My reach for the stars writing workshop page
Jun. 5, 2008
lesson 7

1. All throughout our camping trip it was raining and storming so hard that we couldn't do anything!  Every time we tried to start a fire it just sparked and wouldn't really start!  It was terrible the wind was so loud we could hardly get any sleep!  The trees were swaying all around us and every moment we lived with the fear that a tree would crash on us!

2. At the aquarium Katie saw a big gray rough sea creature with big eyes!  When she passed by it she jumped so high she was only about 3 feet away from the ceiling from fright! She was SO scared she didn't even KNOW that there WERE sea creatures that big!  She decided to NEVER go back to the aquarium EVER AGAIN!

3. As we entered the cave a saw a green chest that was 20 ft by 10 feet that smelled like apples and I looked closer and inscribed in gold was: "The treasure of the ancients".  Out of it was spilling gold, silver, jewelry and looked like it was made for a king!  I started digging and when I got to the bottom I saw a check for $1,000,000!! It was made out to "whoever finds it"!  I ran and cashed it right away!


Comments

Jun. 6, 2008 - Lesson 7

Posted by skmarlow

Nice start on this lesson.

However, I would like to see more than one sentence for your "freeze the scene" examples. At least 3 or 4 nicely thought-out sentences that SHOW me the camping trip and the scary sea monster. If you need ideas, click on the Mr. Linky to some of the other students' work and see what they came up with. The treasure chest example is like a mini-story scene. I want to SEE what is inside the chest-- gold coins spilling over, jewels, rings? A crown? How do you feel? Do your eyes bug out? Read those questions on the worksheet again and use them to create a complete "snapshot."

Slow down and do your best!

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Jun. 30, 2008 - lesson 7 fixed

Posted by skmarlow

Oh, yes. The paragraph about the treasure chest has much more description to it now. Much better.

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