Laws Concerning Food and Drink
Household Principles
Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier
*Laws of Forbidden Places*
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage therein you may not eat, neither may you drink.
But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
*Laws When at Table*
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were.
Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me.
Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.
Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away from my presence.
When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away from my presence.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; verily I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same before you.
Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.
And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, because we do not do that, that is why.
And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.
Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away.
Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup.
And now behold.....even as I have said, it has come to pass.
*Laws Pertaining to Dessert*
For as we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
But of the unclean plate, the laws are these:
If ye have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then ye shall have dessert.
But if ye eat a lesser number of peas, and yet ye eat the potatoes, still ye shall not have dessert; and if ye eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, ye shall not have dessert, no, verily I say unto you, not even a small portion thereof!
And if thou tries to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear that thou hast eaten what thou hast not, ye will fall into iniquity.
And I will know, and ye shall have no dessert.
*On Screaming*
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time.
If ye are given a plate on which two foods ye do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, and your voice rises up even unto the ceiling, while ye point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say unto you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct his transgression and peace shall prevail throughout the land.
Likewise if ye receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, verily, refrain from screaming.
Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose.
For even as I have made the fish, and it is as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet do not die.
*Concerning Face and Hands*
Cast your countenance upward unto the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off.
For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, and there is rice thereon.
And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner beyond comprehension!
Only hold thyself still; hold still, I say.
Give unto each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb.
Lo, how iniquitous they appear.
What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go henceforth until I have done.
*Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances*
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.
Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any beast of the field, or any fowl of the air nor of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub your feet against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what hath the cat done, that you should go forth and afflict it so and bindeth it with tape?
And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book.
Verily I say unto you, you will drive me to madness.
Neither forget what I said about the tape.
[Ian Frazier, "Laws Concerning Food and Drink: Household Principles, Lamentations of the Father," The Atlantic Monthly, February 1997, Volume 279, No. 2, pages 89-90.]
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• Mar. 16, 2009
Spring Break!
Spring break is here and we plan on taking it easy this week. We didn't actually have a spring break planned but when Sarah found out her best friend was going to be off school for the week she doubled up on her work so she could take the week off as well! So we hope to spend some time with friends this week and basically take it easy.
I am going to take the opportunity of a slow week to get the freezer stocked again. We finally ate our way through last months cooking spree so it is time to do it again! I found it really easy to do over the course of a few days last time, so I have decided to do it that way again. Since I will be reusing most of the same recipes I feel really at ease about it.
Basketball season is over and Sarah really took off in her abilities this year. We couldn't believe what an aggressive player she became! For those of you who know Sarah you realize what an accomplishment that is! She doesn't have an aggressive bone in her body! But she played incredibly and was really an integral part of her team. Because she had increased so much in endurance and stamina by the end of the season I thought she might like to have something to do to keep it up. I had some Tae-Bo workout tapes that I thought she would find fun so I gave them to her. She found them fun alright -- she immediatley said, "Mom, we can do this together!" 
I am not sure that was my intention. Nevertheless, I was swayed by her enthusiasm. I am currently regretting my re-introduction to Tae-Bo! 
Oh, well. I am sure it will get easier.
We sent the puppy back home last night after our two week puppy sitting adventure. We found out that we are really dog people, not puppy people. I am glad we had the two weeks to find that out before we ever had the crazy idea to go out and buy a puppy! Give me a nice, calm, dog. I believe it takes a special kind of person to train a puppy! 
Not that the puppy was bad, she was just a puppy. I have Timothy to keep me busy, I don't need the extra work at the moment!
Last Saturday we had our first children's choir rehearsal. I am so excited about this musical and the kids really seem to enjoy it as well. I can't wait to see how it all comes together!
I have now officially spent enough time on the computer and need to get thinking about dinner. If I can get myself out of this chair that is!
Shannon
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• Mar. 10, 2009
Tired of being sick
I acquired this lovely cold a week and a half ago. Has it really only been that long?!? I feel as if I've been sick forever! Today this familiar ditty has been running through my mind with new words:
This is the cold that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friend
Some people started sniffling one morning just because
And they'll continue sniffling forever just because (Everybody sing!)
This is the cold that never ends
Yes it goes on and on.................
I will be glad when this is over. I am clinging to the scripture which says, "This too shall pass". Those words have never sounded sweeter. I have come to the determination that those of us who are rarely sick, do not handle illness very well. I feel like I am being a big baby! 
Shannon
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• Mar. 1, 2009
Home Sick
I am home sick from church this morning. I have a miserable head cold and I decided it would be better to keep my hacking and sniffling to myself. It is no fun being home from church. Not even the often sought for quiet of having the house to myself is comforting. I miss being with my church family and I hope that I am well enough to go tonight.
Shannon
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• Feb. 23, 2009
Back in the swing of things
I feel like I have been out of the loop for over a week. Last week was a very full, but productive one.
On Monday we had a bowling party with our AWANA group in honor of president's day. After the party we went to a local Rec Plex with friends to go swimming. It was a very full, but very fun day.
Tuesday Jay had the day off so we decided to go van shopping. Our van was in need of so many various repairs that it was going to cost us more than the car was worth (and what we still owed on it) to get it fixed. We did a lot of research on the internet before heading out so we knew exactly what we wanted and exactly what price we could afford. After looking at several dealerships (the vans we saw online were not on-lot!) we finally found exactly what we wanted at exactly the price we were willing to pay! It took all day (why does it take 3 hours after you say "yes I want the car" to actually drive off the lot with it?) but we were happy with the outcome.
Wednesday through Friday I worked feverishly to meet my self-imposed deadline to finish my book. It felt so good to finish the final entry! It should be printed by the end of the month and ready for the homeschool conference in March.
Friday night was Pickle Night, but you will have to check out Sarah's blog to get the scoop on that one! Saturday morning was Sarah's 5th basketball game. I could not believe how well she played. She was on fire that day. She scored 4 baskets and was a force to be reckoned with on defense getting 6 jump balls! Saturday night the kids went to Granna's house and Jay and I went to church for a night of dominoes!
Sunday morning the kids choir sang in church and Sarah had a solo. I am hoping to have a video posted soon!
Needless to say, it was a busy week and I am glad for the prospect of a much slower pace this week.
Shannon
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• Feb. 16, 2009
Walking Daily Through The Word Button
Some of you may have been kind enough to try to grab a copy of my blog button that looked like this:
While I appreciate that very much, I had some issues with that button so I created a new one. You can get the code to copy the new button by going to my other website.
Shannon
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• Feb. 12, 2009
Walking Daily Through The Word
I have mentioned in passing a few times that I have been writing a book. Well, the time has come to let you know a little more about it! The book is called Walking Daily Through The Word. It is a bible study book which can be used by the individual, family or group. In fact the layout of the lessons could even be used as a homechool Bible curriculum. Instead of going into great detail here let me encourage you to checkout the website at the following link:
Walking Daily Through The Word
You can also always view the site by clicking on the button in my sidebar.
Let me know what you think!
Shannon
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• Jan. 29, 2009
Saying goodbye to Abby
Today we are grieving the loss of a dear member of our family. We were all outside enjoying the snow. I was watching Sarah sled, Timmy was playing in the snow and Abby was running around the yard thouroughly enjoying herself. Suddenly Abby took off up the driveway and into the street, right into an oncoming car.
Just like that, life changes. All of a sudden we don't have a dog anymore. We will miss her immensely. She was a great dog and we didn't have near enough time with her.
Shannon
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• Jan. 26, 2009
New Paintings
I honestly never knew just how talented my sister was. I had no idea she could paint people like this:
You can view the rest of her paintings HERE.
Shannon
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• Jan. 26, 2009
A Painful Farewell
In only 7 days we will have to say farewell to some very good friends. God has called them to service for Him and as a part of that call He is sending them to England. I know that God has a plan for them there, I know that this move is what they have been preparing for for a long time now, and I am genuinely excited to hear how God is going to use them over seas (or am I supposed to say 'across the pond'?
)
But at the same time I am sad. I have enjoyed the past three years we have had to get to know this family. I have enjoyed times of fun and fellowship. I have enjoyed times of spiritual encouragement. I have enjoyed swapping homeschooling stories and ideas with another homeschooling family. And I have enjoyed being a student of an incredible bargain shopper! I have enjoyed teaching the kids in choir. (I think I will even miss the yawns, Michelle!)
I am so grateful for modern technology. I am thankful for e-mail, phone service and blogs that will help keep us connected even when seperated by so many miles. I am also grateful to know this family and to be a part of their work by praying for them. I hope and pray that they know that we love them very much and they will be on our minds (and our feed reader!) daily.
Shannon
You can follow this families journey HERE.
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• Jan. 25, 2009
Hurray!!
The contract is signed!
The rent is paid!
We are ecstatic!
Praise the Lord!
Shannon
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• Jan. 24, 2009
Thank you so much for your prayers
Yesterday we got terrible news. After surveying the situation we found that the situation was not as bad as we had initially feared. Today we showed the house to the man who had called yesterday to inquire about it. Tonight he called and said that they wanted to move in and asked how quickly he could give us the deposit and first months rent! Not only do we have a renter again, but they want to pay us so quickly that we will be easily able to fix the problems that came from the water leak!
Tomorrow afternoon Jay will meet with them to sign the contract and collect the first payment. Then we have one week to finish fixing it up before they move in! Thank you for your prayers, and praise the Lord for His loving-kindness!
Shannon
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• Jan. 23, 2009
A Praise
After surveying the situation, it turns out that the damage is not near as extensive as it could have been. No one broke into the house. Jay had shut off the water to the house but during the hard freeze last week the water shut off had worked itself loose just a little, letting water into the pipes. Apparently the pipe behind the dishwasher burst. Right in front of the dishwasher is a vent. The water went into the heating/cooling ducts which is what caused the ceiling damage below. None of the flooring is ruined (except the possiblity of one small piece of carpet which will be easy to replace) and the ceiling is an easy fix. We just need to find the broken pipe and possibly replace a warped door. It is so much better than it could have been! We were able to clean most of it up tonight.
Also, the person who alerted us to this problem is still interested in renting the house so please continue to pray for that situation. Thank you so much for your prayers.
Shannon
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• Jan. 23, 2009
Your prayers are appreciated
There are days when all seems to be right with the world. Today was one of those days. I must stress the word was. In fact when I sat down to post my plan was to write that we were very hopeful to have one of our rental houses occupied in the very near future.
Well, as I began to type my phone rang. It was the same person who wanted to look at the house. He said he had good news and bad news. The good news was that they had driven by the house and liked the outside. The bad news was that they had walked around the house and found water running out of the back of the house. We have significant damage to the house. He looked through the window and saw that the drywall ceiling of the laundry room is now laying on the floor. We can only assume that the water was coming from the kitchen above.
We just completely remodelled this house. Every bit of flooring (including wood floor in the kitchen) is brand new. We have no idea what we will find when we go down to see the house tonight. The most upsetting part is that we had the water turned off on the inside of the house so there should not have been the possibility of a leak. Therefore it is possible that we will find the house has been broken into again.
Please pray for us as this house is turning into one long nightmare.
Shannon
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:38
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• Jan. 8, 2009
Anniversary Give Away Winners
Congratulations to my two winners! They were comments number 10 & 14:
nita@
sherylnelken@
Winners were chosen at Random.org. I have contacted both winners via e-mail but if you have not heard from me please contact me.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to enter and to all of you who have taken the time to read my blog in the past year. I pray this year will be even more fun!
Shannon
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• Jan. 6, 2009
Anniversary Giveaway
It has been nearly a year since I started this blog! I can hardly believe it! To commemorate the date I am hosting an Anniversary Giveaway!
Two lucky winners will receive a prize box full of goodies including Garnier Fructis styling products, Glade products, Revlon products and more! Each box will contain at least 4 full size products. To enter all you have to do is leave a comment on this entry. Be sure to leave your e-mail address so that I can contact you if you win. You can also get an extra entry by linking to this contest on your blog and leaving a seperate comment letting me know you did it and providing your blog's address.
This contest will run until 10 pm (CST) on January 8th, which is this blog's anniversary. Two winners will be chosen.
Shannon
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• Jan. 1, 2009
2008 In Review
!!!HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Our family would like to take this opportunity to tell you that we hope you had a wonderful 2008 and we pray that you will have a blessed 2009. Here is a look back at our 2008:
Timothy - Our little guy did a lot of growing up in the last year! I spent a lot of his 3 year old year thinking, 'if we can just make it till he's four!' Well we made it and it turned out I was right. In the past two months since his birthday he has grown up so much! He talks all the time, to anyone and anything. He is quite the character! After an adventurous trip to the ER we finally reached the milestone of being fully potty trained! Timothy loves tools. He loves to pretend to be Bob the Builder or Handy Manny and help Daddy build things. Timothy's other favorite past-time is singing. He was very happy to be a part of the younger kid's choir this year. Even if his first performance was a little overwhelming! Timmy is starting pre-school in earnest this month.
Sarah - Now eleven, Sarah is becoming quite a beautiful young lady. She is in 6th grade and doing very well in school. She still loves to play Upward basketball and is looking forward to starting her 6th year in the coming week. Sarah continues to oil paint and does a great job. She has also started playing the piano again. She is teaching herself and doing great. I can tell that she is really starting to understand how to read the music. After a nasty fall back in May we are happy to report that she is completely scar free now! 2008 seemed to be the year of the critter at our house thanks to Sarah! We had a turtle, snake, frogs and lizards and wooly worms. We now have more permanent residents in some aquatic frogs that we raised from tadpoles and a goldfish (that I somehow don't have any pictures of!) Sarah thoroughly enjoys choir. She played pretty major roles and had solos in both the spring and Christmas musicals in 2008. She even took part in our adult Christmas musical this year. Sarah also participates in the sign language choir at our church.
Jay - Jay stays busy with his painting business which is a blessing. We enjoy the flexibility that him having his own business affords us. He is very involved with our church. Last January he became a deacon and this fall he began teaching youth boys in Sunday school. He also helps out with the kids mission program on Wednesday nights and is one of the AWANA game leaders on Sunday nights. Jay also enjoyed playing softball on the church's men's league this year. This was the first year in 19 years that Jay has not gone deer hunting. It just did not work out because of some rental property situations we have been having this year. He did get a deer however, or I should say, a deer got him, just a few days ago. He was driving down the road when a deer ran right into the driver side door of his truck! The deer kept running but left him a nice little dent to remember him by.
Shannon - One of my new found hobbies is saving money! We have always been pretty frugal, but I did not even realize how much I was missing out on in terms of really serious bargain hunting. Thanks to my friend Michelle I learned a lot of tricks on how to shop, especially at Walgreens. And she just told me that we will have a CVS opening in the area soon! Something new to learn this year. Most of my couponing adventures can be found here. I also did a major overhaul of my couponing system. I started out with this system, but by the end of the year had outgrown it. My coupon system still consists of all the same categories as the old one, but now my coupons are in two 3 ring binders sorted into baseball card protector sheets. It was a lot of work but I love it! I am also very involved at our church and love every minute of it. Music being one of my passions I love to be a part of the adult choir and handbell choir. I also enjoy directing the children's choir and serving as the AWANA secretary. I have a new found love for my Crockpot thanks to the Crockpot Lady! Not to be out-done by Timothy I decided to take a trip to the hospital this year as well. I had gall-bladder surgery in August which went perfectly and I am all healed up! I have thouroughly enjoyed learning all these new recipes. On top of reading several great books this year I am also in the process of writing one...yeah...(No, Kim, I haven't given up, thanks for praying for me!)...but more on that in a month or so! Then of course there is this blog - I have thoroughly enjoyed figuring out how to do all this!
Our family enjoyed 2008 with all its ups and downs. One of the highlights was our Branson vacation that we took with friends. We also enjoyed apple picking and then canning all our apples. I am not sure that I can say we necessarily enjoyed the election season but we sure threw ourselves into it this year. It was fun to be able to really teach Sarah about how our government works and how the election process works while it was going on. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas with time spent with family and friends. God, as always, was good in 2008 and we know that He will be in 2009. We cannot wait to see what he has in store for us next. We are trusting Him to refine us as gold as we reach higher in serving Him this year.
With Love,
The Sikes Family
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• Dec. 31, 2008
Absolutely Hysterical!!
Multiple Mom T just made my day. I just read a post on her blog that had me laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face, my nose was running, I was having trouble breathing, and my daughter was wondering if she should call 911. It took me forever to read it because I was laughing so hard I couldn't see. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I have pasted it below. You can check out her blog by clicking on her name above.
Shannon
Laws Concerning Food and Drink
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• Dec. 24, 2008
Merry Christmas
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• Dec. 20, 2008
Christmas Song Quiz Answers!!
I know you have all been waiting with bated breath to know the answers to the Quiz I posted a few days ago. If you did not read that post Do Not continue reading this one. Go HERE and take the quiz for yourself. Then come back and check out how you did.
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Now, are you ready for the answers?
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Here we go!
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1. Festoon the Vestibules = Deck the Halls
2. Nicolas is arriving in the city = Santa Claus is Coming to Town
3. Almost 2 weeks of holiday = 12 Days of Christmas
4. Evening like swiss cheese = O Holy Night
5. 8 pm to 6 am, no talking allowed = Silent Night
6. Cherubim audited in the rafters = Angels we have heard on high
7. Horse-drawn buggy travel = Sleigh Ride
8. Commence precipitation = Let it Snow
9. Yonder in the haystack = Away in a Manger
10. City of David in miniature = O Little Town of Bethlehem
11. Perceive a trio of yachts passing = I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing By
12. Dancing circles about an evergreen = Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
13. December - February land of amazement = Winter Wonderland
14. Arrived at 12am transparent = It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
15. Trio of prince's patriarchs = We Three Kings
16. A pair of incisor's is my only desire = All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
17. An apartment for 2 psychiatrists = The Nutcracker Suite (I LOVE IT!)
18. Fine fellows granted slumber by Yahweh = God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
19. The matriarch had a collision with a quadraped = Grandma got Run-Over by a Reindeer
20. Proclaim from the pinnacle = Go Tell it on the Mountain
21. Small snare kid = Little Drummer Boy
22. Can others perceive the things I can? = Do you hear what I hear?
So, How did you do?
Shannon
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• Dec. 16, 2008
A Fun Christmas Song Quiz !!UPDATED!!
Monday night we went to a Christmas party and one of the things we did was take a Christmas Song quiz. I thought it was a lot of fun so I thought I would share it with you here. My friend Shirley was kind enough to share the list with me and I seem to have lost it in the past 24 hours so I am remembering what I can, and my daughter and I brainstormed on a few more. I am going to post the quiz today and in a few days I will share the answers. Feel free to give it your best shot. You can leave a comment with your answers if you'd like. I will get you started with the first one.
1. Festoon the Vestibules = Deck the Halls
2. Nicolas is arriving in the city =
3. Almost 2 weeks of holiday =
4. Evening like swiss cheese =
5. 8 pm to 6 am, no talking allowed =
6. Cherubim audited in the rafters =
7. Horse-drawn buggy travel =
8. Commence precipitation =
9. Yonder in the haystack =
10. City of David in miniature =
11. Perceive a trio of yachts passing =
12. Dancing circles about an evergreen =
13. December - February land of amazement =
14. Arrived at 12am transparent =
15. Trio of prince's patriarchs
16. A pair of incisor's is my only desire =
17. An apartment for 2 psychiatrists =
18. Fine fellows granted slumber by Yahweh =
19. The matriarch had a collision with a quadraped =
20. Proclaim from the pinnacle =
21. Small snare kid =
22. Can others perceive the things I can? =
HAVE FUN!!
Shannon
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