Chatty's Fence Post - Biblical Courtship

Feb. 22, 2006

Biblical Courtship

1. Send a servant (What?? You don't have servants? You should get some - all the best Biblical people had servants) to pick up a girl at the well (a bar would probably be the modern equivalent. Make sure that you and the girl have stomachs or you are starting your marriage off on a VERY bad theological premise. Check the rules regarding wine consumption if you do not understand)

2. Indenture yourself to a man for seven years of work in exchange for his daughter. If he gives you the wrong one, (and really, even if you changeyour mind) repeat the process until you get the wife you want. This one has the advantage of disqualifying you from the responsibilities of ever being a deacon or elder. Those who do not like responsibility should chose this option.

3. Wait until the women are outside working in their yards and go kidnap a few. You may have to kill their husbands if they get in the way.

4. Ask God to make one for you. In spite of the promising start, this one turned out badly for Adam and had terrible and long-lasting consequences.

5. Marry your half/step-sister. Use her as protection when you are in a precarious political and personal situation. Women, don't forget to call him "Lord" anyway. This one is perfect for efficiency experts. You can be your own maid of honor as well as bride. You also, once the ceremony is complete, can be the matron of honor thus filling three positions at once, and by yourself.

However, meeting a nice guy, taking him home to family, getting to know him and becoming a good friend then marrying him as the love of your life is anti-biblical and prohibited. Do not do this.

Cathe has received 3 extra jewels in her crown for the excellent topic du jour.

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Comments

Feb. 22, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Keer

Brilliant!

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Feb. 22, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Kristy

BAHAHAHAHA! Oh my side!!!!

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Feb. 24, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by preschoolmommy

that was perhaps the funniest thing that I've heard ALL WEEK (I know, it's be a slow week). That was great. Thank you for sharing. So which did your daughter follow???

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Feb. 24, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by preschoolmommy

you should add the verse in Leviticus, is it?...about the 1 year honeymoon. where the husband does not go to war or work. I want a man who is willing to do THAT. or at least a man I could put up with for a year without him leaving. That may be the toughest man to find

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Feb. 24, 2006 - :-)

Posted by Anonymous

I love it!

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Feb. 28, 2006 - Oh my.

Posted by AnnetteNagle

Your blog is hilarious, I love it. :D

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Feb. 28, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Becky from Hk

Too true....I find the more that you actually live by the Bible, the more you realize the people and the methods were far less than perfect. We find Jesus eating with publicans and sinners yet we are so ready to condemn a fellow sister or brother for the speck when we have the mote in our own eye...

I enjoy your blog...I like people who think outside the box.

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Mar. 2, 2006 - roflol

Posted by CheeseheadMama

Do you need a dentist to remove that tongue, because we have a great dentist. The only thing you may not like about him is that he is an Iowa Hawkeye's fan.

susan

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About Me

Where I make people scratch their heads with my bizarre and slightly scary ability to write but not publish novels and childrens fantasy, sew boutique clothing but not clean up my mess, ineffectively homeschool 9 children and rattle off obscure songs faster than the speed of sound - all at the same time. With no kitchen cabinets... but finally an OVEN!!!. Ain't it the life?