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As we prepare to embark on yet another long summer on the road, with family life having to fit in around ministry, my thoughts have been focused on the need for me to be obedient to God. Here's what I read this morning: "There is no enemy more wicked or troublesome to the soul than yourself, when you are not in harmony with the Spirit...Learn to obey, you who are but dust; learn to humble yourself, learn to curb your desires, and yield yourself to complete obedience. Direct your anger against yourself, and let no swelling pride remain in you...What can you, an unclean sinner, answer to any who reproach you, when you have so often offended God? God has spared you, for your soul is precious to Him, that you might know His love, and be ever grateful for His favour: also, that you might give yourself constantly to true obedience and humility, enduring patiently any contempt laid on you." (Thomas a Kempis) |
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The snow is blowing steadily, the vehicle rocks outside in the gusting wind, distant houses against the hills are obliterated in white. Winter is here, and so is the birthday of our second son, who turns seventeen today. There will be no out-trips in this weather. Instead, we have built a fire to warm us, wrote notes and cards to the birthday boy, and spent the morning playing music together and listening to a taped message. |
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The High Plains of The girls’ hair has been responding poorly to the changing water type, a little pool chlorine now and then, and hot windy desert days. It is not uncommon to spend a half hour or more on each girl per day dealing with accumulated knots. Neither frequent brushing nor bedtime braiding has alleviated the problem; certain hair types attract knots. In the past, (pre-southern climate days), when the knots were fewer, it was easier to stay on top of the situation, but now as we travel miles and more miles, visit, counsel, and squeeze every minute out of life, bad weather days have exacerbated bad hair mornings and it is easy to miss or let slide a big knot. Knots left untended gather stray hairs, and suck them into the bigger mess. This week, when I noticed that two terrible knot patches lay hidden in the long, thick hair of a pony tail, I wasn’t surprised. It looked like a job for scissors. Forty minutes into untangling a colossal bird’s nest, I used the opportunity to explain life’s knots to the children. Knots take patience, I explained. They are a lot like knotted relationships. When there is an accumulation of small conflicts in a relationship, some of which have been hidden under the surface, the conflicts and disappointments tend to attract more disappointments and hurts. You can cut out conflict-unraveling with a quick snip, often with disastrous, unsightly results, or you can methodically, determinately, with patience and perseverance, lots of tenderness and gentleness, careful prayerful analysis, love and consistency, approach the knot a little at a time, working in from the edges, eliminating the side-issue knots until only the core knot remains. Just like a hair knot, in a relationship glitch, the caring, methodical removal of peripheral issues diminishes tension in the core. I told the children that listening, smiling, and talking until there is understanding with all the little issues makes the big issue (the chunk in the middle of the complex knot) so much easier to eliminate. You can’t rip at the complex core of bushy overgrown knots with a brush or a comb or in relationships, with an insistence on harmony or a blame-filled lecture that these little issues should never have been allowed to accumulate. We probably covered the essence of these thoughts in a couple of short observations and comments; it was mostly a review for all of us reinforcing the relationship skills that only take root precept-upon-precept. |
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“Sugar on Beans” August 24, 2006 Mid-Texas. Now that our boys are young men (17, 16, 15), there are few family discussions as fascinating as what one friend calls, “spouse-talks”. In her family, just as in our family, the talk around the kitchen table frequently turns to what to look for in a good marriage partner, what are the character qualities and deficits that will make the most difference long-term, and what skills, knowledge, or character still needs refining in each boy prior to marriage. We laugh a lot in the process of learning together. We are also intensely serious; this is a time-consuming process of thinking/learning/analyzing that must bubble on the back burner over months (perhaps years) before each boy reaches the stage of refinement that signals his readiness to add the sweet sugar of a girl for life. Young boys have lots of rough edges. They need a lengthy season of marriage preparation in which to slowly soften; this is true masculinity with firm character and gentle kindness. In our family, this season began in earnest as soon as the boys began to notice girls. We felt that there was great benefit to an abundance of time to learn how to make a wise marriage decision -- time to internalize core principles (the matching principles they will look for in their girl for life), and to train themselves to routinely look beyond external packaging and to recognize the essence of a girl’s heart. Our first-born son says you could call this process, “Sugar on Beans”. He explains it this way: “Young men and young women, when they get into their young adult years, often experience the desire to get married and begin experiencing that happiness that they see in their parents. This leads many teenagers to begin dating, the popular method of getting to know other possible marriage partners, and experiencing some of that ‘romance’ everyone wants to enjoy. What they don’t realize, is that the last years before marriage form the crucial preparation stage and these years require maximum energy and minimal distraction. Introducing a sweet girl during the refining years is a major distraction and a drain on mental focus. There is a fundamental changing process that takes place when a young man and a young woman come together and begin courting. A good analogy is the concept of sugar on beans. If you’ve ever tried cooking beans, it’s tempting to add a spoonful or two of molasses or brown sugar to ‘enhance the flavor’ as the beans are softening in the first boil. This is until one realizes that adding sugar to beans causes the starch in the beans to solidify, thus halting the softening process. Therefore, the cardinal rule with cooking beans is, don’t add the sugar until they are as soft as you want them.” |
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Dear Friends,
If it seems like forever since I sent the last Sister to Sister newsletter, and if you are not on our family missions letter mailing list, perhaps you will welcome the chance to catch up. The warm encouragement to blog has come from two Sister to Sister readers, who are also two of my very-best-in-the-world friends: Kendra and Lisa. I owe so much to them. They are iron-sharpening-iron, funny-and-wise, and faithful-and-true. Every girl should have friends like that!
We are entering our third year on the missions field, living and ministering on the Iles de la Madeleine, a 5 hour ferry ride out into the Atlantic Ocean from Prince Edward Island. We leave every July and August because this is the short but intense tourist season, during which time every available space is rented and at prices well beyond our budget. We use these two months to travel on the mainland, visiting churches and individuals, speaking at conferences, and counseling.
This September and October we hope to spend about 7 weeks in California, enjoying a much needed furlough, a time to refuel with friends and a time to share field news. We hope to see many of you this Fall!
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