This is a liberal/democratic blog where I will speak my views, and hear yours. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/ en-us Homeschool Blogger Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:35:00 -0600 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:35:00 -0600 To keep my creative juices flowing (And freezing), I've built myself a metaphorical canoe, a "pen" is what you might call it. I set sail (figuratively, because as you see it a canoe) to the rapids called "paper" and wrote my very own autobiography. It started off cleanly enough, my early childhood (What I remembered) my early adolesense (What I had forgotten) and the goals I have for my seaweed paste farm in Toronto. The exciting part was my early adulthood and late midlife crisis hood (In the Future Section, partly written by my person Oracle-cat, Larry The Shorthaired American Curl). Anywhoozle, he helped me write the future section through various coughs meaning different words (Caaaaaaheeeack! For instance meant "dairy", huucuc! meant "and"). Here is a clip from it: In the future, it is proclaimed that I will find, and then live in Atlantis. There I will meet my second husband (The first had decided to stop being a human, and is now happily living in a park with his new squirrel friends. Poor dear Macaulay Culkin...you were such a nice first husband...), and young dutch fisherman who had perchance discovered Atlantis while traveled towards the Promised Lands of Iowa. After living there for a couple of years me and Diedrick head towards New Zealand, home to New NASA, where we will begin our 84 year trek to Uranus, a planet of pillow fights and magic clouds made of unflavored cotton candy. After meeting (and soon afterwards devouring) some friendly Uranians (Who stood 5 inches tall and wore ceremonial hats made of the Uranian version of a raccoon), we were taken to the majestic city of Shlo Rrrrrrrrrrrrr. On the way, Diedrick will lose three limbs to a Uranian raccoon attack. No one will hear his pleasant and quaint whistling of Danish folk songs again. After staying in the city for a week, I realize I am almost out of oxygen, and seeing as I cannot breath the air of Uranians (I'm above it), I leave. Diedrick stays, to live a simple life of front porches and picket fences (Of the Uranian persuasion). THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THE FUTURE IS PROCLAIMED BY THE MAGIC CAT AGAIN! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/747918/ Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:35:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/747918/ My sweater vest is on backwards again. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/743988/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:37:00 -0600 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/743988/ What's worse: naive stupidity, or the knowledge to see it in yourself? http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/736295/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:08:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/736295/ A fiddler lives above me semi-colon.   :  Ya see em? No? I'll try again.    : Still nothing? One more time. : NO? HERE! : http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/736000/ Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:05:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/736000/ I thinking about picking up a hobby. Maybe I'll be a bee-keeper. Or better yet a bee-impersonator. I hear they get great health care. 'Specially the bees from different countries. (HA HA! It's funny, cause you guys think the health care plan sucks!!!! HA HA! BEES!!!!!) I need to perfect my bee-accent. I've always imagined bee-hives as really sticky milkmen. Except they don't get paid, and a lot of them die every winter. Oh, wait. That's exactly what a milkman is. I knew a milkman once. He never told me his name, so I called him "Milkman" and he called me "You.". We didn't see eye to eye. Probably because he had an eye patch, and I like to move left and right and up and down at a moments notice for fun/to honor claw machines. Also, because he didn't think math was an actual thing. This started when I asked how much soy milk I got a month. He threw down glass jug of chocolate almond milk and cursed at the moon (It was about 8:00 AM, but he said he didn't believe in the sun either. Far be it from me to shoot down his thinking). I think he'll feel better when he receives a jug of fresh honey from me and my bee-buds. Unless I get robot bees. In which case, he'll get a greenish liquid full of microscopic iPods, which you can't eat or put on toast, but it will play songs with fairly good quality. I hope my robot bees won't gain human emotion. That would suck worst then a giant Swiss vacuum cleaner (And you KNOW those are of great calibar). Then it'd be like Wall-E, except I don't think any of them would get together in the end. I might just have to take precautions. Like a bear robot. Or pepper spray. Or living in a hamster ball that has an oxygen tank that Milkman can change every day. But what if my robot bees freeze in the winter? I'll have to buy/make 50,00 robo-bee sweaters, plus one for me in fall colors (I'm not a winter color person; clashes with my complexion.) This is too complicated. I'll take up white-collar crime instead. Yeeeeeeah. That'll work. I wonder how I'll sell all those shirts though. I know lots of people need them for tuxedos...but Homecoming season is almost over. And a lot of people use different colors instead of white. Maybe I'll turn to blue-collar crime. Or tuxedo-t-shirt with a collar crime. Or join a bowling league. Maybe I can get the robo-bees to live in my bowling ball so I can cheat. Milkman can keep my score for me. Well, that might not work. He can provide drinks. I WANT MY IPODS TO MARRY SO I CAN HAVE SHUFFLE BABIES! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/735768/ Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:49:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/735768/ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Once again, I find myself being strangled to death by a shirt. To be more specific, this one. Why am I being strangled? I got in a turf war with the neighboring mob. My mob is called coPy riGhTs, and theirs is called tRadE mArk, so you see how tension started to rise. Every blue moon we have a day-and-thirty-six-hours-of-feasting, an event signifying our relationship. No one fights, and we all make marry for a day-and-thirty-six-hours, usually feasting. The place of this event is a little farm on the edge of the city, owned by the mayor, but he doesn't go out there much. If we clean up enough, he never calls in the break-in. Usually we sacrifice one of the Mayor's cows, and then eat up the neighboring farm's vegetables. I'm been trying to petition against the Cow-sacrificing, but my clan won't hear of it, and the other clan thinks it's a great idea. I don't know. Maybe next year. This shall be a short post because I have to fill a squirt-gun full of a cocktail of dopamine, histamine, octopamine, tetrodoxin, taurine, tyramine, 5-hydroxytryptamine,  hyaluronidase tryptamine, and acetylcholine while trying to aim for my attacker's mouth. Tomorrow we're filling the mob-leader's car full of ferrets. Hopefully some will burrow into the car's interior before he notices. Next week we're planing on tricking them into preforming one of Shakespeare's plays. That'll show 'em. IS THIS A HAT, OR A PAIR OF PRETTY UNDERPANTIES? http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/735558/ Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:02:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/735558/ You know what? I love you guys. Yeah, that's right. Every. Darn. One of you. Want to know why? Because you guys are just awesome. Every. Darn. One of you. Because you always give me a good chuckle. It makes me smile when someone says I'm wrong, or that I'm insane or stupid. And I'm not being sarcastic. You guys want a hug? Here's a hug for all of you. HUG. I don't care if you're a republican, democrat, liberal, robot, live in an enchanted castle full of magical objects that talk and wish to be human again, are purple, or can knit really well (Actually, scratch that. If you can knit well, I will have some ill will towards you. Why? Because I can't knit to save my soul. Darn you and your awesome home-made scarves. You make my blood boil because you made your own socks). By the way Laura, 1. Thank you for your comment. and 2. I CAN be stupid and insane. As a matter of fact, I make an effort to do so twice daily. For example: Because of Occam's razor, I believe that every tree in every forest that gets knocked down is because of unicorns and ghosts. 〈E〉 = 1/2 ∑  Ε                      n     n means the virtual photons are unaffected, and doesn't constitute the field, and generate a net force. Canada is great at making salsa, and they should continue clubbing baby seals to death. If I told you there was a teapot floating around our solar system, and it was too small and faraway to see, but however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, you COULD prove me wrong. why should simplicity be considered in evaluating the plausibility of hypotheses? It shouldn't. Because science uses a magic 8 ball to decide whether or not a theory is viable. That was my first time today, so I'd better make a real effort to attain my daily dose of vacuous insanity. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734730/ Fri, 9 Oct 2009 14:35:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734730/ The new free health care is the best plan ever. Also, gun control is a really good idea. I also think that there should be laws saying teachers must teach evolution in schools. George W. Bush was like the worst president ever. FEATHERS = RUFFLED! TAP DANCE WITH ME, WINTER FRIENDS!! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734075/ Wed, 7 Oct 2009 12:36:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734075/ I AM A MASTER OF DISGUISE!!! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734062/ Wed, 7 Oct 2009 12:22:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/734062/ Many people pay too much for things. Except taxes. You can never pay too much taxes. If you have ever bought 11 dollars worth of soap, and all you got was 2 cups worth of soap, you would understand what I mean. I haven't done that yet, but that just reflects on how I understand the universe better than everyone else, and how I don't buy my own soap. I buy food, and clothes. But not soap. Why? I'll tell you why. People GIVE me soap. How do I do it? I'll tell you. IN TEN EASY STEPS. Step 1. Impersonate me.* Step 2. Buy a boat # Step 3. Read every chat-room's rules of conduct that you can get your greedy little mouse/tract pad hands on. Step 4. Any say the Pledge of Allengiance in pig-latin. Step 5. Send me your soap. ** Step 6. Ask for soap. Step 8. Ignore 7. *** Step 9. Require an injury that would give you the appearence of a pirate. **** Step 10. Join the Canadian Army. They need you more than I do. ***** * If you do, I'll hunt you down, and steal all your soap. And feed you to my chinchilla, FREEdrick (He's a democrat, but also drivels into communism on his off-days) **Via the internet. Emails work best-est *** Because everyone hates you seven. You look too much like an upside down L. And we all know that things that are upside down are like honing signals to demons.  And demons make lemonade go sour. I AM AMERICAN. I DRINK SWEET LEMONADE, AND HAVE NO TIES WITH SWITZERLAND! **** Why? Because. Pirates are generally dirty. Thus, your need for soap would disapate. As long as you actually become a pirate. # THAT'S WHERE THE BOAT COME IN! ***** Because you aren't George Clooney. Mr. Clooney won't be joining the Canadian Army any time soon, so everyone else has to. MY COFFEE MUG IS A UPS MUG! I'M NOT A UPS DUDE, SO RIDDLE ME THIS: WHY DID MY CAT LEAVE ME WHEN I BOUGHT A CACTUS?! THIS ISN'T MY CAT. WHY? I DON'T KNOW. WHY CAN'T YOU BE MY CAT??? I drink coffee with my UPS mug. (SNUGGLES! Why'd you have to leave me?! WHY?!! WHY?!!!?). Actually I don't. I'm an fur seal. We don't drink coffee. We drink salt water and trout. I can swim pretty fast. I work at the zoo, but I'm a part time bouncer at a club called "floRIDA". The people there pay we well, but I don't think they can look past me flippers. Humans...jeez. I remember once when my seal-grandmother warned me about designer dogs, and how people put them into little sweaters and carried them like kings around in little totes. I think the old girl was a few sardines short of a school, but then again I have noticed how many people have been wearing fur coats made of snakeskin. SEE HOW MASTERFULLY HE JUMPS AND FLIES THROUGH THE AIR? http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/733472/ Mon, 5 Oct 2009 16:08:00 -0500 http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/viewsofme/733472/