Josh and his friends had had a sleepover the night before and now it was morning. They were wondering what to do. "Ummm, we could play sorry?" Josh suggested. No one really wanted to when Josh looked out the window and seeing it was a sunny day Josh suggested that they go boating. Everyone wanted to, so they set off.
They went and got a raft and set out. They were in the middle of the river when it all of a sudden started raining but it was only a light drizzle. What do you think we should do? Should we go back? Josh's friend Joe asked. "Nah it's not bad enough to turn back. Josh replied but then it began storming! But by this time they were in the middle of the river. They were all too surprised to say anything. But they were able to work togeather anyways. They were swaying so they gripped the sides of the raft and Josh had a very funny face his mouth was contorted and he had a look of surprise and confusion he felt so bad for not turning back and for getting his friends in danger.
By now the water was splashing over the sides of the raft and they tried to make their way back to land. They struggled because they were going against the current. Then they started getting closer and closer until finally they were there! They had survived it was a miracle!! Josh decicded to from then on at the first drop turn back!
There is what I tried! Hope you like it!
Comments
Jun. 24, 2008 - Lesson 14
Posted by skmarlow
For a first try, this is pretty good. Did you notice that I wanted you to include other "parts" of a scene, like dialogue and feelings? Let's hear a little talking (doesn't have to be a lot), and how Josh is feeling. You said he had a funny look on his face, and that's a start.
What you wrote has such great potential, that I'd sure like to see you expand it and really pull the reader (me) into the scene. Good description, by the way.
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Jun. 30, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by skmarlow
I think this is the only one you have left to fix, right? I'm getting a little mixed up on which ones I asked you to fixed, but hopefully you kept track. Look at the above comment to figure out how I want you to fix this one. Then....I"ll tell you what to do to get your certificate and how I'll send it to you.
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Jun. 30, 2008 - finished
Posted by skmarlow
Yes, this is better--you added more to make the scene better. Hint: you didn't need all that extra stuff at the beginnings (playing Sorry, etc.). Just have the boys see the raft and begin the adventure. This is a scene, not a complete story, so it's OK not to have a lot of "background" information at the beginning.
OK! You're finished. Here are your instructions to get the certificate:
1) E-mail me the name that you would like on your certificate.
2) E-mail me your mailing address if you would like me to mail you the certificate. If you prefer not to give out your mailing address, then I can e-mail you the certificate (it is on a Microsoft Publisher 2000 program)
3) E-mail me the picture you would like in the post and on the sidebar (also the name you want to be referred to on the post).
4) The link to your blog, so I can advertise it to other bloggers!
5) Optional: go get a widget for your story (see left sidebar on the WW blog) and then people can easily see when you’ve added a new chapter). I will post it on the WW sidebar with the others.
6) E-mail me the questions below, along with your answers. Thanks!
Questions for Writing Workshop
1) What was the main reason you decided to participate in the Writing Workshop?
2) Which lesson did you find to be the most helpful to the kind of writing you do, and why?
3) Which lesson was the most FUN and why?
4) Is there anything you learned from the writing workshop that you feel will "stick" with you the longest, and that you will really use when writing your stories? If so, what is it?
5) Where do you plan to go from here, writing-wise? (future plans for completing a story, etc. A title? A nutshell?) :-)
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