Description
Just learning to be who I am..but still trying to find out who that is.
Love my kids, of which I have 6
Some are now homeschooled, and some are not.
Working, going to school, and trying to be there for everyone and everything.
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feeling better.
| I have been feeling a lot better lately. I am starting to realize that alot of the emotion might be been misdirected. I think that I am still trying to figure out this reunion business. I am trying to figure out where I belong or don't belong.
I worked through the sadness, and last night I think I made a break through. I don't think I was overwhelming sad at the thought of my sister passing, I think it had a lot more to do with my reunion issues. A whole lot more.
I think I projected my feelings of loss, abandonment and detachment on to my sister. Thats the only way I can explain it. I had not seen her in years, I don't think all this feeling were only for her.
Also, my mother called last night..and that ALWAYS makes me feel better. I don't understand why.
I am supposed to call her this morning. I am going too, but I think I need to get some answers from her. I think she might know more about my sister and my brother (adopted ones). I need to know more answers.
I need to know why they took me, just to give me away. I need to know why they never looked me up again, (except once, and that was my sister).
I need to know if I mattered at all to them. I am starting to think that maybe I didn't really matter at all to them. They might have mattered to me, but I didn't matter to them.
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Posted: 9:38 AM, Jul. 25, 2008 |
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