http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:22:00 -0500 Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:22:00 -0500 cought in between a false front and an imaginary happiness. i cant feel my legs, and i dont know wich direction i am looking, but the feeling is always the same. always awake, always tired, always half-alive. i heard what you said, but i diddnt let it sink in, i cant let it show, i wont let it get to me. this is my mourning process that no one will ever know about. if i break down, the world will fall apart. its foggy, i cant tell if its polution or the tears that refuse to vacate my eyes. the world smells of rotten, and old play doh. surrounded my my barrier of empty bottles and hollow words. in every tragedy, someone must keep their composure, stay calm. but i dont understand why it always has to be me. im not strong enough for myself, or anybody else. so why does it always have to be me. i keep my shell, but i fall apart where no one could see. i cry, i scream, i curse, i self destruct, and then i shut down. all in one moment, all in my head. i know i must seem cold, emotionless, without heart. but its not true. i lied, i have decieved, my plan to fool you all has never fooled myself. this act i hold so dear cannot be kept. i want to pray, but i dont know what to pray about. my head is clouded with the very essence of absolute nothing, and terror. im not alone, but it feels like no ones here. no ones talking, but everyone has something to say. im to young for this. i cant handle myself. i cant do anything but write this. oh and how sad, this used to be a song. walk away. dont let it get to you. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/515871/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:22:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/515871/   i hate watching movies with my dad. it is in fact, a bad experience for everybody. i was trying to watch this movie called 'the protector' with him one night. it was fairly late, and watching anything except the back of my eye lids was a big stretch anyways. this movie is supposed to have subtitles right? well, my dad doesnt read them fast enough, so he throws a fit and decides he wants the english dubbing, which sounds so obnoxious and stupid. but then he messes up, and makes it so that only the menu is in english, gets frustrated, throws the remote. after many minutes of being pissed he eventually picks up the remote and tries again. it goes on like this for about a half an hour, with a series of skipping scenes and accidental restarting. i believe at one point it was in japanese with french subtitles. it honestly made me want to bleed profucley from my pores. eventually i made him give me the remote. needless to say i got it how we wanted it in a matter of minutes. we started watching the movie and he decideds hes tired and wants to go to bed, but i can continue watching 'if i want'. screw that!! this movie is already ruined for me!! im going to bed too so that maybe i can get over the fact that i am surounded by stupid people that i unfortunatly love! im never watching movies again. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493362/ Wed, 5 Mar 2008 23:39:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493362/   so, i have this baby. it is loud, and unbearably annoying. it is also increadably plastic. i dont know how this happened. i dont remember being pregnant. we have come to the conclusion that i pulled a Mary, except instead of giving birth to jesus, i gave birth to a really ugly plastic asian baby. we have also decided that it has diabetes, a mild form of autism, and was born without eyelids. i cannot deny that i have often fantasized about beating its head against the wall. but i have a feeling that if i did that, not only would i fail my parenting class, but i would also be banned from being a parent. but you have to understand, this baby is scary. it stairs at you, and i sometimes hear it breath and that is not supposed to happen. i think satan is going to speak to me through it, or just make it bite my arm off or something. i cant be alone with it. because of this traumatizing experience, i have vowed to never have children. but my vows to myself are rarley kept, so we'll see. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493361/ Wed, 5 Mar 2008 23:38:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493361/ around this time of year, my less that immediate family likes to come around and hand out with us. and me, being the antisocial butterfly that i am, felt the need to hide. we where at my grandparents house, my aunt, my mother and a couple of other people that we may or may not be related to (we're to different to tell) where sitting in the computor room talking, thus i couldnt get on the computor. there goes plan a. my grandfather and my uncle where in the living room watching old westerns. there went plan b. so i sat, by myself in the dining room checking out the latest designs of the ugliest clothes ever made in one of my grandmothers magazenes. that wasnt the unfortunate part. no, far from it. what i thought was the most unfortunate part was that i actually found something i liked. sat and pondered my choice in clothing for a moment, and decided that i just had a wierd, old people moment, and that i was really ok. the feeling quickly passed as i turned the page to, you guessed it, old lady underware. mmmm. nothing gets you in the holiday spirit like staring strait at old woman boob. i abandoned my quest for solitude at that moment, and went to watch television with my uncle. a wise choice i think. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493360/ Wed, 5 Mar 2008 23:37:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493360/ Walk into a gas station. Saw your car parked next to mine, but I wouldn't know until later. Eye contact, smile is only natural, and break it. Until i notice you smiling back. I don't know you, but you exist, and now in my mind, for the time inhabit my thoughts, infect my mind. Reconnect, now our smile sincere, a general love, mainly for existing. And it still hasn't broken, though you are miles away, and out of my life forever. I heard you laugh with the cashier, I saw you smile and wave to me as you drove away. But what were you thinking about? You don't know who I am, but I will forever be your friend. But what if we'd met? Could we have stayed that way? If I had taken a moment to say "hi, my name is Beth", would we have continued to stay in our state of unconditional friendship? Images of a life that won't be, flashing through my mind, memories of the future that I know can't be right. Of movies and laughter, and children, and eventually growing old, and dying. None of this will happen, because I didn't spare you one moment, and one breath. I miss you friend, though we never actually were. I love you friend, with the most love that I can ever give to someone I could never meet. I care for you, and pray for you friend, for your safety and prosperity in life. I hope for you, friend, that you will follow Gods plan, and trust him every step. And I will you friend, love and joy, and everything you could ever have in the world. Except for me. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493350/ Wed, 5 Mar 2008 23:01:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/493350/ Someone asked me a while ago to think about things that I was wasteful with. Generally, I wouldn’t. Think about it I mean. But I did anyways, and as hard as I tried I couldn’t think of anything very important to decided to use less of. My showers only last twenty minutes tops, and I cant make that shorter cause Its just the essentials as it is. I always turn lights off when I leave a room. I probably eat more food than I need to, but I’m already working on that! But peppermints…. I LOVE peppermints. They taste wonderful, and they make your mouth smell like happiness. What could be better! But alas, that’s the thing I’m wasteful with! At restaurants, when they have them in the little jars, I take as many as I can while the waitress isn’t looking. I always carry a few of them around with me. One time my blood sugar was low in the middle of the night, and I had a MASSIVE craving for peppermint (low blood sugar cravings are like pregnancy cravings only sometimes worse) and I just dug through all of the cupboards in the kitchen, and took EVERYTHING out, until I found a Tupperware bowl full of crushed candy cane that we used last winter to make candy things. “At last!” I thought to myself “my love has come back to me!” I didn’t even bother getting a spoon. I just sat on the kitchen floor at three in the morning in my pajamas digging my hands in a Tupperware of powdery minty goodness. God, please help me to not be wasteful with peppermints. Amen. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/491963/ Mon, 3 Mar 2008 22:15:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/491963/   My friend the potato Dances crazily while every ones watching Like no ones even around Because he doesn’t care what they think anyways He is always smiling Always fun Always ready to make someone’s day Just that much better   My friend the potato A little dirty And a little lumpy But white and tasty on the inside With lovely blue eyes That don’t know how to cry But it’s alright He’s too busy laughing anyways   My friend the potato Modest and caring Tells me I’m funny and interesting Even when I’m just rambling about nothing Tells me I’m beautiful Just because he knows Ill argue Pushes me in the snow And races me outside   My friend the potato With human facies With silhouettes reflecting off his mind Taking all in stride Believes in wishing on stars And that love is all you need Who truly believes that prayer changes things   My friend the potato Wears his heart on his sleeve Its bruised and broken But he doesn’t notice He’s the boogers in my nose And I’m the scum between his toes But he’s the one I love the most And I’m the one he chose http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/491357/ Sun, 2 Mar 2008 23:07:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/491357/   I think that we really for serious need to paint our walls. My dad put a giant rectangular hole in the wall and I just don’t even know why. Maybe just cause I wasn’t there for it. I sometimes wonder if all this typing I do will give me carpel tunnel… I doubt it though. Also I wonder if people who are too big to fit into normal seatbelts get like extensions or something, or if by that time they’re just too big to drive… I one time went to smile at someone as they were walking past me in the grocery store and I accidentally only flared my nostrils instead… I once went to the dentist and got some fillings so like… Half of my face was numb and so I could only flare one of my nostrils. It was SO weird. It was like I had a stroke or something. Trains and sewing machines…. I was really excited that I got a juicer, but then I never even us it anymore. When you sit on a love seat, do you really have to love the one you’re sitting with, or can you just like them or maybe even secretly hate them a little? I don’t know. I don’t sit next to people I don’t like generally. Mariah is pregnant. With a baby. Who is also a boy baby. His name will be Thorin Elliot Bliss, which is like a warrior name or something. My warrior name is Buffalo. I miss July. It’s just a really good month. Maybe we’ll have one again soon. Like five months. Or slightly less. Oh well. Its over. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/484124/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:24:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/484124/   So you see, I went to Advo. For the first time in months the other day, and Mr. Johnson made me stand for the pledge of allegiance. And listening to it REALLY confused me. Cause really, they’ve been making us say it since kindergarten right? So, it’s a pledge of allegiance. Shouldn’t we only have to say it once and still have it be just as true, rather than have it be said every day for the rest of our public school lives? And also, “I pledge allegiance to the FLAG…?!” why are we pledging our allegiance to a flag in stead of the actual United States of America? The Spanish word for flag is Bandera… That’s what Antonio Banderas’ last name means. So are we going to start pledging our allegiance to him now? I can just hear it. Ringing from every classroom in the country; “ I pledge allegiance to Antonio Banderas of the United states of America….” Except that he’s actually from Spain or something…. Maybe he’s just that cool that we have to pledge our allegiance to him too for every day the rest of our lives, right along with that flag http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/484123/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:24:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/484123/   So I snuck into the teachers lounge today. Mostly for water, but also a little bit for the thrill. I was a bit on the ketoacidic side, and as we know from previous blogs this makes one very dehydrated. Lets see, steal bottled water from the teachers lounge (which is highly get away with-able, because of my Lisa factor) or drink disgusting, unclean water from the fountain, which no one knows what unholy matrimonies people have preformed in that thing? I choose life. So I shimmy down the hallway (as quietly as one can while shimmying, cause were sneaking remember?) and incognito my way through both doors, and enter the lounge. I get about two feet in, and hear someone coming out of the bathroom! So I dive underneath the table an arm myself with a plastic spoon, and watch the feet of my predator. I had two choices, jump out and attack this unsuspecting lady with what little weapon I had, and face a stern talking to as soon as I was beaten to the ground, or I could hide under the table like the little girl I am and wait for her to leave. And then, I realized that it was just Markay and came out of hiding. Because she doesn't really care what I do. She did however laugh at me a little, which is acceptable, I think. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/483602/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 07:49:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/socialmisfit/483602/