I have discovered that I love fall.  I love the smell, the weather, the feeling (for the most part) that it creates.  I love the change of seasons but I do think that fall and spring are my very favorite.  They typically aren't extreme.  They are mild in temperatures and beautiful in color and smells.  Thank you God for these simple gifts. 

I know that there are alot of Christians that have different views on most things and I am just a toddler when it comes to my walk with God.  But sometimes I struggle with the most obvious of things.  I have been a christian for 8 years.  I have struggled for 7 of those with Halloween.  This year I didn't go with my family.  It was hard.  I don't like missing things that my children do. I didn't want them to go.  But my dh doesn't share my conviction.  Before I would go even though I didn't feel right about it b/c I had christian friends who had said that God understands when you are married to an unbeliever (since then he says he has accepted Christ as his Savior) and will forgive and work all things to His glory irregardless.  So I think for the most part I am still going along with my dh on most things I don't agree with.  Sitting on a fence most times.  Torn.  Wanting to love and honor my dh in all things but also my Heavenly Father.  I think I choose the easy way and go with my dh.  Hoping that God would truly understand.  But this year I felt convicted not to.  That by my going along hasn't helped his growth or my childrens or mine.  I believe I have only helped to hinder it.  So I prayed about it and struggled with it, as I do all decisions.  I decided to not go no matter how painful it was.  My two little ones stayed with me.  My dh really wanted my 2 year old to go b/c he thought he would have fun and as much as I wanted to submit to this ( to him)  I said no.  I don't want to argue or go against him but I felt I needed to say no.  Besides the fact that it was his bedtime he had also been sick so my husband relented.  I was really surprised by this.  I found some articles on the web about the history of Halloween and printed them off for my dh, and my three oldest.  Both my dh and 14 year old have fought reading it.  My girls aren't real sure what to think b/c they feel torn mostly b/c of "mommy" and "daddy" don't agree, not b/c of God.  I remembered the bible verse Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, his wife, and children, his brother, and sisters - yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple..."  I thought I guess this could also mean wife against husband, too.  This made me very sad.  I won't very much for my dh and I to be one so it is very difficult to be seperate on things.  At least for me.  But I felt convicted that I was doing the right thing.  I wasn't anxious about it.  (This is a huge thing, I am always anxious - I know I shouldn't be but it is ingrained and a work in progress).  My dh hasn't said much about it since.  I will continue to trust in God and pray.  I feel confidant that I am doing the right thing.  It isn't easy though.  Not in the least.  It has never been my favorite holiday but like most parents I like to give my children fun experiences.  But I remind myself this is bigger than just having fun.  I also do not like arguing or going against my husband or against the tide in my family.  But I really felt God telling me that I wasn't training them to live for His glory.  That I was just another christian that looked like the world.  I don't want to be another christian that looks like the world.  It is painful for me to be different and yet I realized I have always been different even before I committed my life to Christ.  I have never been an easy fit.  Thank you Father for being patient with me.  Thank you for continuing to open my eyes with your truth even though I am so blind.   You are an AWESOME GOD!!!! 

The other thing that I have realized is that God has really been answering prayer.  What an AMAZING God.  I have been praying about things that are personal but pretty major.  At first I didn't realize he had answered them until again I thought about them and wondered what He would want me to do.  Then I realized He had answered me by speaking to me in various ways thereby answering my prayer.  Like the man who was searching for God but didn't notice the butterfly that came to him or the breeze that cooled him.   So suttle was His response to me.  Thank you Father for loving me so.  I love you. 

I am sorry for writing so much in one entry.  The last 3 weeks have been very hectic.  Ever since we went to Florida my babies have been sick.  First with the tonsil infection and exhaustion one week.  Then the next week with the stomach flu that lasted 7 days for my baby girl and the next 6 days for my baby boy.  It was exhausting and very hard to get school done too.  It has been difficult to get the girls focused again. And I am behind on grading and record keeping.  Which I should be doing right now.  So I guess I will pop off here and fix dinner and try to get some of my school work done after dinner. 

SW