I don't know about you but when I was a child I would day dream about some long lost relative dying and leaving me their thousands of dollars.  (That was a big number for me back then.  Come to think of it, it still is!)  It had to be a long lost relative so that I wouldn't miss them and because I knew that the relatives I did have were either not rich or likely to leave me anything. 

I have an eccentric uncle who I love to pieces and several of his nieces, including me, have vied to be the "favorite niece", all in play of course.  This uncle is wonderful for several reasons but one of those is that he collects all sorts of things from which he is always pulling out something to show you.  Some of which can be pretty nice like bedtime stories, and useful things like old, Navy flashlights.   There are things though that you wonder why on earth he has kept them, like the melted something or other from off of a car he had in the 80's.  Some of his things are actual collections but it would be better to say he is a collector of stuff.  Realization dawned upon me one day that if I was the favorite niece, and he being eccentric, he just might will all his earthly possessions to me.   That would mean I would get his stuff.  I quickly declined to remain in the running for favorite niece.  

When my Aunt Sissie died I inherited her cat.  Well, not really as it wasn't written in a will or anything.  The cat just needed a home and I was willing to take her.  Aunt Sissie called her Minnie and in honor of my Aunt who was called Lou, I named the cat Minnie Lou.  She is  a siamese and quite the lady.  She has tiny little squeaks and tiptoes daintily about the house.  She isn't worth thousands of dollars but she certainly acts like she is.  In a funny way she reminds me of Aunt Sissie.  She has charmed us all, except for the other siamese cat in residence.  Ka-Tu wants nothing to do with her and he hisses at her whenever she is near.  He will no longer go to one half of the house because he knows she's back there! 

I don't really want an inheritance of thousands of dollars anymore.  (Although I wouldn't turn one down!)  The memories are worth so much more.  I hope that my memory bank can hold all the wealth that I have and will continue to encrue.  That's what scares me the most about growing old, not a broken down body, not having so little money to live on, not that I won't look twenty ever again, not even losing my memory of where I put the check book, car, or Dear Man, but losing my memories.  Perhaps that's why I write, to remind myself of all the wonderful people the Lord has brought into my life.  Each one of them has unknowingly said, "I leave this to you to remember the good time we had together because someday, I won't be here to remember with you."  It's a grand inheritance.

When Dear Man and I got married he lived in one state and I lived in another.  So prior to my coming to live with him he went out and found an apartment for us.  (Because living together in the barracks would be a no-no.)  He then got me all set up for fine E-3 living, I gave birth to our daughter so we were now a family, and he told me to hold down the fort while he went gallavanting about the sea. 

While he was gone I bought a house.  A real house, one that a realtor would classify as "cozy", and Neeto and I awaited the arrival of the King to his castle.  He was very pleased with the arrangement but duty called once again, and this time I was told to reign ever so fair and just over our kingdom. 

Later we sold the kingdom in order to move to Paradise.  We moved into a cinder block concoction of the 50's because it costs more to live in Paradise then it did to live in a kingdom.  It was more like a bunker.  Dear Man had to go out on patrol several times and I was told to mind the troops and munitions. 

Several moves later from bunkers, to prisons (so that apartment seemed) to shacks, we were really moving up in the world.  We now live in the nicest house we have ever lived in.  Just like the country song by Sammy Kershaw, Dear Man made me the Queen of his double wide trailer, with the polyester curtains and the red wood decks.  It fits the situation to a T. 

The thing is, that with a title like that I feel like I should be snapping bubble gum, wearing gaudy jewelry, sporting skin tight leotards and an oversized shirt with a zebra hair belt, and have my hair so teased up that if anyone were to blow their hot breath on me, my head would go up in flames.  Now there's a picture.  

Instead I'm a frumpy, dumpy, oh so lumpy, grumpy, housewife.   Any more "py's" and I could be seven dwarves in one.  Where I really need to live is in a cottage somewhere in the woods, hidden from society so as not to be an embarrassement.  Then maybe I could recover my inner fair maiden with natural and organic herbs and oils.  Dear Man could then come and take me to the wood cutters ball and we would live happily ever after in a motor home. 

The End     

© Copyright 2005, 2006, 2007 High Desert Hi-Jinks, and Sagerat Scribbles.

The other morning Neato brought me the brown sugar while I was sitting on the couch.  It was a hard block and I was trying to break it up for her when the next thing you know I was flinging brown sugar around like I was at a ticker tape parade.

I told Tiki to bring me the vacuum cleaner so I could clean it up.  I went to town on cleaning up the couch when all of a sudden I heard Tiki say,

"You look beautiful when you vacuum in your nightgown."

© Copyright 2005, 2006, 2007 High Desert Hi-Jinks, and Sagerat Scribbles.

An upcoming event had me looking over my current swimwear situtation this afternoon.  Several years ago I purchased a swimsuit from Wholesome Wear which is sort of like a one piece jump suit.  It had also been several years since I actually needed to wear it.  I cautiously pulled my swimsuit out, looked at it dubiously and decided to make an attempt to don it upon my person.  

Once on it felt good, but a quick check in the mirror revealed that the material was stretched across my ample middle.  I thought I looked sort of like twisted balloon art that birthday clowns specialize in. 

Now Wholesome Wear is a great company, but they have some color issues.  You can choose a black outer cover or a very bold blue.  Black in my opinion is ridiculous for hot days.  Just because I'm in the water doesn't mean I want to soak up the suns rays with my heat magnet of a swimsuit.  

The startling blue combination however gives one pause for another thought.  If I want modest swim attire so as not to attract attention to myself, why would I want to wear a color that looks like it could be spotted in a sandstorm?  "Hello!  Over here!  Large woman entangled in life size balloon art!"  

So after this observation I decided that I should really look into another outfit for water adventuring.  First I needed to remove the suit I had on.  After twisting this way and that I finally called in Neeto and asked her to please just pull my swimsuit off my arms.  Definitely time to do some shopping.  

Neeto, Bluejane, and I went off to a next to local one-stop shopping institution and I perused my options for swim gear.  I finally decided on a nifty pair of surf pants that claimed to be my size, which we will just call round.  (I have a shape, round is a shape!)  I went off to the dressing room and quickly pulled the pants on.  I could not however button them up without first exhaling and standing on tippy toe.  This was interesting I thought.  I had taken my true size into account, I hadn't lied to myself, why on earth weren't these pants fitting me?  

I took them off and while I was hanging them back up on the hanger I discovered a little tag that stated these pants were indeed for the larger woman, but one with a "slim fit."  I kid you not.  If I was looking for a slim fit I sure as shootin' wouldn't be browsing through Woman's World!  I'd go over to the Ladies section, find a size 8 and stuff myself into them and pretend I looked pretty.  

I did manage to find something that will work until my daughter designs the perfect swimsuit for her modest, full figured mother.  Who knows, clothing from the sixties have made a great come back, maybe the hands of time will one day discover the mature mother look is back in and that I'd make a great model for a modern day Michelangelo.  

© Copyright 2005, 2006, 2007 High Desert Hi-Jinks, and Sagerat Scribbles.

Let's see if I can convince you that this is the day I am supposed to be posting this and not that I forgot to do it on Tuesday.

Last week I asked you to guess which of the following was not true.

1.  I learned to drive in a lavendar Honda Civic.
2.  The first time I drove I was 12
3.  I once got my mom's car to go 115 mph

Here are the long awaited answers!

1. True.  My mother's car had been blue.  She had it painted lavendar.  An embarrassing predicament for a 16 year old who has just obtained her driver's license.  I could drive a lavendar car or not drive at all.

2. True.  I had gone with my Papafather to the work site for the weekend.  On the three hour drive home Papafather was exhausted and just couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.  He asked me if I wanted to drive.  I, of course, said, "Yes!"  I started out on the highway cautiously and carefully.  After a bit I looked over at Papafather who was sound asleep.  "Papafather!" I hollered at him.  "Wake up!  He drowsily asked me why.  "What if we wreck?" I asked him. 
"Do you want to die?" he responded
"No!"
"Then don't wreck." he said, and fell back asleep. 

3. False.  Believe me it wasn't because I didn't try.  I was young and stupid and managed to get that lavendar Honda cruising up to 90 mph. 

Now it's time for me to come up with three more interesting things about myself.  Give me a moment...I'm thinkin'...  I'm not that interesting...

1.  My favorite spice is paprika
2.  My favorite herb is rosemary
3.  My favorite flavoring is mocha

Which of the above is false?

Dr. appointments are interesting things.  Usually you go in knowing that some part of your body isn't behaving itself and sometimes you know why.  Sometimes your body just needs to be threatened by a more powerful force such as antibiotics or surgery.  Then sometimes you think you know what needs to be done but you leave the Dr.'s office somewhat surprised by the diagnosis.

I have been diagnosed in the past with something called, "Verge of Pneumonia."  Yep, that's right.  Two different Dr.'s in two different states, four years between each diagnosis and they gave me the same answer.  Verge of Pneumonia.  What I had wasn't contagious, I never had a fever, and I would suffer with the slowly progressing symptoms for months.  Now before you think I'm an idiot, when I say slowly, I mean slowly!  I would finally go to the Dr. when I realized that I really was sick and not just living with an irritating cough. 

A couple of weeks ago the sympotoms started again.  I decided to go to the Dr. before it became the verge of anything.  This time the answer was different.  Asthma.  Not a bad thing really, all things considered, but it seems so strange to think of a person my age developing asthma.  Perhaps it was something brought on by my earlier illnesses that weakend my lungs.  Either way I now have my own inhaler.  Tiki and Cheeko welcomed me to the asthma club.  I just hope the club greeting isn't a gagging cough that finally brings up surfactant, followed by a slimy high five. 

I'm thinking of making myself a cute little inhaler holder to wear.  Sort of like a cell phone holder that clips on to your pants.  I don't really want to keep it in the bottom of my purse along with aged tissue, half sucked on candies and the pepper spray. 

I can see it now.  I'm attacked on the street, I reach into my purse, pull out a vial and spray albuterol into my attackers face.  While he's standing there bewildered and wondering where that bad shoe smell is coming from, I am then having a full blown asthma attack from the shock and I suck down a couple shots of pepper spray. 

If it's me, it could happen. 

I'm getting this done early in the day, lest I forget and am forced to turn the posts into Which One Wednesday. 

From last week the questions are:

1.  I remember my childhood birthdays with great fondness.
2. A pet snake was given to me by an ardent admirer.
3. I own and treasure a positively hideous scarf and wear it with pride.

What ties these three questions together is gifts. 

1.  False.  When I think of my childhood birthdays I am ashamed.  I was a rather bratty child who was not happy with the gifts given to me. Most of the pictures taken of me on my birthday show me red eyed from crying.  I also remember a couple of birthdays when I was spanked for my naughtiness.  On one of those I had been given a bicycle. (Which I did actually like.  I was spanked that day for some other selfish motiviation I committed.)  When my Papafather came home my mom asked me if I was going to tell him what I got that day.  I was horrified!  I couldn't tell my beloved Papafather that I had been naughty and received a spanking!  My mother had to clarify that she meant my birthday gift.

2.  True.  Be careful what you coo over.  A co-worker had a pet Ball Python and I was holding it and admiring it.  It was a very handsome snake.  At any rate, another co-worker who, unbeknownst to me, had a crush on me.  He decided that he would buy the snake and give it to me as a gift as a token of his affection.  While I appreciated the snakes finer qualities (much more than the ardent admirer) I had no desire to own one!  I took care of him as best I could.  Eventually I gave him to my sister who was very keen on him and she named him Monty.  (Get it?  Monty Python?)  Okay, moving on...

3.  True.  One year for Christmas my Papafather gave me the ugliest scarf I have ever seen.  It is striped with about six different deep hued colors.  I still think it's atrocious.  I tried everything I could think of to get rid of that scarf.  I left it at school, on the bus, anywhere I thought I could dispose of the thing.  Everyone knew it was mine and when they would find it they would  give it back to me. I did own other pretty scarves and when I would forget them somewhere they were never given back to me.  I now treasure that scarf and I do wear it with pride.  It came from Papafather and I've grown up a little since then. 

Oooh boy.  Time to come up with three more. 

1.  I learned to drive in a lavendar Honda Civic.
2.  The first time I drove I was 12
3.  I once got my mom's car to go 115 mph. 

Which one of the above is false? 

Someone please tell me how Tuesdays sneak up on a person and manage to pass by unnoticed? 

Last week I asked you to figure out which of the following was false.

1.  My birthday is my favorite holiday.
2. I dated a guy with the same birthday as me.
3. Dear Man and I had our first date on my birthday

Nearly all of you guessed that #1 was false, but not for the reasons that you might think!

1. False - My birthday isn't my favorite holiday but mainly because it focuses on just me.  I really don't care how old I am and most of the time I'm not even sure.  I don't do anything to hide or deny my age. 

2.  True - Funny story on this one.  I had only been dating the guy for a couple of weeks and I asked a friend what she thought I should give my date for our birthday.  She thought just a card was appropriate.  My date had the same conversation with his friend and they came up with the same answer.  On our birthday we met to go out to dinner and we handed each other our cards, opened them up and discovered we had bought each other the exact same card! 

3. True - Dear Man and I did have our first date on my 18th birthday.  Well, the date started on the eveing before, but he didn't take me home until after midnight. 

Okay, what three things can I offer you to choose from this week?  How about the following:

1.  I remember my childhood birthdays with great fondness.
2. A pet snake was given to me by an ardent admirer.
3. I own and treasure a positively hideous scarf and wear it with pride.

Take your time, but be sure to leave a comment before next Tuesday.  Remember, it comes up fast!

Are you ready for the answers to last week's two truths?  First let's review the questions:

1.  I once ran in a Volkslauf
2.  I have 182 days of sea time on an aircraft carrier
3. I once made freshly squeezed orange juice for Danny Glover

Ready?  Here we go:

1. True.  I did run in a Volkslauf.  Not the one highlighted above because I have never been to that base or that state, and that particular Volkslauf  started after I got out of the Navy.  I just wanted to give you an idea of what one was.  It's hot, it's muddy, and it's painful. 

2. False.  I only have a whopping 10 days of sea time.  The squadron I was with was a training squadron (VMFAT - 101) so we only went to sea for five days at a time.  I've been on the U.S.S. Independence twice.  (Yes, I was a sailor stationed on a Marine Corp base.  Let's not forget people, the Marines are a divison of the Navy.)

3. True.  Danny Glover was aboard the U.S.S. Independence preparing for his role in Flight of the Intruder.  He just wanted to know what it was like aboard ship.  One of the times I was on board I had to work in the ward rooms (officers quarters) and one of the cooks let me make Danny Glover's o.j.  and take it to him. 

I bet you were wondering how Danny Glover fit in with the rest of the questions!  Most of you guessed that it was false. 

Interesting side note.  My Dear Man and his best friend painted the planes for Flight of the Intruder.  It was their squadron's planes that were in the movie. If you watch you can see a fuel drop tank stenciled with VA-165.  The movie came out while the squadron was at sea, so the friend's wife and I sat through that entire boring, awful, movie waiting to read the credits.  All it said was, "Special thanks to VA-165."  So much for a career in painting for the movies. 

Now on to this week's super three about my birthday.

1.  My birthday is my favorite holiday.
2. I dated a guy with the same birthday as me.
3. Dear Man and I had our first date on my birthday

Which of the above is false?

Several years ago I used to attend a local writers support group.  Starting this year I started going to the meetings again, and I have really enjoyed it.  I started going to the group when it was first started and for the most part the members were author hopefuls.  Some had their work published in magazines, or did advertising writing, but I don't remember any actual authors.  At least not when the group first started.  There could have been, but I don't remember them. 

Since then several member of the group now have books and they take turns speaking to the group about how they did it.  One of which is RaeAnn Proost and her book, Sorry Little Supper, The Stove and Stories of a Swedish Grandmother.  RaeAnn is funny and a wonderful story teller!  She spoke to our group about how, "If you won't, who will?"  Who will tell your families stories, put them to paper and preserve the family history? 

My own family has a very rich heritage and stories that you just don't read about every day.  It has inspired me to get back to work on writing it down. We'll see how far I can get.  Don't expect anything anytime soon!  For now though, read RaeAnn's book, I think you'll like it!

Tuesday's come around way to fast!  Last week I had you guess which of the following was false:

1.  I sleep on the right side of the bed. 
2.  I don't sleep with a pillow
3.  I sleep on my back

Here are the answers that will surprise some of you!

1. True.  Any side I sleep on is the right side!  Actually when dear man and I got married and we walked up to the bed we had a discussion about who got what side.  I told him I had to have the right side, (as you're laying on it) because that was the side my mother slept on.  To me it just seemed weird to be the wife on the left side.  Fortunately for me his mother sleeps on the right side of the bed so he was readily agreeable to my silly notions.  Interesting side note: when Dear Man is gone I sleep on his side of the bed.

2. True.  I don't sleep with a pillow.  When I was very little my mother read somewhere that pillows were bad for children so I never had a real one.  She did make me a very flat pillow once and I still have it adorning my bed. 

3. False.  I sleep on my stomach/side.  Not flat on my stomach and not straight up on my side.  To do this you have to lay flat on your stomach and than hike up one knee to about the middle of your stomach only your knee is to the side of you.  This props you up so you aren't fully on your stomach.  Perfect for pregnant mommas!

Let's see...what can I come up with for this week? 

1.  I once ran in a Volkslauf
2.  I have 182 days of sea time on an aircraft carrier
3. I once made freshly squeezed orange juice for Danny Glover

Which one is false? 

Drewsfamilytx!  Marshie, you win a $15 gift certificate to The Schoolhouse Store, you lucky girl you!

A couple of weeks ago I asked my readers to tell me their favorite entries here on High Desert Hi-Jinks.  I'll be putting those up in my sidebar, along with a few of my favorites. 

If you didn't get a chance to play you can still tell me your favorite blog post and I might add it to my sidebar so that others can read them too. 

Thank you to everyone who helped me out!  A couple of your choices surprised me, so it was fun to see what you like and what caught your attention.