My greatest desire has been to follow the will of my Heavenly Father.  That hasn't always been my desire.  There have been times in my life when I wanted to follow my own desires, my own selfish wants.  Those have been the times in my life when I have walked the farthest from my Lord.  Those were times when I plugged my ears to God's voice and sang loudly to myself, "La La La La!"  Those were the times in my life when my heart was filled with darkness and shame.  I was always searching.  Searching for something to fill that void in my life.  Searching for pleasures that could never meet my souls deepest need. 

I went through a period in my life when my heart could not hear God's voice.  I think at times I even wondered if God truly existed, if He was just another fairy tale that wasn't going to come true.  My heart was hard.    I was blind.  I was deaf.  Then one day God's mercy and grace flowed over me like showers from heaven!  I saw God with new eyes.  I heard God's voice with new ears.  My heart was overflowing with the spirit of my Lord.  I became a new creation!  Praise the Lord.  My darkness turned to light and my cup overfloweth!  I asked God to search my heart and my mind.  I asked Him to show me His way, not mine.  1 John 5:14-15 states, "And this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."

I began to hear God in a new way.  I quieted my heart and heard His voice and His desires for my life.  I heard a song recently that stated, "The days we are given are His from above."  My outlook on life has changed.  My desires are for what God desires from me.  Each day is a gift from my Heavenly Father.  I must honor Him and follow His will for my life. 

It is sometimes hard being a mother of five and I'm sure it will be even harder to be a mother of eight.  Some days are very trying and I get tired and worn out, but then God gives me the strength and energy that I need to keep moving forward.  I find my energy from receiving God's joy.  "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength," (Nehemiah 8:10). 

I have learned to quiet my inner spirit.  To quiet myself so that I can feel God's presence!  Oh, what joy fills my inner most being!  When I open my eyes I see things differently.  God has asked Russell and I to bring in orphaned children and children who have been tossed aside by birth parents.  We chose to follow God's calling on our lives.  Oh, how He has blessed us.  I can see this desire growing in our children.  They speak of adopting one day.  They see us listening to God's calling and they are seeking God's will at a young age. 

So has my desires changed?  Yes!  My desires are my Heavenly Father's desires.  Some may look at us and shake their heads, not understanding.  I have learned that I am not here on this earth to please anyone.  I am here to please my Heavenly Daddy.  My Heavenly Daddy looks down at me and I know He smiles.  There are days when I can feel His smiles.  I may not always recieve the smiles that I so long for from my earthly father, but I know that my Heavenly Father is pleased with my humble attempts to follow His plan. 

Is that not why all of us are here?  We are here to fulfill the will of God.  He longs for us to be obedient in this.  So yes, my desires are my Daddy's desires.  I can hear Him say, "I love you, my daughter."  This makes me smile on the inside and out.  Is it easy to follow God's way.  No, it's not always easy, but it gives me something to strive towards each day.  Will there be hard times ahead?  Yes.  But I have strength through my Lord.  My God is Holy.  His glory is all around me.  Praise the Lord!