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On Tuesday, May 4^th, 1993, in Houston, TX, I gave birth to our first daughter.  Rachel was overdue according to the EDD.  I was induced because of the results of a non-stress test on my May 3^rd OB appt.  I had an epidural after 3 hours of contractions and she was born almost 12 hours later (7:24am).  It was a fairly routine delivery to the hospital staff, but it was life-changing for us.

Today is Rachel’s 15^th birthday, and I’d like to share 15 wonderful things about her.

1. Affectionate.  Rachel will make a wonderful mother some day.  She still tries desperately to “baby” Camille and dislike the fact that she has grown so independent.
2. Devoted.  Friends can count of Rachel being there.  She’s sure to remember your birthday and stay in touch – even from a long distance.
3. Sensitive.  Rachel wears her heart on her sleeve.  When she hurts, she hurts deeply.  When she loves, she loves deeply.
4. Innocent.  I can’t count the number of times Rachel has “entertained” us with her naïveté.  Oh man, the questions she can ask!!  Sometimes, it’s the classic “speaking before thinking”, but many times, it’s just sheer innocence.
5. Out-spoken.  When Rachel has a strong emotion, there’s no keeping it in.  It’s bound to come out in words or in body language.  When other kids watch movies or wear clothing that are inappropriate, she’s sure to say something about it to them.
6. Creative.  Give the girl a blank slate, and she’s happy as a lamb for hours!  She loves doing anything creative: drawing, floorplans, hair styling, cake decorating.  You name it, she’s love it.
7. Passionate.  When Rachel loves doing something, it becomes first on her priority list.  There’s not much that will pull her away from an activity she loves.
8. Trusting.  Perhaps this goes along with the innocence, but Rachel will believe almost anything you say.  One could convince her of almost anything.  That’s scary once if I think about it, but in most cases, it’s endearing.
9. Determined.  If there is something Rachel wants to do or a point she wants to get across, she is persistent. 
10. Observant.  If Rachel is interesting in something, you can not sneak it past her.  She’s very keen on details most people overlook.  I remember trying to hide a piece of candy in my mouth when she was a small child.  Never did it work!  Even if I didn’t say a word, she smelled it or sensed it.  It’s really quite remarkable how observant she is… and the memory she’s got!
11. Modest.  I love Rachel’s taste in clothing, books, music, and TV shows.  She has a wonderful sensitivity to ungodliness. 
12. Resilient.  As sensitive as she is, she gets over it very quickly.  Rachel can be extremely down about something one minute – in a complete “funk” – then be cheerful and silly the very next hour. 
13. Polite.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve received compliments on Rachel’s polite and respectful behavior around others.  She was teased in school for her politeness and properness.  I’m glad she hasn’t lost that quality with age.
14. Cute.  Rachel has grown to be a very attractive young lady.  She dresses very nicely and clothes look very flattering on her.  She takes pride in personal grooming and her appearance and it shows. 
15. Transparent.  Rachel has a purity about her that causes her to be transparent.  It’s pretty easy to see how she feels in most cases… even if she’s being dishonest.

So today, we celebrate fifteen years with Rachel.  I still can’t believe she’ll be twenty in five years.  *LOL* This is a difficult time for her, as she’s still a kid but also a young woman.  I believe she’ll find her purpose in the Lord and become a faithful servant of God.

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There’s a little boy I’ve grown to love.  His name is Ethan.  I’ve loved him for almost all of his life (he’s almost 16 months old), yet I’ve never met him in person.  He’s the child of a friend of a friend, and he’s been fighting leukemia at St. Jude’s hospital in Memphis since he was two months old. 

I first learned about Ethan from a prayer list last spring.  I was touched by his story and started visiting the website his dad created for him to keep everyone informed of his medical conditions.  For a year, I’ve visited his page almost daily and prayed for this beautiful little boy.  I’ve cried during the tough times and praised God during the victories.  It pains me to see the extent of suffering this child has been through over his short life.  It pains me to imagine how much the parents have gone through emotionally, physically, and mentally.  However, one thing that amazes me to no end is the constant faith that his parents have demonstrated during this testing time.  I’ve laughed through the videos of Ethan’s giggles and smiles on his good days.  I have felt his parents' cherished joy of those good days.

Now, Ethan is in the worst condition yet.  Even though the leukemia is being kept at bay (as of several days ago), his non-existent immune system has accepted a life-threatening case of pneumonia.  This week has been horrifying, to say the least.  To make a very long story short, the pneumonia has not lessened.  Instead, despite being on a ventilator, it has worsened.  His vitals are falling, his oxygen saturation keeps dropping, and earlier today his lungs completely shut down.  Now, he’s on an oscillator and his vitals still are plunging.  He’s in a coma, and the urine he’s releasing is red.  Things look very bad for Ethan right now.  Yet, we still pray.  We pray for his healing and his comfort.  We pray for a miracle and we pray for his parents who are only 30 and are facing the probable loss of their only child.  There are times when I wonder if the answer to our prayers is the peace only death can provide.  Only God knows what’s best.  We can only hope for mortal life – for the sake of the parents.  But, at who’s expense?  I’m so torn right now.  He is finally in comfort, but now his parents are suffering.  Ethan’s dad, Ben, has challenged us – the prayer warriors – to never stop believing in complete healing of Ethan.  Never doubt.  Never give up.  He refuses to accept that his son may die from this disease and he doesn’t want us to accept it either.  What a struggle.

Tonight, as Ethan’s condition grows more and more dismal, I can’t get them off my mind.  I’m so sad for his parents.  I don’t want Ethan to die.  I wish he could be free of all that his body is fighting…and be mortally alive too.  I want him to have a healthy childhood and live a fruitful life dedicated to the Lord. 

As my family and I had dinner tonight at Chick-fil-A, I was so aware of how life continues to goes on.  I could barely enjoy our rare dining out experience.  People were driving here and there… eating dinner with their families… heading home… laughing at a funny movie… preparing for their weekend… oblivious to the fragility of life… while 40 miles away a mother and a father say what could be their last words to their baby boy.  It just doesn’t seem fair.  Yet, it has to be that way, right?  Life has to go on… even after a loved one dies…even though it doesn’t seem “fair”.

I haven’t had the misfortune of losing a very close loved one yet.  I’ve lost 2 first cousins and two grandparents in my lifetime; and of those, the closest to me was my paternal grandmother (both my mother’s parents were deceased before I had the chance to meet them).  But, no one with whom I have an intimate relationship with – like a parent, a husband, a child, a sibling.  This scares me because I think “oh boy… it’s coming!”  I often wonder how I’d make it through something so devastating – especially when I grieve so deeply for people I hardly know.  Then, I come to the realization that I won’t be able to make it through.  The Lord would HAVE to carry me through it.  There’s just no other way.

Please pray for Ethan and his parents every chance you get.  (www.ethanpowell.com)

Edited to Add: Ethan passed away at 11:37am Saturday, April 5, 2008.  Please keep his parents and his family in your prayers.

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Just like a little kid, I get giddy about upcoming birthdays.  I love to celebrate other birthdays in my family, but I especially like my own!  LOL  I'm not at all worried about aging, and have never hesitated to share my age.  My 39th birthday is coming up Monday, and yes, I'm excited.

Many times, I think about each decade of my life and appreciate each one SO much.  So far though, I must say that my 20s were the toughest.  I went through so many changes in the 90s.  I guess you could call it "growing pains".  Life hit me like a brick.  Career, marriage, layoff, kids, new Christian... lots of major life changes.  I still have some wounds from that time period, but the growth I experienced makes it worth it.  It was during my 20s that I started to see what was really important in my life.  I literally went from a career-driven, shark to a stay-at-home mom and bible class teacher.  I changed completely.

My 30s have been very different.  Sure, I had another little one at 35, and made the life-changing decision to home school.  But, my faith has grown exponentially and I've grown more confident in myself as a person.  In my 30s, I learned not to try to please people, but to please God.  I am more realistic now and face the truth - no matter how much I dislike it.  I've still got one more year left in my 30s, so I'll see if anything else changes.  So far though, the 30s have been a period of settling into the life God has given me.

Belinda asked me what I had planned for Monday.  Well... not a thing.  I'm sure we'll have school as usual, then the family will go out to eat - to the place of my choice.  I guess it's not so much the birthday that I enjoy as much as it's the new year of life that I look forward to.  I wonder what the Lord has in store and eagerly await it.

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