Our computer is about to die.  It makes a funny high pitched tone and then shuts itself off, and then reboots over and over again. If you don’t hear from me for a while it’s because I’m at its funeral.  Tomorrow I am taking it to its regular computer physician, and hopefully he can give it a shot or something.  If he doesn’t, I know I will, if I can figure out how to open the gun safe.  Maybe I could have TC come over and shoot at it for me.  You know, to make it think I’m serious.   

I can’t figure out why we always have all of these computer problems. Either other PC owners just don’t whine about it like I do, or they have really healthy components.  We have total failure at least twice a year. 

Maybe we just don’t feed it right.  I keep hearing it’s best to use organic, and that herbs will keep the Dr. away.  The problem is, I can’t find any organic computer discs.  Those office supply stores don’t even sell herbal supplements.  You would think with organics and herbs being all the rage they would jump on the bandwagon.  Someone has suggested that our computer may currently have a blaster worm!  I wonder if Douglas could get his wife to make anymore of that wormer for me?

The worst illness our computer ever had involved its mother-in-law.  Oh, wait.  I guess it’s called a motherboard.  That sounds even worse!  An entire board of mothers!  Well, this motherboard problem was driving us nuts.  We would call the computer manufacturer and they told us the problem was with our internet provider.  We called the internet provider, only to be told that the problem was with the computer, therefore call the manufacturer.  I think we talked to each company a total of 12 times.  Finally the manufacturer decided we needed a new motherboard.  It was shipped out to us, and Dear Man followed the instructions on how to remove and replace the motherboard.  It didn’t work.  Several more calls to the manufacturer and they sent out a new motherboard.  Finally, our computer worked. 

When Boy 1 was just a baby, he sat at the computer desk one day.  He happily pushed the keys just like Mommy and Daddy.  By the time I found him, he had renamed a file.  How is it that a baby can randomly push keys to rename a file, but if I randomly push anything in hopes of coming across the very solution I need, nothing happens?  Our children are forever doing something to the computer.  “Mommy!  The computer says we have to shut down!” 

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

You see!  Just sitting there, the innocent lambs and our computer retaliates by flipping little windows at them.  This never happens when Dear Man and I are at the computer.  I guess the crazy thing knows authority when it sees it. 

I’ve lost all patience with this so called modern convenience and if it wasn’t for this blog and my faithful readers, I’d take it to the dump.  Oh, now the silly thing is laughing at me!  “Nyah, nyah, it’s against the law to take computers to the dump!”

Forget TC!  I hear Nancy’s son Joe knows how to shoot a moving target.  I’d be happy to have Boy 1 and 2 build a trebuchet for history and launch this piece of junk!  Just phone before you get here Carter family, so I can clean the computer desk.