Life As I Know It - Homeschool Blogger

mental quandry

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:24:00 -0500

Our oldest is now 17 years and 11 months old. Next month, he will be 18. For those of you who don't know, we adopted Paul and his brother Chris in 2001. Paul was just turning 10. Our journey with him has been...rocky. I guess that is the best way to state it.

He came to us with many, many 'issues', many, many medications and after many (we were his 9th) foster homes. He did NOT need (as we were told by the professionals who knew him best) *JUST* love and consistent structure. He, of course needed these things..but he needed sooo much more. On balance, I am not sure I was up to the task most days.

I just finished writing a handful of e-mails to teachers wanting desperately to help him graduate. Paul, while he states he wants to graduate, wants to do nothing to gain it. He lies about homework. He plays the teachers off his dad and me. He plays the computer system that the school has to keep parents up to date against both us and the school. We have been very blessed. Our two oldest go to two different schools (one private and one public). In both, we have found the teachers to be hard working, caring and dedicated. So many people have hard to deal with, uncaring and downright horrible schools and teachers. We don't. Ours our great.

It is October and Paul is already failing 2 classes, is behind in 3 classes and in danger of failing 2 of those classes. 2 of these classes are MUST take for graduation. He gives lip-service to 'how upset he is' at not having this done. He laments that he "doesn't have time" (he does, if he manages his time even a little bit). He complains that everyone is out to get him. Why should he have to do so much work?

Where did this 'entitlement' mentality come from? Why won't he take responsibility for his mistakes unless he is badgered into it (yes, i have badgered him...and he will reluctantly accept it...verbally but not internally)? Why is he the same emotionally as he was when he was 9....if not more so? Is this the foster care system ...teaching them to lie, to slip thru, to just get by in order to survive? Did we do something or not do something? We have always held him responsible for the things he did or didn't do. We have always tried to help him see what he could do to change, improve, cause things to happen for himself and to help him to understand the difference between things that happened to him in his past that were not his fault...and the things now that he is either letting happen, not causing or causing to happen. We are trying to give him the tools/knowledge to be in control of his life rather than just a 'victim' of it.

Still, if he graduates, it will be not because he stood up and took charge of himself, but because his dad and I , his teachers and support staff, even his Sergeant (recruiter/commander while he is in "delayed entry") dragged him to classes, stood over him while he grudgingly did his work (and gave lots of verbal abuse, bad attitude and tried to make whomever feel guilty and/or angry for even trying to help him), gave him extra (lots) time, extra help and let things slide...all so he could graduate on time and enter the US Army.

Is this serving him in the end? Or is it just helping him to be more dependent, more blaming, more ignorant of his choices and abilities to impact his own life rather than just floating along being miserable?

In the end, everyone says I just have to let him go and see how the world really works. Will that help? Will he see HIS own power to impact or will he just blame everyone and everything else? This grieves me so as I am not someone who likes to fail. I feel like I have failed him. I second (third, fourth) guess myself and my raising of him in the 9 years I had with him. As he goes off to the military (and be sure we are VERY proud of the choices he has been making in this regard---although we have done quite a bit of driving, coaching and pointing in this direction, he has had to pass the tests, do the physical training, make the phone calls, etc. This IS his "hard" work here.) how can I not help but be concerned that he is ill-equipped mentally, emotionally and educationally for the task of manhood. Most days I don't like him...not at all...but ALL days, I love him as if I had given birth to him. And the concern for him is almost palpable.

He is Risen, Just as He said!

What I have planned for Homeschool year 2

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 11:30:00 -0500

How did I come up with "what to do"?

Well, I started out with "what is expected of a 3-4 year old child in public school. I used the World Book Encyclopedia's guidelines (Worldbook Encyclopedia, Recommended Course of Study) and I looked at what my state (Pennsylvania) required/expected. I used HSLDA's links for that (Homeschooling thru the Early Years)

Then I thought about what we (hubby and I) wanted for him. That included reading, writing, physical education, character training, manners and, most importantly, God.

I then wanted to know where he was in comparison to what he should be doing. I am hours away from friends and family so sometimes I feel like I am parenting in a vacuum. I also struggle with being a decade or so older than my nieces and nephews who are parenting kids the same age as Danny. But that is my problem that I have been working on (I DO give it over to God to work on, but I keep picking it back up again to deal with myself---yeah that ALWAYS works--NOT!!). SOOOOO....I read lots of blogs of other moms who homeschool this age group. That helps alot!

I found this website: 1+1+1=1 and copied off her Assessments. From running thru the assessments with Danny, I found that he needs to work on most lower case letters, the color grey,

I spent almost 13 years devising curriculum for people of differing cognitive abilities. I tend toward looking at curriculum (that others have produced...why re-invent the wheel?) and use it as a spring board to adapt and modify as needed for the needs of my son or my nephews or whomever I am working with. So, with that in mind, here is what we are going to start out with:

Beginning Kids' Quest-Catechism Club Vol. 1
God made the World and Me (pre-school edition)
Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons
Leap Frog's Letter Factory and Word Factory series of DVDs
God's Might Warrior Devotional Bible
Singapore Math
Saxon Math (both of these later in the fall probably around November)
All About the Weather Unit Study (freebie from Brandenburg Studies)
Seasons, Trees and Me! (august book bag, 2000 from Teacher Book Bag--the whole years worth of stuff for Pre-K-1--good price, 19.99)

These will be interspersed with various freebies from the web. I plan to put up most of them, but I got them from other bloggers so chances are HUGE that there is nothing new in them.

Art and Music will be interspersed with the other activities.

Our Schedule (ha!):

Prayer
Pledge of Allegiance
Devotions
God made the World and Me (Science)
Outside/Exercise DVD for about 15 minutes
Back in, small snack
Catechism
Reading (Teach your child to read... and Leap Frog videos)
Writing (art activity with letters--ideas from the blog: notimeforflashcards)
Helping with Dinner
Feed the dog as needed and other tasks

During mealtimes (lunch and breakfast) we will be reading from various books pertaining to a theme (like the alphabet) as well as books of his choice. I read to him between 15 minutes to 45 minutes over the course of any given day.

That is it so far!

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Been on Facebook

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 11:26:00 -0500

I have been finding it much easier to write on Facebook than here at Homeschoolblogger.com. Mainly (well, completely) because of the ease in putting pictures up. I am having a terrible time with photos and using photobucket or anything like it. Why? Who knows. Anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks!

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Mr. Smarty Pants

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 18:28:00 -0600

2 conversations today that leave me in stitches:

Danny, I am going to call grandma, do you want to talk to her (i think i know this answer...he ALWAYS wants to talk on the phone).
Danny: Tell her I'll call her tomorrow. I'm doin' somefin this moment.

Then later:

Me: Danny, please pick up your Thomas toys.
Danny comes running into the room yelling: Just a second. I got things I gotta do first.

Hubby and I just shake our heads. We have no clue where he gets this stuff! ;-)

-kim

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Echo, echo, echo....

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:21:00 -0600

So we stop at the grocery store tonite to get a few things...suddenly Danny lets out a blood curdling scream. I look at him (and so did a few clerks and others who came from other aisles). I look at him thinking he has pinched his finger somewhere. ...no.. he puts on a huge grin and says "see mama, echo"

I am eagerly awaiting the next shopping trip, as I am sure you can imagine!

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Scammed Again

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 17:11:00 -0600

Well, here we go again. We are looking to adopt another infant. We have a MySpace account for this purpose. A young girl contacted us. She has asked for nothing and has seemed straight forward. She was due with a baby in May. Well, at Christmas she said she had had an ultrasound and it was twins. At this point, I think I knew it was a scam, but twins would be wonderful for us. We are getting older and finishing up our family in one fell swoop would be ...well would be an answer to prayer. Up to this point, she had answered our question and seemed so incredibly sweet. She seemed like someone we could have a life long relationship with. We would like to stay in some kind of limited contact with the birthparents of our children. For us, that would be ideal. We were beginning to hope that maybe we could hope. Does that make sense?

Sooooo...having been down this road before (we have had birthmoms change their minds and we have been outright scammed--i believe there is a special place in hell for people who prey on the hearts and emotions of the childless looking to adopt), I asked about the birthfather. Was he ok with all this (we would need legal documentation of this before an adoption could take place anyway)? Did the doctor set a more exact due date? Did she find out the sex of the babies (we don't care...but i would like to know...for planning of bedrooms, etc)? And, what I think was the clincher: Can we please have a copy of the ultrasound? We wanted to see them.

Today, I checked to see if she had responded. She hadn't. In fact, all our correspondence was gone from my mailbox...both mine out and hers in. ALL CORRESPONDENCE was gone. I remembered that I had the notifications from past letters from MySpace in my gmail account box. I clicked the link. The message that I got read that she had either cancelled her membership or was cancelled by administration.

As Dan said (he, like most men, is the more practical of the two of us), "Good thing we know now". Which was the whole reason I asked my list of 5 questions to "her". I do thank God for this. If this ~~monster creep animal jerk~~ person had answered my questions, if 'she' had gotten a pic of an ultrasound off the web (i am sure you can do this), if she had carried on, I might have dared to hope that my prayers had been answered.

God IS merciful. I can say this as I cry a bit over the loss of something I never had to begin with. I keep this "Annika" in prayer as well. Something is wrong with this person. Something deep and horrible effects "her". I pray that she gets the help she needs...whatever it is. And if she is indeed pregnant and if she decides to parent, I pray that she is the very best parent ever. Every baby deserves loving parents.

Because I have to say it: If you know of anyone looking to make an adoption plan, please remember us. Thanks!

He is Risen, Just as He said!

conversation....

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:08:00 -0600

just happened here:
danny jumps up, runs around in a circle then out to the kitchen and into the mud room.
i yell, get out of the mudroom! (cat litter box is out there and i just don't like him out there when i can't see him--but the power room is out there, too)
he says: i gotta go potty nooooooooowwwwwwwww!
i say: ok, dont get your panties in a bunch.
he stops cold. looks at me with a cross look on his face: mama, i not wear panties, i wear big boy pants.
i say: i stand corrected, sir.
he says with hands on hips: well i should sink (think) so.

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Homeschooling Toddlers

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 16:14:00 -0600

I really haven't written too much about the homeschooling we are doing here. However, I think I will begin talking about as we now seem to have a routine down and I am feeling more confident in the telling.

We started in October trying to do 3 days a week. With a one year old in the mix, that proved to be too much (having the one year old with us can be trying, but it seems he just wants to be a part and giving him something age appropriate (and often different) doesn't wash with him.).

We started with a field trip to the farm (our former farm, now owned and operated to it best potential by Dan's nephew and his wife) to see the new buildings, the big digging machines and see how to feed the calves. They really enjoyed climbing the big dirt piles, but the highlight was the baby calves. Tim (a high school boy from our church who works part-time at the farm) showed the boys how to feed them grain and milk in buckets. He let them carry the feed buckets to the calves and then he let them help him bottle feed the smallest ones! THAT was fun.

When we walked back we put hand prints on canvas. We plan to put a hand print on the other side of the canvas on our last day of school. I am thinking that we might do this each year. The canvases aren't that huge (9x12) and I wall of handprint canvases over the years.

Academically, we have some goals in mind, but they are loose. The boys are only 3, 2 1/2 and not quite 1. Instead of getting all keyed up in keeping data on what we worked on, I have a loose (very loose) curriculum for planning purposes, but we tailor what we are going to based on the moods of the boys (like who has had a nap!)

Right now we are working on a Bible verse, the numbers 1-5 (not only counting them but 1:1 correspondence as well), saying the alphabet and following directions. They are learning about textures and getting some exercise and fresh air.

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Windy Day

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 15:04:00 -0600

Very windy here....very.

Going out to the truck the small voice behind me says:

"Whoa, mama. Its vey yeah windy out here. Hold onto your wig!"

...and he gets this stuff from....?

He is Risen, Just as He said!

Potty Trained

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:50:00 -0600

Well, it has happened. Daniel is now potty trained 100% during the day and 4/7 nites. He is so proud of himself. He loves his big boy underpants and using the "big potty". He is also excited cuz he will be getting Geo Trax Grand Central Station for Christmas (provided he doesn't slip backwards) as his self-chosen reward.

Way to go, Daniel!!

He is Risen, Just as He said!