It's been somewhat miserable here as it always is this time of year. The afternoon has been bringing violent storms that somewhat relieve the heat momentarily.
School continues to go well.... routine has already set in....
But then it seems that monotony also arises.
I've been reading and thinking too much lately.... I started reading Jon Krakauer's book from the movie Into the Wild, and it is depressing as hell at the beginning.... the movie was too, but it was so stunningly beautiful that it made you forget this....
I think that the difficult issue here is that I really identify with the mindset of Chris.... we actually had somewhat similar paths at the same moment in time.... I remember being accused of running at this time in my life, but that never was quite the right word.... I was seeking... My soul was agitated....
When I look back at my 23 year old self I wonder how I made it out alive? Where was my fear? What made me change?
The more I've read of the book the more I think that I may have found the answer. I had some bit of hope. I found salvation. I found Christ.
It's just hard sometimes when you feel the call of a certain life, though not bad, just not possible.
I've been working alot lately while most of my co-workers are on summer vacation... I've enjoyed it, but I'm glad that it is coming to an end... I have several projects that I've shelved until I have more time and the more time starts tomorrow!
My goals for the next week or so: re-do the Princess' room, not as major as my little Prince's but still some big things to take care of...
work in the garden
read up on container gardening and come up with a viable plan for this.... we have a huge upper balcony on our house that is about 300 square feet of empty space I could utilize along with our back porch... I want to be more productive at our house in addition to the garden at my parent's
start school next week with an emphasis on teaching the Prince to read
get some sewing done
clean up my craft/computer room (and maybe keep it that way for more than a day)
plan out some menus
organize my scrapbook stuff and get some of that done
make a sun oven as a school project....
Enjoy my family and what's left of the summer.....
Today is a bit scattered, but I'm tired and I met some cool internet friends yesterday in what proved to be an amazing day...
Michael preached yesterday on Joshua leading Israel in battle and how he prayed a specific, impossible prayer for the sun to stand still.
One thing that struck me was this: make your goals attainable, and your prayers impossible. We constantly ask God for the things that we are capable of making happen ourselves and never think outside of the box as far as our really big dreams. Kind of like we don't ask God to flex for us...
I also watched the movie, Into the Wild, that was directed by Sean Penn. It was R rated, and while I ususally avoid these I was really intrigued by the premise of this movie. It did have nakedness (I hate the word nudity; it's not a Southern word and always makes me feel like a poseur to use it) that was kind of unnecessary, but it was an amazing show.... I only mention the nudity so that if anyone here watches it at my recommendation you will be aware.... I am generally oblivious to a lack of clothing hopefully due to being a nurse...
I think the primary message of the film was that the guy was searching for what in his mind represented the ultimate happiness and joy, and when he went to where he thought he would find it he realized too late that he had already had it. Alot of the commentary of this book and movie focus on the unpreparedness of the main character to brave Alaska, but it's not really the focus of the movie in my humble opinion... it's not a survivalist thing, but more of an On the Road/Kerouac kind of story that while it ended badly makes you want to explore what you are really looking for out of life...
I've been working the past few days, and need to rebuild my gardening and canning momentum now that I'll be off (hopefully) for the next few days. I've really been trying to take advantage of being off school and having Granny available to watch the Prince and Princess for me after Mr. B goes to work.
Today I'm at work when this sweet girl I work with is lamenting over the state of her unpicked plum trees and blueberry bushes.... She is sad that they are going to waste and she just can't use them all....
So.... immediately after work I head over to her place when it starts to rain. And not just rain, but pour. I wait a few minutes, but it doesn't let up, and I really need to get home to my babies. So I get out of the car and pick plums and berries in the pouring rain wearing my work clothes (scrubs).
It was actually really amazingly beautiful and surreal... and on the way home there was a giant rainbow.... I hated that I didn't have my camera, but I think that sometimes it is better to have a beautiful memory than to have a beautiful picture.....
Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for [it is] time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you. Hosea 10:12It amazes me that every year I can put seeds into the ground and not only does a plant come up, but it also produces a fruit or vegetable....
I don't know why this surprises me, but it does... you take something that is small and dried up looking and care for it and nurture it and it becomes something wonderful and productive...
This morning I went and worked in the garden.... this kind of work is really not hard, but it is time consuming.... and even this early on I am already seeing the benefits of my work. Today I dug up some potatoes and picked some cayenne peppers.
I could choose to just pick what I have already sown and not put any more work into it, but I don't think that the harvest would continue very long... This is normally my problem with pretty much everything in life.... I start to see some payoff and think that I no longer have to work, and then weeds creep in and the things I have carefully cultivated are suddenly a mess.
I've felt that I've not been giving my God and my family my best lately.... I put in the initial work, but my follow thru has not been there.
I cut back on work only to find myself with more goof off time spent online or just vegetating.... I have truly felt spoken to by the LORD to be more of a homemaker than in the past. I have prayed about cutting back at work, but I am finding it easier just to go back to the comfortable routine of working more, despite what GOD says, and then having an excuse to need relaxation time and me time. I am finding that instead of taking care of my home, I am selfishly spending my time.
I've made the decision that maybe I need to cut back from my online time.... mainly chat forums that I frequent. I am starting to say 'no' more to things that interfere with my family. They are great sites that I love, but I feel that I am too mentally involved in them right now.
I would like to think that this blog has been good for me, and I will probably continue it. I am amazed that anyone actually reads it, and have been blessed by all of the wonderfully nice comments so many of you have left for me....(I'm also especially a sucker for all of the overseas blips on the map, so always feel free to comment).... I do feel that there is a certain level of accountability in writing things down...
So.... life is like a garden.... you get what you sow...
We've decided to take an extra long break from school this year.... usually we finish in early May and start the first week of June. This year we are going to wait until the second week of July so that we can accomplish some other projects and hopefully rest up a bit.
I'm still kind of tired this week, and I just can't seem to get going. I have gotten off of caffiene, for about the 1000th time in my life and that may be the reason for it all, hopefully...
I am hoping to continue planning and making goals so that I get every thing done that needs to be done along with all of the things that I would just like to accomplish. I haven't been reading alot lately, and my list includes The Abolition of Man by CS Lewis and Pilgrim's Progress by Bunyan. I would also like to continue studying Michael Pearl's Eight Kingdoms book but I have to admit that I have a hard time comprehending it....
We've been reading the book of I Samuel from the Bible and we are really enjoying it... we had started Joshua a while back, but about half way into it every other sentence was how Israel was killing everyone and everything.... This goes on chapter after chapter and while I see the validity, it got kind of repetitive... I think we got the point, and I realize that I'm pretty shallow, but I felt the need to move on.....
We have also been listening to some of the Michael Pearl sermons available from No Greater Joy. We ordered the May-June special on Angels and Other Facts My kids have asked to listen to these over any music and are even talking about them and what they have learned afterwards. I have never seen either of them this excited about listening to anyone, let alone a preacher.
So I'm off to read, do some sewing, cleaning and re-organizing.... but I'll probably end up just watching TV tonight.....
I've not posted a great deal lately as life has gotten strenuous and I've just been really tired.
I am very proud that we managed to exercise all 5 days last week.
Our schedule was:
Monday: cardio with abdomenal work
Tuesday: a really tough free weight routine
Wednesday: more cardio, this time outside
Thursday: yoga, they continued with cardio, but I was too pooped
Friday: free weight routine from Tuesday
I didn't lose a ton of weight, but I think I did set a good precedent of getting some activity everyday.
I've also been working this weekend and today it all caught up to me.
We were rearranging furniture in the basement when I sat down for a minute.... the next thing I knew, the phone was ringing and it was an hour later.
Tomorrow the plan is for lifting weights with cardio... I also enjoyed the yoga routine that I put together last week so I may try to keep this up regularly.
No caffiene for a few days, though not having it at work is almost impossible. Today I've gotten back into the swing of my green tea and water.... so I'm feeling good, just sleepy....
We have been waiting for our government stimulus check for pretty much the whole month of May. Based upon Mr. B's social # I had initially heard early May, but we didn't get a refund of overpaid taxes so the IRS didn't have our account number. So then I research and found that our check should be mailed by May 23rd.
Yesterday I went to the IRS site, Where's my check? for the stimulus checks...
Basically it said we aren't in the system at this time.... We mailed our return April 15 and I'm thinking that this is the reason for the delay, but we haven't even received the letter saying it was coming....
So.... all of this got me thinking about the future. We didn't have this money figured into our budget originally, but since I knew it would be coming I made plans for it... after all... the government says it was coming....
This made the whole concept of social security even more real to me... the government says it will hopefully be there someday... I'm putting my money in, and I want to expect that check someday, but I have my doubts that it will actually come...
I am a lifer libertarian... I have always said that I valued freedom above all else including security...
To find myself scurrying on the internet to find my check made me realize that maybe things are a bit too comfortable right now. The sense of security can be so fleeting and deceptive....
The Princess and I set out on adventure this morning together....
We had free tickets to the Caspian movie courtesey of Dr. Cline the orthodontist, and while there was a wait it was overall a good show that we enjoyed.....
We live in a very small town (no actual town or even post office even... I saw a mail carrier in a pickup truck just yesterday with "mail dude" spray painted across the back). Our very small town is near a small town that we had never really explored before. So today we decided to take the opportunity to find out what all was here.
Quite frankly I was surprised at some of the boutiques and what they had to offer, even if overpriced, but mostly it just seemed very small. I think that we get so used to the mall mentality and the variety and size of everything that a small mill town just seems to be a small mill town.
I also don't get that they built the town... way back... around a railroad track and it still runs thru the center of the town....
It was such a beautiful day that the Princess and I went on an herb walk to gather more plantain and to see what we could find....
I think I found an elderberry tree near the wild cherry one I staked out last summer. The blackberries are flowering in massive amounts, and the air was permeated with the smell of honeysuckles....
I enjoy scented candles, but I've never liked honeysuckle ones as they were always not just right.... I think that today I realized it was like comparing nutrasweet to real honey... there's no comparison between the real and the fabricated....
For those of you who are able to hear, or care to hear, the audio of my site you might have noticed I've changed it out a bit... (this will most likely be short lived as these songs are more personal to me...)
I think that even as I supposedly bear my soul here, I use the art of distraction so that you think you may know a glimpse of the real me, but it really isn't so.... I've gotten really good at it over the years.
Truth is if you show people just enough of what you want them to see it's pretty easy to hide what you don't want them to see....
I think that I'm in a really strange place right now... maybe it's just peri-menopause, or maybe it's something else.... strange things are afoot right now... be it at the Circle K or not....
So... I made a banana pudding other night... and guess what... my kids HATED it...
How can you not like banana pudding??? I even made a perfectly browned merengue for the topping... but then, they don't like country music either....
Addendum.... 5.15.08 0900... Morning makes things seem different, so the music has returned to its somewhat normal state.....
I am a major geography geek as evidenced by my frequent checking of the new neo counter on the side bar.... I think it is so cool to see the names of all of the places scroll by... I'm just wondering who is in Bremerton... is this really accurate???? I get the Ga folks, but the number from Bremerton has me perplexed....
The Princess was looking at it with me tonight and we were talking about all of the different cities around the world and the places and people we know.... she was really amazed that so many people bothered to read anything I've written, as am I....
We have gotten no actual school done this week so far due to field trips and sleep overs at Granny's... our school year only has 2 more weeks before the end of our year... I think if I had the energy I might actually be stressed, but it's not really happening...
I just keep feeling as if I am just a bit out of sync with life.... I think it's because I've cut back on work a bit and I have more time to take care of all of the normal things that I normally cram into a shorter time span... it makes me lazy.... I think I just need more stimulation.....
After cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking I was able to play some board games and sew... I think all I really wanted to do was sit under a warm blanket (it's FREEZING here) and do SUDOKU........ or maybe I'll just sit and watch the neocounter scroll place names by and dream of where else I could be....
I would like to think that I use this site for putting helpful things and recipes on, but I've been in a purple funk lately... not as bad as a black or blue one... but I have been more in my head than normal...
I'm going to snap out of it next week, but I'm taking one last day to dwell in this place... I feel attacked lately and while things are good, even great... I'm having a hard time relating to it.
I've really tried to pay more attention to what I feel God is calling me to be and do. I feel like for the first time in a very long time I may be actually listening to Him, and that He is blessing me and my family.
I just feel such a sense of futility on so many levels right now... it's not that excitement or hope is gone... I just feel that the world is moving on and that things are just moving way too fast.... I would just like for things to slow down for just a season..........
When the Nazis came for the communists, I remained silent; I was not a communist. When they locked up the social democrats, I remained silent; I was not a social democrat. When they came for the trade unionists, I did not speak out; I was not a trade unionist. When they came for the Jews, I remained silent; I was not a Jew. When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out. --Martin Niemoeller (1892-1984)Dachau Concentration Camp survivor
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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world..." Ghandi
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Also, from the new pastor, Jonathan, at Oakleaf....
If you are not part of the future, it's kind of difficult to be part of the present.
I've been meaning to take a sabbatical from the computer, especially the internet, but it has really become ingrained within my lifestyle and is hard to give up... So here I am... another night on the computer...
Today, I really focused on my kids and family... Mondays are usually a great school day, I work on Tuesdays so the momentum is usually gone by the time Wednesday rolls around... Thursday and Fridays are then spent playing catch up and trying to get everything done for the week.
I have to admit that I have been pretty lax about my planning and scheduling lately and I believe that is why things have been so hectic and undone...
Today school went really well... we covered everything we planned on and more... It was actually a really sweet day with my kids...
I learned alot this year in school, and I hope the kids did too...
I mainly learned that my attitude is the pivotal point for how our day is going to go... I also learned that sometimes it is better to teach love and caring and acceptance rather than them learning academics...
So today...school, baking, cleaning, sewing, reading, playing and exercising.... but not all at the same time....
And now I'm off to iTunes to make a CD for exercise time with my 2 buds tomorrow... you are both really going to hurt...
You're so granola... such a hippy... so conservative... so liberal... a tree-hugger... working mother... stay at home mother...feminist... born-again... heathen... country... rock...rich... poor...lazy... geek...spaz.......................
Can I just say that I hate labels....
I'm also tired of name calling and attempts to pigeon-hole.... I guess it's just human nature as we try to assimilate within the tribe of men, but I guess that I would like to think that individuals are more than just a label... That the whole point of what makes life interesting is really getting to know others and what makes them tick... what makes them who they are and how can I learn something from them.
I recently read the book, Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard... Overall it was an interesting and good read by the founder of Patagonia... until the end. At this point Chouinard who is an ardent environmental supporter/spokesman made the point that the reason America didn't get involved as a country with environmental issues is because most of the leaders are Christian republicans!
His point being that Christians have a fatalistic view of the world and expect its destruction and are waiting for the afterlife, and this is one of the main reasons for the destruction of the environment... and of course all Christians are all republicans...
I can't tell you on how many levels I find this offensive.
I've always been under the impression that we are stewards of the earth... I know that there has already been so much destruction of the perfection that God created, and it actually makes me sad that the earth we live on is in such bad shape... I realize that God could change it all in a fraction of a second, but shouldn't we at least try (again, I do hate the word try but it fit)...
I would like to think that I live a pretty environmentally friendly life... no we're not off the grid, no solar panels or hybrids, so we do have room for improvement.... but we do make daily choices to try to do the whole reduce, reuse, and recycle thing. We try to make conscious decisions in how we live to try to make the earth a better place for our kids and grandkids to come... I encourage you to do just one small thing that may make a difference within the environment....
You don't have to fit a certain mold to be environmentally responsible... there are no limits or limitations. You just kinda have to be willing to show up, so to speak.
I guess my main issue is that Chouinard did what so many liberals tend to do... he narrowmindedly classified me as a group, and NOT as an individual.
So...please feel free to see me for all of my faults... there are quite a few to choose from... I only ask that you stick to the ones that apply to me and not some imagined group that I may or may not demographically fall into.....
When I started homeschool I knew very few people who were homeschoolers let alone supportive of homeschooling... I remember searching the internet to find support, and one of the resources I found was The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. I was really surprised by all of the free gifts that came along with it as they were like real gifts that were useful and not just people wanting to put me on their mailing list.
When I look back... those first days of homeschooling were truly the ones that have shaped who and what I am in my current life... I would encourage everyone who can to consider subscribing...
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Living day to day while seeking the truth in life. Finding wisdom through Christ in marriage and my children. Finding beauty in the world in which we live...
The little Prince turned 6 today... and while the cake is definitely homemade, he thought it was the best cake ever....
It amazes me that every year I can put seeds into the ground and not only does a plant come up, but it also produces a fruit or vegetable....
