and I am super scared and excited.  I never imagined that I would have this calling because..well...I don't understand why I would be called.

Its going to be extremely time consuming but I think it will take me out my me funk and unto service to others.

I know I have been on the whine whine recently and if I look at my blog it happens always around the same time.  So I chalked up to pms.

But..its also that I have pushed down so many emotions and they are ready to come out.

Talked to my mom and dad yesterday and the day before and I feel ok about the whole conversation.

I just don't know why this "primative wound" has such a hold on me.

I guess its the most basic of need.

Oh well...I am grateful for all the things that God has given me and I am ready to pay it forward with my new calling.  I was up late last night working on some lessons, well reading them to get more in tuned with the spirit.  Realized that I was wasting to much time on stupid things and decided to use computer time for spiritual growth instead of mind numbing experiences..like jumping back and forth from myspace to facebook

Now I have other things to deal with besides what could have been.  Just know that I will probably deal with this on a regular basis when my hormonals are whacky.

i am still somewhere underneath is emotion.  It only been a year and I am still trying to get used to it all.