If you become part of a program that has you taking the child to and from the visitation, as well as sticking around to monitor it, you might find it nerve wracking!  It can be even more nerve wracking when you realize that’s a two-way mirror you are arranging your bangs in. 

It’s a comfort to know that there are rules and regulations.  The foster parent must show up a few minutes before the visitation period.  The parent should show up on time.  If they don’t the foster parent has to wait for half an hour.  The parent may be stuck in traffic, or had her toilet over flow before she left home.  If the parent doesn’t show and hasn’t called to explain why they will be late, the foster parent can leave. 

All visits should be confirmed by the parent the day before.  This means that if the parent doesn’t call the office saying that they plan to be at the visit the next day, the visitation is cancelled.  However, I have received a call from the office the morning of the visit and asked to bring the child to the visit because the parent finally called. 

Don’t jump up and do things for the child while the parent is in the room.  Wait for the parent to respond to the child.  It’s one reason why the parent is given visitation, to give them the opportunity to show that they can parent, at least in a controlled environment.  Besides, it makes the parent mad when you jump to the plate first.  If you do wind up needing to step in, then direct the parent in how to take care of the child’s need.  If the parent will not, then you can tend to the child.

Visitation is for the child and the parent.  If the parent ignores the child and just sits and talks to you, direct the parent into playing with their child.  If the parent is yapping on their cell phone during the visit, again direct the parent into hanging up and playing with their child.  Obviously if you have an infant, talking with the parent is a good idea.  Tell them all about how the baby is sleeping, eating and their milestones. 

Sometimes a visit can take place at a Dr. appointment.  This would occur, usually, if the child is medically fragile.  It’s important that the parent learn to take care of their child’s health.  You will wind up sitting with a parent in a crowded waiting room.  It is not the best place to discuss the case at hand, and you can very often just sit in silence.  Respect the parent and the child.  You wouldn’t like it if everyone in the waiting room knew that your child was in foster care. 

You do have the right to cancel a visit if the child is sick.  Obviously you wouldn’t want to do this for minor sniffles.  The parent wants to see their child, runny nose or not. However if the child has a history of the minor sniffles flaring into asthma attacks, or pneumonia if you don’t keep the child calm and rested, then a visit can be cancelled. 

You just might have to put up with visits even if everyone realizes that the parent’s rights are about to be terminated.  There are two reasons for this: More evidence against the parent might be gathered and/or it gives the child and parent some last times together.  Not every parent is losing their child because of abuse.  These last visits will be treasured.

This article is linked to Adoption Options ~ Our Journey Through Foster Care Part III, Training Classes