Today was supposed to be our last day of the school year.  I say supposed to because I went to work and didn't even actually do any school stuff with the kids.  That makes me feel like a crappy mother by the way, but it is what it is.

I will probably do a run down at some point of the specific likes and dislikes, but for now I'm really feeling the need for an evaluation of where my head has been the last year. 

This was the first year that I really felt like I might not be doing the best I can for my kids.  This was the year I used sending them to school as a threat, and meant it.  This was the year that I feel went by in a blur and I failed to accomplish my goals.

I don't think that I really regret the year, but honestly, I was spoiled by doing school with just one bright little girl.  Having to have her step it up and be more independent along with a reluctant boy child made things a challenge. 

It is making me question whether or not I can really pull this off. 

But... then I think about all those old homeschooling freaks who used to tell me that homeschool is doing the laundry.  For some reason, where I live, that was always the thing I heard.  I thought that these people were nuts and wanted nothing to do with homeschooling for the longest time because of them.

I then was vain enough to think that I could do it better.  I could prepare my kids for anything life had to offer.  I have to admit that I do still feel that way.  I just feel so tired, and I'm wondering what the point of it really is. 

At a conference last fall I heard Jeannie Fullbright, of Apologia fame, speak.  She constantly stressed the importance of putting God first and training your children to seek Him.  She made the point that if you can do this, then the rest of it will fall into place.

Maybe this year I finally learned that if you really want to do something in life, you'll figure it out.  That all the education in the world won't make you a better person.   All I can do is to prepare my kids and give them the tools that they will need for later in life.  Knowing God is what will give them a real future.  Maybe that's what this year was all about.   

I do admit that I need more structure and planning than I had this year.  I made alot of changes in curriculum mid-way thru the year as well and that made things a bit wierd as well.  I need to get my act together in a big way before we start our next year....

But until then I may reconsider what the old homeschooling freaks used to tell me....