Nov. 3, 2009
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Butch Bills and the Sundance Sagerats
Why on earth do I feel like a criminal on the run while keeping one step ahead of financial ruin? To date I've done nothing criminal, nor do I plan to, and yet I feel like I am dodging "the law" of creditors. Just so it's clear, we actually still have good credit, but only due to the grace and mercy of God.
Still, there are days when I think it would just be a whole lot easier if I turned myself in and went to debtors prison. Not that we have that anymore, but I am so weary of this flight into financial freedom. Flight might be a strong word for it--it's more like dragging a penguin on a leash.
On the whole I have no one to blame but myself, we gambled and we are losing, but there have been outside influences that have played their part. Just as a farmer must still depend on the weather in order to produce a good crop, while doing what he can to help it along. Frost, tornados, and hail can all destroy a crop, it shows no mercy to a dedicated farmer or a lazy one.
Remember how I said that our good credit is still only good because of the grace and mercy and God? It's true, but I have several friends who were finally captured by the credit Pinkertons--Bankruptcy and Foreclosure. In no way do I think that God's mercy and grace were pulled away from them, although I'm sure they may feel that way.
I just don't understand how I can feel like I've done something so morally wrong, as if I committed first-degree non-payment, and why I have to keep looking over my shoulder and dodging the long arm of the law, certain that I am about to be caught.
While I know that the enemy can beat me up, there must be a reason why I feel so guilty. I don't think it's all the bad guy in the black hat. No, we didn't spend our money on extravagances instead of paying our bills. I'm not saying that we have always spent our money wisely, but we've not been neglectful either. Yet, have I been a good steward? Sadly, no.
There is only One who can grant me immunity, riding the white horse, swooping down, scooping me up, and riding away into the sunset. Okay, I don't have to wait for the Rapture, He can still save me, but it painted a good picture for my theme, don't you think?
Christ is who I must run to, instead of dodging from payday bush to payday bush, and hiding out in dark caves of no cell-phone service so the creditors can't call. He won't tell me that I don't have to pay my bills and He won't actually pay them for me like He has my sins, but He can give me much needed rest and focus. He still answers prayer! If only I would take the time to actually look for Him instead of at how far away the next payday bush is.
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Nov. 3, 2009
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Untitled Comment
love, virginia