The words should bring both terror and joy to every child's heart.  Why?  Because if Mommy would just subject herself to a rigorous training time that child would learn to submit, honor, and obey his parents like never before. 

I wrote the boot camp information years ago because I saw mothers who had the guts, grit, and determination to put their children through an intense training time.  The point was to take undisciplined and untrained children and immerse them in discipline and training to the end that they automatically responded with honor and respect when instruction was given.

One thing I did not plan for was the numbers of mothers who would attempt boot camp and fail to meet the challenge.  I could not imagine mothers who would give up after just a few hours because 'it's too hard' or 'I just have too high needs children'.  I have heard every excuse in the book.  "You must not have children as close together as I do."  "You don't have my health problems."  "I don't know how to relate to them."  "I tried but the baby needed me and everything went down hill."  Ad infinitum.

May I say that none of these statements were reasons?  They were all excuses.  Yes, you CAN do whatever you set your mind to do in childrearing.  This is not rocket science or brain surgery.  This is child training.  This is making nothing in life more important than rearing up godly children for the Lord.  This is about getting up off of the couch, laying the nursing baby down, letting the stinky baby sit in stinky diaper for five more minutes, turning off the stove, hanging up the phone, walking away from the computer or the instant messenger, and DEALING with the situation that the LORD has given you to deal with.

Most women, at some time or another, often constantly, have troubles and trials.  Very few people truly have the trials that make it impossible to do their jobs.  Even bedridden women can train their children in obedience.  It is hard.  It takes longer and more patience but it can be done.  Most of us have troubles and trials that make us feel like we are alone in this adventure (or is it a nightmare?) of parenting.  One woman may have migraines while another may have chronic fatigue.  Neither woman's malady is 'worse' than another's.  Ask each of them and you are likely to find that they would trade places quickly!  Compare a woman with an unsaved husband, and a woman who has little money.  Whose life is more difficult?  What about a family with a chronically ill child and a family with extremely cramped living quarters?  Who is worse off?  The point I am trying to make is that it is an extremely rare situation where someone CANNOT do their job, no matter how hard it seems.  It may take creativity, determination and sheer will power, but it can be done.

Why did you have the children that you have?  Why did you KEEP them once you had them?  You took that responsibility on.  You made the decision to bear, and rear these children.  Now do your job!  Mothers… it is time to realize that being a mother isn't a thirty minute episode of the Walton's or Little House on the Prairie.  You do not get a 'nice little problem' and get to solve it in a pretty little package before going on to tomorrow's 'episode'.  Today may have thirty episodes, one right after another.  It may have one 12-hour episode or it may have none… let those actors take the day off!  The point is, if you thought motherhood was simply baking cookies together and reading stories, you were sadly mistaken. 

Unfortunately, being mistaken does not remove your responsibility.  They are your children.  God has given them to you for the purpose of rearing to HIS glory and you have no right to abandon that job because you 'can't' or it's 'too hard' or 'you don't understand them' or you don't 'feel up to the challenge'.  They are here.  They are yours.  And Mama… it's time to get up off your butler, do your job, and do it right.

I thought a few scriptures might be in order so I will just toss out two or three that I think apply quite nicely.

Philippians 4: 13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Proverbs 13:24
He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Deuteronomy 6: 9-12

"These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
"You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
"You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
"You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

It all boils down to… when you stand before the Lord, what are you going to say about how you reared your children?  Do you think that He will see through your excuses?  Do you think He will agree that your 'nerves' could not handle them?  Do you think that He will understand why you opted to post on a message board to help another mother with her children while yours run around the house unchecked?  Will He agree that it was best for you to let your house lay messy and unkempt as you helped a friend to organize her home or made quilts for orphans while your children ran around looking like street urchins?  Do you really think that the all knowing, all seeing Lord of the Universe will not see through the petty excuses to the heart of the matter?  We are lazy.  We are lazy, self-absorbed, immature people.  If we think that we can fool the Lord into thinking that we are just 'tired', 'have low self-esteem', and are 'still growing in the Lord', we have another thing coming.  It's time to buck up, and do the right thing… even if we don't want to, don't like it, think we can't do it… we can do whatever the Lord has put on our plates to do!

So mothers, are you going to be mothers?  Are you going to rise to the job that the Lord has given to you?  If you could not do it, then the Lord would not have given the job to you in the first place.  You can.  You will succeed with the Lord's help if you will humble yourself and pray, and seek His face, and turn from your wicked (lazy) ways!  (Loosely based upon II Chronicles 7:24)

Overcoming Pitfalls and Weaknesses

Mother's Health

One of the first excuses that I have heard for not owning the responsibility of being a mother at all times and places is that mother's health is poor.  Whether it is something very serious or occasional headaches, I've heard excuses from everyone… including myself!  I also find that other women, with the same or worse symptoms, can rise above their infirmities and make themselves do what is difficult.  Mothering is a rewarding wonderful thing.  It is also hard work and sometimes heartache. 

Children's Health

Closely related to the Mother's health is the health of her child.  He may have a chronic condition, or she may simply allow him to become ugly during illnesses.  I have met parents with a chronically ill child that made more excuses for that child than some presidents have for their immoral behavior.  It is sad to see the other children in a family neglected as the mother concentrates her time and attention on the child who 'needs her most'.  Mother, you are responsible for all of your children.  A sick child must be trained to overcome self and learn to defer to others just as much as a well child.  Whether we are talking about physical, mental, emotional, or learning infirmities, it is the responsibility of the parents to train the child to the glory of God.

Anger

This is one of the most amazing of excuses.  It is the one I find myself using the most.  "I am angry with this child.  It would be wrong for me to handle this situation while I'm angry.  I'll have to wait until I am calm again."  Time goes on, and the child is neglected while we nurse our anger in order to avoid our duty to the child.  Mother, get over your anger.  Control the anger.  Send the child to the other room, gather your training tools, and enter that room in control.  You may still be angry but it is a myth that you cannot discipline a child while angry.  It is WRONG to discipline IN ANGER, but it is not wrong to discipline a child if you happen to be angry at the same time.  You must control yourself and your anger, but you do not have to allow your child to get away with sin because you have sin in your heart as well.

Tiredness/Exhaustion

This one is so hard for so many mothers.  You didn't get enough sleep last night.  The baby was awake, teething, fussing, colicky, or a myriad of other sleep related problems.  You have an undiagnosed thyroid problem.  You have chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia.  You have back pain that makes it impossible to sleep.  Insomnia, pregnancy, or simple overwork can cause you to feel incapable of getting up one more time to deal with that child.  Let me ask you a difficult question.  If you had to go to the bathroom NOW or mess your pants, would you get up?  If you would not get up, nasty pants or not, then by all means, let yourself rest a moment more… but if you can get up to go to the bathroom, you can get up to deal with a child.  If your house were on fire… would you make it out the front door or be overtaken because of your exhaustion?  Proverbs says that you save a soul from HELL when you turn someone from the error of his way (James 5).  Mother… you can do it.  You can.  You just don't 'feel' like you can and feelings lie.  Do not trust them.  Be completely honest with yourself.  Do not say "I can't" when you really mean "I won't" or "I don't want to".  The very least you can do is avoid lying to yourself.

Failure

While failure is inevitable, we all fail; it is no excuse for not trying again.  It is like falling off a horse.  For your sake and the horse's, you must get back up on that horse and ride it.  I have even heard of people with a broken leg, getting back on the horse, in spite of the pain, in order to show the horse whose 'boss' and to avoid letting fear take over.  That kind of dedication is what your children need to see. 

Home Schooling

One child's need for a spelling test is not more important than your toddler's need for correction when he is trying to dismantle Daddy's stereo system.  The words will wait.  If your child does not know his spelling words enough to wait ten minutes and do something else during that time, then perhaps your child needs to study a bit more anyway.  You cannot let the younger or children that are more 'needy' tyrannize your school day, but neither can you let their academic education rule over their characters.  Give me a simply educated honorable young person over an academic buffoon any day. 

Care for other children

Momma, the diaper can wait.  That child could have filled it at midnight and you would not have known about it until six or seven the next morning.  If he can sleep through it… he can sit in it for another ten minutes.  If you have the diaper half off, refasten it, put the child on the floor, and deal with the culprit that is causing you to miss this marvelous diapering experience in the first place.  If you are helping a sick child, sometimes you cannot leave them to vomit in a bowl to handle a child smart mouthing you.  I agree.  However, you can, as soon as you can move away for a moment, bring the offender to your side and handle it there.  Yes, I do prefer that discipline be done privately, and I would turn my back to the sick child, but if another child wants to try to take advantage of a bad situation, then he will have to suffer for the consequences.

Housework/Meals

I would not have added this if I had not heard this argument with my own two ears.  Yes, there are people who will use the excuse that the vacuum is running, or the stuff might burn on the stove, or… or… or…  Mother, the vacuum can be turned off.  The stove can be turned off.  The windows will wait, the floor can be re-mopped, and the water doesn't have to be allowed to run unchecked as you deal with the child.  Turn it off and deal with the problem. 

Friendships

Just because you have company in your home, does not mean that your responsibility to your children is lessened.  They still come first.  It is still your job to train.  You might have to cut the visit short.  It might feel rude.  I am sorry, but if you will put your visit with your friend above the spiritual well being of your child (And ignoring sin is DEFINITELY putting your friend ahead of your child's spiritual well being) then you have misplaced priorities and need to get right with the Lord.  Do you give your friend the best of your baking?  Do you speak more gently to your friend than to your family?  Do you overlook an offense by a friend but react with ugliness when a family member offends?  Why do those who we should love, honor, and respect the most, get the worst of our behavior?

Family

You can easily let the needs of extended family run your home.  While we are to honor, respect and love our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents, we are not to neglect our children and their training for the needs of those who will not answer for our neglect of those children. 

"What people might think"

Mother, whose opinion is really the one that counts?  Your mother's?  Your mother-in-law's?  God's?  The answer is so simple and yet so often we really do allow the opinions of others to influence our decisions, actions and thoughts.  Don't become so focused upon your own ideas that you can't learn from those who have the wisdom of a life time behind their statements, but neither do you allow opinions that are not Godly to override the Word.  Bathe each 'suggestion' or opinion in prayer, immerse yourself in the Word and proceed with caution denying self, taking up your cross, and following HIM.

Ministry

Oh, this one sounds so spiritual!  I have to study for my Women's Bible Study!  I must have my quiet time uninterrupted!  I am making a dinner for a bed-ridden widow!  The orphans need blankets!  Momma… your babies need YOU.  That widow won't starve, those orphans have done without through today, the Bible Study can make it with less preparation and you can find another time for your quiet time or you can learn to handle occasional interruptions.  However, if you teach your children that they can disobey or run wild while you are 'spiritual' you will turn them into copies of Eli and Samuel's sons.

Hobbies

I need my time!  I need something to keep me sane.  It may be so.  Who knows?  However, I do know that if you allow your hobbies to take precedence over the training, nurturing and loving of your children, you will lose them to their own selfish desires.  Find a time to read, paint, sew, crochet, cross-stitch, quilt, or scrapbook when the children are not likely to interfere.  If they do, STOP what you are doing and be a mother first.  In no time, you will find that you are rarely interrupted.  MAKE THE INVESTMENT.

Phone

If you will not get off the phone when trouble arises, then do not allow yourself to get on it for a while.  Then train yourself by pretending to talk on the phone as you go about your day.  Tell your fake 'friend' "Please excuse me… I will have to call you back.  My children need my attention."  Finally, try it 'for real'.   Get on the phone when you are sure that they will 'challenge' you and be prepared to get off the phone.  Make sure that you call someone who will 'let you off'.  Do not start with the acid-test woman who does not take a 'goodbye' seriously.

Computer

Message boards.  Email.  Instant Messengers.  What do these things have in common?  They are time eaters and attention grabbers.  While you're gabbing about the latest curriculum on a message board or instant messenger, your child could be destroying his sibling's math book.  Please be sure you add another book to the shopping list you started when the conversation got interesting, will you?  You can email a friend back and forth for hours, trying to help save her marriage while your children roam the house, eat half of tomorrow's lunch for snack today and destroy the newly planted garden that your husband worked so hard on.  While you talk to a friend about how to train her two-year-old not to touch the wood stove, your two year old could be catching the house on fire.  This does not mean, of course, that you never talk on the phone, use the messenger, email, etc… this does mean that you have to CONTROL THEM, instead of letting them control you.  How sad that we are so quickly enslaved to that which is good and turn it into that which is destroying the home God has given to you to keep and nurture for His glory.

Overwhelmed

This is my pet sin and my most difficult fault to overcome.  When I become overwhelmed, I shut down mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I give up.  A small part of this is something that I cannot change.  The initial shutdown process is involuntary.  The way that I tend to STAY shutdown is another story.  I have a tendency to allow my momentary weakness to fester, grow and blossom into the ugliest piece of nothing you have ever seen.  When overwhelmed, find SOME WAY OUT.  Call for help.  Keep a list of things that you know you can do when you ARE overwhelmed.  Gather your children close and pray.  Do whatever is necessary to the moment.  Do not give into your weak moment.   Do not allow your pitiful self to rule your better self.  DO work hard to drag yourself out as soon as you can.  Take baby steps until you can walk normally again.  If you can't school all of the children at this particular moment because something isn't working, STOP.  Send them all out for independent reading.  Help the one who needs the most help and send the others to write/draw a story.  Put on a history tape or video and watch it with them.  DO something to overcome the problem even if it's small.  You'll find that in no time, you are back to your normal self.

Home Business

Ouch.  This one hurts.  During the busy season, I have been guilty of putting the business over everything in my life, including myself, my husband, my children and my God.  I learned quickly that this cannot happen… but that did not change that it did.  Eventually I tailored my business so that it can only happen if I encourage it to.  I found that I had a weak spot and I plugged up the dyke so to speak.  If you are going to have a business, make sure that it fits the proper place in your life.  If it comes before God, or children… you will regret it.  I guarantee it.

Anxiety/Depression

I am treading lightly here.  I do not want to imply that having anxiety or depression problems are just an excuse to get out of doing our jobs.  True anxiety/depression problems are not what I am 'getting at'.  What I DO see, all too often, is women USING these problems as an excuse.  Many truly do not have the problems that they think they do, many have these problems but can have some control over them and some simply must have help.  I am amazed at what a person who suffers from DEEP depression can handle.  Suffice it to say, it is hard, it is lonely and discouraging, but you can do it.  The Lord will help you.  Ask for help from friends, the church, family or whomever you can but do not let a genuine problem create a NEW one in your life.  Find away to work THROUGH your depression/anxiety, just do not use it as an 'out'.  Those who are using it as a cop-out… you are the only ones who really know who you are.  Please, for the sake of yourself, your family and those who truly have a problem be sure your problems are genuine before allowing them to cripple you.

Confusion/Lack of knowledge/direction

Lack of direction or knowledge is excuse only to grow more in wisdom and knowledge and trust in the Lord.  It is not a cop-out for those who want to quit.  If you do not know what to do, find someone who has been there already and done the job well, and then ask.  Pray.  Read books.  Ask your husband.  Ask a pastor, or minister or elder.  Find a Titus 2 mentor and ask them.  Find a message board with mothers who have been there and ask them.  We do not have to walk the road completely alone.  We can follow in the footsteps of others.  However, using lack of understanding as an excuse to do nothing is foolish, unwise, and sinful.

Finances

Your lack of income, or abundance of it, does not give you the right to give up on the life that the Lord has provided for you.  The poorest of our poor in America have lives of luxury compared to 85% of the world.  Yes, some of us struggle.  Some of us have husbands who work three jobs to keep our families fed.  Some of us have husbands who work three jobs in order to fund fat retirement funds and we never see them either.  The point is; do you really want to stand before the Lord and say, "I was too worried about how to pay the gas bill to train my child in Godliness."  Come on Mama… you can do it.  No excuse is worth the despair you will feel when your children go astray because you were too busy shopping online or fretting over a financial situation that would not be solved by your fretting.

Spouse (Lack of support, not a Christian etc)

Having an unbelieving, unsupportive, unkind, uncaring, or absent spouse only means that your children need you more, not less.  Shouldering the burden of two is not easy, but widows have done it for centuries and usually much better than today's families with two parents.  It is not easy.  I understand that.  Most things that are worth having do not drop in your lap.  Nevertheless, you will not regret it.  When your grandchildren are walking with the Lord, will you be sorry that you invested that time, in spite of your exhaustion and frustration?

Pregnancy/Nursing

Here is another area where I am a wimp.  Morning sickness can wipe a mother out.  I have heard of mothers, crawling from the toilet where they just vomited to handle a child who would not obey while mom lost her lunch.  That is dedication.  I wanted to avoid 'personal anecdotes but I must give this one.  When pregnant with my third child, my oldest, who was just three or so, defied me.  I was lying on the couch, green with morning sickness and wondering how to handle this child.  I could have gotten up.  Honestly, I could have.  Deep down I knew that I could.  If the phone had rung, I probably would have ignored it.  If something had broken in the kitchen, I would have gotten up to clean up the shards for safety's sake.  I COULD do it, I did not want to.  Therefore, instead of taking my child to her room and dealing with her attitude, I sent her to bed.  Shock crossed her face before she fled to bed sobbing.  I thought at first, that she was really being 'punished'.  Then I noticed the change in tone.  It went from cries of hurt to deep wrenching sobs.  My child was truly heartbroken.  I dragged myself off the couch and went to see the problem.  I did not expect my words to be thrown in my face the way that they were.  When asked what the problem was, my daughter wailed, "You don't love me."  As you can imagine I was astounded.  I asked what she meant and her response was clear.  "You said that when I did not obey that you spanked me because you love me.  You said that if you didn't love me you wouldn’t do it because you don't like to have to do it.  You didn't spank me and I told you NO!  You don't love me!"  (Side note; be prepared to eat your words.  Make sure you never say what you do not mean and will not back up with actions!)  This was a great lesson to me that I have NEVER forgotten.

On the nursing side, mother, your baby won't starve or become emotionally warped if you set him down to deal with a child who is misbehaving.  If they see that NOTHING short of being unable to get off the toilet, (I mean, it'd be ultimate dedication to do that!!!) will keep you from loving them enough to discipline them, they'll quickly learn it isn't worth the trouble.   Meanwhile, your baby will inadvertently be trained that if food is forthcoming, and leaves, it will come again.  Patience training at age three months.  Not too shabby mom!

Emotional immaturity

Unfortunately, this is a very real problem with many mothers.  We are sensitive, needy and whiney.  We want our way and we want it now.  How pathetic we are.  The only advice that I can honestly give here is, grow up.  Get over it.  Suck it up, deal with life, and learn to look at the beautiful things in life instead of dwelling on that which you cannot change.

I'll continue in my next blog...