On the road...back Home

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Just learning to be who I am..but still trying to find out who that is. Love my kids, of which I have 6 Some are now homeschooled, and some are not. Working, going to school, and trying to be there for everyone and everything.


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I still seem to tear up at a moments notice. But why? I have been trying to put a label on these feeling (about my sister). I almost feel like she was my "real" mom, and when I found her, she was dead. I have all the same questions I would have and had of my first mom. Why did you send me away? What did I do wrong? Did you even love me? But she wasn't my mom, heck we don't even share dna..but after our mother died, she became my mother. I was only about 5 or six when i moved in with her..and only lived with her for maybe less than two years. But she still was like a mother to me. I searched for her too..for a long time, but had the wrong last name the whole time. I don't even know if she had the same feeling for me..and that hurts so much. I found my first mother...but I have lost one mother to many. Everyone sent me away..everyone. Why, I wonder? Why? All the buried feeling are coming back, the abandonment, the lack of connection to someone. I can't get any more lost than I already am.

Posted: 1:16 AM, Jul. 24, 2008
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