Posted in My Christian Walk
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Praise God! I think I understand it now. For more years than I’d like to admit, everything in my life has felt like a “chore”. Somewhere along the way, I lost my zeal… my joy. I stopped noticing the blessings and my life ran dry. Tonight, before going to bed, I explored other blogs and noticed something. There are so many people on here who have a drive… a love of life… a joy in doing what they do. They don’t appear perfect, but inspired. I left my computer wondering why I don’t seem to have any deep thoughts. I wondered why I don’t seem to have anything to share… to encourage others. I noticed how “dry” my life has become. From the outside, my life probably looks pretty complete. I work a part-time job that I actually enjoy. I have a wonderful husband and three great daughters. I teach children bible classes and have led women’s small group studies in the past. Many would consider me a leader… an example of a christian wife and mother. While that’s not altogether untrue, I realized something was missing, and it was time for me to go to God for some help. I prayed to God. I asked him why I had become so blasé about life. What was missing and how could I attain it? He answered me. I’m killing myself, and therefore my spirit. For years, I’ve been unhappy with my appearance and lacked the power to do something about it. My weight problem was the ONE area in my life where I felt defeated. If you removed that aspect of my life, I’d be A-okay. Year after year, I hid behind the walls of my house, behind the extra large clothes, behind the many activities, and that warm smile – but I was giving Satan the foothold that he needed. It seemed a small area of my life. “Life is so much bigger than my weight”, I’d tell myself. But, isn’t that the way Satan works? He will find your greatest weakness, deceive you, then destroy everything there is about you. My self-esteem and self-worth gradually plummetted. Now, here I am – 14 years later – realizing how much time I’ve lost and how many blessings my family and I have missed because of this struggle. Medical research didn’t do it for me. Self-deprivation didn’t do it for me. My reflection in the mirror didn’t do it for me. My husband’s love and support didn’t even do it for me. It wasn’t until now, when I realized how it’s affecting every area of my life and my outlook on life, that I know what I need to do. I need to take care of myself. I need to breathe in more fresh air. I need to feel the sun shine on my face. I need to see God in every aspect of nature – acknowledging God in every good thing. I need to nourish my soul with the Word every day. I need to nurture my body with exercise, healthy food, water, and rest. I need to treat my body like it is the Thank you Lord for this revelation. Today will be day one of change. Now, I can go to sleep. |
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