What if we, as wives, could be fired?  What if our husbands could give us an evaluation and after 'disciplinary action' (Not physical... write ups, fines, something) let us go for non performance?  How many of us would be fired?  I'm certain I could be.  No doubt in my mind.  Shame on me.

I'm not talking about walking a perfect line.  I'm not talking about never making a mistake.  I'm talking about effort put forth, respect for authority, and reasonable productivity.  Allowances for legitimate physical limitations would be required and understanding during weaker times of our 'vessel'.  I can picture it.

Quarterly review comes.  The husband brings his notes to the meeting.  "I'd like to tell you that your menus are impeccable, the kitchen is always spotless, and I appreciate how the bills are paid on time and the accounts so efficiently managed.  Well done.  I am concerned, however, with the way the children are allowed to get away with disrespect and defiance.  I think you need to focus a little more attention on their well being and work on simpler meals for a time."

Or... perhaps...

"I see how hard you are working at our goals.  Well done.  Please don't put quite so much pressure on your self.  Reaching the goal is important but not if you die just as you cross the line.  You need to allow yourself more breaks and expect a little less perfection from everyone.  I think you are becoming a bit harsh and bitter through all of this.

Maybe he'd say...

"What do you do all day?  I come home and the school work isn't finished.  Dinner is rarely started.  The housework is done in a slip-shod manner and the children are squabbling.  Your hobbies are left everywhere and unfinished.  I cannot see that you've accomplished anything and now I have to work a double shift.  One at work, another at home.  I think it is time for you to put more effort into this family.  If you need help, I'll do what I can.  If I can't help, you're welcome to get insight from others but I expect to see a little more effort made.

I don't want to dwell on what my husband would say yesterday.  I want to make today a day he'd praise.  I'm ashamed of myself.  I believe I've allowed the fact that I can't be fired to blind me to my faults.

I can do everything I need to do.  I have enough hours in the day.  I also have enough hours to do most of what I want to do in addition to my responsibilities.  Some people binge on sweets when they're down or out of sorts.  I binge on laziness.  Shame on me.

I don't want my husband to ever feel like he's 'stuck' with me.  I want him to be BLESSED by me.  I want him to, when men are grousing about their wives, think "I am so thankful I married Chautona."   It's my responsibility to give him reason to do so. 

Now, before anyone jumps on the "Why is it always the wife who must do xyz?   Why didn't you write about husbands getting fired?" 

Well, because I can't change my husband.  (Wouldn't want to 99% of the time!)  I can't make him do what I think he should.  Men are supposed to read the Word and do it.  They're supposed to be taught by the pastors and elders how to love their wives and children and give themselves up for them.  My place, as a woman, is to do my part regardless of whether or not my husband does, and to encourage other women to stand right before the Lord in their own actions, not focusing on the faults of others.

After reading the complaints and arguments and rantings of women who are disgusted at the state of biblical authority, I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong.

Men are required to love us as Christ loved the church.  SELF SACRIFICIALLY.  Women are told to submit.  Women whine and cry at the injustice of them being told to submit when it is their opinion that their husbands are not being the kind of leaders, lovers, or men that God requires.  "Why is it always WOMEN's fault.  Why do WE have to do all the hard stuff."

Yeah.  Why do we.  I mean after all, the guys get the fun stuff right?  It isn't optional for them to work outside the home or inside.  It isn't an issue.  No arguments are ever made as to whether or not men are biblically commanded to provide for their families.  THEY have it easy.  They just have to do it.  Day in, day out, year after year.  How nice.  It's EASY for them to do that you know.  THEY don't have the dilemma of which is right.

Oh, and LEADERSHIP.  Those guys don't know beans about it but we sure want it done... and our way.  "I insist that you lead this family in a godly direction!"  And we wax eloquent on how we insist that this be done. 

It's time women rise up and demand our place in the church.  We MUST stick within scriptural guidelines, so we cannot insist that WE be the leaders... that the men submit to US... that WE be responsible for the provision of families.  This goes too far.  However, before we submit to one more stupid requirement of our husbands, we need to demand our right to be loved as Christ loved the church.  We need to demand that our husbands fill THEIR scriptural roles.

God will understand why we didn't do what He required of us during this time.  After all, we WANTED to submit... these guys were just getting away with murder and we were doing our part to encourage them to be who GOD said to be.  We're being so helpful.  It's really quite loving.

So, I retract all of my previous admonitions for women to do what is right regardless of what their husbands do.  How foolish of me.  We need to insist on our rights to RECEIVE.  We need to hold our obedience to the Lord hostage until our husbands are as obedient to the Word as we think they should be.  Perhaps if women rise up we can eradicate the abuse of authority in homes much as the temperance women eradicated drunkenness with their prostests, pledges, and laws.

Today, I realized that I don't run a "Bed and Breakfast" when I'm in my single mom mode... I run a boarding house!  Dinner is the big meal in our home and huggy is home for it.  This is the big difference between Bed and Breakfast and a boarding house.  I need to rethink my frame of reference.

Why does it matter?  Why is it such a big deal to have the right 'title'???  Well, boarding houses do serve breakfast but their primary focus is on dinner.  Bed and Breakfasts don't serve dinner as a general rule.  And you see, I have this problem, I forget dinner.  A lot.  There are many nights when huggy comes home, asks what is for dinner, and even if I have something on a planned menu... that doesn't mean I took it out and got it defrosting.  It's a huge weakness of mine.  BUT... if my livelihood depended upon having a meal that is healthy and tasty in order to keep my 'customers' happy, I'd make it a much bigger priority.  I wouldn't LET myself forget.  I'd show self-discipline that I tend to think I don't have.

WOW.  It always boils down to the same thing.  If it is truly a priority, we make it happen.  If it isn't a priority, we tend to forget about it.  My little mind game has a whole new focus.  I'm fascinated.

Generally, I'd consider mind games to be a negative thing but... I have one that I play with myself all the time.  Just gonna share a secret about me... that I don't even know if my husband knows.  On the same vein as 'expectations'... here is my secret for overcoming them.

I 'pretend'.  Yep, I do.  I tell myself that I am a single mom.  If I don't take responsibility for what needs to be done and do it, or see that it is done, it won't be... and I'll answer for it.  I tell myself that I run a boarding house.  I have one boarder, my husband.  But... he's a paying guest in the home.  I expect nothing of him because he pays for his keep!  If I owned a B&B I woudln't expect my guests to make me dinner, do the laundry for me or take the van in for servicing.  If I was a single mom, I'd do it all myself... AND try to make his stay the BEST I could... so he'd want to stick around.

Do I do this because my husband is some kind of ogre?  Do I do it because he lets me down daily?  OF course not!  I do it when I realize that I am being extra selfish and not serving my family. 

I have a very loving serving husband.  Honestly, he treats me like royalty.  My wish his his command in so far as it is possible for him.  It disgusts me how unappreciative I am for him sometimes.  He works long hours to provide financially for us.  He comes home and whatever I haven't done, or seen to it that is done, he attempts to do as well.  Then, when we both drop the ball, he tries to juggle his balls, mine, and the result is exhaustion and burn out for him... but guess who is the one who feels burned out the most?

Me.  Explain that one.  BUT, when I put on my 'single mom' hat...  the one that reminds me that I rely on the Lord alone for my help and my strength, I quit leaving my balls rolling around for my husband to keep in line as he juggles his too.

I don't usually keep this up for days on end but I have once.  Often it's a momentary thing.  I need something, and in my mind, I have something better to do than this 'something'... so I ask hubby to do it.  The killer is when for whatever reason, he says no.  It's so rare it isn't funny but it does happen... that is when I most put on that hat.  I try to work my attitude into gear, remind myself that "I am a single mom, I can't get frustrated that my husband won't do my work for me, I don't have one..."  And then I go and try to do it cheerfully.  I fail a lot... but it's a lot better than when I let something important fall by the wayside because I was too lazy to do my job.

The side effect of this, is it makes me appreciate my husband all the more.  I realize, once again, how much he does to serve me.  I am so incredibly blessed... and really, I shouldn't need mind games to make me do my job... but mind games on yourself is better than the alternative... wouldn't you say?