Jul. 27, 2008 - A Hard Day on The Courts
The courts of my heart that is.
I've been home now for three full days.
I got home on Thursday at 3:30 to a completely silent house. No one was home. No one to welcome me. So what did I do? I opened all my mail and tried to stop my shaking hands. Then I just walked around the house looking at every room and everything and balled my eyes out. And then I cried for a bit longer. I played the piano and cried some more. After that, I figured I should be productive until my dad got home so I did some computer stuff and carried my luggage up to my bedroom. When he got home, we went out for dinner and that was nice.
Friday I had to be out of the house. I left early at 9:30, picked up Chelsea in Webster, went to Tiffany's house to see her and meet baby Elijah (ADORABLE by the way!), and then to Super Wegmans for Chelsea to see, back to the house Chels is staying at, and then to put in a job application and then I surprised the Blakes. I didn't get home until 5. The day helped keep my mind engaged, but the loneliness sunk in again the moment I got home. I didn't feel like doing anything. I worked on some stuff until I could take it no longer at 8:30, and then I veged in front of the TV, and then talked to Chels for about 10 minutes around 10 PM.
Yesterday I was kept busy with worship practice and a graduation party. That was nice.
And here I am... wow, it's almost 4 on Sunday afternoon. I want today to be over. I don't know why. It's not like anything is going to change tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow might even be more boring and lonely than today.
Today has been one of the worst emotional battles yet. Don't ask me why, I just know it has been. It was hard to get out of bed this morning, it was hard to go to church and talk to people, it was hard to go play tennis...
I am sorry for being so pessimistic. I know the Lord is good and He is faithful and He is the great Comforter. But, the truth is-life hurts right now. Yes, He'll be working through my hurt and in my hurt. Yes, my character and prayer life and walk with Him will be strengthened and matured. Yes, I will come out of this stronger. But right now, it hurts.
And we haven't even said our official goodbye yet...
I've been home now for three full days.
I got home on Thursday at 3:30 to a completely silent house. No one was home. No one to welcome me. So what did I do? I opened all my mail and tried to stop my shaking hands. Then I just walked around the house looking at every room and everything and balled my eyes out. And then I cried for a bit longer. I played the piano and cried some more. After that, I figured I should be productive until my dad got home so I did some computer stuff and carried my luggage up to my bedroom. When he got home, we went out for dinner and that was nice.
Friday I had to be out of the house. I left early at 9:30, picked up Chelsea in Webster, went to Tiffany's house to see her and meet baby Elijah (ADORABLE by the way!), and then to Super Wegmans for Chelsea to see, back to the house Chels is staying at, and then to put in a job application and then I surprised the Blakes. I didn't get home until 5. The day helped keep my mind engaged, but the loneliness sunk in again the moment I got home. I didn't feel like doing anything. I worked on some stuff until I could take it no longer at 8:30, and then I veged in front of the TV, and then talked to Chels for about 10 minutes around 10 PM.
Yesterday I was kept busy with worship practice and a graduation party. That was nice.
And here I am... wow, it's almost 4 on Sunday afternoon. I want today to be over. I don't know why. It's not like anything is going to change tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow might even be more boring and lonely than today.
Today has been one of the worst emotional battles yet. Don't ask me why, I just know it has been. It was hard to get out of bed this morning, it was hard to go to church and talk to people, it was hard to go play tennis...
I am sorry for being so pessimistic. I know the Lord is good and He is faithful and He is the great Comforter. But, the truth is-life hurts right now. Yes, He'll be working through my hurt and in my hurt. Yes, my character and prayer life and walk with Him will be strengthened and matured. Yes, I will come out of this stronger. But right now, it hurts.
And we haven't even said our official goodbye yet...
Comments
Jul. 30, 2008 - Hey Cati!
Posted by Gratitude
Wow, sounds like you have had a few rough days!
I have those days sometimes where I bawl and be miserable!
I hope that things will get better for you!
Gotta go!
God Bless,
Mandie
