work.  And God gives us abilities as well...some of us don't use them.  And we are wasting them.  The Lord will equip each of us with everything we need to do His work...even homeschool our children.  Just ask if you need help and He will provide....though not what we want, but what He is willing to give us.  He has a master plan after all!! (4;10) The last excuse....5.  The excuse of *availability*.....Moses asked God to send someone else and not him.  I can believe that Moses must of been alittle afraid.  God's chosen people were many and they had been in slavery for along long time.  But we need to trust God.  He will see us through everything we find ourselves in.  (4:13) My revelation from this was....I need to wake up.  I need to get knowledge and wisdom.  Our Pastor said that the word *Christian* has been used so much over the years....that we don't really know what a Christian really means anymore.  Many look on Christians with deep hatred.  Some have left a negative example of what a Christian should be or act or look like.  I am a struggling follower of Jesus Christ....thinking of myself as a follower, made me feel compared to His disciples....and I am lacking much!.  And studying the Book of Revelations tells me that I need to be prepared.  Times are going to get harder....I need to help equip my children....draw our battle lines......guard my gate - my home.  This is going to be difficult, because of the battle that goes on within my home.  My husband is not on the same page as me.  He has shown no desire to guard his gate.   And this was my other realization today.  I need to rid myself of any anger I have towards him and work on forgiveness.  I need to pray more diligently for him.  I need to school myself to watch my reactions and be a living example even to him.  And I need to retrain my children as we have fallen like trees against a harsh wind.   They have seen us argue and felt his regections to join us.  Love is a choice not a feeling.  I need to choose wisely and carefully how I am going to act, especially around my children.  For I am their sole role model.   So today after Church, when my husband picked us up...I swallowed my anger....which is very hard for me to do.  I then admitted my sin of anger that I have towards him.  He of course didn't answer or say anything.  I don't expect alot right now.  I just need to pray that I can hold up and not fall down on my face and rip him  into wee shreds.  The tongue is like a sword and rip it does...right to the heart.  And the damage it gives is hard to repair then a kick in the butt.  Blessings from acraisydaisy....I apologize for being SO long.  But it was something I really felt led to share.  I pray that it will bless someone!!  God Bless http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/460878/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 00:05:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/460878/ This morning, I got up for church with my family.  We headed out the door and arrived on time.  Since our Pastor is gone with our Youth Group on a wilderness adventure weekend, we had another person speak today.  He spoke about Who Are You?...or....Who Am I?   It was very interesting really.  Our identity isn't me being a daughter, sister, mother, or wife or a homeschool teacher, or even how I worship my Lord Jesus.  My identity is found in the Lord.  He then at the end of the service, had everyone stand up and dedicate ourselves to God.  I feel abit renewed today.  I feel that I have hopes.  Though in the car coming home, something nasty crawled out of me and I was horrible.  I think that I am finding my mind is a battle field, though sometimes I don't think....I just act or react.  Sort of like a wild animal.  One very interesting thing did happen to me at church this morning though.  A lady stopped and introduced herself to me.  She is new to the church by about 3 months, I have been there now just over a year.  She is a councellor, a Christian councellor.  She happened to mention what she does and I was so taken by surprize, and I told her this.  I said this is the hand of God, because I needed to find someone to talk to.  She is taking new patients still and invited me to come in and see her.  She is the only Christian councellor so I must act quickly.  I am filled with new hope.  I told this to my husband and I am praying that he can and will pick us up to take us into town so that I can make my appointments.  I am happier today, thank you Jesus.  Blessings by acraisydaisy http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/456408/ Sun, 6 Jan 2008 14:37:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/acraisydaisy/456408/