i wrote in a diary today... - Homeschool Blogger

Edie Sedgwick

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 23:41:00 -0600

Today, I tried to pretend I was Edie.

& then Audrey Hepburn and I held hands.

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 16:04:00 -0600

Sometimes I forget life exists outside of my camera.

Sometimes it's better that way.

Tue, 7 Nov 2006 21:55:00 -0600

Today/tonight i feel like i had a revelation &
my body feels in tingles & my lungs feel like they
have been freed. It's very strange. Very strange indeed.
But it feels right. I feel right. iIfeel like me.

Has anyone realized lately the sky
has been looking like it's going to
crumble in?

your back's a map. your backs a map? i'm memorized the indents & the way your spine curves perfectly. the way your right shoulder blade it just slightly higher than your left. how there is a large space between your hips & your ribs. a space i could curl up in. i've memorized the lines of your face & your silhouette. & if i ever go blind i can map my way across your body.

Sun, 5 Nov 2006 18:34:00 -0600

i feel kind of like i have worms crawling through my brain.
it comes & goes comes & goes.
it's been coming & going for about two weeks.

I'm seeing Death Cab For Cutie tomorrow night!!!

Just about my favorite band, no big deal or anything.

Sometimes..

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:28:00 -0500

I wish my life was a 30 minute sitcom that aired on some weekday night. things would be perfect if problems and questions in my head were solved in these 30 minutes and we would be moving on to the next situation. all my feelings and emotions narrated by some omniscient voice. everyone watching would know and I wouldn't have to tell anyone. laugh track, commercials, must see tv.

in other news, all I do is sleep until after 12 o'clock, write until me hands cramp up,read like a made woman,dance,theatet,repeat, and all I think about is being a housewife on my farm in Maryland.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:11:00 -0500

Somebody had a birthday yesterday.

And it wasn't you.

Fifteen!

Goodness gracious, grey hairs should be showing up any day now.

Does that look like the face of a fifteen year old to you?

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 15:57:00 -0500

I am not a healthy child, I am willing to admit.

But then I think about it, and ask why should you be in this day and age?

There is a cure for everything!

Hepatitis A
Typhoid
Yellow Fever
Polio

It is sometimes hard and costly to treat. But they'll have a cure, my God, they'll cure you.

Oh and hey, Painkillers! But.... Isn't pain there to tell us something is wrong?

I plead the fifth.

I've got my health, I've got my car, and I've my rattling guitar, and for that, I am grateful.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 21:08:00 -0500

so I have a few new goals for the year in general !
learn to appreciate what I have.
spend less time on the computer. (What a joke. Right?)
spend hours upon hours on writting, again.

work really hard on my Italian!
stop laughing at every awkward couple i am subjected to, ~~it's cruel~~
learn to be more compassionate in general
watch more indie films.
stop wasting all my money on polaroid film. I just love it so.
get a job

work on my art journal more
exercise more& more&more!!!
Finish Fountainhead, why am I so slow?
& not be seduced by words, fictional and otherwise.

oh, i will be a disappointment at many of these..

Now to jumpstart my writting rampage:

Pretty little things, lined up in a row, smoking cigarettes to the beat of the drums. They can see in your eyes when you are looking through them, through to the street. Pulsing, pacing your way through incandescent bodies, consumed with the finality of the last wail from the inside. Screeching dirty noises push their way into you, down to the capillaries in your lungs, you can feel them creating.

The sensation of leaving behind, left behind, separate and alike, they will writhe around inside you and her until, weeks later, you remember what it was like, before everything really happened. Before you learned to forget by swimming laps in the filthy rivulet, until your stomach turned and the most appealing thing was stretching your bones in the gutters. Before you learned what she really looked like, from the inside out. Before she showed you how to force forgetting.

She�s watching you over against the building, leaning fully. Watching you, watching the girl on the stage through the window, and watching your eyes widen just a little as the girl tosses her hair and touches the reaching fingers of the boys in the crowd. Pretend, pretend like you are right there and it�s your sweaty palms reaching upwards. Grasping at the bricks, falling down onto the crackling asphalt, and breathing out the broken words onto your broken hands. I remembered you when you were still touching me, only just.

It might be your eyes that she's looking for, but it's all the words you said to all the others before her that you wished you could erase. Disconnect from the realities of past lovers and compromising situations. When she goes home, she scrubs her hands until they bleed so that she can't feel you there at all, not anymore.

Sun, 3 Sep 2006 19:09:00 -0500

please post anonymous secret here.
anything, anything at all.

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 18:51:00 -0500

Movement in, movement out.
Collapse out, collapse in.
Rhythmic misadventures because,
in the end, it is what we are.
But I never learned how to say goodbye.