God granted me an awesome "light bulb" moment this week that I thought I would share.  But you may need a little background.  When I became a Christian, I prayed that God would give me something really cool to do for Him.  As I've talked about before, I never planned to be a stay at home mom, much less a homeschooling one.  In fact, God called me home from the workplace kicking and screaming.  He had to lay me off before I actually got the message that He wanted to be home, and even then I kept trying to find things to do outside of the home.  I thought maybe that if I worked for a non-profit or for a church, then I would really be serving Him.  But over time, He closed doors(sometimes slammed) and showed me that He wanted me to be home, raising our children.  I have learned to consider this my ministry, but part of me has always struggled because full time motherhood was never something that I chose for myself.  Because of this, I have consistently felt unprepared, frustrated and overwhelmed with the task of being a "manager of my home".

 This week my devotions led me to Ephesians 3 where Paul is talking about his ministry to the Gentiles:  "to be specific, that the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel, of which I was made a minister, according to the gift of God's grace which was given me according to the working of His power." Eph 3:6-7  The MacArthur Study bible says this:  "Paul did not choose the stewardship of his apostleship or ministry.  God had sovereignly commissioned him with the calling, spiritual gifts, opportunities, knowledge and authority to minister as the apostle to the Gentiles.  No person can make himself a minster/servant of God because the calling, message, work and empowering of genuine ministry to and for God are His prerogative alone to give."  You see, Paul didn't choose his ministry either - in fact Paul had been doing the exact opposite of spreading the gospel when God called Him.  This means that I could not have chosen this ministry of homeschooling mother to my children on my own and that it was no surprise to God that I wasn't "prepared".  And just like Paul, God has equipped me for my ministry though it might not be as I would have liked to have been prepared.  God does this because if I had chosen it and it turned out well, He knows me well enough to know that I would take all the credit.  This way, it has to be something where I have to constantly rely on God and "God's grace which was given me according to the working of His power".  

For me, to remember that God knew my background and still gave me this ministry to my husband and my children even when I didn't really want it encourages me so much.  He has not set me up to fail; He is not punishing me.  Just as Paul didn't feel qualified for what God called Him to do:  "To me, the very least of all saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unfathomable riches of Christ."Eph 3:8  I too am unworthy of this high calling to which God has called me to.  God will keep me humble in my ministry in my home because up until a few years ago I had no clue how to be a Godly wife & mother or how to run a household efficiently.   AND the same grace with which God called me to will give me the power to do what He wants me to do.  "This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him."(Eph 3:11-12)  I have an eternal purpose! and I have confident access to ask for help as I need it.  Raising children in the ways of the Lord is way more important than what I had in mind when I prayed to God so long ago. 

And don't get me started on what this means as a pastor's wife!

Blessings!

-J