A walk - Homeschool Blogger

Baby Steps?

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 23:23:00 -0600

I can't do baby steps. I need to do baby steps. I have always been an all or nothing gal. Eat one Oreo might as well eat 20 since my diet is blown already anyways. Just give up the schedule since it didn't work that day. In every aspect of my life I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Here I am SO wanting to have this blog entry be the laundry list of all the things that are going to be perfect tomorrow. I am fighting with everything I have to not just write - NOW is the time it ALL turns around and start plans to have the perfect day. I want the perfect day. I want to be the perfect mom, homemaker, and wife. I want to be the perfect child of God. But the second I in my flawed nature find out that my plans for perfection have failed it ALL falls apart. So where does this leave all my great plans for tomorrow? What are the priorites? And the real question - HOW do I get to where I am able to just start over anew everytime something goes wrong in my plans?

Ideally I want to get up early, do a morning routine, have the children clean their rooms, TS them perfectly, make a healthy breakfast, do all daily and weekly chores for that day, have clothes for all of them, everyone teeth brushes, them having worked with me all day, the house clean and a great dinner made when Clay gets home and on and on. I want the perfect day. Oh and I want to look gorgeous doing it.

I talkede briefly with Clay about making up a new schedule and you know, he said baby steps pretty much. He said to list the things that HAVE to be done - things like school, etc NOT being allowed on that list right now. And then I am to focus on those things. How do I cut things out? I am having a hard time coming up with a need list.

So the things that need to be done. ARGH. Need is so hard for me. I feel like I NEED to do it all. I feel like I will fall to pieces if I don't. Lord help me to find the right things that need to be done. I need to clean the kitchen after every meal. I need to do 4 loads of laundry. I need to go to the store. I need to straighten all the rooms of the house. I need to spend time with the Lord in the morning and in the evening. I need to make 3 meals a day. I need to start TSing the children the way they need to, boot camp so to speak. I need to clean the bathroom. The thing is... I feel like the only thing that is a real need is time with the Lord. Then TSing the children. Then laundry coming in third. So I think that maybe THAT is the plan. Time with the Lord, keeping the children literally within arms reach, and doing laundry. Everything else will be an added plus. Off to read a little on the woodshed, or tomatoes :) board and some old bootcamp posts.

Psalm 1 for me tonight

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 23:10:00 -0600

Psalm 1:1 - Blessed [is] the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 1:2 - But his delight [is] in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Wow. So simple. I mean it's the first 2 verses of Psalms and I am sure I have read them 1000 times. But I need them now. I have found that I care too much what people the digital scrapbooking community think. How silly does that sound? I feel so blessed to have found a passion. To have found something that I love to do and am good at. And to have found something that I can do in the evenings to bring in side income for our family and make pretty good money doing it. But what started out of love and passion has grown into something it shouldn't. There are message boards and communities that as a designer I frequent as part of the advertising part of it all, to keep my name out there, to keep people knowing me on a more personal basis and want to buy from me. But it is out of control. I check the boards constantly for signs of people talking about my designs, check galleries for my work. I think about it all constantly. It needs to stop. I want my delight to be in the Lord. I want to meditate on His law day and night. I need to find a balance between doing what is needed in my business to making it a huge part of my life. It is NOT who I am, though it sure feels that way sometimes. I need to set some guidelines. I need to set limits as to how much of my time and energy is spent in these communites. They are not uplifting most of the time. I have made a couple valued friendships, and have found some great Christian women that love doing it now too. But I need to set up some rules as to how much time is spent in the boards getting my name out there. And not let these women become the people in my life I look to for guidance and counsel when many are not women I should look to for wisdom. It used to be only in my evening work time. Now I find myself doing it during the day as well and that NEEDS to stop. Okay. So what's the bottom line? 1/2 hour at the most quickly checking boards and ONLY during my work time in the evening. Starts tomorrow well since it's work time already :)

To blog or not to blog?

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 22:23:00 -0600

Well I haven't written in a while. I think in a way I let myself get intimidated by my thoughts that I didn't want my blog to be a place of depressing rambles. And it has kept me away. Then reading an article at Choosing Home's blog about an article addressing the horrid Good Morning America spot about stay at home mom's,. Read the article Here. But the quote that got me was
"I would like to see a description of their daily lives that substantiates that position,� she said. �One of the things I�ve done working on my book is to read a lot of the diaries online, and their description of their lives does not sound particularly interesting or fulfilling for a complicated person, for a complicated, educated person.� "
That has me thinking about this blog. People are watching. They are watching us, looking for signs of joy, of peace in this role. And people are reading. They are reading blogs looking for guidance, looking for the same signs of fulfillment in our roles as wives and mothers. So where does that leave me and this blog? I am not in a place where I feel I have joy in my life. I am struggling with the children, with school, with the house. What purpose should this blog serve?

I just am not sure. Many times I blog for me. I blog because I need to sort out some things, some plans for the day, some struggles and if I didn't have it I wouldn't do it. Is that enough? Is it helpful to anyone to read through my hard times? Or is it detrimental as I am currently a poor witness to our Lord? I really am not sure. And there are times that I think about the fact that I am not the only one that feels like things are out of control. Ever read blogs and think everyone is perfect and you are a collosal failure? I do all the time. Though I find the blogs of these women beyond inspiring, I feel unable to ever get there. Is there value in blogs that show young mothers and wives struggling and working through those struggles? Is the problem just blogs that are pity parties? There are times I feel that way for sure.

For now I am going to continue blogging. Many times it will show the struggles, and pain in my life. But I have faith that my Jesus is working in me and I pray that in the midst of these struggles recorded here will come victories and revelation. I pray that someone will find inspiration somewhere in the future in this journey of mine, in this journey that seems so hard right now.

Quick Update

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 03:49:00 -0600

Well my Firefox wouldn't let me log in to HSB so I skipped a day. The last 2 days have been pretty productive. I got almost everything on my list done and the house is starting to actually look pretty good. It's way too late and I should be asleep so I am gonna quickly jot down my plan for tomorrow.

Keep the LR, DR, computer room and the children's room clean. They have been clean for 2 days yay!

Read aloud to the children

Read from the Bible to the children

Do 4 loads of laundry

Have Frankie write lowercase alphabet

Go to the park!!

Stop at store and pick Clay up some coffee.

Breakfast - WW pancakes

Lunch - rice with chicken stock and zuchinni

Snack, fruit and egg salad on bread

Dinner - steak and au gratin potatoes (oo need to take steak out of fridge before bed)

Straighten Computer Desk

Okay need to still iron a shirt, set up Clay's coffee, take out meat, put jeans in dryer. Oy and it's 2am. I need to NOT take long naps. It just messes me up.

Night.

Oy. Tuesday goings ons

Wed, 8 Feb 2006 03:23:00 -0600

So here is the first entry of the more journal and day to day life recording of my life. Be prepared. You may think of me as a bad mother and wife after this. So be it. It is what it is.

So once again told myself that I was going to get up early and start the day before the children all woke up. Well.... so Frankie got up and I made him come in the bedroom and turn on the tv. It was pretty early for me, say 8:00 and figured hey one show and I'll be up by 8:30 and that will be a great start at trying to get up at a normal time. Well before long Adric and Cassie were in there watching and I found myself making my bed at 10:10. Went in, fed the children cereal and toast. Told myself I was just going to check my email why they ate. Told the children that today was the day we were going to Tomato Stake completely, no tv watching for them in the other room, and that as soon as they were done we were doing our chores and then school. Long story short about the computer...... Got started into websurfing, none of my great Christian boards except a quick WS or HK check here and there. Mostly scrapping stuff. And got into work. I have been blessed by this great home based business where I can do what I love, be creative and earn pretty good money and I work during the DAY? I take this blessing and am turning it into a curse for my family. ARGH I hate it. Anyways so I get caught in the trap and literally sat there until 4:45. 6-7 hours. I could cry to think about it. Got no laundry done. No dishes done. No rooms cleaned. Okay about 4:45 I had the children clean the Living Room, Dining Room and Computer Room. So those were okay, not perfect but acceptable. Mom went to Bible Study and Clay was going to be home late so gave the children sandwiches for dinner (oh I did throw together some lunch around 1:30 in there somewhere). So mom came home at 8 or so and the house was still a disaster. I figured that since Clay was at Pat's he would have eaten before 8 at night. But no he walks in and has no dinner to be found. Whipped him out a leftover steak sandwich on ww sourdough bread and it was great, so disaster avoided. Did decide when Clay came in to the computer to go into the bedroom and read some blogs on the laptop and it really has been a blessing. Ironed a shirt for Clay, set up his coffee and am sitting here now. Did I mention I had the tv on ALL day while I was on the computer ICK. Now the children today. If I were to give them all grades for their behavior today it would all be Fs. It's all my fault. Today I screamed and yelled at them. And then did it again and again. Exploded and made Frankie scared of me.   This needs to change. A year ago this was the farthest thing from what seemed even possible coming from me. I need to pray about where this anger is coming from really. Is it deep inside me? Is it anger at me for letting things get so bad? Whatever it is needs to stop this minute. Right this minute. I am changing who my children ARE. When they see their Mommy yelling at them so mad it forever changes them.

The plan for tomorrow.
    -I need to check my email for work. I am not opening Mozilla. That's the plan for stopping my problem before it starts. Really I need to make a rule that I cannot open Photoshop until after the children are in bed. PS is my downfall. Once Photoshop is open everything just goes downhill. So NO Mozilla and NO Photoshop.
    -I really need to get this house in order somehow. And being that I need to get the children in order, we will do both at the same time. I need to clean/straighten every single room in the house. So first things first the kitchen needs tackling right off the bat. Hmm I dunno though since the children tend to get out of hand after breakfast so maybe we will start working our way through all the NON kitchen rooms and get the house looking great right after breakfast. Then do the kitchen while the children have some quiet activity time at the table and counter so they are right there with me.
    -Oh need to figure out what we are having for dinner. AAh I have the country style ribs Mom bought so I will make sweet ribs and brown rice. Yum. Okay I need to think right now about breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. For breakfast we will have ohh... I know! So today I set up yogurt draining to make whey to make gingerale tomorrow night. So I will use the cream cheese left over to make some dip or spread for some apples. Yummy yogurt cheese with honey and vanilla on golden delicious apples. Now.. lunch. If the beans in the outside fridge are still good the children will have bowls of beans with butter. If they are still hungry they can have some hardboiled eggs I will make during breakfast time. Alright I need to make sure I eat all those things too. Health is on this plan too.
    -Exercise. Now I am not going to get in over my head here since I tend to want to do TONS when I start exercising again. All I care about is that I do 10 minutes of some sort of exercise. Doesn't need to be cardio can be Pilates, can be anything. Easy enough goal.
    - Okay so the basics.. no computer, clean the house so it's presentable, make 3 planned meals, and 10 minutes of exercise.

Okay stayed up way too late tonight with all this blogging. Oh on my list... get up before 10. *sigh*

Blog, journal or..?

Wed, 8 Feb 2006 03:05:00 -0600

Well after my last entry I think I have really been intimidated to post again. Ha! To think that encouraging myself to keep my blog entries from being depressing would keep me from blogging all together is pretty silly. I sat here earlier and thought about the things going through my mind tonight and it truly was so depressing. So I have to evaluate what the purpose of this blog is. There are so many blogs whose purpose seems to be to encourage other women as well as journal the everyday goings on of their lives. And I truly wish that my blog was that kind of blog. I do. But I am not sure I am at a place that I have anything to give. I don't know that the things going on in my life are encouraging at all, they are in fact.... dare I say it? Depressing.

Now I understand in theory that I shouldn't let things be depressing. And that I need to work on making the words I type here not turn into big one woman pity parties. I understand. Really. So what is the purpose of MY blog? I started it to be a journal. But I guess that I could have written it in Word or something if it were to just be a journal. So where does accountability lie when you cross over from journal to blog? Do I have a responsibilty to people who might read this to stay uplifting, to stay spiritual, to be the best I can be despite the truths of what might be happening in my life, or simply in the room I am typing in? I am not sure to be honest.

What I am thinking is that for now I want to start moving my blog into more of a journal area. On one hand I think that it might end up being something that helps me to accomplish since boy you are all going to see my dirty laundry if I don't. Wait until you read the entry I will do after this about what all happened today.

So in the end this is how I think about it all. For now anyways, considering that I have been pretty darn fickle about things lately. Argh I hate that about me. But... I will try not to have pity parties and will try to come up with game plans and prayers to help deal with the issues I face, but in the end, things are hard right now and I am having a hard time smiling even once a day. I am having a hard time faking it til I make it. I am not putting on a happy face. I am struggling. But I have faith.

I have faith that God is working in me and that this will pass and that maybe one day it will serve as some sort of encouragement to someone. So I am going to journal everyday if I can. It will not always be happy and will often be depressing. Sorry. You don't have to read it if it is. But I hope to pray and find answers to the problems and in amidst the depressing posts will be God working in me. I hope.

Depressing

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 02:08:00 -0600

After another post by Katie that challenged me greatly I am off to post again. In Katie's she mentioned how depressing sometimes certain blogs can be. I admit to being one that at times fit that category. What a blessing the internet can be! To think of the number of times that Katie's simple godly wisdom has touched me on this subject. I have always been quite the naysayer. Sadly Clay has taken to jokingly calling me his little "raincloud". What does that have to say about how I make those around me feel? Now to give myself a little credit things have definitely been getting loads better. But I am so challenged to change the way I look at things. I am taking on this challenge to try and change from being the little raincloud to Clay's silver lining. To be the one that is always trying to find the good in situations. I have been through a lot in the last year. What witness is it to God that I am holding onto all this negativity, this weight, this depression? God has given me this incredible opportunity to let these trials be used to further His kingdom for His glory. I see this in Clay. He is an inspiration to me. I truly love this man more than words can say. He conquered the sickness that left him living a life far from both God and what a husband and father should be. And now he is such a witness to the Lord! He is such a reliable, smart hardworking man that at his job where he just started in April, he already makes more than his foreman that has worked there for 10 years. He has pretty much given up watching tv all together and has started working in all his spare time on either computers or in his new garage workshop. I think he is starting to want to learn to blow glass - neat! And has really stepped up to plate when it comes to spending time with the children. And has really just been my biggest supporter in dealing with all my issues.

So I have started (again) to get a plan in place. I got out my old homekeeping binder from 2003 and redid my weekly chore list and daily list. I am feeling great about this week coming.

Oh.. also, please pray for my mother. My mom has always been one to say she believed in Jesus but didn't believe the Bible to be true and felt that the verse "in my Father's house are many mansions" meant all the different religions. So she has in the last 6 months or so started going to this new church. It's a big mega church and despite her askings is not the church for my little family. But... wonderful things are starting to happen. For the first time ever she is actually on the fence of whether the Bible is true. Before now she would try to burn that fence instead of straddle it. She goes every week to the small groups study and does some volunteer work each month and really see the Lord working. So I guess they had a sermon about tithing at her church. Now while she almost got mad at me when we discussed that I didn't agree fully with her preacher's take on it - that if you are not tithing your 10% you don't trust God. She told me she thinks she might be getting convicted to tithe. Which is great. So that week at her small groups she mentioned that she has been thinking about tithing and they told her about how the Lord will provide. Well THAT day the washing maching broke. So she mentioned the washer in the tithe discussion and someone said they had a brand new one that they don't need that they will deliver the next day. So praise the Lord! This really impressed her. I really feel that as more and more things in this process reinforce the truth of God's word she will truly come to believe in the truth of the Word of God. So please pray to the Lord that he will work in her heart.

So all in all life is great! Things are changing, getting better here. God is good. And I will remember as I fold this giant pile that instead of hating laundry I am SO glad that I have this wonderful family to wear these clothes, fun loving children that love to get dirty and that I am blessed to live a lifestyle that allows me to have the abundance of clothes we do - praise God for the great Goodwill! Silver Lining Here I come!!!!!

The transformation

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:21:00 -0600

Okay so that title sounds a TAD more grandious than it really is LOL. I have lots to blog about but will have to do it a little later on tonight when things are a bit quieter. But as of late our 6yo Frankie has been noticeably both whiny and lazy. I admittedly have been struggling with the raising of these children, so I went to my hubby. I asked him what he thought needed to be done to help with some of the issues Frankie has been having. Firstly, he has said that I need to get up earlier and get the day going earlier. And to get Frankie's school schedule back to normal. Just the schedule in general. When we were back in TN he had to clean his room, feed and water the dogs and chickens all before breakfast. And he was 4 and 5 then. And here it seems like he does nothing. So Clay said firstly the schedule has to become top priority. Then second he decided that he wasn't doing his part in raising Frank. I have long since thought this but have really tried with the Lord's help to not nag ( big achievement for me) about it. And Jesus being so faithful has worked wonders in this area as of late. Clay in the last couple weeks has really taken sweet Frankie under his wing. They have been working together everyday in the garage workshop. I have never seen Frankie so happy as when he came in and told me of the glass that Daddy was melting with the torch and how it exploded everywhere lol. Of course Mommy held her tongue about how dangerous it was. And when Daddy put Frank up on the HIGH landing to shop vac the cobwebs Mom held her tongue and tears in her extreme terror over watching it all. But already there has been a huge transformation in Frankie's behavior. More now than ever I realize the importance of both father's in the lives of sons but of us doing everyday things with the littles. Now to do my part and with the Lord's help will bring around some serious change in our family. Hope to blog here a little more tonight.

The Comparison Troll

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 02:00:00 -0600

That darn little troll that seems to sneak in the houses of so many of us Christian ladies. We think that because we dress modestly, or homeschool, avoiding outside activities to keep out a lot of the peer pressure, amongst other reasons. But here we are sheltering our children from peer pressure and so so many of us let ourselves feel the pressure. We compare. We get down on ourselves if our lives aren't perfect. We let ourselves feel threatened by the very ladies we admire. For a long long time I was a comparer. Okay so I am a recovering comparer. There are times when it slips in. But the Lord is working it all out. When you let yourself compare yourself to other families of the Lord you lose in so many ways. Let's tell my story.

So I have/had/ well have a friend back home. For so long I felt she lived the life I always wanted. I mean really. She was so full of the joy of the Lord at our young ages. She never ever even raised her voice. She eats 100% raw, exercise 360 days a year. And had the dream courtship. Their family sits every night while her hubby reads stories to the children, and on and on. That family. The one flourishing together in the Lord. Now we have been friends for about 7 years. She has always been nothing but an amazing friend to me. In ways that make me want to grow closer to know my God. But even until when I moved here to CA I always compared her life to mine. I tried and tried not to but I just did. And all I did was lose. When times got tough for me, tough in ways that change who you are, I felt like I couldn't reach out for her companionship because she was so perfect. I couldn't ask for prayer about my hubby because then she, with her amazing godly husband, would know the kind of man I thought Clay "was" ( what a horrible thing to admit). When I got depressed and gained a lot of weight, I stayed away from her because she ate so perfect and exercised. Many times I would alienate my sweet hubby when I would compare him to "Bob". I spent years not being able to look at my dear husband and see the amazing man he truly is because all I would see is who he wasn't. I couldn't enjoy myself because all I could see is who I wasn't. I couldn't enjoy my home because all I could see is what it wasn't. All around I lost. When you compare you lose. You lose friendships, you lose contentment, you lose the ability to see beauty in what is around you, including yourself.

Throughout my years in great message boards I have met some amazing women of God that truly are shining examples of the women and families that God is proud to be a model of Christ. Lately here and there there have been women speaking out against these great women. Firstly, insinuating that these women's lives are not as great as they appear to be. Secondly that by these women sharing their wisdom, showing younger women how obeying the word of God, using their life examples, will bring glorious marraige, children and lives in the Lord are teaching ladies poorly and giving them false hopes. Funny how one can listen to admonition from amazing wonderful ladies of God and say they are being legalistic. That by saying you need to submit to your husband, and here are some practical ways, are saying we need to just what they do or we are lost. And thirdly, that the lives of these women are "easier" than most families' lives and it is folly for these wise women to pass on their wisdom because it is not applicable to the normal layman's life. Is the Bible no longer applicable because we are living in Israel or Rome?

This is the bottom line with all that. To me anyways. I can't look in their hearts and say what is so. But they sound like I did, and sometimes do. Comparing the lives of these great women and feeling threatened. Feeling threatened by the fact that they do not have the same relationship with God, their husband or children. That they are not as organized. That they are inferior. In the end it goes back to excuses. Is my life harder than theirs? Are their husbands better than mine? Are their children better? Is their house better set up to stay clean? All the things that people say are the reasons that these women's words should not be spoken. The answers can be yes or no, but do the answers matter? I might have had to deal with addiction in our family, they might have had death, or depression, or... Should I love or respect my husband less if he doesn't lead family worship, or what if he wasn't saved at all? Do I treat him with less respect? What if their children were given the by God the gift of a mild temper. Does that mean I raise my children up with anything other than the guideline of first time obedience? If I live in a bigger house, or a tiny house, does that mean I do not have to be organized and keep my house a sanctuary for my family? Why on earth does it matter the differences in families when it comes from sharing and gleaning wisdom from these amazing women? Praise God for the women my Jesus has brought into my life to help lift me up. I realize that lately the Lord has really been working on my heart in this area. In days past I would have said "we only have 3 children, why can't I just get my act together like they do with 12?" But recently I have been sharing bits of wisdom from the web from some ladies with Clay. And I have felt so hopeful ( now I have my moments of getting down) but I feel hopeful when I look at the lives of these ladies. And that is why the Lord bring these types of families into our lives. We should say "WOW! Look at how Katie has managed to scale back on all the toys with such a large family! Or look how so and so had 12 children and the children are so godly and loving. Through God's help WE can do that! If we tomato stake or teach the children thankfulness we can have the peace in our family God desires. Let's get started! :) :)" Okay a bit much but.... you get my drift. So stop the hatin, stop the comparin, and start goin.

And an extra thanks to those ladies that the Lord has been using to work in my heart - some of you know who you are :)

Hmm Sunday Sunday

Sun, 8 Jan 2006 20:42:00 -0600

So I thought I'd write for a minute since Katie made me laugh. Fake it til ya make it. I need more faking and more making.

Well things were better this weekend. Now admittedly there were many many times that I was unsubmissive and disrespectful to Clay but thanks to the Lord I started to notice them. So each time I had attitude or talked disrespectfully to him not a minute would pass before I was apologizing to him. I was at first thinking that it was kind of annoying lol. I think if it were Clay doing it I might grow annoyed, especially since I found myself apologizing every 10 minutes. Then today I told him I was sorry for talking disrespectfully to him and he really shone as he told me thank you for apologizing. Thank Jesus that I have a sweet husband that forgives me so freely and quickly. I wish I could offer him that kind of grace so easily. I hope that I continue to let the Lord point these things out to me and that they begin to become beyond ugly to me.

So Clay had me order the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover starter set. I didn't want to buy it unless we both commited to reading and watching it all ( um... well that sounds bad. And I suppose in reality that was kind of degrading to Clay to assume that he wasn't going to watch it. ) And he gave me an emphatic I will absolutely do it with you - I want you to buy the starter set instead of just the book. Yay! So I started reading the book. I am loving it. I think I was nagging just a tad today about him watching one of the dvds with me. But being sweet he went along with my impatience (he usually says no way when I act that way. Thank the Lord I have a strong husband who doesn't give into em) and we started watching the Cash Flow/budget dvd. We only got to watch about 15-20 minutes because my mother decided she would get the big children up from their quiet time to give them a snack. Oy, living with parents. But when we turned it off, Clay was so excited and said he was really enjoying it and wanted to watch the rest after the children went to bed. God is so good. I am feeling so hopeful that we will start turning things around and make a plan to get Clay's school done, get out of debt and get ourselves back to our home in beautiful TN. More than all of that, I have always hated that Clay works so so hard in such hard labor jobs just to be struggling and behind all the time. For all his hard work I want to see our family thrive financially, to be getting ahead. To help him feel proud of the way his work if providing for his family.

I think I put off posting this last number of days since my eating and exercise plan went ary before lunch. So I am starting anew. Mom made all this good food for the week so it will be easy to eat some healthy food. She made a big pot of split pea soup, some great beef stew, some chicken boussin, some great London Broil and... Homemade sloppy joes lol. So if I can actually get to bed and get up at a reasonable time it will be great. And try to eat breakfast. I have been not eating breakfast and I feel it a mistake. I hope to go to Winco and get a 25lb bag of juicing carrots since that is my favorite breakfast. Clay encouraged me this weekend to start exercising this week if even for 15 minutes. I am so an all or nothing gal. It is a huge flaw of mine that I need to work on. If I blow it by eating a bowl of ice cream I binge the rest of the day. Even to the point that if things are not great in my spiritual life all feels worthless, and I put all things of God to the wayside. This needs to end. Flylady says something about even a small bit of cleaning blesses your family. I need to start doing baby steps.

So.. instead of coming up with grand plans of all the things I will eat and do. My only plan is to do a small baby step. Even if it is just one. Though I hope to do something small in each of the areas that I am struggling in. What do they say, you can't change what you can't acknowledge? So here are the parts that seem out of control and a small baby steps I can try tomorrow.

The house - put away sorted laundry piles
the children - have a child help with each meal
my eating - eat breakfast
health - drink one bottle of water
exercise - do 15 minutes of Pilates
school - have Frankie do copywork and review our lapbook
my marriage - make Clay a lunch to take to work with Bible verse taped on (he loves that)
my relationship with the Lord - Read Bible in bathroom times instead of scrapbook magazines ( LOL)
my computer time - 15 minutes only allowed in morning to check email
keeping track of my digiscrapping "work" deadlines - print out calendar page, write all Elements Team deadlines on calendar
My mood in general - put good music on while I do one of my pick up sessions in the house

Okay while that seems like a lot for me to do for some reason, it is a little in each area. Honestly I can probably do all those things in an hour.

Also, my add making a great special breakfast for Clay on the weekends. He had steak, eggs and toast today and the man who eats little had two whole plates! He was so happy and smiley about his good hearty breakfast. If you are not making something special for your hubby for breakfast when he is home I encourage you to do it. I used to do it every weekend and somehow slacked. He felt like the king of his family this morning :)

As he should.