What do these have in common?  I can't stand any of them.  Especially Baseball.  I promised in this blog an expose of my opinions on baseball so here it is in all of its boring glory.  Pun intended.

Ok, so you go to a ballgame.  You order the nasty dogs, grab some salted peanuts which are only sold to convince you to purchase an overpriced drink, and you sit and wait.

And wait.

Shift in your seat.

And wait.

Then, someone who can't sing, or who can but is possessed by the erroneous idea that our National Anthem must be sung as terribly as possible in order to stick to some unwritten law, stands and butchers the Star Spangled Banner.  Add more vibratto here.

Then you sit again.  At least your bum is circulating again.  No worries, it'll be numb again soon.  I promise.

Finally, the first pitch is thrown.  This is probably the most interesting thing that will happen for a long time.  Make sure you don't miss it.  Then again, it's only ceremonial so don't get too excited.  

So now they warm up.  They stretch, they scratch, they pound their glove with a ball. 

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

Finally a guy leaves the dugout.  Oh boy.  We might see some action.  Please note that in a basketball game by this time, there has been at least a few points made.  Probably by both sides.  Yes, I have ADD.  Baseball proves it.

So the guy grabs a bat.  Tosses it aside and grabs another one.  He then grabs another one.  Apparently he can't hit so he needs two to make sure he gets that ball.  Like the umpire won't stop him.   Yep, he throws one aside.  He looks mad.  Can't blame him.  Two bats are better than one I always say.  Maybe he's got bad eyesight.  Probably. 

So, he stands at the plate.  He shifts.  He raises the bat.  He shifts again.  The catcher scratches himself.   The pitcher nods.  He winds.  He spins.  He throws to second base. 

WHY DID HE DO THAT!  The first ball hasn't been hit yet!  Sheesh!

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Except for the second base part. 

So then, finally... a ball passes plate.  The guy didn't swing. 

"BALL"

Ok, at this point, we've been sitting in the stand 45 minutes at the very least, the first pitch was twenty minutes ago, and we still haven't even had a hit or a strike!

Finally, after two more balls and a strike, the guy hits the ball.

"FOUL BALL"

Ok, so.  This is why I hate baseball.  It is the most tedious, boring, inane game to watch.  However, I will say, it is more fun to play.    Oh, and I love that seventh inning stretch!

Nelly Kelly the baseball dame

Knew the players knew all their names

You could see her there every day

Shout horray.  while they play.

Her boyfriend by the name of Joe.

Said to Coney Isle dear we'll go.

Nelly started to fret and pout,

And to him I heard her shout, HEY!

Take me out to the ballgame

Take me out to the crowd

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker  Jacks (I thnk she was angling for a prize ring and a proposal myself)

I don't care if I never get back

Let me root, root, root for the home team.

If they don't win it's a shame.

For it's one, two, three strikes you're out

At the old, ball game!