Posted in My Christian Walk
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I must be under a lot of stress. I don't know why, but my mind is just so jumbled up about many things right now. There are lots of things going on in my head that I can't verbalize, and probably wouldn't if I could. Lots of unhappy people who I deeply love, and I feel somehow obligated to help them - even though I don't think I can - are going through a period of discouragement, and I don't know how much more I can do about each of them.
DH is beyond burnout with his job. He told me today that he's drawn a line. If he doesn't get another job by December, he's going to quit. In my opinion, he should have been gone LONG ago, but no job hunt has been successful. We've job hunted for years and in different states for a while, and nothing has surfaced. Total control has been given over to the Lord, and yet, he hasn't answered yet - well nothing more than "Not now...be patient". The environment is total chaos at his job... and quite sinful too. To top it off, I'm very frustrated with DH. He wants/needs to change jobs, but I'm the one doing all the legwork. He doesn't make the effort at finding a new job. I spent hours on end searching and printing out announcements for him to look at, and when something interests him, I'm the one who does the letter, resume, and research. Anyway, I digress...again.
HSing is an issue at this time for me too. Rachel is in 8th grade, so I need to make a decision by January (registration time for the next school year) as to whether or not to continue HSing her. Notice, I said "I" need to make the decision. DH answers my questions, but we never have a 2-way discussion about things. That's the main reason I know he needs another job - his inattentiveness with family issues. He's exhausted and depressed when he gets home, so I have to make all the tough decisions pretty much alone. Anyway, Rachel is not happy. She doesn't say it, but I can tell. She struggles with making friends. She always has. HSing has not helped one bit. Our church is large, with a wonderful teen ministry, but most of the other kids are in PS and all they talk about is school stuff, which leaves Rachel feeling even more isolated and "wierd" about being a HSer. We've done HS activities, but only young kids are there (babies - 4th grade) for the most part. The hard part is, she's desperate to fit in somewhere, but it's not happening. I didn't expect her to feel isolated after leaving PS. She felt a lot of that then. I don't know if sending her back to PS or Charter school would help any at all. However, she wouldn't feel so strange when she's around others. BTW, she is not into sports at all...or scouts...or anything. Yet, she wants to be at EVERY church event, yet she feels worse when she sees the other kids in groups spending time together and fostering their relationships while she stands by watching and wishing.
I'm truly seeking the Lord's advice here. I sure could use some of your prayers. Thanks! |
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