Skdenfeld asked the following:

Tia, you might have mentioned this somewhere else in your blog, but have you adopted or are only doing foster care?

I figured the easiest way to answer that was to give you a direct link over to my three part story, "Our Decision to Adopt."  Not exactly great reading, but it gives you a quick run down on our experience. 

I will eventually put this up in the sidebar, along with some of my other best posts, but I'll put that off as long as possible or until the Java Script is enabled again.  I love my site meter and I don't want to mess with it! 

China's new adoption policy will begin on May 1.  Policy changes include not allowing foreigners who are unmarried, over 50, or obese, to adopt. 

I'm just wondering out loud here, but how do the Chinese define obese? All the people I know who have adopted a child from China in the past weren't in danger of being called bean poles. 

The article also includes this interesting tidbit: China's 573,000 orphans "enjoy the protection of the government,"

Really?  Enjoy?  How many of them are orphans because of the government? 

Whether you want to believe it  or not, there are still "bad" adoption agencies out there.  adoption.com shares the latest news report from The Salt Lake Tribune on an agency out of Utah that has allegedly been tricking Samoan parents into signing over their children to be sold here in the U.S. 

80 children, their birth families and adoptive families are having their lives torn apart because of a group of selfish profiteers. 

If you found out that the child you loved as one of your own had been taken from it's birth parents under fraudulent pretenses, what would you do? 

My Dear Man and I became parents to medically fragile infants.  These babies can be especially wearing on your emotions and energy.  A drug affected baby that has a high-pitched cry and refuses to go sleep during the withdrawal period can cause any parent to have a break down. 

Respite care relieves a foster parent from their regular duties for a weekend up to a couple of weeks.  This in no way reflects badly on a foster parent.  (At least in a good system.)  Even adults who take care of their elderly medically fragile parents need a break now and then. 

A respite home is certified by the same program that you are licensed under.  You cannot leave your foster child with an unlicensed family.  (Interestingly there are no requirements on the public school system you leave your foster child with.) 

For the most part my Dear Man and I did not use the respite home.  Not because we are wonderfully patient, but because there just wasn’t a need.  We did use it though!  If you have family coming over to stay, or you want to go out of town respite care is an option. 

When you do leave a child in respite care the stipend you receive from the program will reflect this.  The money is then given to the respite home.  In a way, you pay the respite parents. 

If you think you might like to be a foster parent, but feel you can’t do so full time, see if you can do respite care.  Not only will you be helping foster children, you will be helping foster parents.

If you become part of a program that has you taking the child to and from the visitation, as well as sticking around to monitor it, you might find it nerve wracking!  It can be even more nerve wracking when you realize that’s a two-way mirror you are arranging your bangs in. 

It’s a comfort to know that there are rules and regulations.  The foster parent must show up a few minutes before the visitation period.  The parent should show up on time.  If they don’t the foster parent has to wait for half an hour.  The parent may be stuck in traffic, or had her toilet over flow before she left home.  If the parent doesn’t show and hasn’t called to explain why they will be late, the foster parent can leave. 

All visits should be confirmed by the parent the day before.  This means that if the parent doesn’t call the office saying that they plan to be at the visit the next day, the visitation is cancelled.  However, I have received a call from the office the morning of the visit and asked to bring the child to the visit because the parent finally called. 

Don’t jump up and do things for the child while the parent is in the room.  Wait for the parent to respond to the child.  It’s one reason why the parent is given visitation, to give them the opportunity to show that they can parent, at least in a controlled environment.  Besides, it makes the parent mad when you jump to the plate first.  If you do wind up needing to step in, then direct the parent in how to take care of the child’s need.  If the parent will not, then you can tend to the child.

Visitation is for the child and the parent.  If the parent ignores the child and just sits and talks to you, direct the parent into playing with their child.  If the parent is yapping on their cell phone during the visit, again direct the parent into hanging up and playing with their child.  Obviously if you have an infant, talking with the parent is a good idea.  Tell them all about how the baby is sleeping, eating and their milestones. 

Sometimes a visit can take place at a Dr. appointment.  This would occur, usually, if the child is medically fragile.  It’s important that the parent learn to take care of their child’s health.  You will wind up sitting with a parent in a crowded waiting room.  It is not the best place to discuss the case at hand, and you can very often just sit in silence.  Respect the parent and the child.  You wouldn’t like it if everyone in the waiting room knew that your child was in foster care. 

You do have the right to cancel a visit if the child is sick.  Obviously you wouldn’t want to do this for minor sniffles.  The parent wants to see their child, runny nose or not. However if the child has a history of the minor sniffles flaring into asthma attacks, or pneumonia if you don’t keep the child calm and rested, then a visit can be cancelled. 

You just might have to put up with visits even if everyone realizes that the parent’s rights are about to be terminated.  There are two reasons for this: More evidence against the parent might be gathered and/or it gives the child and parent some last times together.  Not every parent is losing their child because of abuse.  These last visits will be treasured.

This article is linked to Adoption Options ~ Our Journey Through Foster Care Part III, Training Classes

One of the topics that social workers covered in our foster care training classes was the affect of drugs and alcohol on the newborn. 

If a mother has used just prior to giving birth, the baby is born high.  Depending on the drug, how much was used, as well as how often, the newborn can remain high from a few days up to several months.  After the high wears off the baby goes through drug withdrawals. 

One of the interesting facts we learned was about cocaine.  When a mother takes a hit of cocaine the chemical crosses the placental barrier and becomes a new drug called norcocaine.  Norcocaine is 9 times as powerful as the original hit! 

You can read about how alcohol and drugs affect the newborn here.

Resources – American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology

 http://pt.wkhealth.com/pt/re/ajog/abstract.00000447-199505000-00012.htm;jsessionid=

GpmLLp0SphqCxVbZCgP1qJ404y2hjNgSNl3bJpY3JHftSJmHgjmv!-1734750035!-949856144!8091!-1

Not every foster system requires you to keep records of the child’s well being.  However I think it is very important to do so, and our program required it.  Records can help advocate for the child. 

It’s important to record every visit, if the parent came to the visit on time or at all, if the parent was under the influence of something, was belligerent, how the parent tended to the child, and the child’s reactions during and after the visit.  This record can either help return the child to a deserving parent, or save a child from a sad fate. 

Other information to record is how you take care of the child.  Dr. appointments, prescriptions given, outings, information on how a child got a scrape or bruise, clothes and items purchased on behalf of the child.  This may sound petty, but this record can help protect you if the biological parents lodge a complaint.  This has happened, and while the child is no longer living with the parents, the parents do still have certain rights.  You may feel that writing down how a child got a scratch a minute detail, but I know that I often forget how I get my own bumps and bruises. 

There are several ways to keep records.  You can write it all down like a journal, or log entry.  You can scrapbook it.  You can videotape it.  You don’t have to have every last detail, but you need to have enough to show consistency. 

My Boy 2 is a head banger.  When he was a baby he had a small sore on his forehead caused by banging his head against the crib rails.  Just before his parent’s rights were terminated, Boy 2 had to visit his mother every weekend.  Before he left on Friday that sore was nearly healed.  When he came home on Sunday the sore was always open, bleeding, and larger.  I recorded this, and that along with other information helped to terminate the parent’s rights. 

Be careful about recording your own feelings in the record.  You can’t say that you feel the child was naughty after a visit because the mother was annoying him.  Just record the facts.  Had a visit, how the mother acted, how the child acted afterward.  Always respect the parent in your actions and documentation. 

You need to look at the records as a voice for the child.  They may not be able to speak for themselves what is happening.  Even if they could, they may not understand the significance of it. 

This article is linked to Adoption Options ~ Our Journey Through Foster Care Part III, Training Classes

Praise the Lord that precious James, the Chinese baby with Downs Syndrome, will be adopted! 

Thanks to all of you who helped spread the word.  The agency, A Helping Hand received over 300 calls in one day! 

You can read the rest of the story here.

You can find the original story here.

Someone, please take this precious child to be your own! 

China has never allowed Down's Syndrome babies to be adopted before and if James is not adopted by July 1st, no other down's syndrome child out of China will be either. 

If you have a heart for special needs children, have ever wanted to adopt, this could be the perfect opportunity to do so.  If the cost of international adoptions is the only thing holding you back, note that funding has already been offered!  You won't be saving just James, but future Down's babies in China as well. 

Even if adopting a child isn't something you feel led to do, you can still tell your friends and blog about it! 

Sagerat salute to Journeying...By Grace Alone.

It wasn't enough that this woman kidnapped an infant.  Once she realized that she was being hunted she abandoned the baby in a sealed up car, in the summer, in Texas! 

Praise the Lord that this baby is back with its mother and is safe!

Attempted murder charges had better be nailed to this woman as well as kidnapping.  She plotted to abduct this baby, and then she abandoned it without at least leaving an anonymous tip so that authorities could have rescued it sooner. 

Sick, selfish, Stephanie.

Yet another baby has been kidnapped.  This time the woman offered money to the mother if she would allow her to take the baby and put it in beauty pageants! 

This mother was not at all interested in putting her baby in pageants and more cautious than the mother of the last baby abduction story.

While neither of these children were then going to be re-sold for adoption (to the best of my knowledge) my point here is the great lengths some people will go to in order to get a baby.  Some women are so consumed with having a baby that they do not care how they get it, which in turn creates a market that others are only too willing to profit from. 

These latest mother wanna be's, for whatever reason, decided that their best option was to find a baby and take it.  Other mother hopefuls choose to do business with shady people or organizations. 

Why?  Maybe money, fear of not being accepted to adopt by real agencies, perhaps even an opportunity to get a baby faster than the regular adoption routes. 

One thing is certain.  Women who kidnap babies to be their own are consumed with a desire that blinds them to reality.  They are selfish. 

This last week over at Adoption Options, I wrote an aritcle about illegal adoptions.  Over the course of a couple of comments, Julie and I discussed that while illegal adoptions were rare, they did happen. 

There are safe guards in place to help prevent illegal adoptions, but it never ceases to amaze me the great lengths greedy people go to, as well as how dumb they can be. 

Case in point, these women have been arrested for alleged baby buying. 

These women were either total idiots or thought they could pull one over on an uneducated young girl. 

While reporters never share all the facts, and many others like to twist the facts, this appears to be a clear cut case of kidnapping.  I don't care what the women's lawyer says.  You can't just walk up to a person now days and tell them to sign a piece of paper terminating their parental rights and then walk off with their child.  Only a judge can terminate a parents rights, and one isn't likely to do so without having knowledge of the parents. 

I'm half in wonder if the lawyer these women retained was in cahoots with them.  Any attorney would know that you have to have both parents rights terminated, before a child can be adopted.  While it is possible that the girl didn't know who the father was, laws today say you have to name someone as the father whether they are or not. 

I'm not favoring this young mother, she claims she was offered money and she "was tempted to take it but ultimately changed her mind."  Granted, I don't live in poverty, as well as that fact that I am older so hopefully wiser, but being tempted to sell one of my children is not anything I have ever been, nor could I imagine myself to be.

There's a lot more I could say about this, but in interest of a shorter post, I'll let you think things out for yourself. 

Share your thoughts and questions with the rest of us though!  I'll be updating this story for you.

A sagerat salute to tn3jcarter who e-mailed me the tip.