Mind Being Renewed - Homeschool Blogger

We Stopped at 4, and I'm Okay With That

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:10:00 -0500

One of the many issues that crop up in Christian circles, and especially in Christian homeschooling circles is the issue of whether to get involved in controlling the size of one's family, or whether to "surrender control of our family size over to the Lord." I'll admit it; when you put it like that, it sounds like those who choose this path are the righteous ones and those who do not just aren't willing to give it all to Him.

I have certainly wrestled with that question myself. We have four children, and the youngest was born shortly after I turned 35. As tends to happen when a baby gets to be about 2 or 3, I still had some desire for another little one to come along. What's sweeter than a baby? And my 3rd and 4th children are the very best examples I know of why people should consider having more than two. I often find myself thinking, "I wish s0-and-so would consider having another, because she seems like a such a loving mom and I know what a blessing another baby would be for her." And thus I freely recognize that if we had more, they would bless us in ways we couldn't predict.

So during that time when I wasn't quite 40 yet so didn't feel the biological time crunch so acutely, I could have gone either way on whether to expand our family or not. We had not struggled with infertility, my pregnancies were easy, and we are financially blessed, so adding another child to raise was not threatening in any of those ways. Nonetheless, I would have happily had 10 more babies, but the thought of actually raising another child was unsettling. Obviously, I needed to pray about it, and I essentially prayed that the Lord would lead me through my husband's leadership. I asked, "Lord, if you want us to have more, please have him bring it up." And he never said a word.

Yet that concern that perhaps I'm not willing to give the Lord control still plagued me from time to time. Is it unassailable truth, or is it a holier-than-thou phrase used by people who have chosen a difficult, counter-cultural path use to help defend themselves against the many slings and arrows that definitely come their way?

I still don't know the answer to that question, but I know that the Lord did not lead me, through my husband, to continue having children. Here is how I view it now. The Lord created for seven days. He created things that man never even saw for centuries. Microscopic life that was invisible, ocean life that lives at depths that could not be plumbed, rain forest life that was hidden and rarely observed. The diversity of creation is astounding and awe-inspiring in every way.

And then God stopped. He said it was good. Was it because he was out of ideas for new creatures? Hardly. Look at all the creatures finite man has dreamed up in our own imaginations. Did those not occur to God? Could He not have come up with a unicorn or phoenix or manticore or flying horse or whatever if He wanted? Certainly He could have. But He looked at what He had created, He decided it was enough, He said it was good, and He left off creating.

We, thanks to His kindness, procreated. And we have looked at the fruits of our procreation, and it is good, and it is enough, and we have left off. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Three Cheers for Poetry Memorization

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:38:00 -0500

One of the assignments in my children's early elementary language arts education is memorizing the poem "The Caterpillar" by Christina Rossetti. For those of you who have no reason to know this little piece, allow me to fill that tiny gap:

Brown and furry
Caterpillar in a hurry,
Take your walk
To the shady leaf, or stalk,
Or what not,
Which may be the chosen spot.
No toad spy you,
Hovering bird of prey pass by you;
Spin and die,
To live again a butterfly.

My seven year old, the last and latest to learn this poem, was just dancing around wildly to the music I had playing. He stopped and came over to say, "I'm going to spin and die and live again like a butterfly." He started to dance again and then came to another sudden stop. "But first, I believe I'll take a walk to a shady leaf or stalk. Or what not. We'll see what my chosen spot is. But I sure hope that no toads see me. And I'm going to hide from that hovering bird of prey (he pointed up at the ceiling at this point). Then I'll go ahead and spin and die and fly away like a butterfly."

Seven has been a very, very good age with him.

Apples or Vinegar?

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 08:57:00 -0500

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. -- Proverbs 25:11

God is good all the time. We use that phrase so often, and yet I think much of the time we misuse it. Most of the time when I hear people say it, they really seem to be saying, “I am currently perceiving God as kind. He has chosen to work things out the way I wanted Him to.” But in scriptural terms, the goodness of God does not refer to His kindness, and certainly not to whether or not we are happy with His works. It refers to his moral goodness. One of the challenges of the Christian life, of the life of faith is to trust that God is indeed acting out of moral goodness even when those actions hurt terribly and make us rail and scream against the pain and hurt.

Seven years ago today, I walked into what was, for the rest of the congregation, a typical Sunday morning service. For me, it was not. My husband and I had returned just the evening before from the funeral and burial of my infant niece. As I was going through the motions of participating in the singing, I had to give up when the congregation sang “God Is Good All the Time” (Moen). We sang that song many times at that church, and I’ve really hated it ever since and will be content if I never hear it again.

Now, to be fair to Don Moen, his song does acknowledge that life is not a bowl of cherries:

If you’re walking through the valley

And there are shadows all around

Do not fear; He will guide you

He will keep you safe and sound

‘Cause He’s promised to never leave you

Nor forsake you and His Word is true

But the song itself is a very upbeat, clappy, happy, almost pep rally kind of tune. Hearing that song in a time of sorrow was not an apple of gold. Instead, it called to mind a different proverb in that same chapter:

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. -- Proverbs 5:20

Early on when we came to our present church, I was introduced to “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman. My very first reaction to this song 3 ½ years ago was, “Now if I’d run into this song after Bethany’s death, I could have appreciated it.” It was, especially in comparison, truly an apple of gold in a setting of silver.

When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Blessed be your name on a road marked with suffering. Though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.

You give and take away; My heart will choose to say, “Blessed be Your Name.”

In other words, God is good all the time.

Today our church gathered to bury a beloved member and shepherd, and this song was one of the ones chosen. It hurts so deeply to think of his wife and daughters, especially the one still at home, deprived of his care and support. We hate the hole left in his community by his absence. We can’t imagine walking into church week after week and never seeing his smile or being caught up in his rather formidable embrace. But as he no doubt learned through the heartbreaking life and loss of his own infant daughter, God is good all the time. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Legumes, Grains, and Strange, Strange Dreams

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:45:00 -0500

Last night for supper I prepared quinoa for the first time. And I enjoyed it well enough. But I think it gave me nightmares.

If you've never had quinoa, it's a little tiny grain, and when it's cooked, something interesting happens. The little germ sprout pops out of the rest of the grain. I really haven't the foggiest idea how to add a picture, especially someone else's picture, to a blog, but here's someone else's picture of cooked quinoa for you to peruse if it's a new thing for you:

Cooked quinoa

While in my waking hours, I thought this was pretty cool, apparently my subconscious was a little troubled, because I dreamed that there were beans just under my husband's skin, and they were sprouting. There were butter beans like you would sprout in 2nd grade science class and also red lentils. And I was charged with popping them out from under his skin. It was very, very creepy. I'll fix quinoa again, but I think I'll make it at lunch next time.

Weighty matters

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 10:29:00 -0500

Evidently my scale does not believe it's possible for me to weigh what I do. It's a "smart" scale that we bought just about 4 months ago. It doesn't have those body fat sensors, but it displays percentage body fat, lean weight, bone weight and some other things based on BMI calculations.

Unfortunately, I've gained about 12 pounds in the last couple of months, and I was already obese to begin with. For about the last 5 pounds, the scale hasn't gone through the percentage displays. After it displays the weight, it sits there cogitating and then apparently concludes, "No, it is not possible that an individual of that height could have that weight. ERROR. ERROR. ERROR."

I've had my husband, who is fit, try it, and it was perfectly happy to run his calculations. But just like me, it can't get its brain around the fact that I could possibly weigh that much. ;)

Mr. Sandman Plays Piano

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:54:00 -0500

Strange things happen in my brain when I'm moving from sleep to consciousness. This morning a segment of music was going through my head when I awoke, but I couldn't identify it. I did recognize that the part that was running through my head was definitely an introduction of some sort. In my haziness, I thought it was perhaps an introduction to some choir music we practiced the night before. Then I remembered we don't have a choir and that I wasn't able to stay for worship team practice the previous evening, so that couldn't have been it.

Alright, then what might it be an intro to? I thought perhaps maybe it was an intro to "Sing to the King", which I must have groggily remembered singing during the Wednesday night service. My brain went through the intro again, and decided that yes, that indeed seemed to fit very nicely with "Sing to the King." That must have been the intro to "Sing to the King."

Then I remembered. We're an a cappella church. We don't have intros. Or least not very chordy piano ones. That realization at last jarred me into full consciousness.

Oh, and just so as to not leave anyone who might wander by and read this in suspense, it turned out to be the introduction to a piano arrangement I've been practicing. The actual song? "Brethren, We Have Met to Worship". Not really much like "Sing to the King", all-in-all, but the (somewhat generic) intro to this arrangement would fit it very well!

Mr. Know-It-All

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:42:00 -0500

I have Pandora Radio playing right now. "Sing a Song", a song with which I was unfamiliar, came on. It's a live cut, and at the beginning of the song, the lead singer, Mac Powell, said something along the lines of, "I bet y'all know this one. Let's sing." I replied aloud, "Actually, Mac, no I don't know this one." My seven year old sitting beside me repllied, "Uh, Mom, you know that's by Third Day, right?"

I mean, certainly Mac Powell has a very distinctive sound, but it still surprises me to have my seven year old identifying groups for me.

Scares me sometimes

Thu, 14 May 2009 12:41:00 -0500

Yesterday, I broke out Karen Andreola's Story Starters for the first time. The first story starter has to do with how a family handles a small fire. The instructions specify, "Give your story a happy ending."

Muffin's first question: Do I HAVE to give it a happy ending? I decided she didn't.

Her second question: Can I rewrite some things in the story starter? Sure.

Her third question: Would you prefer the father be dead when the story starts or that he die in the fire? Ummm....

Someone please assure me that I don't have a goth in the making. She's not quite 12 now, but I would just hate to see her coming in with her blonde hair dyed black in about 3 years.

Evidently not Twitter-pated

Sat, 2 May 2009 12:22:00 -0500

Frankly, I think I'm just too old and uncool. I don't quite get it. But one of the worship leaders set up a twitter account for the praise team, so I signed up. So far I'm only following my husband, the praise team, Pioneer Woman, and The Old Schoolhouse.

I only very recently signed up on Facebook, and it actually did help me to feel more connected. I immediately found friends from a former church that I wanted to stay in touch with. But Twitter is making me feel like a mole.

Is there a word for when you reach the point that you think that certain aspects of technology are a little beyond you and you resign yourself to being an old fogey?

Let the Performance Anxiety Begin

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 23:17:00 -0500

In November and December, some things happened that caused me to think that maybe it was the right time for me to investigate participating in the church praise team. After some inner turmoil and prayer, a few things happened that made me feel confident in pursuing this. After attending rehearsals for nearly 4 months, I'm in the line-up Sunday.

The thing is, I haven't participated on a praise team since I was pg with Muffin, and she's almost 12. So I've got a little anxiety going on. And now the dreams have begun.

Many people have dreams about finding themselves in a class ready to take a final when they realize they've never attended the class and feeling awash in panic. I've always thought of this dream as an indicator of some kind of performance anxiety going on.

Nerd that I am, my performance anxiety dream generally takes a different direction. I have band dreams. Yes, high school band dreams. I clearly remember that the week I was defending my master's thesis, I had several of them. One in particular has been captured in my memory. I dreamed it was the state marching championship and we were on the field in the finals and I didn't know the show. I knew the music, but I didn't know the show. I had no clue where to go. Eddie (an actual person I marched beside for at least 2 of my 3 years in high school) kept trying to shout directions at me as I swerved and twisted around the field.

And even now, when I come to some occasion that involves me putting myself out of my comfort zone, the band dreams come. I had some before the birth of each child. And now, following the Wednesday night rehearsal leading up to Sunday, the band dreams have begun.

So here I am, apparently perpetually stuck in high school and with a great need to get over myself. It's been a challenge for me to not just give up on the idea of participating (read: hard not to lose my nerve), but every time I've thought maybe I should just skip it because they don't need me anyway (there's already several altos in the rotation), the verse about putting your hand to the plough and turning back has been brought to mind. (A hard verse from a hard passage, IMO). And then lo and behold, the text for the last two Sundays was from that passage. He actually didn't really hit that particular verse so much, but just when I was again getting ready to withdraw from something that would make me extend, I was sitting there in the service and he announced the text. I turn there, and of course that verse, at the bottom of page in red letters, jumped at me.

Thus into the breach I go. Off to ignore and walk past the adolescent anxieties (I'm not good enough. I'm too fat to stand in front of people. People shouldn't have to look at my face when they come into church.) that I've submitted to for the last 3 years of so of my life and into submitting to a spirit of worship that recognizes that not only is it not all about me, but really none of it is about me. So maybe it's not really into the breach, but onto the bridge of personal and corporate worship that provides a taste of how the Bride should sing love songs to the Bridegroom.

"We will praise thy holy Name forever; we will laud and magnify thy Name forevermore."