May. 27, 2008 - A Really Honest Blog
I am just going to be really honest right now. It's hard for me to be honest sometimes, but I will be right now. I don't know why, but I felt lead to put this up here-maybe so you all can know how to pray for me more or maybe just so people realize what a wretch I am and how much the LORD deserves all glory for anything remotely decent that my come from me. Anyway....
The Words that come to mind right now:
Hypocrite.
Angry.
Frustrated.
Disappointed.
Scared.
Nervous.
Overwhelmed.
Wanting to run.
Lacking faith.
Not motivated.
Falling.
Hopeless.
No creativity.
No direction.
Wondering.
Wishing.
Hoping.
But nothing.
Nothing.
Yet I keep telling myself Jesus is everything.
Still struggle.
Lots of struggle.
Heaviness.
Weight on this household.
Lack of peace.
Arguments.
Bad attitude with my mom.
Selfish.
Prideful.
Pointing out other's failures and not seeing my own.
Wishing I could get away.
Not content.
Wanting more.
More of something.
I haven't figured out what.
Just something.
Confused.
Thirsty. (for real)
Overeating.
Lazy.
Tired.
Really tired.
Soul tired.
And this is me. I've been such a wreck these last few days, and I am not even sure where it came from or why it is happening. I've been a hypocrite, I've been selfish and prideful, I've had a really bad attitude around the house. I've struggled through each day since Saturday. It all started with waking up late on Saturday, and that's when the bad attitude came in. It won't leave. I've tried, but it's like weighing upon me. Each time I get out a bit, something else crosses my path and I get frustrated and angry again, and then I've lost it all over again.
Plus, there is just this heaviness on my household. I won't go into details, but things are not the same. Everyone seems exhausted and weary, and that comes out in a whole bunch of different forms in this house. It's a real struggle around here.
And graduation is in a few days-I hope this doesn't carry through. I need to get out of this slump. I need some waking up.
Lord God, help me.
I have been asking. I need You.
But, I'm not feeling anything.
No change of attitude, no spiritual high, no motivation. Just sinking, falling, fading... what's wrong?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow His mercies are new.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will begin again.
I will try again.
I will be motivated.
I will complete what is on my to-do list.
I will not appease the flesh.
I will eat right.
I will exercise.
I will be in the WORD.
I will be joyful even though I have to teach piano.
I will not complain.
I will not have a bad attitude.
I will not let every little thing frustrate me.
I will not be a hypocrite.
Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.
Lord, be gracious, and allow me to live until tomorrow if it so be Your will.
And strengthen me to walk in the day you give me to live.
Make something beautiful out of my mess.
I am a mess.
The Words that come to mind right now:
Hypocrite.
Angry.
Frustrated.
Disappointed.
Scared.
Nervous.
Overwhelmed.
Wanting to run.
Lacking faith.
Not motivated.
Falling.
Hopeless.
No creativity.
No direction.
Wondering.
Wishing.
Hoping.
But nothing.
Nothing.
Yet I keep telling myself Jesus is everything.
Still struggle.
Lots of struggle.
Heaviness.
Weight on this household.
Lack of peace.
Arguments.
Bad attitude with my mom.
Selfish.
Prideful.
Pointing out other's failures and not seeing my own.
Wishing I could get away.
Not content.
Wanting more.
More of something.
I haven't figured out what.
Just something.
Confused.
Thirsty. (for real)
Overeating.
Lazy.
Tired.
Really tired.
Soul tired.
And this is me. I've been such a wreck these last few days, and I am not even sure where it came from or why it is happening. I've been a hypocrite, I've been selfish and prideful, I've had a really bad attitude around the house. I've struggled through each day since Saturday. It all started with waking up late on Saturday, and that's when the bad attitude came in. It won't leave. I've tried, but it's like weighing upon me. Each time I get out a bit, something else crosses my path and I get frustrated and angry again, and then I've lost it all over again.
Plus, there is just this heaviness on my household. I won't go into details, but things are not the same. Everyone seems exhausted and weary, and that comes out in a whole bunch of different forms in this house. It's a real struggle around here.
And graduation is in a few days-I hope this doesn't carry through. I need to get out of this slump. I need some waking up.
Lord God, help me.
I have been asking. I need You.
But, I'm not feeling anything.
No change of attitude, no spiritual high, no motivation. Just sinking, falling, fading... what's wrong?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow His mercies are new.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will begin again.
I will try again.
I will be motivated.
I will complete what is on my to-do list.
I will not appease the flesh.
I will eat right.
I will exercise.
I will be in the WORD.
I will be joyful even though I have to teach piano.
I will not complain.
I will not have a bad attitude.
I will not let every little thing frustrate me.
I will not be a hypocrite.
Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.
Lord, be gracious, and allow me to live until tomorrow if it so be Your will.
And strengthen me to walk in the day you give me to live.
Make something beautiful out of my mess.
I am a mess.
