Description
Just learning to be who I am..but still trying to find out who that is.
Love my kids, of which I have 6
Some are now homeschooled, and some are not.
Working, going to school, and trying to be there for everyone and everything.
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comparing the father to the mother
| Well, its been a few days since I spoke to my father.
And I feel good, unlike when I speak to my mother and then fall into depression as days go by and I don't hear from her.
I have no problem calling him by his first name and have no desire to call him dad, or father to his face. Will this change? Maybe..he seems so nice and I was really at ease with him, but unlike my mother, I have no anxiety about labels with him. I still have a hard time calling her mom, or asking for her when her family answers the phone, and an even tougher time calling her by her name. So mom it is, but ONLY because I don't like to call her by her first name.
The only thing that is the same, is that I don't know what I am supposed to feel with them.
I know I am angry, but with whom, why for what reason.
As I spoke to my dad, I wanted to connect so bad, I wanted him to feel that connection.
I don't know if he did, but I really felt that he was sincere in his conversation.
Am I angry with him? I don't feel like I am.
He did just leave my mother alone, he did have an extramarital affair, he did abandon me too, but who's fault was it.
He told me something, and she told me something.
I just told my father, that the past is the past. Isn't it?
Do I really believe that?
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Posted: 10:58 AM, Jul. 15, 2008 |
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