Okay here is the story.  I need some advice with my mother in law.  She has never been too involved in our lives.  I guess I should say she has never been too involved in the kids and my life.  She loves to spend time with my husband.  She will call him up on the weekend and ask him to go see a movie or go with her somewhere.  She hardly ever invites the kids or I.  Since we moved back (18 months ago) my husband has just brought some of the kids along with him when she does this.  I go out of my way to include them in anything the kids do.  I always invite her to anything the kids are in or are doing.  We have them (mnl and fnl) over atleast once a month for dinner (some months this is the only time we see them).  She has never really liked me.  She has made that clear at christmas when hubby and his sister and bil get 10 gifts she will give me one.  I can over look that I really am past that but, with everything going on with my dd I really need her to step up to the plate and help me. 

I do ask her to watch the kids about 1 time a month for an appointment.  But past this she complains even having her husband (my hubbys step father) call me and tell me that more than once a month for a few hours is too much.  The irony of this all is that we moved back from AZ to be closer to family (especially Grandparents) so our kids would know their Grandparents. 

I have been praying about this realationship for years.  It diffintely has gotten worse since my snl had kids.  Who she watches atleast once a week and she has to drive 2 hours round trip to do this.  I just do not know what to do.  I know when we start going to see the dr in St Louis (which is 8hours away) we will have to be gone for 2 plus days atleast every 3 months if not more.  She does not seem to understand the severity of my dd problem.  When I told her about it she quickly changed the subject and started talking about how sick my snl little boy was (he had a cold and pink eye). 

I have cried out to the Lord to show me how to handle this situation but he has not answered yet.  I have considered writing her a letter.  But am not sure if this is the right way to handle it.  Has any one experienced a MNL like this?

You know the part that hurts me the worst is that she does not interact at all with her grandkids.  They came over last night for dinner (it was my ds 8th birthday) and she never even spoke to him.  Never said Happy Birthday or anything.  Never hugged or kissed him.  I had such a great realtionship with my paternal grandmother.  She always made time for me and made me feel special (she was like this with all 16 of her grandchildren)  My older kids see that for the most part they are just an intrusion on her life and this hurts them. 

Help I feel really helpless in this situation.  My hubby does not have to guts to say anything to her.  I have asked him to.  But he won't.  He does see however, how she treats her grandchildren. 

Any advice would be helpful.

Sarah