I just got off the phone with whom I consider my best friend.  You know you hear that you are lucky if you have one good friend.  I am very lucky.  Having moved around most of my adult life it has been hard to have a really good friend.  Then God blessed my life with one.  Really two.  The one and I have so much in common and the other and I have things in common but tend to see life differently.  These two friendships have blessed my life like nothing else.  When I moved over seas I think that I had this unrealistic thought that nothing would change.  Well, it has been very hard on me not having my friend to talk to or hang out with.  Our lives are different now b/c we are in different places and experiencing different things.  At first I was extremely lonely .  The people here aren't as easy to befriend.  Also, I realize I have been intimidated to really get out and do things like I did in the states.  Not that there is a whole lot the same.  But I used to go and do alot more then.  Then I realized that it just isn't ever going to be the same as it was with these two special women.  That I would not be able to fill the void that moving away had created with anyone else.  We talked some and when I do get to talk to her WOW!!! I feel so lucky to have such a friend.  And then I realize how much I really miss her.  How sad I am that we will probably never be in the same place again.  But mostly that God did give me a special gift.  The gift of true friendship.  That I don't just want her friendship b/c I am lonely or whatever.  But because she is the special friend and gift God blessed my life with and I truly miss her and all that she is.  I admire her and respect her.  I love talking to her and hearing about her family.  I really miss her.  I miss my other special friend too.  I am so blessed by God.  Next time I start to have a pitty party that I don't have anyone who understands or I am lonely I will be sure to remind myself that I have do.  Thank you God. 

About the x-mas Bah Hum Bug!!!  I am feeling a little more cheer.  I went to our couples class x-mas party and realized that I do have traditions.  Also, I realized that I was feeling blue b/c we are away from home (our country ) and it just doesn't feel the same here.  Also, my parents weren't coming.  We have only ever not done x-mas with them once in my lifetime.  When they called and told me they were coming and how excited this made me feel I realized I was really upset that they weren't going to come and how this had just added to my blues.  I am still struggling with the materialism of Christmas but I know that it will all work out and I trust God will help me to make traditions and memories in my family that will honor Him and the true meaning of Christmas.  He has changed me so much in the last 9 years and I know that He will continue to do so.  That I can't force it or my family to change but trust God to convict us and open our eyes to His truth.  I feel such Peace, again thank you God.  It is such a relief to know that I can trust Him in ALL things. 

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

SW

It seems every year I struggle with Christmas.  Holidays in general really.  At least those holidays that should bring glory to God and Jesus but only bring our focus more on the world.  Materialism.  Truthfully I would rather not get gifts at all really.  Maybe make something.  Do something but not spend money on anything.  I wish I could think of a way to just focus on Jesus and family and that is it.  I don't want to talk about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.  I am saddened by the fact that my kids and most kids only relate these holidays with "what am I gonna get", and fictional characters.  In my opinion by convincing our children these characters exist we undermine the truth of Jesus.  When kids grow up and realize Santa Claus doesn't exist after all that we have tried to convince them then why should they believe there is a God and His son Jesus Christ.  They lied about the one .....  I find it very frustrating.  My family, parents and in-laws, work very hard at telling the kids there is a Santa.  I struggle with all of it.  I would rather not even relate Santa Claus with x-mas.  I don't want my little ones who are just learning about x-mas to hear "You better be good or Santa won't come see you", or "Santa is coming ".  I am slowly and hopefully changing the meaning of x-mas and Easter in my home.  I hope that when my children adjust to the change they will relate these holidays to Jesus and His great gift to us and what we can do for Him.  What our great gift to Him could be.  But on the whole I feel myself being such a Bah Hum Bug with frustration and the up hill battle I feel like I am in in trying to change things. 

Well, we have had a full day  and an even fuller one tomorrow.  Good night.  SW

I finally have my menu in place and have fixed my first planned meal.  I hope that this will become a great habit and help free up my mind as well as my time.  I am also looking forward to cutting the cost of my grocery bill.  I would like to say a special thanks to my best friend Jenn who is always an encouragment to me.  And Heidi who has been a fountain of resources and ideas.  A great encouragment in all she has accomplished in getting her family organized.  Thank you.    

I have discovered that I love fall.  I love the smell, the weather, the feeling (for the most part) that it creates.  I love the change of seasons but I do think that fall and spring are my very favorite.  They typically aren't extreme.  They are mild in temperatures and beautiful in color and smells.  Thank you God for these simple gifts. 

I know that there are alot of Christians that have different views on most things and I am just a toddler when it comes to my walk with God.  But sometimes I struggle with the most obvious of things.  I have been a christian for 8 years.  I have struggled for 7 of those with Halloween.  This year I didn't go with my family.  It was hard.  I don't like missing things that my children do. I didn't want them to go.  But my dh doesn't share my conviction.  Before I would go even though I didn't feel right about it b/c I had christian friends who had said that God understands when you are married to an unbeliever (since then he says he has accepted Christ as his Savior) and will forgive and work all things to His glory irregardless.  So I think for the most part I am still going along with my dh on most things I don't agree with.  Sitting on a fence most times.  Torn.  Wanting to love and honor my dh in all things but also my Heavenly Father.  I think I choose the easy way and go with my dh.  Hoping that God would truly understand.  But this year I felt convicted not to.  That by my going along hasn't helped his growth or my childrens or mine.  I believe I have only helped to hinder it.  So I prayed about it and struggled with it, as I do all decisions.  I decided to not go no matter how painful it was.  My two little ones stayed with me.  My dh really wanted my 2 year old to go b/c he thought he would have fun and as much as I wanted to submit to this ( to him)  I said no.  I don't want to argue or go against him but I felt I needed to say no.  Besides the fact that it was his bedtime he had also been sick so my husband relented.  I was really surprised by this.  I found some articles on the web about the history of Halloween and printed them off for my dh, and my three oldest.  Both my dh and 14 year old have fought reading it.  My girls aren't real sure what to think b/c they feel torn mostly b/c of "mommy" and "daddy" don't agree, not b/c of God.  I remembered the bible verse Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, his wife, and children, his brother, and sisters - yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple..."  I thought I guess this could also mean wife against husband, too.  This made me very sad.  I won't very much for my dh and I to be one so it is very difficult to be seperate on things.  At least for me.  But I felt convicted that I was doing the right thing.  I wasn't anxious about it.  (This is a huge thing, I am always anxious - I know I shouldn't be but it is ingrained and a work in progress).  My dh hasn't said much about it since.  I will continue to trust in God and pray.  I feel confidant that I am doing the right thing.  It isn't easy though.  Not in the least.  It has never been my favorite holiday but like most parents I like to give my children fun experiences.  But I remind myself this is bigger than just having fun.  I also do not like arguing or going against my husband or against the tide in my family.  But I really felt God telling me that I wasn't training them to live for His glory.  That I was just another christian that looked like the world.  I don't want to be another christian that looks like the world.  It is painful for me to be different and yet I realized I have always been different even before I committed my life to Christ.  I have never been an easy fit.  Thank you Father for being patient with me.  Thank you for continuing to open my eyes with your truth even though I am so blind.   You are an AWESOME GOD!!!! 

The other thing that I have realized is that God has really been answering prayer.  What an AMAZING God.  I have been praying about things that are personal but pretty major.  At first I didn't realize he had answered them until again I thought about them and wondered what He would want me to do.  Then I realized He had answered me by speaking to me in various ways thereby answering my prayer.  Like the man who was searching for God but didn't notice the butterfly that came to him or the breeze that cooled him.   So suttle was His response to me.  Thank you Father for loving me so.  I love you. 

I am sorry for writing so much in one entry.  The last 3 weeks have been very hectic.  Ever since we went to Florida my babies have been sick.  First with the tonsil infection and exhaustion one week.  Then the next week with the stomach flu that lasted 7 days for my baby girl and the next 6 days for my baby boy.  It was exhausting and very hard to get school done too.  It has been difficult to get the girls focused again. And I am behind on grading and record keeping.  Which I should be doing right now.  So I guess I will pop off here and fix dinner and try to get some of my school work done after dinner. 

SW

For those who may or may not care I am back.  I hope that my trip was all God wanted it to be.  I really prayed about going and I feel like God truly blessed the trip I only hope that I reflected Him properly.  It was an exhausting trip.  G-baby and my littlest one are both sick.  G-baby has a mouth full of ulcers and Tinni is teething and exhausted.  I was afraid she had the same thing G had but the dr doesn't seem to think so.  He said he thinks it is just exhaustion, possibly a virus, but definately teeth.  I hope so her fever was 102 at one point. 

The pharmacies said they hadn't gotten their shipment of Augmentin (sp?) that they hoped to get them in next week but luckily we did find one that had some in.  I am just glad he isn't still running 104 temp. It is scary to think that there may not be medicine when you need it.  My mil said that they haven't had penicilin in the states for the past 6 months either.  She is supposed to have a shot every month and has missed it for 2 months now.  I wonder what is going on? 

My mom made it to Oregon.  She will be working there for the next 3 months.  She and my dad both sounded good.  He will be going back to Tx., on Thurs..  I don't know if she has been reading the book I gave her Created to be his Helpmeet.  I hadn't finished it but went ahead and gave it to her.  I am going to try to order another one for myself when I get the chance.  I recommend the book to anyone who wants to honor God through their marriage.  To me that is what the book is ultimately saying.  Perhaps one day when I get more organized and get the hang of this blogging thing I will have a recommended to read corner.  Well, it is getting late and I am still trying to catch up on my sleep. 

SW 

I know I don't have that many blogging friends but I thought that I would mention that I will be gone the next week and therefore won't be on here.  I know I haven't been on much this last week either but as I said before my mom was here.  The visit went well.  Much too fast as always.  I really didn't get anything extra done.  My mom helped me keep up with all the laundry though.  Friday we took her out to Atlantis. She had never gotten to go for the day and swim.  I think she had a lot of fun and I actually felt relaxed.  My dh was supposed to be gone but was here so that made it extra nice.  I let my mom take my copy of Helpmeet so we will see.  I hope that she will read it.  I know it has helped me.  Well, I have to run and pack.  I hope that you all have a great week. 

SW

I am surprised that anyone can understand anything that I am trying to say.  I reread what I have written after I have posted it and I have to remember what I was meaning to say there.  I try to write when I think I will be the least interrupted but obviously I don't wait long enough.  I am not a late night person nor an early morning person.  So it is hard for me to find the perfect time to do the things I want to do.  I do appreciate the kind responses and hope that you can understand what I am trying to say. 

I am working on becoming organized in all areas of my life.  My serious problem is there is no time for me to work on it.  I was sick this weekend and there was no time for me to be sick.  I don't mean to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, I don't.  I am sure there are people who are struggling with the same thing.  I am excited to say that I am hoping that in the next few weeks I will get more done b/c my mom is coming to visit.  Granted it is only for a week but hopefully I can get some things in order. 

One other thing.  How much can we say or do we interfere in our parents relationship with each other?  I struggle with this.  My parents haven't done well for such a long time.  Yet, what to do?  I am truly surprised they are still married.  As a child I wished all the time for them to divorce.  There was so much anger in my home.  I was scared all the time.  Scared b/c they fought and scared when their anger was turned on myself or my brother.  There has been a lot of pain between the two.  Every counselor they have ever seen (all christian and in 2 different states) have told my mother she should leave my dad.  She didn't.  Yet, she doesn't move forward.  I don't think she can forgive him.  She starts to and then somthing seems to hold her back.  I did speak to her once about it and just said that you decided to stay b/c you took your vows seriously so take your vows seriously.  It seemed to be a good conversation.  But nothing changed.  They are strangers living together.  They seem to do things together but it is very ...estranged still.  She becomes very angry and says things that are very hurtful to him.  It isn't all her but I just wonder what to do sometimes.  I pray for them all the time.  Perhaps they should divorce.  Yet, even knowing all that I do and their history it saddens me.  I wish there was someway that it could work out.  Perhaps it still can.  I don't know.  I struggle with wether it is my place or right to say anything at all to them.  My dad invites discussion about it but I still struggle with it.  There are some things I don't want to know and there are some things I feel I need to say.  It is hard.  Even with the way things were growing up I love them both.  I hate to see them hurting. 

SW

I am sure for most women our first born child is an amazing wonder.  For me it surely was and is in alot of ways.  Yet it doesn't impede upon the love and wonder I feel for my other children.  I was always a little afraid it would each time I became pregnant.  But here again God knows me best.  At the same time I experience alot of new worries and fears too.  I truly try not to fear knowing this isn't what God wants from me but it is hard sometimes.  I home schooled my oldest from K-5th grade.  I really enjoyed it and I think he did too.  Sometimes because alot of his friends went to school I think he would want to go but over all I think he was happy with how it was.  My husband was never a big support of home schooling and even now struggles with it some.  So he always told me that when we moved over seas our children would go to the private schools that were provided.  So when we moved here all three of the oldest went to school.  Academically my oldest didn't struggle.  Socially he did really well too.  Academically I wasn't all that impressed.  I am still not.  Socially I was a little worried about peer pressure and things like that but I put all my trust in God.  I still do.  I have to.  Last wasn't too bad but we did start dealing with some of the moodiness that teens go through and we became stupid.  I say that in reference to the saying that when kids are little their parents are the smartest coolest thing, then as they get older we get less cool and aren't so smart.  Then as the kids become grown ups and for some it doesn't happen until they become parents themselves they relize their parents actually knew something after all.  Anyhow, from the time that my oldest started his mood swings until now it has all gotten worse.  Actually, I think the peer pressure is what has really gotten worse.  I really struggle, too.  It is hard to let them be their own person, accountable for themselves, and see and hear the things that I see and hear.  Truthfully I pray and really have to give it to God b/c otherwise I would lock him in his room until he was grown.  LOL!!!!

I will have to write more about it later b/c no one is getting in the bed and it is getting late.   

I am a littl unsure on where to start.  I have never journaled for others to read.  A little about myself might be in order, I guess.

I am 33.  I have been married 13 years.  I have 5 children.  2 boys and 3 girls.  I cherish them all.  My little one is turning 1 tomorrow.  We celebrated her birthday last weekend because her daddy is off the island this weekend.  We will go to church tomorrow and just hang around the house and continually sing her Happy Birthday.  Perhaps we will take her for a walk in her new push car.  Try and make her feel special.  That is really what a birthday is about right?  Just making sure that the person knows that you are blessed to have them in your life. 

I only home school 4 of them.  Technically 2 of them since the other 2 are 2 1/2 and just turning 1.  My 13 year old goes to school.  I am really trusting God with that.  Some days it is very hard for me.  I know that God knows what is best and I trust that HE would bring him (my son) home if that was what He wanted. 

Other details about me.  I am the oldest of 2 children.  My parents are still living.  Our relationship is much improved and seems to continue to get better as the years go by.  My brother and I are also doing much better.  God has really answered prayer there.  My brother is a recovering drug addict for a little over 100 days now.  Thank you God.  I am a Christian, I redicated my life to God 6 years ago.  He has changed me in so many ways.  I am truly blessed.  

Well, I have to get off now.  I am exhausted and I am determined to clean and mop the office. My contacts are stuck like glue to my eyes so forgive the slopiness.  I hope this even makes sense.  LOL!!!  It has been a long day.  I was just excited to get this set up.  

Small Wonders