There's a price to pay for the truth... but really I am not afraid to die for it. My faith in my Lord and Saviour who died on the cross for my sins was the biggest miracle in my life. He's been with me through thick and thin. And is the most important person in my life because he lives in my heart. Thank you all who inspire me. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:09:00 -0500 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:09:00 -0500 Alright... so after a peaceful night's rest I am now ready to type up part 2 of my lovely adventures in B.C! Swimming in the Kootney Lake is COLD it's not FREEZING cold but it's COLD I believe that I would have to say that it's one of the cooler places I have gone swimming besides the ocean! The first time I was able to take a dip. Luke, Morgan (their cousin), and I decided to bike to a beach called Queensbay. I thought 'Hey sure this won't be to bad!' -.- .... Okay to apparently people on the flatlands a.k.a saskatchewan CANNOT handle the two "small" hills in the road heading to the beach... I would of been fine on a flatter travel but NOOOOO this was not the case... biking uphill really took a toll on me and I will be the first to admit that the hills were not that big and if I were walking it would been easier and then coasted down on my bike. HAHA so anyways I was BARELY able to make it to the beach. I thought that I would of been hot and sweaty enough to dive right in but as soon as I was thigh deep in this cold cold water my temperature went down drastically and I was not able to bravely venture in over my head... so I just stood there shivering till my foot cramped up..... the same thing happened when I went a 2nd time this time it was Philip, Luke, Noah, and their Father.... again I did not submerge my head under the water... haha Philip managed to get me in deep enough were my foot could not touch the bottom... but I think he regretted that when I grabbed onto his shoulders and he had to swim around with me panicking on his back refusing to let go for fear of the cold water. Actually the only refreshing swim that I had during my whole trip I would have to say was my delicious trip to Ainsworth Hot springs... to which Philip and I went together with some of the WOOFERS (Workers on Organic Farms) and their friends. So Philip and I had a joyous time exploring the hot spring caves and swimming in the pool. I was quite fascinated by the caves though... to bad that I couldn't spend more time in them though because the steam from the water was quite smothering for my small lungs to be in there for long periods of time. But it was my first time in a hot spring and I would certainly do it again! There were alot of birthdays that took place in the time I spent there.. Philip's brother Noah turned the big 11 and Mom's birthday and Philip's Grandma's birthday! I got to meet Mom's mother.. her name is Esther... we both found that funny we kept turning when people called our name.. haha :) I spent the first of July in Nelson CANADA DAY! WHOO HOO the fireworks are beautiful and I am sure that you can see the pictures in my albums if you wish to! THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL! I also met up with Philip and my friend Chris it was an enjoyable visit we made noodles and played video games.... in which I won once haha!.... Did I mention that I beat the Series of Unfortunate Events game in 5 1/2 hrs.... NEVER GIVE ME A PUZZLE GAME!!!! I WILL NOT STOP TILL I FINISH!!!!! Anyways we then headed into Nelson and went out for lunch at a Chinese Buffet and Chris's girlfriend Kazia joined us. So after that we wandered Nelson for awhile and rented a movie called the knowing..... NEVER WATCH THAT MOVIE... IT'S SCARY!!!!!!! (for me anyway... creepy black stones) During my first week there I got the pleasure of nursing Philip back to health from a week-long fever.. he was literally burning up... I hate it when my poor man gets sick... :( but he's better now :) Mom and I learned how to do wire work around pendants for necklaces! Oh that was so much fun, I made three pendants and 2 necklaces! One of which I kept and one I gave to Mom for her to do with as she wished.. whether she wants to keep it or sell it! I should start up a jewelry business here in making necklaces since I have seen so many people around Asquith wearing my necklaces already hehe >.< Needless to say my first trip alone to B.C. (without my parents) went really well... I DID NOT want to leave and given the choice I wouldn't of... but reality happens and God will always make good things come from waiting for his will. Right now my place is in my home and preparing myself for the future... I don't know what it holds but God does and that's all that matters. I cried when I had to leave Philip cried by himself and mom needed comfort food so they stopped at DQ for chocolate for her. I will never forget all the treasured memories that I had over there.. I know there are some that I haven't mentioned so if anyone wants to put down some of those memories that they had with me during my visit please feel free to share it. Love, Esther http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/707437/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:09:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/707437/ B.C. Trip 2009!!! Let's Start With Pictures of My Other Family My Fiance 2nd Oldest Son 3rd Oldest Son 4th Oldest Son     Alright well, it's been awhile since I have blogged eh? I have been really busy with life and during the past few months that I have not blogged I have Graduated from Highschool, had my Fiance Philip around me for a whole month, Gone to B.C. Twice but what I am going to blog about today is my most recent trip to B.C. when I went to Balfour B.C to visit with my Fiance's family!!!     I was quite nervous at first because it had been a year since I had last seen them and of course it's always rattling when it's the person you loves parents right? HEHE >.< I LOVE THEM!!!! Oh so dearly! Philip's mom's name is Mary, we got alot of girl time by working in the garden, beading, and just plain talking it was so refreshing for the both of us. She is definately a woman above rubies and a blessing to me and her family, a woman above rubies. We had a lovely girls day out in which we went bead shopping and window shopping and clothes shopping, every moment with her was precious and special. I loved the spiritual talks we had about our faith in God and how she helped strengthen me and shared her thoughts and fears. Mom is definitely very precious to me and I love her in Christ, she's my mom, sister, and friend. She's inspired me to take up knitting/crocheting/quilting, I want to learn she's womanly quiet and enjoyable crafts. You can look up her blog actually her name is Canadagirl    I am no longer intimidate by Philip's father, I quite enjoyed his company and got used to his lovely sense of humor, he reminds me alot of my dad in many ways so it was easier to start a conversation with him and listen to what he had to say.    Philip has 3 brothers, Luke, Noah, and Nic, Luke is the 2nd oldest he and I had alot of fun talking and hanging together with him and thier cousin Morgan. Nic and Noah are bundles of energy always talking about something and finding new ways to capture thier mother's attention (not always in a good way mind you) >.< hehe. I loved them all I was introduced to new games Settlers of Catan it's where you build settlements and armies ETC. I can't find a way to exactly explain it so I will let you do the work in looking it up :P    I met Philip's christian mentor Rudy.... I have never met such a lovable teddy bear of a man! (except my grandpa of course) and his wife Susan is a dear, they had Philip and I over for supper and it was a joyful/tearful evening of sharing and biblical conversation, and testimonies! While waiting for dinner I was overjoyed at the fact of a little tiny sparrow landing on my out-stretched finger! It meant alot to me! Rudy's property is so beautiful it over looks Kootney Lake and facing the mountains in which the sun sets, it's such a gorgeous and peaceful place, you could feel the Lord's presence there.    But the extremely surprising and delightful part about my precious time at Rudy's is yet to be explained! You see Philip got me a promise ring last year, it was to big for my hand so I always had to wear another small plain band with it so that it wouldn't fall off. So before we left for my graduation we brought my ring in to be resized so that it would be in before I left to go to B.C. I was very disappointed to find out the day before we had to go that my ring was not in yet and thus i would not be able to wear it till I got back from my 2 week trip to Philip's.... After dinner with Rudy, the teddy sent us down to sit at a place that he called the Oasis.... so looking forward to watching the gorgeous sunset with Philip we hurried down to the beautiful place. The oasis is literally a haven of rest if I do say so myself. It is a dock sitting right on the lake, looking over the lake and into the not so distant mountains which were glowing, pink, and purple, and yellow, the air smelt so pure and refreshing and the sounds of birds and the splashing of waves just added to the over all beauty of this place. Philip and I sat in the chairs provided and sang hymns and songs... but in particular I sang a very special song to Philip.. and at the end of it he presented me with my resized promise ring!!!! Asking me to promise to marry him in a year and a half! He made to sure to state though that this was not the engagement ring as of yet because my dad specifically asked him to wait a bit yet, before he took that step..... to me it didn't matter it was one of the most special moments of my life.... OF COURSE I SAID YES!!!! hehe >.< Philip is so sweet and wonderful.   Also during my trip I got to share with Philip's church with a gift of song, I sang Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin... it was new for me to hear people sniffling afterwards... but then again Amazing Grace is a POWERFUL hymn it is one that should be held with reverence and with a thankful heart. It was a blessing to sing it, because every ounce of my heart was poured into my voise from my wretched heart that the Lord saved. (Here's a secret... I made Philip's dad watery eyed) apperantly that's BIG :) (Rudy was the one who encouraged me to sing, but Philip was the one who accepted) haha he told me that I was going to sing.... <3 I love him.    I also got to meet Jenna, Jessica, and Christina young girls and friends of Philip that I had previously only corresponded with through email, it was a blessing to finally meet them face to face and talk about important things. Jenna was the one that I spent the most time though as of after youth get together we walked down to Balfour and had some girl time! (and Bugged Philip at work)    There is so much more that I could write and i will tomorrow, for the evening has come here in flat saskatchewan so tonight I will bid you all Adeiu and will again commence to writing on the morrow. Blessing in Christ, Essie http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/707262/ Sat, 11 Jul 2009 20:43:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/707262/ My Bible studies this morning brought me to the book of  Psalm’s (Due to Dad’s health we had personal devotions today) Psalm’s 1 itself is labeled: The Blessed Man.   Psalm 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.   The Blessed Man spoken about here is the Lord Jesus Christ in *type (compare 2 Timothy 1:10 ‘But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath abolished *death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:’)  The word “blessed” could of also been translated “happy.” The first three verses not only show forth the Lord, who is our example (1 Peter 2:21 ‘For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:’); they show what the truly righteous man is-the example that Christians should show others (1 Timothy 4:12 ‘Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity (love), in spirit, in faith, in purity.’).   Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.   Our joy should be in God’s laws, and words that he has pointed out to us. It should be a joy to obey him and live righteously doing his will. We must concentrate and make sure that the Lord’s will is on our minds from morning till night, his will be done in us!   Psalm 1:3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.   Tree planted by the rivers: Compare his thought with our Lord as the Vine (John 15: 1-6 ‘I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.’ ‘Every branch in me that beareth now fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.’ ‘Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoke unto you.’ ‘Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.’ ‘I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.’ ‘If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned,’) Whatsoever he doeth: This verse, with its picture of a tree, speaks of fruit bearing in service for God, which will prosper because it is for Him and of Him-in his power.   Psalm 1:4-5 The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.’ ‘Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.   The ungodly (which are not directed of God) are like chaff (husks of grain) when the wind cometh they get blown away since they are founded on nothing but wordly principles. Thus this being said in verse 4, verse 5 continues by saying, that since they are founded on nothing, they shall not be able to stand in the day of judgment (The great white throne in Revelation) neither shall sinners be comfortable in the congregations (groups) of the Christians, for Christ is not in them and the Christian’s righteousness shalt expose their need of Christ and their sin.   Psalm 1:6 For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.   The Lord knoweth his people, and where they shalt go. Belonging to him is eternal we shalt live with him forever. In the presence of the Almighty God. But the way of the man who rejects Christ, is utter annihilation (death) this doesn’t just speak of physical earthly death, but of the second death (hell) where their souls shall burn eternally. Forever separated from God. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/650081/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 14:12:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/650081/ Well alot has happened these past few weeks. From being given this odd ability to see the darkness in people's eyes to the contemplation of were I stand in my walk with the Lord God Almighty, to my book. Two weeks ago when talked to Philip, it was really good for me, I have had my hurting emotions building up inside of me for some time now regarding the state of the youth today. I had been trembling for 3 days over the state of this world and am still getting over the jitters. I literally and truthfully CRIED like a baby to him about it. For in reality the fear of the Lord finally hit me. Just how big his wrath is that will be poured out on the earth. Even during the tribulation period he will still show his mercy in some areas. Hebrews 10:31 says "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an Angry God." and it really is. I was so scared last night for my friends, family, loved ones because I knew that some of them would not be joining me in heaven. I was questioning my own authenticity. WHAT WAS I DOING?! Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but FOOLS despise wisdom and instruction." Ignoring the signs about us, being scared to witness to the people around you, your friends at school, your co-workers, your family, anyone... for fear of rejection, you have to question yourself, do I REALLY love them? Do I care? Don't you want to save them from that terrible place they are headed to without Christ. 'Life without Jesus is HELL' That statement is true. Do you want them to go to that terrible place? Their blood on your hands? Give them their choice, your persecution you might receive is NOTHING compared to the eternal torment that they will receive. You want to know what they will be thinking there in the flames? "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ever bring it up and warn me about this horrible place? I thought we were friends..." "Weeping and gnashing of teeth..." Matthew 8:10 "Lake of fire and brimstone... they shall be tormented day and night..." Revelation 20:10 "Whosoever was not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the Lake of Fire." Revelation 20:15 Why do people ignore this?! WHY?! Because we are to afraid to step out of our comfort zone. When people do become missionaries and go out to stand for the Lord and Saviour praise God. People travel and spread the word, which is wonderful and loving... but even though we are young, we can do something. Right here in our town, on our street, withing our friends and family... we have a mission right here in front of us. I love this poem it cuts really deep Taken from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFZ1pt0WX5c (watch it) 'Don't bother me... Don't bother me with souls to save, I have my own agenda, There's school to do, Sports to play, Important thing to attend to. Don't bother me with my friend at work, He's got his own religion, I don't have time to change his mind, He'll make his own decision. Don't bother me with that little girl, The girl playing in the streets, She's much to young to understand, That her savior she could meet. Don't bother me with the sounds I hear, The sounds of people shrieking, Although I wonder who they are, Who are these victims screaming? Don't bother me with who they are, I really don't want the blame, Cuz' it's my friend at work, And that little girl... Who from HELL... Scream out my name.' This poem just cuts me deep. It's made to make you think. To make you weep. Does anyone KNOW what it's like to lay in the dark and CRY for souls? I finally do. This world wants people to think that it doesn't need a savior... so why? WHY DO I HEAR THE WORLD CRYING OUT FOR ONE EVERYDAY?! Why am I sitting here comfortably in this house, in this country, when there are cries coming out from around the world. People are dying for their faith, people are committing suicide, people are crying, hurting, bleeding. And we wonder what's happening on the football game. I am accusing nobody in particular. I just have to look at myself and see the lifestyle I live to know something is terribly wrong. I needed this wake up call from the Lord. I prayed for 2 hours last night to have mercy on me for the ignorance I have been living in. To forgive me and my friends of our trespasses. I groveled at his feet crying and weeping and trembling, because there is nobody in this world who shall be able to stand in front of him. I am a sinner, saved by the grace of God. I could of died in 2007 and gone to hell. I know I would of, having biblical knowledge, and good works only won't get you to heaven. It's a heart condition. I finally gave it all up. If the Lord told me to go to Africa right now to be a sunday school teacher or to start a women's group I would. My life I have given to him, and now I understand. After a year since my return tot he Lord. he has revealed to me his great commission. Made me finally understand a sliver of the pain he must of felt on that cross. I can hardly bear a sliver, anyone who was given the burden the Lord had would die from the agony. "Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee." He's in control now. He's my first love The Lord will not have second place, he wants first in your life. He's the greatest love there is, and more fearful with wrath. Thank you all, Esther P.S. I am rewriting the 4 chapters that I have completed in my book already, i felt that my current version reflected less emotion than than the impact I wanted, but now that I know the pain and worry that God granted me to feel. I will make this book, make you feel it too. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/601848/ Wed, 8 Oct 2008 14:52:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/601848/ Philip did the sweetest thing for me last night... or rather the night before that made him stay awake till 2 in the morning and he worked on it the the next day also. He edited my piano song fleeting memories sound file and removed all background sounds, to make it sound professional, then he added rain and thunder sounds into the background.... and after all that he whispered sweet things into my melody.... <3. So I fell asleep last night hearing the love of my life tell me he loved me through that song, and I woke up to the his text message and that song still playing over and over again (aren't ipods the best). So this morning I got on and decided to share my happy moment. Because I have never had anyone do that anything so sweet for me before and the fact that he just randomly thought about doing that after we got off the phone saturday night astounds me and makes me feel all cute and cuddly. THANK YOU PHILIP!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! Love your star, Esther http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/586714/ Mon, 8 Sep 2008 08:49:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/586714/ Goodnough Homecoming Reunion 2008! Album: Goodnough Homecoming Reunion 2008     Hello everyone! This weekend was an immensely fun one for it was my family's family reunion, people from Canada, Portugal, Turks and Caicos, came it was so much fun and very eye-opening seeing my grandfathers brothers and sisters all together once again, apparently they hadn't all been together in like over 10 years so this was a big thing. Unlike other reunions this was a smaller one because it only had people who were related to the 6 main children of my great grandfather. A chain reaction down. I met cousin who I never met before and yes I am still the oldest!     It was a blast I don't think I can stress that enough! Everything from being an official for the "Goodnough Olympics" to beating my cousin Tyler with a foam baseball bat for being perverted. Yes it was great getting together with my main cousin also. Vanessa, Krysten, Jared, Tyler, Brett, Jordan, Aaron, Cameron, Nathan, Bryson, Abbigail everyone was there! I mostly hung out with Jared, Tyler, Vanessa and Krysten, but it was worth it.     One thing for sure is that my family is one of the most important things to me! Alot of the Goodnough family isn't saved and alot of them are very much against Christianity. We had a small gathering of about maybe 10 people for Sunday sercive of singing and sharing. But the family that was there ... wow, prayer time and sharing had such a huge impact, I started crying after thanking them all for being there and giving me tough love when I needed it back then. My Aunty Jana gave me this huge hug after, and I hadn't really spent much time with her, but it felt amazing!     Sadly my cousin Jared, Brett and Tyler are not Christians, and I pray that someday they will be, because I really can't think about them burning in hell forever, it's such a horrifying thought! I did however have a good debate with Tyler about it and made him think. I will be spending a good amount of time with them when I go for Hannah's operation in a couple months. So I hope that it will used for God's glory. I know that my cousin Jared is very open so maybe God will touch his heart.     Well i hope you enjoy the pictures of this fun event in my life!     Love, Esther http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/580283/ Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:58:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/580283/ Confessions of a Past Broken Heart By: Esther Goodnough Life. Love. Friends. Family. God Girls/Boys, I know that in this day and age depression is rampant among us. How do I know? I am an ex-suicidist. My testimony is one of alot of pain and tears. I would change my past, but at the same time not. Because it's made me the person I am today. Thanks be to the Lord! I was driven to write this up because I've been burdened to tell you that there is hope. This world is a cruel place to have to live in. Full of questions? Scared? Insecure? Abused? Alone? I thought I was too. ~*~ I was 5 years old when I started having encounters with demons. When I was young my best friends lived right down the street from me. I spent most of my time there and everything was fine for awhile. Finally my friend and I would start having visions, Seeing faces in the dark, Voices, drumming, figures, triangles, They would sleepwalk with their eyes rolled back, Muttering, unexplainable lights, blood dripping from walls. Laughter. Of course at first our parents wouldn't believe us We were kids after all out imaginations were quite active. But one summer before they moved out of that house... Their father was knocking down walls in their house to build a new room. and he found items of witchcraft. Oujia Boards, Tarot Cards, Pendants. That was the step that changed my life forever. I would always have nightmares to the point that by the age of 7. Bitterness. Extreme Anger. Morbidity. Was already slowly peeping through in my life. Selfishness was a prominent feature, as I always thought about myself. My Family though was a strong christian one. My Father was an ex-pastor type figure, He tried guiding me through my hard times but of course I was to rebellious. I already believed I was a Christian because my parents were! But thanks to their instruction I still had a mind of what to cross and what not too. Anyways from 12-15 I found my outlets. Music. Art. Blood. Boys. My MUSIC was mostly heavy screamo rock. I had discovered a beautiful ART called Mangaka. But I twisted it to fit my demonic needs and fulfill my violent tendencies. I didn't want my parents to know my mind, but they could tell through my drawings that there was a problem. Around the age of 13-14. I was losing my best friends. I had 3 of them and they were all leaving me. I know it was because of who I was becoming, But even my 2 friends that experienced everything I had with were leaving me. They were strong Christians and they didn't want to get involved back and dwell with me on the past. They had their own scars. That's when BLOOD and BOYS came in. I would slash my arms usually by the shoulders. My Wrists were only if I was too rebellious to care about what my parents thought. I eventually came to that stage and I let the scars show with pride. I found the pain relieving cuz' it relieved the fear and pain of my heart. My tears wouldn't cease to flow, I mostly cried myself to sleep through those years. That's when I started to seek help in other people besides my family. That's were the BOYS came in. I grew bitter towards family and the good crowd of people. I hated it because I always felt like I was being compared to them. So I started turning to the guys that came into my life. But even to them I was cold. I guess you could call me a user? I still to this day feel bad for the things I have done to those poor souls. Playing with hearts whether singularly of in groups isn't a great idea. I can give thanks to the Lord though that I never gave myself to them. God kept me from crossing that line thankfully. I never lost my first anything. I had one friend from my past experiences who was still praying fervently for me. She saw the people coming into my life and she saw me in desperation latching unto them. The feelings, were fake, after a week or two I would end up feeling more and more... EMPTY. So I ended things, probably for the best? I know people were already telling my mom and dad that I was going to end up on a street-corner. My relationship with my parents was going down the drain. My mom was the most out-reaching to me, my dad I believe just got tired of telling me what to do. She helped me come around once in awhile but again no heart change had occured. I remember telling her. "I'll finish school with top grades, stay out of your way, and move out when I finish... and in exchange... STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!" By 15 I was unreachable by any family member. I made my rebelliousness known more and more. My family kept their children from me... I really was a train-wreck, and a scary character by that time. I had nobody to turn to any more. I had "hit-rock-bottom" as they say. Death was always on my mind. I wanted it. I breathed it. Dreamt it. Tasted it. I had already tried to commit suicide a couple times. I couldn't bring myself to stab myself. Hanging? The rope broke. I just couldn't seem to do it just yet but I was planning to do it during the start of 2007.  Coincidentally Mom and Dad decided to send me to Camp Chill-Out 2007. It was a Christian camp, they thought it would be a good thing, since I had been there the year before. But already the lights that were in my life were turning out so I decided to go. After all I could see my friends again, say good-bye and then go home and die right? Well I got to see my friends again. Nathan. David. Josiah. I even made some new ones, Philip and Daniel. Something strange happened though. My friend Philip had so much in common with me. Not in the morbidity or depressed area, but I connected with him so easily. We did everything together, talked and he got me to open up so fast. We were fast friends! One that I didn't want to lose of hurt. So we all said good-bye and went our separate ways. I missed them all so much... which I thought was odd. I never felt that sensation for quite awhile. I decided NOT to die just yet, I wanted to see what would happen. Nathan, Philip, and I were best friends. But there was something about Philip that made me think about my life more and more. But I didn't want to do anything because there was this guy that everyone thought I would end up with. His name was Trevor. I had liked him for 7 years but there was something about him that made me depressed. He would act like he liked me but then he would disappear for a year or two and I would think I got over him. But when he came around I would always fall for him. This darkened my heart more and more because it broke me inside. I felt even more worthless. So I did something I hadn't done in a LONG time. I prayed to the Lord. My life was slowly mending but I knew that I couldn't hold it together by myself. I mean just look at what I had done with my life already! I told him to take my life, and do what he wanted with it. I was tired of controlling it, it led me to hatred and fear. I asked him to take away the pain and the doubt and to help me get my life back on track. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. I remember telling Philip one time on the phone how much I wanted to die. All the small problems that I looked at being so big, everyone leaving me. He told me that he and Nathan cared about me, my parents cared about me, my family. I was just being selfish. I was kind of like WoW. I know now that he was right. I was being 100% selfish. Always thinking about my pain, but not thinking about the pain I was causing people! I was hurting everyone acting the way I did. I realized that THEY LOVED ME. I just didn't make the feeling mutual! I was killing them all inside slowly with the pain I was causing. Seeing my mom cry to me. Seeing my dad telling me he still was there for me. Grandpa encouraging me in the Lord and witnessing to me. Aunts and Uncles saying cutting things just to try and get something in my stubborn head. It was all LOVE! The lights started turning on again in my life. I was getting over Trevor. I was becoming stronger. The Lord was removing the pain and heartache. The bitterness slowly receded. School went even better. I was making good friendships! My family life got easier. But most of all. I WAS "LOOKING UNTO JESUS the AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF OUR FAITH!" He was living in my life, and I knew that even through trials and Tribulations. He would always be there to help me through them as long as I looked towards him and not away. My tears have stopped flowing. My scars have disappeared. I have learned to love. As for Nathan, Philip, and me? We are still a trio of best Friends we all have gone through our hard times. But been there for each other. God used them to help turn on the lights and bring me back. Philip and me? We are currently together and have been for a year. Courting... and looking to the Lord. Marriage our ultimate goal. We've gone through alot of doubt, but I guess I just needed to relearn how to trust. He's never broken it and even though we live far from each other. God has made it bearable and wonderful. My Family and I? Life is great, there are no scars from those times with any of us. We are open and truthful about everything and my parents are amazingly supportive. We do street ministry together. We are a FAMILY once again. Me and God? Forever and ever! He will always be my master. He's changed my life around and made my life into something beautiful. My Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I know he lives and he's real. For he lives in my heart. (>.<)<3 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/564601/ Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:07:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/564601/ Vacation, Ambitions, Hobbies, and Hospitals     Hey everyone. I am back from vacation, it was a.... well full of surprises and interesting mishaps, and fun times. I enjoyed it very much and will treasure the memories I had made with my parents, friends, and family. It was fun and interesting. I spent time in Medicine Hat, Balfour B.C, Langley B.C, Vancouver B.C, Surrey B.C, Richmond B.C, Barkerville B.C, Prince George B.C, Edmonton AB, Islay B.C, Lloydminster B.C, and we then headed back to our lovely town in Saskatchewan.     We lost Hub-caps on a road to Balfour, saw fire-works in Nelson B.C, collected shells at Vancouver Beach B.C (west), shopped at Metro-town, got hyper in Surrey, got praised on my music skills in Edmonton AB, and got snowed on in Barkerville.... wonderful eh?     Anyways my family and I had a great time we have brought my cousin down to live with us for 2 months this summer his name is Alvir and I have to keep him company.     I have gotten into Beading a ton! And have finished 2 necklaces. I have no clue what I am going to do with them right now, I am thinking of sending one to my other mom Mrs. R because she taught me how to bead, and use the crimpers to make them look professional.     I will be starting college next year for Teaching English and taking courses on Sport Photography. I have been sewing too, scrap-booking, and other little hobbies to keep my mind busy, because school doesn't do enough of it.     I was rushed to the Hospital last night because of SEVERE stomach pain and although I am feeling a little bit subdued now I was feeling like dying yesterday. But like always they just hopped me up on meds and told me to go. I got angry I have been having this problem for the past 3 1/2 years and they haven't done a thing so mom might be taking me to a specialist and/or taking me to Edmonton when we get there.     So that is pretty much a quick over-view of what has been happening. Much Love, Esther http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/563186/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:45:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/563186/ Esther's Going on Vacation Sharing a picture from the "Land of Living Skies"     Well everyone on the 28th of June me and my family will be getting some very deserved vacation time! Originally from beautiful British Columbia we moved to Saskatchewan (The Land of Living Skies). As you can guess I am very excited to be visiting my home province and seeing some people (my filipino family) who are very dear to me, that I have not seen in three years. I will also be visiting Philip's family and trying to make that as enjoyable and pleasant as possible. It will also me my first time meeting his family in person so that's a little bit of nervousness on my behalf. OH RIGHT! I will also be trying mountain biking while I am down visiting them. Philip seems delighted that I have agreed to, and I am actually looking forward to it.     My family has been rather stressed and uptight lately, i think mostly because of work, not enough family time, Hannah's operation coming up and getting that organized. I know I have been stressed because of the fact that I'm quiting work and trying to start my own free-lance photography business... and just plain life. Lately it's been a little harder, since everyone is stressed I am slightly stressed also, although I can still control my actions, and what I say. But as custom in my family, they get a bit louder at... ME... or course because who else is there? Mom and Dad never get grumpy at each-other, and hardly at Hannah since they worry about her tons, so I am the only logical person to vent their annoyance on. Which is okay because I understand why and where they are coming on. Just everyone has been a tad bit more demanding.     So yeah that is why I KNOW that this vacation will be a good thing for my family. Maybe we'll be able to "relax" or get something that can fool us to think we're relaxing... that could work too!     Ahhhhhh another horrible thing I have JUST remembered! I will not be able to pack my BIG suitcase... you know those roll-a-way suitcases? How there can be up to four sizes? Small, Medium, Large, and Extra Large? Well I am ONLY allowed to take the medium and the carry-on bag that matches it.... yeah I know what is a girl like me supposed to do when I usually HAVE to bring my large one for just a couple of days!? All I know is I have to compromise and bring very little extra items and just CLOTHES, HYGIENICS, and Other small random needs. and STUFF them all into this small medium bag. (-.-) the reason why I have to pack so little is that Dad and Mom wanna do a little camping... yeah wonderful. I'll be staying at Philip's house during their lovely outdoor experience. and also we are bringing my Cousin Alvir back with us from Vancouver. So it's ALLLLLLL good right? Just watch him pack a BIG bag.... (-.-) lol no I will not be jealous at all.......     I haven't seen my cousin alvir in 3 years, but my excitement is running through my veins. I was basically raised with this kid, because my mom and dad took him in when there were some family problems and he lived with us for 4 years. So we basically consider eachother brother and sister! So I can totally beat him up if he brings a bigger bag (^.^) jk.... I think.... Well Much love, Esther http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/541987/ Mon, 2 Jun 2008 17:19:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/541987/ Okay before you look at these pictures that I took yesterday for my friend's graduation. I MUST tell the story of how we got there and what happened in the process of this mess. So prepare yourself for a giggle or two, or if you are prone to laugh out loud at small things you'll find this about as hilarious as I did. My Hilarious Photo-shoot     Yesterday: Friday, May 30th 2008         Alright so my friend Kayla and I have been planning me to do her grad pictures for the longest time, actually since the start of her school year of being in 12th grade! I am a freelance photographer striving to go professional after school so we finally decided on this yesterday that we were going to get them done even though it was month before her grad, but she'd be two busy in June and so would I.     So first on the docket was that i was going to do her hair. She wanted me to curl it... I was like 'Sure this shouldn't be a problem, I work with curly hair all the time.' (Since my own hair is VERY curly). So she sits down after washing and drying her hair, I found out to me great disappointment that her hair is as flat as i was from before we washed it. I mean seriously! Her hair was so straight that even after getting it wet it didn't fluff in the least. So I tried mousse 3 different kinds! NOTHING so I grab my hair curler.... which took a great deal to find because I never use it, and I try to curl her hair, which doesn't work because her hair is just really that flat. So I use my last resort... (Me being dumb in the ways of making salon strong curls) I SOAKED her hair in hairspray and commenced to curling her hair. (-.-) yeah I know now that what I did was wrong. I just glad her hair didn't start on fire, even though it was smoking and sizzling from the hairspray. To no avail, I just could do it. The side and the back look O-KAY-ISH but it really, really sucked.     But Kayla was not let down she and I got ready to go the city, resolving that we were going to make a hair appointment at a salon in the mall for her to get her hair down for these pictures. Okay so mom loaded up the car with my cousin me and my sister and kayla and we were off to the city!     Mom dropped us off at Midtown Plaza (So far the biggest mall in Saskatoon) and we got busy. We went straight to the hair salon there and around that time it was 2:30, her hair appointment was to be at 3:45! Yeah alot of wasted time indeed! So I went to Arby's to get a large curly fries and Kayla and I then went to booster juice.... but now if anyone knows Kayla they would have to agree with me that she has a punkish sense of style. yes she is one of my best friends but she's kind of a darker character. BUT extremely perky and cheerful and random, thus I love her to bits. So she got the dirtiest looks of them all when we went into stores and the hair salon especially.     Anyways we blew the time away and she was taken in for her hair appointment. It being a spa I just kind of sat in the chair next to her till I heard a voice go. "Hi, do you want a tour of the spa?" It was an EXTREMELY feminine voice so I turned around and there was this guy... Yes I know he was gay. But I smiled and said "Sure" So he cheerfully showed me around the spa, even though I myself was a hilarious looking creature at the time... my big backpack with my camera's in it and tripod and all. He was an extremely enjoyable character, maybe because he was happy through everything it made we feel at ease.     (I know alot of people would be like "WHY WOULD YOU ASSOCIATE WITH SUCH A THING?!" I would just have to say "Because Jesus died for him too. You break one of God's commandemts you break them all it doesn't matter what it is one is no better than the other, I'm the Christian he isn't, I have to show God's love because only God can judge him, I have to be careful but it doesn't hurt to witness)     Anyways so he was going on about different things like aroma therapy and was letting me smell all the smells to "relax" and he took me through the massage area and the waiting room with like 5 big screen T.V's and asked me what I was doing there today. So I told him "Oh I'm a freelance photographer and I am taking pics of my friend for her grad." and he was like "WOW... THAT IS LIKE SO COOL! Do you have you're own business I should get you to take pictures of me!" I was like "o.....k....." and I gave him my card.     By that time Kayla was done her hair appointment and it was 4:42 in the afternoon. She then shanged into her grad gown.... surprising EVERYONE with her beauty. Which I always knew was there, I mean she took the hair-stylists by surprise. There was not one closed mouth in that studio. So we paid and left ... but now the fun part. We had to WALK through the mall to get the washrooms so that she could put on her make-up and earrings for the shoot. So here we were, (prince charming) is what she called me and (cinderella with a red and black dress) which was Kayla walking through the mall hand in hand skipping.... I was DYING of laughter and couldn't stand up straight so as we were skip/walking hand in hand through the mall of people who were staring at us incrediously, I was barely standing up because of laughter, which made other people look all the more. We got to the bathroom, I'm still shaking because of the fun I just had... (I was NOT embarrassed whatsoever, I thought it was fun) she puts on her make-up and stuff and we head back THROUGH the mall to get the doors that will take us 4 blocks to get to the park but before we reached the doors, this girl comes running up and says "Can i take a picture of you going through the mall like that?!" So we pose for a pic and start our four blocked journey... four blocks of walking DOWN-TOWN like this... that was even funnier, people were like "Hurry. hurry, you'll be late for the ball!" Kayla and I just laughed it off and finally reached the park... and here are the pictures from the park after that BUSY BUSY day! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/541059/ Sat, 31 May 2008 16:10:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/azncutie2007/541059/