Recently, I finished a booklet titled The Practice of the Presence of God.  It really blessed my life and revealed so much.  I crave that closeness with God.  I feel it from time to time, but that’s not enough.  I want to commune with him every hour… every minute of the day. 

Since the move two weeks ago, things have been pretty stressful.  Lots going on, and all at the same time.  Now, the sale of the house in AR is almost a wrap, and I just posted final grades for the summer term.  I’m starting to feel settled in our new home – starting to look forward to the upcoming school year.  I’m finally able to focus on only 5 things instead of the standard 25 I’ve been juggling since May.

So, why do I still feel so alienated from God?  I want to hear His voice, but I’m not led to any particular scripture like I usually am.  I read sproatically, and some things speak to me.  Overall though, I close the book feeling the same as before I opened it.  I’m not used to this. 

I also feel distanced from my husband.

I know it’s me, but what could it be?  Everything… but nothing in particular.

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Posted by mijubrifarms

We're always told to enjoy our "quiet time"...we just think it means that everything else is quiet so we can hear G-d speak or we can speak to HIM. How foolish to think that one of us must always be talking. My husband and I can spend hours alone in the same room, holding hands, reading a book, and never say a word. But, it is still a beautiful time and much is communicated.

Don't panic. Just because G-d isn't speaking to you, doesn't mean he isn't working working. Maybe HE's just baking a loaf of bread with you.. HE aquires all the ingredients (lessons) and puts them together in a bowl (your brain & heart). Then they are mixed together, some extra herbs or spices for a special flavor (more lessons/scripture), more mixing. Then, HE will leave the dough in a quiet, warm place to let it rise. Then you will be beat down & then left to rise again. Finally you will be put it the oven to bake. During the rising and baking, no new ingredients are added & no work is done by the baker to the dough, but the loaf is changing and transforming. Even when it's all done baking, the work isn't don't. The loaf must be broken up and fed to others so that they may be nurished by what HE put into it, otherwise it was a useless work.

Sometimes HE begins to bake a new loaf right away because someone else else is hungry and needs fed, but sometimes HE waits until this one is all gone and consumed before he starts to make a new loaf.

Maybe this is your time to rest, undisturbed in a quiet warm place and give yourself time to rise. Or maybe you've been baked, and must feed what you've learned to others and nurish them. Maybe it's a time for you to be fed by the bread of others. Either way, enjoy this quiet time, it's not always a distancing from. There will be a time for HIM to bake another loaf of you. He'll will once againg gather the ingredients, put them into you, and then you will be fed - like the yeast and all those ingredients will be mixed together, and you will rise again. Don't try to find the ingredients for HIS next loaf, for you have no idea what flavor you will be. But HE does, and HE will gather the ingredients, when HE is ready. Just be still and know that he is G-d.

Shabbat Shalom
Julie

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Posted by sahmto4orMore

Wow, what a comment there above.

I'm still processing it. Can't add anything to it, for sure. I know i have felt the same way in my realtionship many times, though.

I wondered how you were adjusting to being with your husband again. I can feel edgy and distanced just when mine has had the crazy schedule where i don't really see him for 3 or 4 days. I can't imagine how we'd do if we were basically apart for a month or two.

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