Graceful Journey - Homeschool Blogger

Grace-filled Living Resources

Tue, 4 Apr 2006 06:34:00 -0500

Life in General:
The Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindoll
The book that added bones to my vague understanding of Grace. Essential Reading!

Marriage:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Redefines the purpose for marriage . . . what if it's not about making us happy but about making us holy.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldahn
This is the first book I have ever read that so clearly communicated my husband's mind and heart in a way I could understand it. It was my AHA! book of 2005. She has now written For Men Only

Parenting:
Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson
This is the book I would have written if I hadn't been so busy raising my nine children. Clearly gets to the heart of parenting. Not as practical as I would like but I believe the heart change is needed in order to implement anything practical. Highly recommend ANYTHING by the Clay and Sally Clarkson

How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen and Listen so Your Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Now this one is practical. Very clear examples on communicating with our children.

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
Don't actually own this one yet but have skimmed it in the bookstore. My basic impression is that it encompasses both the heart change that grace brings to the parent as well as practical positive application.

Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
This book taught many of the tools that I use in my home on a daily basis.
Five steps, comfort corner, conflict resolution
Good study of the Rod verses included also.

Chasing the Heart of my Daughter

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 06:45:00 -0600

This morning I spent some time praying for my almost 15 yod. Lately, she has been rather difficult to get along with. Very moody, easily irritated, hard-hearted. She seems to be closed to the Lord as if she is trying to shut down her spiritual life. My husband and I have been feeling like we are trying to pound down a brick wall with our bare hands. To be honest, I am weary of ending up in a bruised and bloody mess at the base of that wall.

This morning I just began to pray that God would show me how to reach her heart. What to do. What to say. He began to give me his eyes for this daughter. I think she is starting to struggle with the questions that chase most women. :::shameless borrowing from Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge ahead:::: I think she is asking, "Am I beautiful?" "Am I worthy?" "Will you love me no matter what"

I am afraid that the enemy has planted a seed that she is unlovable and as she is struggling with that I believe she is actually becoming difficult to love, almost subconsciously she is testing us to see if we really love her, if we really think she is worthy and beautiful.
I know this because it is the same fight I have had over the years. In my youth, I did not believe there was any value in me so I became a person of no value . . . giving myself away to anyone. In my marriage, I have fallen prey to the enemies lies and have believed that I was not worth fighting for. I believed that I was just a person who would be abandoned. It was almost as if I were acting in a way that would make it easy for my husband to fulfill that negative prophecy. There were times that I could almost hear myself screaming in my head, "Will you fight for me? Will you love me no matter what, no matter how ugly I can be?"
Immature? Yeah. I was stuck in a childhood pattern.
Praise God for His infinite love, grace and mercy. Praise God for a husband who does love me enough to fight for me, to work at tearing down the brick wall I had put around my heart, who sees my beauty, inside and out.

God revealed to me this morning that my daughter is struggling with those questions. Our answer has to be to love her, to love her enough to wipe out the fear of not being enough, of not being beautiful, of not being worthy.
It is difficult not to react in the flesh. My flesh wants to buckle down, get more strict, nip it in the bud. God's heart says run toward her . . . though I want to turn away from this ugly behavior, I cannot. I have to run toward her and chase her with love and prayer. It is His kindness that leads to repentance. I pray for God's lovingkindness to be so full in my life that it would overflow and pour all over her.

It is about patience . . . which I believe is much more accurately translated in the KJV . . . longsuffering. Suffer long. Our God is patient, he is longsuffering, He is willing to suffer long for our sakes. Am I willing to suffer long for the sake of my children? Oh, my flesh screams "NO!" I want this to be easy. I don't want to deal with this behavior. I don't want to suffer little, much less long. But God's heart suffers long and I desire to have the heart of my father.

Teach me, Lord. Show me how. I cannot do this without you. You are my strength and your grace is sufficient. It is your perfect love that drives away fear and I pray that your love will be strong in me, strong and evident, full and overflowing.
Thank you Lord for your guidance. You are a real God. Blessing and honor and glory be to your name, forever and ever.

Immersed in the Mystery
Cynthia

Parenting by Grace

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 17:06:00 -0600

I have added a link to my sidebar. I have tons of links ... at least, I used to have tons of links. We just switched to a new computer and I successfully imported all my favorites from the old computer before the old computer bit the dust. But then, the unthinkable! Some weird glitch on Saturday and I had to reformat the hard drive and everything went POOF! Oh well. I found them once, I should be able to find them again, don't you think? It's all a matter of trusting God to lead me even on the internet journey.

Back to the link though. I wrote yesterday about a new online homeschool community. This is sort of a chance for a fresh start and I am being led by the Lord to be more vocal about our parenting paradigm shift. Already someone has asked if anyone has switched from being a spanking parent to a non-spanking parent. I was so excited to share my testimony, just a bit of it. It is a process and I am trying to walk close to the Lord and let Him lead me and teach me. While posting on that thread, I rediscovered the first Parenting by Grace article I read and I would have to say it was the best as well. God spoke to my heart and to my mind through the words. Granted, it doesn't get specific but that is what God tore from my hands . . . the formulas, the recipes, the crutch. He wants me to depend on Him, each and every time. I can't have it all figured out. I have to seek His wisdom constantly and He is faithful to guide me.

I originally planned on posting the link here today and including some snippets from the article. It is all so good though. A clear contrast between parenting by law and parenting by grace is given. I hope you will take time to read it. If you are interested in conversing about the article, feel free to email me.

Immersed in the Mystery
Cynthia

A New Home

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 15:26:00 -0600

I never moved when I was growing up. My childhood and into adulthood was spent in the same house until I married my husband at age twenty-one. The anxiety of moving away from old friends, having to make new friends, never haunted me. Though I can imagine the turmoil, the emotional death, the challenge.

It is funny how the internet creates community. People, from all over the world, in different stages of life, in various socio-economic states, sit in front of a screen and find comraderie with virtual strangers who quickly become virtual friends. The emotional ties are just as strong, if not stronger, than real life relationships. Through the internet, we find encouragement, hope, prayers.

So imagine with me. One morning, the parents sit the children at the table and say, "A move has been made and starting today, you may not be able to make contact with your old friends but we expect for you to smile, make the best of it, find some new friends." They get up and escort the children out the door and to a new life. The fear, the timidity, the worry, the anger, the sense of betrayal. All of these changes, out of their control.

This is what happens when major changes happen in online communities. There is emotional upheaval. Speculation and words fly. Feelings are thrown about. Eventually, peace and good reason reign and we pick ourselves up, dragging the luggage behind us, we find a new place to roost, to make our home.

That is where I find myself these days. Moving into a new home, unpacking, meeting the neighbors, greetings some old friends who have moved with me. To my delight, it is beginning to feel like home . . . inviting, eclectic, stimulating. It has become a few minutes of haven in the midst of a busy life. I am receiving and sharing encouragement with a home-full of incredible people.
I think we have had our housewarming party and are ready to entertain and be hospitable so I invite you to join us at A Home for Homeschoolers. You will find a big comfortable chair waiting for you by the fireplace. Hope to see you there.

Immersed in the Mystery
Cynthia

Since I LOVE quotes!

Sun, 5 Mar 2006 17:40:00 -0600

Your wise quote is: "Be kind to unkind people,
they probably need it the most" by
Ashleigh Brilliant.
You try to look beyond apperance, try to give
people second chances and are probably very
kind. Understanding is your biggest
personality trait, and thoose you can see
through should be grateful. If they aren't
already. You detest narrow minded people,
because they can't see what's really there.
Facades is not your thing and you strive to
always be who you really are.

What wise quote fits you? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Learning to trust

Fri, 3 Mar 2006 06:14:00 -0600

Feeling contemplative this morning. I cannot really identify it but the need to sit down, close my eyes and let my fingers fly across the keyboard is overwhelming. Something within me is longing to escape, longing to see the light, to be exposed to the truth. What is it? What has happened this week? Nothing comes to mind. Nothing earth shattering. Even no accumulation of past thoughts I don't know. Maybe it is just a lack of sleep. I could not sleep last night and there is a big day planned today. So, it could be just the the cobwebs have not been swept, or slept, out of my brain.

Been going through a bit of online upheaval this week. A beloved message board has become inassessible to me and to others leaving many feeling like refugees. Thankfully, there is recognition that an entity, company or corporation does not provide or make community. It is people who make community. And thankfully, there other online places to meet and we are all gathering and regathering working towards digging in roots and creating something new. This is a good thing however all of the surrounding circumstances have left me thinking.

Who is my support? Who is my encourager? Who is my lifeline? These are all words used by those lamenting the potential loss of online friends.
Philippians 4:19 says,
19And my God will liberally supply (^[a]fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

God will supply EVERY need. He knows what I need. He knows when I am discouraged. He knows when I need support. He knows when I need wisdom. God is the source of meeting all my needs. He is not limited by ANYTHING and certainly He is not limited by the loss of online community. It may be the very thing He will use in my life to turn my face back to Him, my strong tower, my refuge, my very present help in time of trouble.

Really, when there is trouble, where do I turn first? To the Lord? Oh, I wish it were true. I don't. I know that I don't. I turn to my husband, to a trusted friend, to advice from others. Who is my help? Who is my refuge? Who will bring me peace?

Isaiah 26:3

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

My prayer is that my trust in the Lord will grow and that I will run to Him first, always. I do eventually get around to casting the cares on the Lord but why do I wait? Does God understand? Yes. I am only robbing myself o the perfect peace that is available when God is allowed to take over.

One of the lessons that I have learned this week is that I am not to be dependent on anyone or anything other than God. To do so is a form of idolization. Do I want to admit that there are idols in my life? No but truly, there may be. If anything is taking the place of God it is because of my own choice; I am placing it there before God. I can trust God to meet my need in the best way. He knows my need and He knows best how to meet that need. It may not be the way I would choose but I can trust Him.

Learning to trust. Learning to trust.

�Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, �Thus says the Lord!�

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I�ve proved Him o�er and o�er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
�Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I�ve proved Him o�er and o�er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Yes, �tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I�ve proved Him o�er and o�er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

I�m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I�ve proved Him o�er and o�er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia

Remembering

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 09:37:00 -0600

Ecc 12:12 But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.

Ok, I remembered the first part of that verse and wanted to include it as the introduction to my post today but then there is the second part which could lead me to an entirely different post. Not today, not today. So forgive me as I quote the verse in part.

In Ecclesiastes, it says that the writing of many books is endless. Oh, isn�t it so? And the writing of books about writing �. Endless. Behind me, there is a STACK of books devoted to the art of writing. I am constantly flipping through, reading, writing snippets from exercises in the books. I love finding a new books about writing.
Today's post is from a new book, not necessarily about writing but I am using it as prompts. What�s Your Story: An Interactive Guide to Building Authentic Relationships by Toben and Joanne Heim.
From the back cover:
Do your friends know what REALLY matters to you? Do you know what REALLY matters to them? Or is it the same old boring routine? Ask a simple question, get a simple answer, and never really get to know the person. How do you build authentic relationships? Real, personal, intimate relationships? From discussing your favorite things to sharing fears, WHAT�S YOUR STORY? Is an interactive guide to bring people together into deeper, more meaningful connections. Join authors Toben and Joanne Heim and others as they converse about their stories � their past, present, future, values and opinions, and faith. Follow their stories through essays, or record your own story on the journal pages. Break out of the traditional mode of conversation at parties or gatherings and get to deeper issues. Deepen your relationships as you talk about � and listen to � the things that really matter.

Here is the first of my posts in What�s My Story, as I turn around and face the past as it must be included in the story of my life.

What would life be like if we could wake up one day and our memories could be gone, erased, cleared away. All the agony of mistakes, broken hearts and failures wouldn�t exist. But gone too would be the joy of smiles, long conversations, the first kiss. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind lays out this scenario and its temptation and its consequences. Unfortunately, there are elements of the movie that echo in my own life. I have tried to blot out the past with its mistakes that are too painful to remember. The childhood was lonely, bland, hopeless. But in my efforts, I have blocked out wonderful memories. I want to remember. I want to know who I was then and what my heritage is. I want to write my story. But to remember the good, I will also have to remember the bad and the ugly.
Even in my most recent past, my inclination is to try to forget my faults, my shortcomings, my poor choices. It is tempting to stay focused on today and ignore the time when I was younger and more foolish. However, as I take up the broom to clear my mind of those unpleasant thoughts, the sweet memories are swept out the door also.
My ability to remember is starting to fade with my age. I don�t want to lose myself. Forgetting who I was denies the process that made me, is making me, who I am. I don�t want to let my children lose themselves. Their minds should be brimming with recollections. Our time should be spent making memories for the future and recalling the memories of the past.
Though it is tempting to clean things up a bit, to rewrite history and try to recreate what has happened in the past, I cannot. It would be like altering a masterpiece in the making. A finished product does not exist but is still being formed. I cannot erase what is already there and I cannot cover it up either. The beauty of the cracks and flaws needs to be allowed to define me.
God must know our tendency to try to forget, to hide, to wash away the past. He must know how easy it is to forget even the wonderful things, the deliverance, the miracles. Many times, God tells the Israelites to remember and we are told to remember.
Therefore, remember, I must.
The journey into the past illuminates the present and takes part in creating the future.

Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia

Hello Again, Hello

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 07:07:00 -0600

It has been a long time, too long, since I sat down and composed my thoughts for myself or for the blog. During the gray days, when I probably needed it most, I gave up my writing. I didn�t nurture it, didn�t pursue it, didn�t acknowledge it. Writing is as a life spring to me. Without it, an arid and barren land barely exists within me.

Emerging from the gray place is like waking up from a deep, heavy sleep. The eyes struggle open then close again, repeating several times. A slow realization dawns that the window ushers in light. It is not morning but late in the day and the roar of wasted minutes, days, weeks and months jolts me to my feet. I am frantic to get on with my life but the oppressive fog of sleep still disables me. It takes so long to shake the weariness from my bones but eventually I am moving fluid again. The routine of life settles around me and moves me along a comfortable rut. I eagerly follow the trail because it is a relief to be stepping forward. These are the necessary things of life, the duties of who I am.

Eventually full consciousness comes upon me and I can see clearly that I have left things behind, before the gray time, that are vital elements of my identity. Weak reasoning had put them on the shelf. Noble-sounding excuses packed away the skills, the art, the desire. After my awakening, I keenly feel the loss and struggle to find the missing pieces.

There are many but all seem to hinge on one thing. Writing. I had devalued my writing into non-existence. Playing the part of a false martyr, the writer suffered and died for no good cause. There is a time to die, to die to oneself. This was not that time.

Nothing was accomplished by a season of not writing. A more joyful wife doesn�t greet my husband. My children are not embraced by a more loving mother. I am not a more caring daughter or sister. A more faithful friend doesn�t serve my friends. I am not a truer Christian or a better person because I sacrificed my writing. The fact is that God speaks to me through the process of writing. It is in that process that He pierces my heart with his truth. Yet I gave it all up freely, with loose hands because I thought it was a sacrifice unto Him. The enemy has deceived me.

I am glad to be back at the work that God has given me. My deepest desire is to please Him and I just like Eric Liddell felt that God smiled when he ran, I believe that God smiles when I write.

Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia

My part

Mon, 2 Jan 2006 22:07:00 -0600

Today I read Isaiah 45. This chapter is the message of God revealing himself to a pagan, foreign King, Cyrus, who would allow Israel to go back to their homeland from exile in 538 B.C. The ancient historian Josephus relates that King Cyrus decided to let Israel go when he read this passage about himself.

Isaiah 45

¹ "This is what the LORD says to his anointed,
       to Cyrus, whose right hand I take hold of
       to subdue nations before him
       and to strip kings of their armor,
       to open doors before him
       so that gates will not be shut:

² I will go before you
       and will level the mountains ^[a] ;
       I will break down gates of bronze
       and cut through bars of iron.

³ I will give you the treasures of darkness,
       riches stored in secret places,
       so that you may know that I am the LORD,
       the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

⁴ For the sake of Jacob my servant,
       of Israel my chosen,
       I summon you by name
       and bestow on you a title of honor,
       though you do not acknowledge me.

⁵ I am the LORD, and there is no other;
       apart from me there is no God.
       I will strengthen you,
       though you have not acknowledged me,

⁶ so that from the rising of the sun
       to the place of its setting
       men may know there is none besides me.
       I am the LORD, and there is no other.

⁷ I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

⁸ "You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
       let the clouds shower it down.
       Let the earth open wide,
       let salvation spring up,
       let righteousness grow with it;
       I, the LORD, have created it.

⁹ "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker,
       to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.
       Does the clay say to the potter,
       'What are you making?'
       Does your work say,
       'He has no hands'?

¹⁰ Woe to him who says to his father,
       'What have you begotten?'
       or to his mother,
       'What have you brought to birth?'

¹¹ "This is what the LORD says�
       the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:
       Concerning things to come,
       do you question me about my children,
       or give me orders about the work of my hands?

¹² It is I who made the earth
       and created mankind upon it.
       My own hands stretched out the heavens;
       I marshaled their starry hosts.

¹³ I will raise up Cyrus ^[b] in my righteousness:
       I will make all his ways straight.
       He will rebuild my city
       and set my exiles free,
       but not for a price or reward,
       says the LORD Almighty."

¹⁴ This is what the LORD says:
       "The products of Egypt and the merchandise of Cush, ^[c]
       and those tall Sabeans�
       they will come over to you
       and will be yours;
       they will trudge behind you,
       coming over to you in chains.
       They will bow down before you
       and plead with you, saying,
       'Surely God is with you, and there is no other;
       there is no other god.' "

¹⁵ Truly you are a God who hides himself,
O God and Savior of Israel.

¹⁶ All the makers of idols will be put to shame and disgraced;
they will go off into disgrace together.

¹⁷ But Israel will be saved by the LORD
       with an everlasting salvation;
       you will never be put to shame or disgraced,
       to ages everlasting.

¹⁸ For this is what the LORD says�
       he who created the heavens,
       he is God;
       he who fashioned and made the earth,
       he founded it;
       he did not create it to be empty,
       but formed it to be inhabited�
       he says:
       "I am the LORD,
       and there is no other.

¹⁹ I have not spoken in secret,
       from somewhere in a land of darkness;
       I have not said to Jacob's descendants,
       'Seek me in vain.'
       I, the LORD, speak the truth;
       I declare what is right.

²⁰ "Gather together and come;
       assemble, you fugitives from the nations.
       Ignorant are those who carry about idols of wood,
       who pray to gods that cannot save.

²¹ Declare what is to be, present it�
       let them take counsel together.
       Who foretold this long ago,
       who declared it from the distant past?
       Was it not I, the LORD ?
       And there is no God apart from me,
       a righteous God and a Savior;
       there is none but me.

²² "Turn to me and be saved,
all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, and there is no other.

²³ By myself I have sworn,
       my mouth has uttered in all integrity
       a word that will not be revoked:
       Before me every knee will bow;
       by me every tongue will swear.

²⁴ They will say of me, 'In the LORD alone
       are righteousness and strength.' "
       All who have raged against him
       will come to him and be put to shame.

²⁵ But in the LORD all the descendants of Israel
will be found righteous and will exult.

The thing that strikes me so prominently from this scripture is that God had a plan and a purpose for His people and Cyrus was part of that plan. God obviously had a plan and a purpose for the life of King Cyrus. I think some would say that Cyrus was just a pawn in the hands of a chess master, being played but for the purpose of another.

I don't see it that way.

There was great significance to Cyrus' life, a purpose to change the fate of God's people. God has a plan and a purpose for His people today, Jew and Gentile alike. He has a plan and my life has significance. I have a role to play, a part in the scene, the act, the play. I cannot know my part if I am not studying the creation of the author: the words He has inspired, the works His hands have done, the lives that He has knit together for His purpose and His pleasure. I am in His story. My story is HIS story. I want to live my part well.

Dreams and Mosaics

Sun, 1 Jan 2006 15:49:00 -0600

After a month hiatus, from here, I have actually been quite busy on the web ... quite a journey that I am taking with God ... there is so much to write about. Too much for one day. Here is a start. Dreams and Mosaics.

Fireflies by Lori McKenna

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I'd traveled 'round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer's dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by
And fireflies

Now before I grew up I saw you on a cloud
And I could bless myself in your name
And pat you on your wings
And before I grew up I heard you whisper so loud
Well life is hard and so is love
Child, believe in all these things

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinker Bell
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

Cause I believe in fairy tales
And dreamer's dreams
Like bedsheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan
And miracles, anything I can to get by . . .
And fireflies
And fireflies . . .

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
And before you knew me I'd traveled 'round the world
And I slept in castles
And fell in love
Because I was taught to dream

The song is the title song from Faith Hill's new cd but the songwriter, Lori McKenna puts her to shame. Go to Lori's site and listen to her sing it. She is an incredible songwriter and singer

When I first heard the song, I was very sad and I thought to myself, "I have forgotten how to dream." But no, that is not the problem.
The problem is that I wasn't taught to dream. I was raised by a realist who borders on pessimism. Every dream I ever had was shot down before it had the opportunity to take wing.
So my prayer to my sweet Father this year is that He will teach me how to dream, how to believe, increase my faith and my trust.
This morning as I wrote my morning pages, I began a prayer to the Lord. We need healing here. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual healing. I began to picture what the healing would look like and a beautiful mosaic came to my mind. God could create something totally new or he could take the broken pieces and make it whole again. But what I see is all those broken pieces creating something intricate and beautiful. So, my prayer seems a little vague this year ... dreams and mosaics. I am anxious to see how He answers.
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/gracefuljourney/mosaic.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia

Hiatus

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:21:00 -0600

I am going to take an online fast. Waves of depression are still rolling over me and I have found that I am starting to try and escape into an online world. It is no different than people who escape with alcohol, drugs, food, busy-ness. I have precious little physical, mental or emotional energy and I need to expend that at home with my family. I will be back at the first of the year. I covet your prayers during this time.

Seasons of Love

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 06:47:00 -0600

Seasons Of Love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes -
how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love?
How about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes -
how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned,
or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or
the way that she died.

It�s time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends
let's celebrate
remember a year in the life of friends.
Rememberthe love! Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Measure in love.
Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

There was a post recently on the Sonlight Forums that asked if you hear music in your head, all the time, some of the time. I hear music in my head all of the time. It is random. I can't control it. I can't change the channel if I don't like the song. I thought everyone was life this. For the past two days, this has been the song in my head. It is from the musical/movie Rent. I don't want to change the channel. I want to be reminded of fragility of life and inspired to make the most of every moment. I haven't found anyone to discuss this movie with ... most people I know just want to argue that it isn't a movie a Christian should see. I saw it Monday with my 19 yod. Emotions, questions, challenges are still pounding in my head. What to do? How to live? How to die? More, much more. I hope that in the near future, the dark clouds will blow away so that I can make sense of the pounding waves of thought. There is an important message in the midst of it, I know. Trying to hang on until it is revealed.

Life Quotes

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 20:42:00 -0600

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza

It is not length of life, but depth of life. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. -- Anonymous

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. -- Danny Kaye

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.-- Abraham Lincoln

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. -- Albert Einstein

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. -- Steven Coallier

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. -- Karl Wallenda

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways. -- Anonymous

There has been a prevalent theme the past three days. Live life. Live life to the fullest and overflowing. Today. No regrets. No worries. Smile. Laugh. Skip. Sing. Dance. Live life out loud, arms wide open, ready to embrace the world. Serve. Cry. Weep. Wail. Feel. Live, love and learn. Passionately. Dangerously. Unhindered. With abandon. Say Yes. Yes. YES! Be filled with and wonder, wide-eyed wonder. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Live. Color outside the lines with big fat crayons. Inspire and be inspired. Encourage and be encouraged. Believe. Pray and believe. Accept and be accepted. Live. Immersed in the mystery.

Monday Madness

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 06:17:00 -0600

1. I've always been afraid of letting others see the real me.
2. People should not talk on cell phones while performing surgery.
3. The one thing I look forward to every day is hearing my children laugh.
4. My first meal of the day usually consists of whole grains and fruit.
5. It seems like laundry is a never-ending job.
6. The last time I painted a room in my house/apartment was 2003.
7. The next time I paint, I'd like to paint my living room deep yellow gold.

Check out Monday Madness.

My first painting

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 12:30:00 -0600

Julie at Two Small Birds inspired me with her post, Some Stories are Best Told in Color
I have always wanted to paint but I wasn't the artist in the family. My brother was the artist. I was the bookworm. (Parents, be careful of the labels that you lovingly give your children. You may pigeon-hole them for the rest of their lives). Julie posts about starting to paint after her son was born, about how she thought she couldn't paint because she "couldn't even draw", and she shows off some soul-full paintings.
Last night, my children and I pulled out their painting supplies. About a dozen bottles of tempera paint, some cardstock and Walmart paintbrushes. I wasn't starting with quality stuff here but it was important to just put some color on the paper. We sat and painted together for about an hour. It was very peaceful and absorbing.
So here's my first painting:

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/gracefuljourney/Firstpainting.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

I am anxious to paint more, to re-discover the artist that I thought I never could be.

Immersed in the mystery,
Cynthia

I didn't think I was depressed

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 09:20:00 -0600

I have been in a blue funk lately. The holidays are here and I am not interested in acknowledging the season. I don't want to decorate. I don't want to celebrate. I don't want to participate. But I wouldn't say that I am depressed.
Yesterday, I sat in a booth at a restaurant and pulled out my notebook to free write. I wanted to empty my mind so that I could start thinking about what to add to our educational routine. This is what poured out of my pen.

Gray clouds scuttle across my brain
    shielding the life giving light
I bounce on my feet, back and forth
    trying to avoid the opression
A game of catch-me-if-you-can
    I am panting with the constant movement
I know it is a matter of time and
    I will crumple
This is not my will, not my desire
    I am helpless against the onslaught
The pelting rain pierces my skin
    like so many needles of novocain
Worse than the pain is the numbness
    unable to feel anything
Even sleep eludes me provding no escape
    I am paralyzed, incapable of rolling away
    from the downward swing of the knife
My screams are silenced in my throat
    No one hears my cry for help
Wide eyed, staring into the darkness
    my body heaving with sobs
I wonder what to do, how to live
    how to die.
Wanting nothing but an end to it all
Life is colorless, shades of gray
    scuttle across my brain

Where did that come from? I don't know. I don't feel particularly sad. Just nothing. I am grateful for today's meditation. I am reminded to wait on the Lord, to seek Him with all my heart, to place my hope in Him. He has not left me. I am not alone. Here are the verses, and some praise songs, that I am keeping in my mind today.

Lam 3:22 It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.

Psa 86:15 But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy and loving-kindness and truth.

Mic 7:18 Who is a God like You, Who forgives iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retains not His anger forever, because He delights in mercy and loving-kindness.
Mic 7:19 He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

I know that whatever is going on with me, I am not consumed. Yesterday I wrote that God knows my name, He knows my thoughts. Whatever is going on with me has not taken God by surprise. His compassions do not fail and will not fail me. His love and his mercy sustain me.

Lam 3:23 They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.

Psa 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Isa 33:2 O Lord, be gracious to us; we have waited [expectantly] for You. Be the arm [of Your servants--their strength and defense] every morning, our salvation in the time of trouble.

Psa 36:5 Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, extend to the skies, and Your faithfulness to the clouds.
Psa 36:6 Your righteousness is like the mountains of God, Your judgments are like the great deep. O Lord, You preserve man and beast.

Lyrics by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day

From the recording: Time, Track #5.

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide

I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

Psa 89:1 A skillful song, or a didactic or reflective poem, of Ethan the Ezrahite. I WILL sing of the mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord forever; with my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness from generation to generation.

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever, I will sing, I will sing

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever, I will sing of the mercies of the Lord

And with my mouth, will I make known, they faithfulness, thy faithfulness
And with my mouth, will I make known, thy faithfulness to all generations
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever, I will sing, I will sing
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever, I will sing of the mercies of the Lord.

Psa 89:2 For I have said, Mercy and loving-kindness shall be built up forever; Your faithfulness will You establish in the very heavens [unchangeable and perpetual].

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Joy will be restored. It is coming. This is just a phase, just a short season, one in which I must cling to the faithfulness of the Lord until He restores the joy of my salvation.

Lam 3:24 The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.

Psa 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my Portion forever.

Psa 142:5 I cried to You, O Lord; I said, You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.

Psa 31:24 Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!

Psa 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

Psa 62:8 Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

David must have suffered from depression at times. I can relate when he says, Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? I do wonder what is going on and why but ultimately, I must hope in the Lord. He is my refuge and He will hide me in the shadow of His wing during this dark time.

Lam 3:25 The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God's word].

Psa 27:14 Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Psa 39:7 And now, Lord, what do I wait for and expect? My hope and expectation are in You.

Isa 30:18 And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

Isa 40:31 But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

Isa 64:4 For from of old no one has heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen a God besides You, Who works and shows Himself active on behalf of him who [earnestly] waits for Him.

Mic 7:7 But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Psa 22:26 The poor and afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; they shall praise the Lord--they who [diligently] seek for, inquire of and for Him, and require Him [as their greatest need]. May your hearts be quickened now and forever!

Psa 27:8 You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].

Psa 69:32 The humble shall see it and be glad; you who seek God, inquiring for and requiring Him [as your first need], let your hearts revive and live!

Hos 10:12 Sow for yourselves according to righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); reap according to mercy and loving-kindness. Break up your uncultivated ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, to inquire for and of Him, and to require His favor, till He comes and teaches you righteousness and rains His righteous gift of salvation upon you.

Wait and seek. Wait and seek. Wait and seek. Over and over these verses encourage me to wait. Not impatiently but with faith and hope that He is my rescuer. I love that the amplified goes on each time to describe seeking God as seeking Him as the one necessity. He is the one that I need ... THE one, the only need of my life. Especially now when the light has dimmed and I am sitting, waiting in the gray place, I am keenly aware of how great my need is.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

He knows my name

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 08:47:00 -0600

This morning, I spent some time meditating on Psalm 139.

¹O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
    ²You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
         You understand my thought from afar.
    ³You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
         And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
    ⁴Even before there is a word on my tongue,
         Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
    ⁵You have enclosed me behind and before,
         And laid Your hand upon me.
    ⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
         It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
    ⁷Where can I go from Your Spirit?
         Or where can I flee from Your presence?
    ⁸If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
         If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
    ⁹If I take the wings of the dawn,
         If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
    ¹⁰Even there Your hand will lead me,
         And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
    ¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
         And the light around me will be night,"
    ¹²Even the darkness is not dark to You,
         And the night is as bright as the day
         Darkness and light are alike to You.
    ¹³For You formed my inward parts;
         You wove me in my mother's womb.
    ¹⁴I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
         Wonderful are Your works,
         And my soul knows it very well.
    ¹⁵My frame was not hidden from You,
         When I was made in secret,
         And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
    ¹⁶Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
         And in Your book were all written
         The days that were ordained for me,
         When as yet there was not one of them.
    ¹⁷How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
         How vast is the sum of them!
    ¹⁸If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
         When I awake, I am still with You.
    ¹⁹O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
         Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
    ²⁰For they speak against You wickedly,
         And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
    ²¹Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
         And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
    ²²I hate them with the utmost hatred;
         They have become my enemies.
    ²³Search me, O God, and know my heart;
         Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
    ²⁴And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
         And lead me in the everlasting way.

This scripture reminds me that In the Magicians Nephew, Aslan is speaking to the Cabby and he says, "Son," said, Aslan to the Cabby, "I have known you long. Do you know me?" "Well, no, sir," said the Cabby. "Leastways, not in an ordinary manner of speaking. Yet I feel somehow, if I may make so free, as 'ow we've met before."

As the Psalmist says, this is knowledge to wonderful for me, I cannot attain it. I can hardly understand how the creator of the universe, the King of Kings, the great and mighty God knows me so well, is intimately aware of my thoughts and my ways. The word says that His thoughts toward me would outnumber the sands and that they are precious thoughts. He must love me very much. I am quite taken with that thought today. He loves me. He knows me. He knows me very well.

Just over two years ago, I sat in the living room of my Daddy's house. In just the matter of minutes, he would walk out the door and leave for Charleston. He already had a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and now was going in for surgery to see if they could remove the tumors or not. It was a difficult time for me. Ever the researcher, I had read all that I could about pancreatic cancer. I understood the grim prognosis. However, there was no freedom to share my own fears. It was a time for strength and hope. I sang this song to my father that day.

He Knows My Name
Words and Music by Tommy Walker
� 1996 Doulos Publishing

Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee."

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

Chorus
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He�ll never leave me
No matter where I go

Chorus
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

It is a sweet thought to reflect on today and always. He knows my name. He knows my thoughts, my fears, my struggles, my hopes, my dreams. He never leaves me ... no matter where I go. If I go to the left, to the right, to the heavens, to the depths of the earth, no matter where I go, He is there. He won't leave me alone. He must love me very much.

Thursday Thirteen

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 05:34:00 -0600

 <table cellspacing="0"
align="center" border="1"><tr><td align="center"
bgcolor="#c3a8ce"><img
src="http://intricateart.com/blog/thursdaythirteenpurple.jpg"/>

</td></tr><tr><td style="text-align: left;
background: #c3a8ce;" align="left"><center>Thirteen Things
that <strong>Cynthia</strong> is Thankful
for:</center>


  1. For Internet which makes finding delicious recipes for Thanksgiving SO easy
 2. For not going back to sleep this morning when the alarm went off
 3. That Jesus came to set captives free
 4. That my Daddy experienced that freedom in the last years of his life and we were restored to a sweet relationship
 5. That I talked to both my brothers in the last week.
 6. For hot tea sweetened with honey, specifically Sunset Rose by Twinings
 7. For more books than I will ever be able to read
 8. For Autumn, my favorite time of year, crisp and bright
 9. For a new church fellowship in which I am still finding my way
 10. For silence
 11. For my children who delight me, teach me, mature me.
 12. For my husband who must suffer through the gray times with me
 13. For Jesus whose sacrifice means all to me.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I�ll add you here!) 1. Colleen

</td></tr></table>
<center><a href="http://intricateart.com/blog/thursday-thirteen/">Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!</a> The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It�s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! 
<a href="http://technorati.com/tag/thursday+thirteen" rel="tag">View More Thursday Thirteen Participants</a> </center>

Mission of Motherhood, Chapter Three, Question One

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 22:29:00 -0600

Quite awhile ago, I began posting my notes from Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I didn�t complete that study because I misplaced my book. It made its way to top of the pile and I rediscovered it recently. I have begun reading and studying scripture through this book again. It is so rich and leads me on quite a journey into the word. I don�t even think I can post one chapter a week because it is so much. I thought I would just post one question this week and we will see where it goes from there.

From chapter three, The Undivided Heart: Committing ourselves to God�s Design

For Thought and Reflection
1. Proverbs 14:1 What does it mean to build our house or family? In what ways do we tear it down? To build a physical home, a plan must be made. What does the plan for building your family look like? What changes need to be made?

Proverbs 14:1 says that every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. The Webster 1828 Dictionary defines building such:

3. To raise any thing on a support or foundation; as, to build our hopes on air.

4. In scripture, to increase and strengthen; to cement and knit together; to settle or establish and preserve. Acts 20:32. Eph 2:22. i Sam. 2.35.

What a beautiful picture this paints. If I am building my house, my family, I am raising it up on a foundation. What, or more appropriately, who is the foundation. Scripture says that Jesus Christ is the foundation. Adding in the next definition, am I increasing my family in Christ, strengthening my family in Christ, knitting them together in Christ, establishing them in Christ, preserving them in Christ Wow, not even sure what all of that means or how to accomplish or if it is even possible. Without God is not possible, of courses. Psalm 127:1 says that unless God builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. It is His work that is being accomplished but how, by what means, what is my role in this?

I looked up some verses about build because I wanted to know about how to build a home, a family. Here is a great verse:

Proverbs 24:3,4 �Through skillful and godly wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], and by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] by filled with precious and pleasant riches.

Three elements that I want to explore � skillful and godly wisdom through which a family is built, understanding by which it is established, and knowledge which fills every area with riches.

Wisdom

Here are a few of the scripture that I found about wisdom.

Amplified
Job 28:23 God understands the way [to Wisdom] and He knows the place of it [Wisdom is with God alone].
Job 28:24 For He looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens
. Job 28:25 When He gave to the wind weight or pressure and allotted the waters by measure,
Job 28:26 When He made a decree for the rain and a way for the lightning of the thunder,
Job 28:27 Then He saw [Wisdom] and declared it; He established it, yes, and searched it out [for His own use, and He alone possesses it].
Job 28:28 But to man He said, Behold, the reverential and worshipful fear of the Lord--that is Wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.

Message
Job 28:23 "God alone knows the way to Wisdom, he knows the exact place to find it.
Job 28:24 He knows where everything is on earth, he sees everything under heaven.
Job 28:25 After he commanded the winds to blow and measured out the waters,
Job 28:26 Arranged for the rain and set off explosions of thunder and lightning,
Job 28:27 He focused on Wisdom, made sure it was all set and tested and ready.
Job 28:28 Then he addressed the human race: 'Here it is! Fear-of-the-Lord--that's Wisdom, and Insight means shunning evil.'"

Pro 2:1 MY SON, if you will receive my words and treasure up my commandments within you,
Pro 2:2 Making your ear attentive to skillful and godly Wisdom and inclining and directing your heart and mind to understanding [applying all your powers to the quest for it];
Pro 2:3 Yes, if you cry out for insight and raise your voice for understanding,
Pro 2:4 If you seek [Wisdom] as for silver and search for skillful and godly Wisdom as for hidden treasures,
Pro 2:5 Then you will understand the reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of [our omniscient] God. [Prov. 1:7.]
Pro 2:6 For the Lord gives skillful and godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
Pro 2:7 He hides away sound and godly Wisdom and stores it for the righteous (those who are upright and in right standing with Him); He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity,
Pro 2:8 That He may guard the paths of justice; yes, He preserves the way of His saints. [I Sam. 2:9; Ps. 66:8, 9.]
Pro 2:9 Then you will understand righteousness, justice, and fair dealing [in every area and relation]; yes, you will understand every good path.
Pro 2:10 For skillful and godly Wisdom shall enter into your heart, and knowledge shall be pleasant to you.

I love this seemingly circle that chases itself in these scriptures. One says that to have wisdom I must begin with a reverent and worshipful fear of God. The next says that If I seek wisdom, then I will understand reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? LOL! It doesn�t bog me down at all. I just keep seeking both. Give me the wisdom Lord, the wisdom that I know only comes from you. Increase my knowledge and my reverent fear of You! I must search for your wisdom, understanding and knowledge with all that is within me, with passion and desire. James says that if I want wisdom, I must ask for it. Yes, Lord, give me the wisdom I need to build my family. Help me to understand righteousness, justice and fair dealing. Let your godly wisdom enter my heart!

Amplified
Jam 3:13 Who is there among you who is wise and intelligent? Then let him by his noble living show forth his [good] works with the [unobtrusive] humility [which is the proper attribute] of true wisdom.
Jam 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering, and insincerity).

Message
Jam 3:13 Do you want to be counted wise, to build a wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.
Jam 3:17 Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced.

Tough questions to ask myself. Do I consider myself wise? I want
to be wise. I met someone this week whose last name is wise and I joked that I wanted that last name so that I could say that I am wise. Oh, but I do want true wisdom. So, am I living humbly? The lesson of humility comes before me almost daily. God taught me clearly his words that He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. I want his grace and must die to this prideful spirit that rises up within me more often than I would like to admit.

God�s wisdom is pure. Am I living a pure, undefiled, holy life? Oh, I want to avoid this question. What does it mean? Do the things I do or don�t do make me holy? Or am I holy by virtue of being a child of God? Now this is a question that deserves an answer but to be honest, I know that it will take me further into word studies that I don�t have time for tonight. I will put it in my to look up later file.

Am I peace loving and courteous? I think I am peace loving but there are times that I am not courteous to my family. Why is it that my behavior is worse with those I love the most? They deserve my best.

Am I willing to yield to reason? Do I give my children a chance to share their reasoning or do I discount their opinion, their judgments as immature and childish, giving them on value at all?

Am I overflowing with mercy? No. I know that I am not overflowing with mercy and I like to explain it away as not being my spiritual gift. I see no room for excuses here. I am to be full of His mercy and pour out blessings to those in my life.

God�s wisdom will bring surety to my life and I won�t waver in doubt. Though the questions of my heart seem to be multiplied as of yet, the areas where I know that I have found God�s wisdom are unyielding areas.

Understanding

Understanding, skillful discernment will establish my home, my family, giving an unshakable foundation to my family. Just as with wisdom, only God can provide the understanding that I need to build up my family.

Job 12:13 But [only] with [God] are [perfect] wisdom and might; He [alone] has [true] counsel and understanding.

1Ki 3:9 So give Your servant an understanding mind and a hearing heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and bad. For who is able to judge and rule this Your great people? [James 1:5.]

Job 32:8 But there is [a vital force] a spirit [of intelligence] in man, and the breath of the Almighty gives men understanding. [Prov. 2:6.]

Psa 111:10 The reverent fear and worship of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom and skill [the preceding and the first essential, the prerequisite and the alphabet]; a good understanding, wisdom, and meaning have all those who do [the will of the Lord]. Their praise of Him endures forever. [Job. 28:28; Prov. 1:7; Matt. 22:37, 38; Rev. 14:7.]

Psa 119:104 Through Your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.

Psa 119:104 With your instruction, I understand life; that's why I hate false propaganda.

Psa 119:130 The entrance and unfolding of Your words give light; their unfolding gives understanding (discernment and comprehension) to the simple.

My understanding of life deepens as I seek to do the will of my lord, as I incline my ear toward him and listen to his word, his precepts, his instruction. His word unfolds in my mind, my soul and my heart and gives understanding to this simple mind. It is with the understanding that only God can give that my home, my family is grounded, made firm and established.

Pro 14:29 He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is hasty of spirit exposes and exalts his folly. [Prov. 16:32; James 1:19.]

Pro 15:14 The mind of him who has understanding seeks knowledge and inquires after and craves it, but the mouth of the [self-confident] fool feeds on folly. [Isa. 32:6.]

Pro 15:31 The ear that listens to the reproof [that leads to or gives] life will remain among the wise.
Pro 15:32 He who refuses and ignores instruction and correction despises himself, but he who heeds reproof gets understanding.
Pro 15:33 The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord brings instruction in Wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

Pro 17:24 A man of understanding sets skillful and godly Wisdom before his face, but the eyes of a [self-confident] fool are on the ends of the earth.

Pro 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding has a cool spirit. [James 1:19.]

Pro 28:16 A ruler who lacks understanding is [like a wicked one] a great oppressor, but he who hates covetousness and unjust gain shall prolong his days.

When I am not walking in understanding with my children, not steeped in God�s precepts, not maintaining control over my words and temper, not taking heed to correction from His word and His people, I run the risk of living my life as an oppressor, a tyrant. This is not the type of rule that I want over my children but rather to be humble, servant leader before them.

Knowledge

Pro 1:7 The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline. [Ps. 111:10.]

Pro 12:1 WHOEVER LOVES instruction and correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is like a brute beast, stupid and indiscriminating.

Ecc 2:26 For to the person who pleases Him God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and heaping up, that he may give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a striving after the wind and a feeding on it.

Knowledge is closely linked to wisdom that I am not sure that I can discern what the difference is, if there is to be any difference. I did find it interesting that sometimes in scripture a person is referred to as having a knowledge of someone and it of an intimate nature, a close relationship, like I know my husband. I can�t help but wonder about that especially in light of the verse in Ecclesiastes. It is to the person that pleases Him that God gives wisdom, knowledge and joy. Why do I even want to please God? Because I love Him and why do I love Him? Because He loved me first. It all comes back to Him. He initiates it all. I please Him with my faith, my love for Him, my obedience. He increases my knowledge, my knowledge of Him, deepening the relationship that we have. The areas of my life, my home and family are made richer by this knowledge of the everlasting God.

Well, I have spent much time thinking about building my family. I know that I must seek after wisdom, understanding and knowledge as if it is a hidden treasure. I must dig and relentlessly search for the truth. I must be obedient to what God is teaching me. It is not enough to have the knowledge � putting it into practice makes it wisdom. I must live a humble life, full of compassion and mercy not giving into anger and many words. I must lead my children along the path that God has created for us. It is not enough to just do it myself but I must be bringing my children along beside me and sharing my experience with them, teaching them as well.

Sally asks how a woman can tear her house down. If I am ignoring the master builder, if I am ignoring his commandments, not allowing the truth of his word to change who I am and how I am, if I am giving into fear of man and to my own selfish ambition, if I am allowing anger to control me � if all of these things, I may as well take a sledge hammer and destroy the house.

What needs to change? Romans 12:1-2 talks about not being conformed to this world but being transformed by the renewing of the mind. How does that happen? I drink just a bit of coffee each morning. Many times, there is coffee left in the pot at the end of the day. When I get up the next morning, I put the pot in the sink and start running water into it. As the clean water pours in, the coffee is rinses away and soon, I am left with fresh water to start a fresh pot of coffee. In much the same way, if I am pouring God�s truth into my mind, my soul and my heart, I am being changed from the inside out.

I think we are all on the right path to the changes that need to be made in our home. Our individual devotional times are taking root. I am becoming more aware of God all around me � in the sunset, in the music that never leaves my head, in the patience of a loving husband. I don�t want to miss Him. I want to catch Him in all the steps of my journey.

Fly on the Wall: Tuesday

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 10:54:00 -0600

Yesterday was supposed to be a Fly on the Wall post. It wasn't a great day and I was so tired at the end of it that I just went to bed. When I mentioned to my daughter that I need to write a FotW post she said, "do today instead. We are cooking all day today. It will be a better day." It is tempting to skip the less than perfect days but it isn't realistic. So, in the interest of full disclosure, here's our day yesterday.

I crawled out of bed at about 7:30, thanking God that the children weren't awake yet. After starting the coffee pot, I sat down at the computer to check the news and check in on a few blogs. Through the morning haze, my mind recalled that we had dentist appointments at 9:20 so I began waking every up at 8:00. We do two appointments per month, which still has us at the dentist 10 out of 12 months a year. Unfortunately, we have neglected dental care due to lack of insurance and are having to catch up on a few things. It has been interesting that half of the children have had cavities (just one or two each) and the other half haven't. In fact, I know that the ones that haven't had cavities haven't taken better care of their teeth; they have probably taken worse care of their teeth. So, who knows what the secret is. We will begin orthodontic care in January on 1 or 2 of the children and Chris and I have to get started as well which is going to be a financial nightmare. Enough about that.

The dentist appointments took up the entire morning. After a quick trip to the store to pick up a few groceries, we made it back home in time for one chapter of The Magician's Nephew while they folded laundry. Lunch followed. Cheese burritoes and salad and another chapter of Magican's Nephew.

Devotions after lunch and then it seemed the children just scattered. I can't recall that they did anything productive ... mostly just free play, in and out and playing with legos. I can't recall anything that I did. Just piddling ... laundry, Thanksgiving menu planning, looking up recipes, putting BBQ chicken in the oven for dinner. Feeling sort of blue and edgy with everyone. Can't really place my finger on it.

I decided that maybe a walk would help me feel better. Did I tell you that I am walking to Wyoming? Yep, 1764 miles! For some crazy reason, I have decided that I want to climb Devil's Tower.
I have never been mountain climbing or rock climbing. I am not in great shape right now. I know that this will require me to decrease my weight, increase my strength, my endurance and my flexibility. I am beginning my fitness program. Yesterday I made a chart with 1764 little boxes to represent how many miles it is from my house to Devil's Tower. I am crossing off the miles as I walk them on my treadmill. Even if I only walk 2 miles a day, I will get there in 2 years and too be honest, it may take me that long to be really fit enough to do this.

After my walk, I returened a phone call to my brother. I haven't talked to him since June. At times it's an estranged relationship which is too complicated to even write about. I thought that things would change after my Daddy's death but basically it is just the same. He told me that he is entering the ministry and I have a lot of confusing feelings about that and am trying to bring all my thoughts into obedience unto Christ.

While I talked with him, the children did afternoon chores. I finished up dinner and we sat down to meal of BBQ chicken, garlic smashed potatoes, salad and squash. One more chapter of Magicians Nephew and dinner ended perfectly with a hug from my 6 yos saying, "You are my beloved Queen, Mommi" He is SO funny!

After dinner, I headed off for a shower and bath while the kiddos cleaned up from the meal. This is not usual for us. Typically, we all work together. I find that things go smoother that way. However, I was feeling so edgy that I thought maybe a peaceful bath would help. I must have been out of my mind. They weren't focused and I just became aggravated that I couldn't take a bath without interruption. Lots of selfish thoughts bombarding my mind lately. s

So, prematurely out of the shower/bath and I sat down to watch Beatles Anthology episode 2. I was born in 1964 and had two much older brothers. My first memories of music are not children's songs and nursery rhymes but Beatles music. I have a fascination with that time period and what was in place to allow such a shift in culture. When it was over, I was just ready to be in bed. Quick kisses to the children. A stiff hug and kiss for my husband and off to bed. Pulled the covers over my head and tried to figure out why I am in this funk. No answers came but sleep did.

It wasn't a great day. It wasn't a horrible day but it wasn't good. I didn't feel connected to the children and don't feel there was anything considered productive. Oh, I just remembered what I did during the afternoon. I was surfing around at AVKO Dyslexia and Spelling Foundation. I am trying to find resources to help my 13 yos. If you get a chance, go watch the free video they have, To Teach a Dyslexic. Fascinating.

Ok, well that's the day yesterday. We are supposed to be cooking today so I had better go get busy with that.